On May 24, police responded to an assault call at 48th South Director Street at the ungodly hour of 6:30 a.m. to revisit a pair of women who had earlier in the morning— 4:00 a.m.—received an oral warning for fighting loudly.

This time when officers arrived, they found one woman standing outside with bloody bite marks on her arm, according to the filed police report. The victim says her friend told her to get out of the apartment (following the previous fight), so she went to pack up her belongings when the friend allegedly began pushing her, pulling her hair and biting her arm bloody. So in self-defense, the victim swung at her friend “with the high-heel she already had held in her right hand," according to the report, striking her in the face above her eye, and then again on the top of her head, until she bled.

Tit for tat, as they say.

After bludgeoning her friend with her high heel, the report states that the woman grabbed her shit and got out of there, immediately calling 911. She then received a phone call from her friend, telling her she was “going to drive and come find her wherever she was.” So the victim gave her a decoy location and then told officers where her attacker would be. When an officer showed up at the decoy location, the woman was found sitting inside her black 90’s Nissan Maxima, waiting for her foe/friend—or shall we say faux friend?—to arrive for the Final Showdown.

Apparently realizing her luck had run out, the attacker/friend admitted her real identity to officers, which she had lied about during the 4:30 a.m. call. A check of her identity showed her to have an outstanding felony escape warrant. She was transported to the station and booked for that and false reporting.

A reminder to us all: When you’re an escaped felon, hold your enemies close, but your friends closer, or else they’ll slam a stiletto into your face and sell you up the river.