Comments

1
best I've read in awhile!
2
I hope this is all true. Maybe a little over the top, but hilarious.

BTW: I could totally buy SLOG if I wanted to.
3
Could someone please clarify the phrase "lace curtain drinking problem"?
4
Bush? Lakeside? Anyone know what school just received a big wad of cash?
5
Fake? I say fake.
6
Andrew: I'm with youβ€”it smacks of fantasy. (I'm secretly rich and fucked your husband and invented a drug that you will eventually need to save your life and I WON'T GIVE IT TO YOU! BWAA-HA-HA!)

Still, delightful.
8
They all sound small and petty.
7
BTW, I went out and got herpes before I fucked your husband and now YOU'VE GOT HERPES!!!

9
@3, fancy drunks drinking alone thinking they're hidden behind their fancy curtains.

While it's always fun to have an insider snapshot of rich-mommy backbiting, this lady does a poor job hiding how much she gets off on hating her nemesis.
10
3: Irish lore has it that spirits drunk through a lace-curtain filter can't be smelled on the breath. In reality, lace-curtain drunks are the smelliest of all.
11
@10, how can I be an Irish drunk raised by Irish drunks and NOT KNOW THAT DERIVATION? Bless you, dear sir.
12
Methinks somebody's been watching a Desperate Housewives marathon.
13
Too over the top. Perfect kid, secretly rich, AND she fucked the husband?

Fake.
14
Even if it is fake, I bet she enjoys thinking it's real even more than we do, and because ofthat, I wish her well, even if she does come across as equally petty. Let's hope her kid does better.

(The only issue I didn't have an issue with is the husband fucking but her motivation for doing so.)
15
Also: MY CAR IS RUSTY BECAUSE MY FRIEND IS DEAD!
16
i was all for it until the end...
18
I want to have a lace curtain drinking problem now.
19
Classic suburbia - even if it is phony. And it is.
20
I will go to sleep tonight praying that every character, fictitious or otherwise, in this little drama is struck by a falling asteroid.

The very rich are, in fact, different from you and I: they're much more annoying.
21
We don't believe it.
No one could type all that on an iPhone without a pantload of typos.
22
This is 100% bullshit.

No one who is rich enough to donate a new school building reads I, Anonymous, let alone writes in to it.
23
"You're a more selfish bitch"

"No, YOU'RE a more selfish bitch"

"No, YOU'RE a more selfish bitch!"

"No, you are!"

"You are!"

...
24
Something like what @21 said. That's a damn big chunk of text for a little touchscreen keyboard.
25
The iPhone bit at the end is the funniest part of that whole fantasy. "AND I fucked your husbaaaaand!"
26
best part:

sent from my iPhone
27
My car belonged to my best friend who died in a accident and the feeling I get driving her car is like being on vacation (I miss her so much I can smell her in that heap)

Sounds like a big pile of crazy
28
If this isn't real, it should be.
29

Which person are we not supposed to like?

30
@29: I believe that would be you.
31
Could be a fake. Is it fake if the person believes it's true?

Fake or not, clearly delusion.
32
did the friend die in the accident in the car? what is the shoe rule? is the anonymous benefactress married, too?
33
Do any of you actually know people rich enough to donate a building? Have you surveyed rich people about their "I, Anonymous" reading habits? You sure sound like a bunch of experts on what "rich people" do.

Do you actually think this kind of thing is not possible? I'd call even odds at least that it's true, or true and only somewhat embellished.
34
play some music kids like and stop thinking about yourself And your pending migraine you selfish bitch. Stay home if you are that fragile.


This is where I sympathize with the other woman, if she exists. How dare she be susceptible to migraines? How selfish!

I could buy your house with what I have in my checking account.


If this is literally true (assuming any of it is true), this author is a massively stupid bitch. Keeping hundreds of thousands of dollars in a low-/no-interest account = dumb.
35
Even the most ridiculously cheap and frugal rich people(there are tons of them in Seattle) draw the line at transporting their children in unsafe rusty heaps*. A five year old car in decent shape doesn't cost that much.

*they may still use the heap for their own commute.
36
@34 - no, if it's a credit union checking account, that might not be a bad idea, especially given risk factors nowadays.
37
@ 34, not with today's stock and bond markets, it isn't. And WIS just helped prove the "broken clock" theorem.
38
@37,

Have you never heard of a savings account?

Rich people don't keep their entire savings in checking accounts. Not only is this letter fake, it's likely written by someone who's never been wealthy enough to justify having a savings account.
39
@36,37 - If the amount exceeds what FDIC or NCUA will guarantee -- and if she can buy a house with it, then it certainly does -- it's not a smart place to keep it.
40
My most fervent hope is that it's a fake cleverly designed to torment a whole class of rich moms who will never be able to know for sure whether it's true and will spend hours speculating on who wrote it.
41
@40--yes, absolutely. Otherwise, fuck off and quit grandstanding, I, Anon.
42
@35: back in the early aughts, i transported my stepkids kids to bush school in a 1973 bavaria. i quite enjoyed being the hoopty in the drop off line.
43
My problem with this ianon is not the content but the random way it's written. And random Capitalization of words That don't need to be capitalized.
44
I'm so much better than you 'cause I don't have to prove how much better than you I am so I'm gonna prove it by showing how much better than you I am by writing an anonymous letter about how much better than you I am!
45
@35 Rusty heap != unsafe, unsafe != rusty heap.
46
UU @ 44: You win!
47
i'd do her, sight unseen. ok, now let's drink.
48
@29 - maybe it's a rollover money market account in her stock brokers?

I've had up to $100k in one of those at times.
49
@10 I call bullshit on your curtain-filtered drinking legend.

Lace Curtain Irish were Irish immigrants who escaped the potato famine and found relative fortune in the US. They sought WASPy company, tried to impress with material things (like lace curtains) and climb the social ladder while they shunned their poorer bretheren. I think the metaphor works very well here. I liked it right up until she claimed to be secretly rich. She almost made it... but she flew to close to the sun on wings of pastrami.

50
@42 ten pts for the SirMixALot ref. Welldone, sir, welldone.

also: the parent-car-comparison game at private schools is inTENSE. That part of the letter is true, so I'll give the OP some belief there, as well as some benefitofthedoubt about the dead friend's car. That's too creative, -relative the rest of the soap opera presented-, to not be true.
Perhaps the dead friend left her some insurance money...
But not THAT much.
and clearly the little nemesis is a bullytwat. I'll believe that too.

bet it's Bertschi
51
fake or not, it's a great read. never thought I Anon was about reality - it's supposed to be entertaining.

however, to assume that nobody rich enough to participate in this drama would read Slog is foolish. If there's one thing the lazy rich have, it's time on their hands.

Please wait...

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