"Dear Odd Bitch - Wasssup?..."

That's a great exchange.

Who is TK?

Obviously, to resolve his problems, the person who asked Dan needs to enlist in the military, now that they're no longer using DADT at recruiting.

At 98, just about everybody should get a pass. For just about everything.

24 years old? Fear of having to face grandma with the news? Why would she even need to know?

Sounds like maybe there were other issues at play that the letter writer doesn't know about.

@2 I was thinking he meant "old" bitch...

She lived through the gay 20's after all

This is entirely credible. When my father found out I was gay, he not only kicked me out of the house and disowned me, but forbade me from any contact with his ultra-religious side of the family. He was afraid they would disown HIM for producing me! He smoked cigarettes for years when I was a kid and his family never knew...

I got on with my own life. They all died. It gets better.

Get to know her and become her executor. When she dies have her coffin carried by the most flamboyant queens you can find and throw a big gay party with her money.

I was out to my grandparents and it was no easy thing, but they came to some level of coping for themselves. I wasnt responsible for their coping mechanisms, I only asked them for unconditional love and a lack of harrassment, which they gave me.

I do remember in 1993 when we asked my Grandfather if he wanted to go to DC with us to the MOW, he said "Oh no, honey, I dont like those people." even though I am one of those people, he managed to cope by compartmentalizing it..

As an adult, I found that if you give no one a choice but to accept you or turn their back on you, the vast majority are unwilling to turn their back on their relatives. and if they do, they dont deserve you anyway.

and that is coming from a woman who just got married 2 weeks ago to my wife and my brother refused to come because of the jesus.
Did it hurt? oh, yeah.

but I refuse to be someone else to accomodate stupidity.

No catering and cake for you, dumbass.

Getting arrested for just about anything can be extremely traumatic and shameful for your average run of the mill law-abiding citizen who cares about his future and reputation. You've have your freedom at least temporarily taken away from you. You've probably been mocked and interrogated by the arresting officers. Multiple appearances in court. You now potentially have a criminal record that any determined person can dig up. The future suddenly looks much dimmer than it did yesterday.

Add the humiliation of a being outed in the context of "sex crime" among a homophobic society, and that's a huge things for a young person to deal with.

Grandma certainly wasn't much help for him, and that's a huge FAIL on her part. But except in special cases (e.g., teenagers subject to constant and vicious harassment), suicide is ultimately the fault of the person committing the act.

@12 has the best idea yet... My partner's mother has an elderly friend in Nashville who is bigoted and refuses to tell her that a) her son is gay and b) that we had a wedding last October. Her reasoning is - "you can't change people and she's too old to understand" yet they host this woman every year when she comes to visit. It's weird. I guess it depends on how much intolerance effects you.

@12 Haha, nice.

just because one is old, doesn't mean that one has a good heart and is a loving person. just look at how evil and bitter this person is. she won't even let any of his gay friends carry his coffin at his funeral. and she must had been a real bitch and scary as hell to have such influence on this poor boy. sorry no pass

i've given up trying to convince my aunts and uncles of anything, and they're in their 70s.

98 is so old that you have to let it go - its like trying to convince the dark ages that the world is round. if she got divorced in the 40s (like my grandmother), there was a damn good reason - alcoholism, infidelity, abuse - that you don't know about.

go find out what it was.

She gets a pass. People my age (50) don't get a pass, and neither do my college students or my daughter's high school friends. The future will be better because we know when to give people a pass (when they're about to die) and when to call them on their bullshit (all other times).

LFT,

I maintain relationships with people who were incredibly cruel to me as a child and as a young adult. To do so I had to forgive them, some were repentant and some still aren't, but it doesn't matter to me. I had to learn to see through their eyes and listen to their justifications of their actions. Not, easy, but it allowed me to gain enough compassion to see their humanity and to remember my own frailties and foibles. Note, not excuse them, but gain some understanding.

In short, I would reach out without the expectation of change, but because none of us are perfect and she's your grandmother. She is 98-years-old and alone. And, try forgiving her for her reaction with regard to your cousins funeral, not for her or for your cousin, but for yourself. So, you won't feel conflicted about this anymore. I encourage you to give yourself that gift.

@18 has a point. We're projecting our current societal values, norms, and expectations on people literally three-quarters of a century ago.

What sounds easy today did not feel so back then.

