Do you remember that scene in "Mulholland Drive" that featured a mysterious, creepy man hanging out next to a dumpster? In case you missed it, imagine a scene so uncomfortable and bizarre that it has managed to crowd out discussion of the film's initially more famous Naomi Watts lesbian sex scene even in crowds of hormone-addled teenage boy movie buffs.

On August 26, witnesses in the 400 block of N 36th Street reported seeing an even weirder scene. According to the filed police report, a property owner in the area saw a guy shitting in the alley behind his property and asked him to stop or at least shit somewhere "more discreet." According to the report, the shitter became angry at the suggestion and broke a bamboo stick over the property owner's head (perhaps because he was in the middle of a really satisfying dump and didn't appreciate the interruption).

After the ka-pow moment, the report states that the shitter took off running. A witness saw the assault and took off after him, eventually catching him. When officers arrived, the victim requested that the suspect "be warned for what he did today and to stay away from his property." In turn, the suspect "apologized for defecating on [the victim's] property," and was released at the scene.