I'm a 22-year-old gay female. I recently moved two hours away from home. A few weeks before I moved I met this girl. Until then I had never gone past kissing a person but one night we got drunk and did a hell of a lot more than kiss. I'm pretty insecure about myself and so is she, but we're mutually and very strongly attracted to each other. After that night we've hung out every chance we get and we always have an amazing time together. When we part I feel like a piece of me is missing. We've even started dancing around the "L" word. The real "L" word.

The only problem is that the reality of moving hit me after that first night and I got really depressed about leaving, and leaving her, and we haven't been intimate since despite having multiple chances (sometimes drunk, sometimes sober) and even spending the night together in the same bed multiple times. Snuggling is nice and all, but I want more. I feel like this was my fault because she may have tried to initiate when I was bummed out and I just didn't respond. Since then I've moved to my new place and we still see each other, so all the mucky depressed feelings are gone and I don't think the distance is going to be a problem. But I've also got a lot of awkwardness around physical intimacy and this is also my first real relationship. I've never had feelings for someone like this before.

We're going away together soon and I want to do something romantic for her, but I'm not sure if this would just weird her out or even lead to anything. I don't know how to bring it up to her and I'm uncomfortable when it comes to initiating anything more serious than a kiss. Should I initiate to show her how I feel? If so, how?

Please help.

Got No Moves

My response after the jump...


You don't need moves, GNM, you need words—and you've already got 'em. Get her on the phone, make plans to see each other, and then say this to her:

"We haven't been intimate since that first night and snuggling is nice and all but I want more. This is my first real relationship and I can be pretty insecure and I have some real awkwardness around physical intimacy. I just wanted to tell you I'm usually pretty uncomfortable when it comes to initiating anything more serious than a kiss but when we get together next week let's make sure we get drunk and do a hell of a lot more than kiss. Is it a deal?"

They're mostly you're words, GNM, and they're pretty nearly perfect. Memorize 'em—they'll get your ass laid faster than any awkward "move" ever could.

Because the best way to initiate sex when you're feeling nervous and insecure and uncomfortable is to simply admit that you're feeling nervous and insecure and uncomfortable about initiating sex. That last bit is important, GNM: emphasize that you're not having this conversation about your feelings for the thrill of having a conversation about your feelings. You're having a conversation about your feelings because your feelings are getting in the way of what you really want. Which is sex, a.k.a. "a hell of a lot more than snuggling and kissing."

If you don't emphasize that you're only talking about your feelings—at least at this stage in your relationship—because they're getting in the way of the sex you want to be having, GNM, you risk becoming a lesbian cliche, i.e. a couple of women so busy processing their feelings for each other that they never get around to actually feeling each other.

Good luck!