As a huge fan of yours i recently purhased your iphone app and love it!! Keep up the great work!

So anyway, I am a straight guy dating a girl that I love greatly. I have my share of problems though, I am a cheater. I've cheated on pretty much every girl i've been with and feel extreme regret over it. I've never been caught though, but my conscience can't take it anymore. I have cheated on the girl I am with now and eventually ended up breaking up with her. However, after a few weeks of single life, I now want her back more than ever. She has agreed to take things slowly with me, which is much more than I deserve, but I can't escape these feelings of guilt I have over the past. Should I tell her what I've done? I know she'd be extremely hurt, but I want to do things the "right" way from here on out. She deserves the best. I'm terrified you will tell me to break up with her, but I really want your insight. I really want to change my life...more than anything, change the way I treat women. Sometimes I feel like crying about it like some sort of pussy ass loser. Help me please!

Friendly Man's Life

Sent from the Savage Love App for iPhone

Yesterday I responded to a letter submitted via the new "Savage Love" iPhone app and now the tech-savvy, at-risk youth are insisting that I only respond to questions submitted via the "Savage Love" iPhone app for the rest of the week. So using the "Savage Love" iPhone app put your question on top of the pile, FML, but my response after the jump.

I'm not gonna tell you to break up with your girlfriend, FML, so you can relax.

For a second.

Because I am gonna tell you to give your girlfriend the opportunity to break up with you. Tell her you cheated, tell her you're sorry. While you don't sound like a guy who'll ever be good at monogamy, FML, perhaps having to deal with the consequences of cheating will help you change your life/ways.

So, again, tell your girlfriend you cheated, tell her you're sorry, then add that you've cheated habitually, that you've cheated on every women you've ever been with, and that you're super sorry about all of it and want to do better. If she dumps you, she dumps you. Suffer. And then, when you find yourself in an exclusive-or-presumed-to-be-exclusive relationship with a new girl, FML, try to remember the pain and the loss that cheating brought down on your head and maybe that will help you keep your dick away from/out of other girls.

That's the theory, anyway. I think you're far likelier to cheat on this girl and on every other girl you'll ever be with. While I don't ascribe to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" rule, I do ascribe to the "always a cheater, always a cheater" rule. Which is why I'm secretly hoping that your current girlfriend either wrote or could've written this letter:

I'm a college student (female). I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and I'd like to think I love him very much. There's a problem though. I've cheated on him with four different people (one being a woman). Cheating in this context means making out and/or fucking. He knows I kissed two of them (one a guy I had a crush on for an extended period of time and the other a classmate) but nothing else. I'm crazy about my boyfriend. It feels like I've finally been accepted. I get more sexual enjoyment with him than I do anyone else. So what the shit is wrong with me? I have no idea what to do. Do I tell him? Do I not tell him? Do we break-up? Do we continue the relationship and I become faithful?

These Evil Actions Should End

TEASE's letter arrived the same day your letter did, FML, and I'm hoping that wasn't a coincidence. (TEASE didn't submit her letter via the new "Savage Love" iPhone app, but the TSARY okayed me using it in a response.) The details don't quite match up, sadly, so it probably wasn't written by your girlfriend. But wouldn't it be sweet if it was? Wouldn't it be wonderful if after confessing to cheating on her and every girl you've ever dated your girlfriend confessed to cheating on you and every boy she's ever been with?

My point is this, FML: You a cheater, you're not cut out for monogamy, you never will be. And guess what? There are women out there who cheat, women who aren't cut out for monogamy, women who never will be. Go find one you can stand and marry her. Because the world would be a far better place—and divorce court would be a far quieter place—if people who were bad at monogamy had the decency to be honest about it. If the non-monogamously inclined had the decency to be honest about themselves, FML, you wouldn't find yourself in relationships with the monogamously-inclined. You would only be able to attract and cheat on your fellow cheater(s).Y

In short, FML, you and TEASE deserve each other. You just need to find each other.