I've been in a monogamous—and happy!—two year relationship with my boyfriend, and we've been living together for the past year. We have an excellent sex life, and we often picture ourselves together forever except for this highly conflicting detail: It has always been his dream to move to Asia for an indefinite period of time to pursue his life goals there. As much as I want him to be happy and pursue his dreams, for selfish reasons, I obviously want him to stay with me, however nothing I say can persuade him. In a last ditch attempt to keep him with me, I told him I would have a few threesomes with him and another girl if he didn't go. He was sold.

He said a threesome was a once in a lifetime opportunity for a straight guy and he'd pursue his dreams at home. This was momentarily comforting. Then I realized that 1. I only sort of want to have a threesome with him and a chick (I'm turned on by the idea of watching him get a blow job, but not watching him have intercourse with another girl) and 2. I myself am not that into having sex with a girl. I am 100% a-ok with girls having sex with girls, I'm just not so into it for myself. He said that almost every straight guy would want to have a threesome because it would be fun, but my problem is this: why would he alter his life's dreams for a threesome, but not just sex with me? I really want him to stay, but I'm confused about the ground rules of the threesome, and why having sex with me and another girl is innately more "fun" than just having sex with the one he loves most?

Thanks so much for your time and insight Dan!! Anything you can tell me would be greatly appreciated.

What's Wrong With Just One?

My response after the jump...

I hate to spoil your boyfriend's once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have a threesome—I hate to spoil anyone's once-in-a-lifetime threesome opportunity—but here's my prediction: after you have a threeway or two or three... your boyfriend has a sudden change of heart and announces that he's decided to head to Asia to pursue his dreams—his other dreams—after all.

I hope that's not just me being cynical, and I hope reading that didn't make your head explode, and I sincerely hope my response doesn't inspire your boyfriend to come and kill me with his bare hands. But I calls 'em likes I sees 'em and I frankly can't see someone walking away from his life's ambitions for a lousy couple of threeways—particularly when that man was planing to head to the continent that is home to Bangkok, oriental city, where you can see shows with everything but Yul Brynner, and there's a rent-by-the-hour God in every golden cloister and if you're lucky then the God's a she, etc., etc., etc.

Moving on...

1. If you decide to go ahead with a threesome, WWWJO, rip a page out of the swingers' handbook and tell your boyfriend you're only up for a "soft swap," i.e. he can do oral with the other girl but not vaginal intercourse. Remember, WWWJO: There are no set "ground rules for a threesome." You get to the set the rules and he has to abide by them or no threesome.

2. So don't have sex with the girl, if you have a threesome. You can do it relay-race style... if you do it at all.

And you know what? I don't think you should do it—not at all—because you're doing this for reasons that can charitably be described as "wrong." You're attempting to manipulate your boyfriend with sex and he, I believe, is allowing you to believe that you've succeeded in manipulating him and plans to go head to Asia at the earliest, post-threesome opportunity. Don't be so desperate—there are 3.5 billion other men on the planet.

As for why sex with you and another girl is "innately more 'fun' than just having sex with the one he loves most," well, you can love someone to little bits, and love having sex with that person lots and lots, and still lust after others, and long for a little variety, and want to share a sexual adventure or two with that person, the person you love, before you're old and tired and dead.

And now... because... how could I not...

And finally, WWWJO: have you considered moving to Asia with him? That would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. If he hasn't asked you to think about coming with him, or you haven't considered it, then your love isn't the "together forever" sort.