In this year's Queer Issue, Gina Young writes about the sexiest girl in the third grade, a woman in a fur coat at Bush's inauguration, and a trophy wife named Barbie McAllister:

I used to have sexual fantasies about Barbie McAllister. All the time. Barbie McAllister had rotten blond hair, a drunk mouth, and a perpetually idiotic expression on her face. We went to the same high school; she was the older sister of a friend, and she resurfaced in my life years later, in college in New York. She wore boat shoes and tight pink polo shirts and diamond earrings and basically looked like everything you would expect from a Republican-in-training and OH MY GOD, BARF, I JUST LOOKED HER UP ON FACEBOOK AND AHHAHAHAHA I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT SHE IS DOING FOR A LIVING. AHHAHAAHAAHAAHAH. Okay. Ahem. Tight pink polo shirts and pearls. Referred to the Middle East as "The Sandbox." As in, "My husband's in The Sandbox for another three months [eye roll]." There's something erotic about conservative women like Barbie McAllister...

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