Off topic...

Womyn2me ,

Congratulations on your wedding. I wish you both a long and happy life. Your perseverance is an encouragement to me.

And, so sorry about your brother. I hope he soon regrets not being there for his sister. It's his loss and I pity him.

Best wishes,
k

Off the main topic, too, but...does it not seem extreme to arrest someone for "public indecency"? So, a public place could be a bathroom stall, or deep in the woods...given how over-worked most police forces are, doesn't it seem like there could be a better use of taxpayer dollars than setting up stings like this? Issue a ticket, maybe, but arrest? And a record?

@14--Don't forget the Sex Offender Registry. Here in SC, you can wind up branded for life for nothing more than a simple public urination. Ask me how I know.

Gramma gets a pass, LFT. It'd have been different if cousin had given her a chance to FAFO&CO, but he didn't.

No disrespect specifically intended towards your late cousin and I'm sorry for your loss and all, but.

Adult suicide is a way different kind of suicide than the kind of suicide that arises in part from coping with your body going crazy on you. The latter is always just plain sad and really not ever the teen's fault. The former is always mostly the adult's fault.

(and again, please don't think I'm speaking ill of the dead here although I guess in a way I am) it's just teen suicide makes me sad for the suicide and the family and mad at anybody who had anything to do with it. Adult suicide just makes me mad.

Yeah, I agree that she gets a pass. If the story was different, and something extreme had happened like the grandma telling the arrested cousin that she hoped he died and burned in hell or something like that, then I could see why the writer wouldn't want any contact with her. As the story stands, though, I'd say the occasional postcard is just the decent thing to do for a lonely old woman who is near the end of her life.

My paternal grandmother is about 85, and is fairly ignorant and uneducated. One time back when I was in high school and she could still travel to visit us (she lives in another state), she asked me how many minorities went to my school. I happily explained that my school was very diverse, and that we had a wide variety of students from all common ethnicities. I hoped she'd get the point that this was normal these days, but her immediate reaction was shock and concern. It was one of those things I just had to laugh off. She obviously didn't get the picture of what reality is like these days, so I just had to let it go and change the subject, even though someone my parents' age would seriously offend me by acting that way. I'm thinking that's probably the case with the writer's grandmother - she just doesn't understand what the world is like these days, and even though her actions at the funeral would be highly offensive if she had been the guy's mother, she gets a pass because she's probably just not in touch with reality.

@12: comment win for the day.

LFT, In the absence of a note, nobody really knows why your cousin killed himself. Did your grandmother contribute to it? Probably, from the sounds of it (you've got to be pretty damned intolerant to bar gay friends from carrying a coffin). But she alone could not have caused his suicide. If he hadn't been arrested, if he'd had the full support of close friends, other family members, his church, his school, his work, then he probably would have been able to get past mean old grandma's disapproval. Her bigotry played only a part in the mental anguish that caused him to end his life.

At 98, she isn't likely to change. Just look at it as a character flaw. Nobody is 100% perfect, and nobody is 100% evil. I'm sure she has her share of imperfections, and her homophobia is a glaring one. But that is just one aspect of her overall personality. And at her age, homophobia is the norm. That is how nearly everyone was brought up in her generation. It would be far more unusual if she wasn't homophobic.

You don't have to agree with her, but if you want to have any kind of relationship with her, you have to let it go. At 98, she gets a pass.

@27 remember, funerals aren't for the dead, they're for those who are at the funeral.

@25:

Adult suicide is a way different kind of suicide than the kind of suicide that arises in part from coping with your body going crazy on you. The latter is always just plain sad and really not ever the teen's fault. The former is always mostly the adult's fault.

Adults who commit suicide generally suffer from major psychiatric disorders, the etiology of which is at least partially neurochemical and/or neuroanatomical. If puberty is an exculpatory factor, why isn't faulty neurochemistry? Or do the mind and the body magically separate as soon as one turns twenty?

She gets a pass. She's 98 years old! But if she makes a negative comment about gays, you can remind her that in her younger days, divorced women were considered scum of the earth...

If LFT isn't out to grandma, s/he should be. However grandma handles/handled learning about LFT's bisexuality ought to be a big clue as to how she treated the cousin while he was alive.

