My name is Brock. I live with my girlfriend and her best friend. It’s like a less funny Threes Company. We were having a debate the other day that I decided could be resolved by you, given that your opinion is more legit than any of ours. Is it considered “going down” on someone if they don’t have an orgasm? For instance, one night, right before my girlfriend and I have sex, she sucks my penis for five minutes, then we switch to traditional penis-in-vagina sex.

Would she be able to tell her friends the next day (hypothetically) that last night, she went down on her boyfriend and then we had sex? Or do I have to have cum while she was sucking my penis for her to have “gone down” on me? Personally I think that If I don’t have an orgasm from her sucking my penis, she didn’t necessarily “go down” on me, but both the girls I live with have decided to join forces against me and say that I am wrong. Help me Dan Savage, you’re my only hope! Please, if your eyes ever grace this message, please give me an answer to rub in their faces, or even if I am wrong, I am man enough to admit it, and if you want me to, if I am wrong, I will prove it to you that I admitted it. Thanks Dan, I always read your section in our “Eugene Weekly” every week, and always enjoy it.


My response after the jump...


A thought experiment, Brock: let's say I come over to your place, bend you over the sofa, and fuck your ass for, let's say, an entire episode Judge Judy. But after 30 minutes in Judith Sheindlin's courtroom—and your ass—I pull my dick out of your ass and get myself off with my hand.

Did I masturbate? Or did I fuck your ass?

I would say I pretty much fucked your ass, Brock, and I suspect you would say the same. In fact, I'm positive you would say the same.

Similarly, if your girlfriend sucks your dick, Brock, then you have to concede that she went down on you even if you didn't orgasm in her mouth, same as I fucked your ass during a whole episode of Judge Judy even if I didn't orgasm in your butt. So when she sucks you and then you fuck her, Brock, you and the girlfriend are having oral sex first as foreplay, then vaginal intercourse for the main event.

In conclusion, Brock, you are wrong—and I'm curious how you intend to prove to me that you admitted it to Chrissy and Janet.