Good advice. I'd add that picking a good partner will go a long way towards helping you keep things safe, sane, and consensual. Don't settle just because this is new and exciting to you - find a good top!

She's overthinking it and is stuck in therapy speak. She's allowing catastrophic thinking to creep into her sex life now. Her problem isn't the delight in masochism, its the fear (i suspect the same fear the led to her cutting) You can't control your thoughts, but you can control your actions blah blah blah.

You like it, so DO IT! You'll probably feel better with yourself afterward anyway, so long as you have a loving and supportive partner.

Excellent advice, Dan. That's why they pay you the big bucks.

MTOAGC, Don't be afraid to dive in so long as you're willing to climb out of you find you don't like the water. Don't read too much into your reactions as you start to experience things. Don't be alarmed if you have a bad scene (it happens to the best of us from time to time).

It sounds like you've got the tools you need to manage this experience. Use them. And once you have your feet under you (or your arms and legs hogtied above you), start worrying about what you like and why you like it. Reading what other subs (and Doms) write about their experiences is useful, but always remember this is YOUR trip. There's no "right" way to do it except the way that gets you off (that doesn't mean there are methods of good practice you have to learn before you make a conscious and informed decision to abandon them).

You're at a wonderful point in your kink exploration, and you only get to be at the beginning once. Enjoy it as much as you possibly can.

MTOAGC sure sounds awfully smart to be taking the class if she's nervous about being tied up. Atta girl!

Fantastic advice.

The important thing to remember is that KINKY sex is a HEALTHY thing. UNHEALTHY sex is unhealthy, and it can be completely plain vanilla or all dressed up in leather.

Sounds like good advice, but she's still only two years out of a nine-year (half her life!) bout of self-harm. I can't imagine that she's as turned around as she makes herself sound. The line between positive thinking and wishful thinking can be blurry. I hope she she's willing to accept "I think it's just too early" from her therapist, if that's what her therapist thinks.

Playing with a safe, conscientious, careful and sane partner cannot be emphazized enough. A partner you can trust while you are trussed is so very important.

I don't think safe words are all that, especially when starting out... when I play with a new partner we just use plain words: ouch means ouch, stop means stop, hey that feels good means hey that feels good.

Keep it to plain language, I'd suggest, until you and your partner are more comfortable and want to play games with a safe word, where "stop" doesn't mean stop anymore.

Also, don't worry about the masochism part, just enjoy the sensations of being tied up, and the special experience of sharing that and the trust (tryst? ;>) with your partner.

Like a friend of mine once said, being well-tied-up is very much like a firm, rope hug. It can be wonderfully grounding and calming.

Luke, nobody's really "sane;" some of us just pretend to be better than others do. It sounds to me like she's got a pretty good handle on that. That's a good start.

Just want to throw a book suggestion out there for MTOAGC -- Radical Ecstasy by Dossie Easton. It's on my reading list and I haven't gotten around to it yet, but from what I know about it, it sounds quite relevant to your situation.

".. if it turns out that kink is a coping mechanism for you, well, a coping mechanism that comes with orgasms is preferable to a coping mechanism that leaves scars"

Definitely!!!

She sounds too fragile. She needs to do more growing up.

I was in a similar situation--I was a cutter for 5 or 6 years. When I turned 18, I got in to my first serious sexual relationship and initially stopped cutting because he saw me naked often. I didn't want to answer any questions.
But we started incorporating pain in to our sex life and it was amazing! It helps me release all the pent-up anger and aggression in a much healthier way. If I'm feeling overwhelmed, he spanks me and gets me off a few times, and I'm fine until next time.

And now we're married.

I think that the link between cutting and the submissive/masochistic tendency is very real, and pretty consistent. Every cutter I've ever known (and being one, I've met plenty) has this aspect to a greater or lesser degree; some have embraced that part of themselves and use it for its therapeutic aspects as much as for just getting off, and some haven't, simply sublimating themselves to an overwhelming asshole in a less then conscious fashion.