She's your grandmother, she's old, she's likely out of touch, and she sounds ignorant and intolerant. You don't have proof that she contributed directly to your cousin's suicide, although I'm sure his fear of losing her love was a contributing factor. But as others have said, if he'd had a larger support system in place, grandma's disapproval and the loss of that relationship would probably not have been powerful enough to push him to suicide.

But grandma is only partly to blame. Seandr's right: being arrested for a sex crime is one of the more shameful things that can happen to a person. Many people would be horribly embarrassed simply by being seen in a sexual situation and having others know about it and possibly tease them (think Tyler Clementi). Being arrested, having a criminal record, and the story breaking in the local paper where everyone who knows you and your family is another. We don't know much about the circumstances of the letter-writer's cousin's arrest--even the age of the other "male" he was arrested for having sex with. Straight people, in similar circumstances have killed themselves because of the shame.

Grandma doesn't get a pass simply because she's old; she gets one (and only from you) because her role in your cousin's death is inconclusive and you love her. But you should come out as bi to her now and give her the opportunity to redeem her former intolerance a little. That probably won't happen if she's as close-minded as she appears to be. But you don't even know why she wouldn't allow the gay pallbearers; for all you know, she might have held them somehow responsible for your cousin's death. She may have seen them as bad influences, not because of their sexuality, but because of other character traits. You sound secure and healthy; can you take it if grandma disapproves? If so, try letting her see that you can be "not straight" and still be a well-adjusted, happy, kind, loving person. Let her have a chance to grow a little and don't expect her to.

she's 98 - of course she gets a pass. First of all, she's LIVED ALMOST 100 YEARS AND SEEN THINGS YOU WILL NEVER SEE. EVER. She's not going to be around for much longer, and it's not like she has any power over anyone, so let her be happy with her bigotry! It's been drilled into her for 98 years, can you imagine if suddenly someone was trying to convince you that the sky is red??? Or maybe she's just angry and bitter 'cause she had a kinda hard life, and now everyone is emotionally shitting on her. And since she's, you know, a WOMAN and lived through this century I'm sure she knows exactly what it feels like to be oppressed and stomped on for various reasons. Maybe someone should throw her a bone or two.

Take the high road and be kind.

I'd be inclined to send the grandmother a postcard every now and then, and I think I'd try to forgive her for her homophobia. It doesn't sound as if she's close enough to the LW to be really hurting anyone, and as everyone else has said, it's hard to know how much the grandmother's attitudes affected the cousin and why he was so deeply affected by one old lady's opinions.

But to say that she gets a pass because she's old seems inappropriate. There are plenty of old people and grandparents out there when, upon learning that their kids or grandkids or neighbors were gay, just accepted it. Or at least kept quiet with their disapproval. Why do the ones who refuse to do so get a pass? Didn't they live through the 20th century? This can't be the first time the grandmother is being expected to change her beliefs in accordance with what is now considered socially acceptable.

And where is the age-line drawn? Is an 80-year-old person too old to change? 70? For that matter, a person who is 50 was raised in a homophobic culture, so why don't they get a pass too? There has to be some distinction between accepting that some people will never change and thinking it's ok for them to never evolve because they're old.

I'm not saying that Grandma needs to be confronted and made to feel guilty about what happened to the cousin. But at the time of his death someone should have had a conversation with her about why the people he loves should be welcomed at his memorial.

I think we failed to ask some vital questions here:

1) Does she vote? I don't think my grandparents did when they were older, but I don't know for sure. And I don't presume to project that experience onto other people.

2) Are there young people she might be influencing now? (Do these young people know that you, the cool granddaughter/grandson, are someone they can talk to and hang with who has different views from grandma, who is getting older afterall?)

Yes, I think old people should get a pass on their personal views because they're a product of the times they lived through -- but that pass only goes so far as embarassing language ("the queers/fruits/homosexuals/whatthefuckever") and occasional interpersonal encounters with adults (preferrably strangers). Once these old people --who are only a product of their times, in which no one was not a raging bigot-- are impacting someone else's kids, or someone else's family life through voting antigay, there's a serious problem.

@25

You don't have much experience with an adult, loved one committing suicide, do you?

At 98, just about everybody should get a pass. For just about everything.

Not those old white guys who are going around shooting up Jewish museums.

But as for this case, yeah, we don't know enough about what went on to blame her. It's not unlike the Rutgers guy whose roommate filmed him. Would his parents be to blame?

