Wow Dan! Going a little 'David Foster Wallace' in your response.*

*David Foster Wallace loved footnotes....
Easy one. You nailed it. DTMFA.
And bonus, with the acquisition of the vibrator...the post-dumping scenario becomes more manageable.
I think I can safely say that if and when I have a 20-year old son, I will want to know absolutely nothing about his sex life (other than, maybe, is he using protection and generally not being an idiot).
Dump that POS *stat*!
How can his communication pattern with his parents be a surprise to her? Haven't they been dating for several years?

Please break up with each other.
Actually they should tread carefully. If you do the math, and depending on what state they are in, he could wind up prosecuted for statutory rape if anything gets out of hand. Way out of hand. I'm just saying.

And what's DTMFA - ooooooooooooohhhhhhh. Just figured it out, NM.
"The Story of my Vibrator Shopping Experience" by ALPP.

She sure wrote a whole lot to say a whole little. Yakkityyakkityyakkityyakkityyakkity....

Much more concise:
"I bought a vibe and my bf's little brother found out and told his parents, which upsets me because, naturally, my bf and my sex life is private. My bf is accusing me of being dishonest with his parents because I don't tell them about our sex life. What do you suggest?"
Too bad you can't tell his parents the dildo was for him.
Nice to see Urgutha Forka getting into the editing business.
#1 was great.
@8, the little brother didn't squeal about the vibrator, the bf did. The length of the letter is fine.
i'm generally pretty willing to say "give it a chance." especially if the problem or issue at hand doesn't seem THAT big of a problem (after all, a good relationship is about finding a partner who makes you crazy in a way that you can handle, and hopefully not that often. not about finding a partner who doesn't make you crazy). however. in this case? DTMFA. seriously. you're EIGHTEEN years old. what could you possibly have invested in this relationship that's worth putting up with in-laws that are that much in your business? because in-law kind of crazy is the WORST kind of crazy. nothing is worse than having a fight with your SO, and then having to have the same fight with SO's parents. and then having a post-mortem of the fight with the SO's parents with the SO. seriously. get. out. now.
That boyfriend is a tool.
I'd talk to the boyfriend a little more, to see if he understands the concept of setting boundaries, and of respect for another's (if not one's own) privacy. Maybe the problem is that he thinks it isn't a big deal; but after all it's the person whose privacy is being 'revealed' that sets the boundaries. If I don't want anyone to know which party I voted for in last election, then revealing it is breaking my privacy, even if the person in question doesn't think that it's a "big deal."

So maybe they need to have a it's-a-big-deal-to-me-even-if-it-isn't-to-you conversation. Maybe he'll wake up and realize that his are not the only set of criteria.

If he doesn't, well, there's always DTMFA.
What the fuck is with the mother getting upset about the little brother being excluded? What a twat.
The boyfriend's kind of an idiot for seeing his choices as either "reveal everything" or "lie to my parents." Thanks to the magic of language, there is a third option. It looks like this.

"Mom and Dad, I know I normally would tell you everything, but my girlfriend isn't comfortable with how much I've been sharing, so I'm going to keep the details of our physical relationship between her and me."


dump him.

but another word to the wise.

premarital sex is risky.



would you really want to carry/have weenie boys baby and inherit the parents as 'in-laws'?

sure you could pay a doctor (someone Sworn to Do No Harm!...) to kill the little bastard, and that would really teach the bitch of a mother 'in-law' to mind her own beezwax but the little bastard is also your child and that seems a little 'cutting off your nose...'



premarital sex is unwise.

wise up.
Alicia, that might have worked if his mother wasn't such a twat.
@9 ftw
"I'm an 18-year-old girl who has been dating a 12-year-old guy for about a year and a half now."

You're going to separate schools and you're 18. Those two facts make the continuation of your relationship highly unlikely beyond several months. Take this creepy little incident as a perfect opportunity to say buh-bye and enjoy the vibrator with the guys with no boundary issues that you'll soon be meeting at school.
@17 -- wtf? Getting a little ahead of yourself there. Premartial sex =/= babies, abortion, and disease. It's all about practicing safe sex, which ALPP says she does. I see you're in the same slippery slope band camp as the BF.
Totally, totally agree.

ALPP, you'll be doing your boyfriend a favor. He has no notion of the huge personal boundary issues he's violating, and he won't have any idea of their immensity until he gets dumped for it. Before the dumping, he'll be making every rationalization to justify not changing. After the dumping, he'll realize that the issues that seemed so minor resulted in him not getting laid, and he'll be motivated on his own to change.