MTOAGC, some people will try to tell you that using BDSM as therapy is wrong. Don't listen. Do it, if it's right for you, helps you feel stable, makes you feel good. Don't do it, if it doesn't make you feel those things, or makes you feel worse. You are in individual, and your needs are yours, alone. The goal here is to have a happy, fulfilling life and sex life. Preferably without cutting. This could be your golden ticket to all those things. Take it slow, make sure you're safe, but for the love of kittens, do what feels right for you.

A negotiated D/s 'contract' with a sane, loving, masterful gf is the best thing that ever happened to this cutter. Go for it.

I cut from age 13-17. I am really into BDSM. Does it cross my mind that they might be connected? Yes. Do I enjoy a good scene? Yes. Can I walk out of a scene and regain my out-of-the-bedroom life and continue to NOT cut? Hells yes.

MTOAGC,

Yes, being tied up and caned is exactly what you deserve...but NOT for the reasons you think. You should aim for what turns you on and makes you happy and stable, and if that involves submission, then you deserve to have it. Hopefully your therapist isn't a POS who'll try to convince you otherwise.

Ask yourself how you felt about yourself while/after cutting, and how you feel about yourself while/after submitting to someone within a scene (NOT how you feel, but how you regard yourself for feeling it). Is the feeling fundamentally different? Then you're not creating a destructive substitute. As for having a coping mechanism...well, a hell of a lot of life is coping mechanisms for whatever problems we have. Mine might not be yours, but that doesn't change how we use it. What you have to look at is whether each experience leaves you that much closer to feeling better about yourself, to feeling safe and confident and capable of taking care of yourself (even if that necessitates having someone else take care of you). Most importantly, don't let others sit in judgment of what makes you happy and stable - whatever that may be. What's important is what works for you.

I'd say I'm in pretty much the same position. Plus an ex who told me that wanting to be "hurt and controlled to feel protected" was "unhealthy". It's not. She was dumb.

BDSM has given me a way to get the ouch, to get the thrill, without hurting myself, and without hating myself. And if it feels amazing, and if people get pleasure out of it, and if you don't end up in A&E from it, then why not go for it?

@12 While you may be right, that takes time. Sometimes a good twenty or thirty years, if most of the 40-somethings I know are anything to go by. So maybe a bit of friendly advice BEFORE she's done with the "growing up" in in order?

Go watch Secretary with Maggie Gyllenhall.

As someone said above, most of the great experiences in life can be considered "coping mechanisms" at one level or another. Coping mechanisms are way underrated. Using "coping mechanisms" that bring you joy (and orgasms!) sure beats using the officially sanctioned one: i.e. "talk about it nonstop (with a therapist, your friends, or within your head) until your whole life becomes an endless essay test with no right answer."

@20 One of my favorite movies.

I spent years trying to figure out why I had these frightening fantasies about SM, and what it meant about me, and what deep-seated issues I was trying to resolve and how could I find "healthier" ways to resolve them, etc.

Ultimately, I decided that there should be room in life for mystery and irrationality. I'm going on a decade of exploring my kinks and realizing my fantasies. I have grown so much, and met so many wonderful people, and brought so much love into my life. As for the reasons I am this way, I keep them all in a Black Box. Does no good to try peaking in there.

And, when it comes to your first outside-of-the-somewhat-artificial-experience-of-a-workshop scene, I am deeply envious of the lucky Top who will get to give you a good whipping. (I luv first-timers!)

@20 - I was thinking the same thing!!! Love that movie!!

@8:

Whatever works for you, but I find safewords to be very useful and convenient even when you're NOT doing a scene where 'stop' doesn't mean 'stop'. They don't have any ambiguity or emotional baggage associated with them, unlike normal words in English. Since you're playing a game with special rules, it's useful to have a special word for "stop the game" even when you could just as well say "stop the game."