Maybe the letter writer should visit now and then to talk about the family history, and at some point, let slip something like, "I miss Tommy," where Tommy = name of late gay cousin, and see how she reacts.

@25 when my teenage niece committed suicide, I felt sorry for her. When his mother followed suite a year later (leaving young children behind) I just felt angry. When, a year later, my own suicidal depression (worsened by medication) brought me to the brink, I felt incredibly guilty, even though I couldn't go through with it.

I think it's okay to be mad, to feel whatever you feel. Suicide hurts other people, and the individual is ultimately responsible for their actions even when mentally impaired. Although selfless (in its' destruction of self), suicide is incredibly selfish (in its' disregard for others). Suicide is also dually brave and cowardly- I'd argue that it is moreso the latter, as facing the difficulties of life is much scarier even than a potentially painful death. Suicide is foolish, ungrateful, wasteful.
But please try to understand that a suicidally depressed person, at whatever age, is not in their right mind and needs help. A severely depressed person may be mentally the same as a teenager or even younger, often fighting against irrational thoughts and bad chemicals for years before succumbing. Sometimes (as is the case for bullied teens) the irrational thinking is "confirmed" by idiotic outside influences; sometimes it is worsened by psychiatric care meant to help (ie medication) or abuse in the home or failure in life (relationship, job). Whatever the circumstances, these folks need help, and shaming them for feeling suicidal just makes them more resistant to getting it. So feel what you feel, just be careful how you express it, please.

Pin it on grandma? That's bullshit.

But.

Give old people a pass on homophobia? That's bullshit too. There's no maximum voting age, and people listen to older people and respect their opinions.

Even though the grandmother "banned" gay friends from carrying the casket (and how did she do that? did she pay for the funeral? and how did she recognize who was gay?), was she known to make anti-gay slurs? Was she intolerant in other ways as well? Why do the other grandkids ignore her now?

There just seem to be so many unanswered questions in this tale, and the letter writer actually doesn't seem any more clued in than we are. It seems a big leap, therefore, to blame Granny for the suicide.

And if the letter writer really wanted to make a difference, he would confront Granny with the circumstances of his own life. Not only to make a statement, but that his grandmother should know him as the person he is.

I'm not sure about that. My great-aunt died two years ago at age 96, and when her son came out of the closet about 10 years previously, she supported him completely and embraced his partner with open arms. This grandma may just be who she is, bigoted. However, it's clear that nothing's going to change her now.

If I understand this correctly, this whole "mean grandma" thing is predicated on the reporting of one cousin. In my family different people will give very different accounts of other's actions. If you were to listen to only one member of my family, depending on who you chose, you would think that certain individuals were either saints or demons.

How did the grandmother manage too get sole authority to make the decision about the pall bearers? Grandma may well have expressed her opinion, that she didn't approve of gay pall bearers and that she wouldn't attend the funeral if they were allowed to participate - which is certainly her right. But someone had to have caved in to her about that.

Has LFT come out to his grandmother? Has he asked her about his cousin's death and expressed his views if he disagreed with her? If so, and she is willing to acknowledge him as family, then I would consider the matter settled. My grandmother and I had major differences in beliefs; we accepted that and avoided areas of disagreement. When disagreement was unavoidable, we worked through it and got past it. She was the person who came the closest to giving me unconditional love and acceptance - because I was family and in her mind, that trumped everything else.

@48 I agree. My grandma is now 95, and SHE was the one who stepped in to protect me from verbal abuse by my homophobic mother. This is the same woman who continued to slip and accidentally use the n-word throughout the 1970s... my point being, the language she used was a product of her upbringing and had to be consciously overcome, but her approach to life and people was loving and open.

A few months before she died, my great-grandma (born in 1913) made a comment about a gay rights' news piece she heard that completely shocked everyone in the family. I think this was when the '04 election was getting nasty. She mentioned she supported gay marriage and rights, because she knew what it was like to be denied access to a dying partner (great-step grandpa George). She didn't say whether she thought it was immoral or what, just that she supported them.

I think our really old generations do get a pass, but I think they can change given the chance. Old people aren't stupid. My great-grandma lived through womens' lib, Japanese internment, and the civil rights' movement; somehow, among other things, these events shaped her to being open to gay rights, *because of her age*, not in spite of it. It doesn't sound like anyone ever gave Grandma a chance in this case.

