Whenever anyone questions the moral and cultural biases that favor monogamy—and Slog ain't the only blog that's been writing about Sex at Dawn—folks with tales of non-monogamous woe rush in to share their sad stories of marriages and relationships destroyed.

Here's the first thing to keep in mind during this discussion: non-monogamy runs the gamut from couples who allow for some outside sexual contact under very limited circumstances to full-swap swingers with sex swings in their rec rooms to couples who are free to do whatever, whenever, wherever to whoever to the masseuse who lightens your mom's load by relieving your dad of his.

And here's the second thing to keep in mind: most people in successful non-monogamous relationships keep their mouths shut. Almost all non-monogamous couples—particularly the straight ones—are invested in being perceived as monogamous because... well, just look at the way people freak out and start jumping up and down when anyone suggests that monogamy isn't for everyone. With so many terrified, insecure people running around questioning the commitment—even the sanity—of non-monogmaous couples, it's understandable that so few are out.

So as you read the sad stories about failed open relationships that are being offered in (over)reaction to Sex at Dawn—the authors don't actually advocate open relationships—please bear in mind that the voices of happy, content, and successful non-monogamous couples are almost entirely absent from this debate. Your parents or your married siblings or your coworkers or your best friends—some couples you know—could be in open relationships. And if they are, dear reader, odds are good that you won't find out unless 1. the relationship falls apart and 2. the relationship's failure can be pinned on openness, i.e. dad leaves mom for his masseuse.

While the successfully non-monogamous keep their mouths screwed shut—the tribute a presumed vice is bullied into paying an overblown virtue—survivors of failed non-monogamous relationships 1. never shut up and 2. see their stories highlighted by moralizers as proof that non-monogamous relationships never work out. Because, hey, if non-monogamy ever worked, well, where are all the successful non-monogamous couples then?

I don't know—go ask your mother.

* Yes, yes: real masseuses give massages, not handjobs, never handjobs.