Mom always told me Santa didn't read my letter because I was bad. Maybe he never got it at all!

Santa? Do you hear me? I could use a new rubber suit this Christmas.

What? You mean I could have won the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes and never even known about it?!?

"Going postal takes two forms: one... famous and deadly... the other is an implosion. The latter harms your mail and not (directly) your life"

Woah! Thanks, never would have figured that one out...

George: Let me ask you something. What do you do for a living, Newman?

Newman: I'm a United States postal worker.

George: Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?

Newman: Sometimes...

Jerry: Why *is* that?

Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks and it's *Publisher's Clearing House* day!!!

@5: Yes! I remembered that, too!

@5,6 another gem...

Newman: "When you control the mail, you control INFORMATION!!!"

@5-7: Damn straight.
Also the episode where Newman is trying to get the transfer to a district in Hawaii.