I really don't believe in letting old bigots get a pass on their bigotry. My wife's grandma is a 91 year old born again Christian. 10 years ago when I first got together with my wife she was mean and spiteful to me for 1) being an ex-catholic/now atheist, and 2) living in sin with her granddaughter. My wife always said, "Well, she's 81, she isn't going to change now". Well now she's 91, she could live to be 101. They have been giving her a pass since she was in her 70s. So people aren't supposed to stop being assholes because their old? I have to put up with her bullshit for 20 years because she "won't change her ways"? Old people can change their minds just like the rest of us. I'm only 30, and people have been giving this lady a pass for 20 years. You could definitely say that I was bigoted when I was 10, but my beliefs have matured. You don't have to stop talking/tolerating your grandparents because they are assholes, but you should definitely call them on their bullshit.

My dad is in his 80s, and I got into a "discussion" with him about gay marriage a couple of years ago when many states were passing amendments to ban gay marriage. See, it turns out that my best friend from grades 3-6 (when we moved out of state) is gay and has a partner and they have kids. I pointed out to him that if anything happened to her partner (bio mom), there would be a risk that the kids would be taken from the only family that they know. He was very unaccepting at the time. He blustered something about role models, and I asked him if single moms should be banned.

His attitudes are slowly changing, even though he has been quite bigoted over the years. He and my mom were terribly upset when my sister married a Jew, but that was over 20 years ago, and they're still married. They've come to accept my bro-in-law, but I suspect my mom still thinks he's going to hell. She has learned not to say that though...

Just saying that just because folks are old doesn't mean that their minds are set in stone.

@4: TK-421? He wasn't at his post because Han Solo shot him.

This is how it should be done: one day my sister came up to my mom and said, "Ma, can you say DICK?" Sister was 27 at the time, straight as an arrow, but ma who was 52 could not say DICK. In complete shock, she gave some stupid reason about it not being a polite word. But sister continued: "Ma, just say it, just say DICK, don't die without at least saying it once."

So this "conversation" sort of went on for an hour, sister insisting, ma resisting. Than when everyone least expected it, ma who was quite pissed already, started screaming "DICK DICK DICK, you wanna hear it - here it is DICK DICK DICK !" After this I can't even begin to explain the things she started saying. The point being: just give'm hell till they break free.

You know, it took me old Mum a couple of decades to come around, but she did eventually to a very large degree. People need time to absorb, rethink, and create new pathways in their brains, Old people need more time for these changes.

Come out to your oldies and continue to love them. And by "come out," I mean not only reveal your sexuality, but also speak your truth whatever it is -- including calling her on her homophobia. And then... continue (or begin) to love her.

I don't wish being 98 and lonely on anyone.

This strikes me as intolerance of another kind within this family. Yes, adults are accountable for things they say and do, but at some point everyone deserves a second chance. It would be terrible to think that shit you did in your past would never be forgiven or forgotten by your family, that you would never get a chance to explain how you could have said and done that crazy shit, that you'd never get to say you were sorry. How sad that this guy wouldn't rack up the balls to go to her and have an adult conversation and that suicide was the chosen plan of action. That sucks.

Nobody else has pointed it out, but I wonder if the grandmother didn't let "gay friends" carry the coffin because she blamed them for her grandson's death... not in a "I hate gays" sort of way, but in a "you were his friends, and you lead him down the road to getting arrested/suicide/weren't there for him" sort of way. Like, a guy dies after too many drinks one night and his family won't let his drinking buddies carry his coffin. That sort of thing.

For my part, I'm rather surprised the grandkids don't give the grandmother a chance. She divorced in a decade when almost no one did-the shame she must have gone through! She was a single mother when society scorned and abused such terms. And when it seems neither the informant or the LW have any other evidence for grandmother's bigotry, let alone a conversation with her, it feels as if this is a case of hurt relatives searching for someone, anyone, to blame...

@7 -- wasn't Klaus Barbie 98, or thereabouts?

No pass go on being a bigot no matter what your age, but perhaps she didn't cause this man's suicide, perhaps no one in the family wants to take up the cross on why he killed himself and instead just pass the buck.
My girlfriend's mother is almost 80. She has always accepted my girlfriend since she was small, and has accepted me into her home with open arms. Her mother is from a very small rural town, nestled in the corn fields of the midwest. She is church going, sings in the choir and is conservative in many respects, except one-her love for her children no matter what. What is needed is that kind of open mindedness and enlightenment and we should expect that no matter what the age gap.
When I am close to one hundred and a different group of people I may not even be able to imagine now, are looking for acceptance based on human values of equality for everyone, I hope I can open my eyes and be aware. I can take the times now, the hardships that many have to endure, because hardship will follow the human race in and out of the decades that will succeed us, and I will be able to put that hardship into perspective and not close my eyes or heart to anyone's plight, no matter what my age.

No pass go on being a bigot no matter what your age, but perhaps she didn't cause this man's suicide, perhaps no one in the family wants to take up the cross on why he killed himself and instead just pass the buck.
My girlfriend's mother is almost 80. She has always accepted my girlfriend since she was small, and has accepted me into her home with open arms. Her mother is from a very small rural town, nestled in the corn fields of the midwest. She is church going, sings in the choir and is conservative in many respects, except one-her love for her children no matter what. What is needed is that kind of open mindedness and enlightenment and we should expect that no matter what the age gap.
When I am close to one hundred and a different group of people I may not even be able to imagine now, are looking for acceptance based on human values of equality for everyone, I hope I can open my eyes and be aware. I can take the times now, the hardships that many have to endure, because hardship will follow the human race in and out of the decades that will succeed us, and I will be able to put that hardship into perspective and not close my eyes or heart to anyone's plight, no matter what my age.

No pass go on being a bigot no matter what your age, but perhaps she didn't cause this man's suicide, perhaps no one in the family wants to take up the cross on why he killed himself and instead just pass the buck.
My girlfriend's mother is almost 80. She has always accepted my girlfriend since she was small, and has accepted me into her home with open arms. Her mother is from a very small rural town, nestled in the corn fields of the midwest. She is church going, sings in the choir and is conservative in many respects, except one-her love for her children no matter what. What is needed is that kind of open mindedness and enlightenment and we should expect that no matter what the age gap.
When I am close to one hundred and a different group of people I may not even be able to imagine now, are looking for acceptance based on human values of equality for everyone, I hope I can open my eyes and be aware. I can take the times now, the hardships that many have to endure, because hardship will follow the human race in and out of the decades that will succeed us, and I will be able to put that hardship into perspective and not close my eyes or heart to anyone's plight, no matter what my age.

Great. That's just what we need around here - another shithead posting three fucking times.

My 89 year old grandma told me not to marry outside of my race or religion when I was little. She didn't tell me to marry a boy, but I think that was assumed.

Now, after years of going to church with gay couples who have adopted children, she "doesn't mind the queers. They love their children, and are good to them and bring them to church, and you know, not many people are doing that anymore."

People can change when they're exposed to things that make them see differently.

@ 68 - My mom seems to be one of those people. Realizing that they are people just like us just made her, well... treat them like people now I guess. Too bad some of us are just too old to get the memo in time. : (

As for this grandma, someone should beat this bitch's face.

Hopefully it won't be long before one of her vital organs gives in.

My grandmother was born in 1907 and didn't know homosexuals existed until she was 40 years old.

In 1980, George Hislop was the first openly gay candidate for public office in Canada, running for Toronto city council.

She voted for him. 30 YEARS AGO, and without knowing she had a gay grandson.

Sorry, no exuses for bigotry. It's an insult to my grandmother's memory and to George Hislop's as well.

I think it's something of a non sequitur to argue that because some elderly people are able to overcome the teachings of their times and be open and accepting of homosexualty, those who don't shouldn't get a pass. There's a lot more at play than simply a similar lifespan.

The frame of reference for two individuals living in the exact same time can be tremendously different. In many cases, I would have to say that an open mind is something of a luxury. It sounds to me like this woman had a very difficult life. It was necessary for her to cope with very demanding, immediate concerns in her day-to-day life. Remember, the mid-century rights movements were primarily catalyzed by college students, i.e. young adults from suburban families with the time and money to sit in a classroom for four years thinkin' 'bout stuff. A divorced, abuse-victim, single mother of three most likely had very little understanding, much less acceptance, of a group of people who she probably didn't even encounter on a significant scale until she was in her 60's or 70's.

So, yeah, five days later, I vote to give her pass :). And fuck the postcard. She's your grandma. For the sake of christ, go visit the woman.