His next girlfriend will thank you for it.
how big is it? one of those monsters? is it black?
I am so tempted to suggest ALPP do it right back to him--tell his friends something really private about him and see how he likes it.

Of course, that's my immature knee-jerk reaction, which shouldn't be encouraged.

What parent wants to know these things about their ADULT son?!
@25 you mean this one?
@17 -- wtf? Getting a little ahead of yourself there. Premartial sex =/= babies, abortion, and disease. It's all about practicing safe sex, which ALPP says she does. I see you're in the same slippery slope band camp as the BF.
As Dan's mother would say: "There are some things a parent has a right NOT to know". And this is definitely one of them.

Maybe the parents get off living vicariously through their son's sex life?
Am I the only one picturing the little brother as Denny from The Room?

Not according to the CDC.

Which says the best way to protect from STDs and premarital pregnancy is abstinence.

Do you enlightened Liberals believe in Science or not?

@30 you aren't anymore.
"So Dad and Mom, when I was fucking my girlfriend the other day we discovered that when she put her finger in my ass I came really hard. I'm telling you this because that's why I was twenty minutes late coming home, and I knew you'd wonder where I was or why I was held up. What? You didn't want to know that much? But then I'd be lying--lying by omission--to you and I know how great a child-parent relationship, based on complete honesty, we have. I didn't want to jeopardize that."
this is fucking insane, the guy's 20 and he'll answer any question about his sex life that his parents ask? if they ask if the girlfriend spits or swallows, is he gonna tell them that too? he definitely needs to get yelled at a little to drill some fucking sense into his dense head. then kick him to the curb.

but steal some liquor from his parent's house first, they deserve it.

"Gosh darn it, Johnny. You know the rules: you must always include your little brother in everything so he doesn't feel left out. He's still hurt because you made him stay home when you scored dope last week. And I know you think that your senior prom should have been an exclusive activity, but think how it makes him feel to know that you're doing something without him. What? So you were buying sex toys for your girlfriend? That's no excuse. He has very good taste and is an excellent bargain shopper. Besides, I couldn't be with him and you know how our family values sharing and togetherness--he couldn't possibly be left alone--he's only 17! If you had to leave him behind, you could at least have brought him home a souvenir."
I used to think I had a mother who I could tell anything to. Then I found out she was telling my grandmother about my and my now husband's/then boyfriend's sex life, including details about our then girlfriend. I told my mother that I was not comfortable with her telling my grandmother about my private life. Her response was "Your grandmother is fine with it." I could not get my mother to understand that it did not matter how "fine" my grandmother was with my sex life, *I* was not OK with my mother sharing private details about me. I now don't tell my mother anything that I don't want the rest of the family, her friends or random strangers on the street to know. This is not lying, this is keeping my private life private. I can't break up with my inconsiderate mom, but this letter writer can break up her inconsiderate boyfriend.
@31: The important thing is that no one can ever get an unwanted pregnancy or an STD once the magic ring has been blessed by the voodoo priest...I mean, once the man and woman are united in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony as God intended. Then the baby factory finally comes into her true, Biblically submissive purpose as a woman! Now that's some deep science for ya.
Obvs the BF nor his parents have learned the concept of TMI.
Eh, I'm inclined to give the guy a chance to come around, especially if this is his worst failing. I'm not entirely sure why she cares what he tells his parents anyway as long as they aren't doing anything awful like telling *her* parents.

That said, if he won't come around and respect her desire in this, and it *really* bothers her, DTMF.
@31: Actually, I can think of several other of preventing STDs and pregnancies, including handjobs, tit fucking, and fingering (it's for guys too). And unless you have open sores in your mouth, oral sex also prevents STDs, and it definitely prevents pregnancies.

I assume you're on board with all of that? Because your concern is rooted in teh science, right?
@31 - No fucking shit, Sherlock. Of course abstinence is the surest way not to get a sexually transmitted disease. And the surest way not to get killed by a car is to never leave your house. Not very practical, though. Neither is abstinence. You've seen stats on the "success" of abstinence-only education, right? That's science, too, but I bet it's the kind you debunk.
Well, if she's creeped out by the too close or controlling relationship he has with his parents, then DTMFA, but that doesn't seem to be the question she's asking Dan...

I don't understand the anger some folks seem to be directing towards the boyfriend. Would you feel the same if he was sharing things with his best bud?

I'm going to assume he's talking about his private moments and feelings with her (and not anything specifically about her alone), and he's entirely entitled to share that with whomever he wants. You know, it's part of his life too?

I know my husband shares some details about our sex life with his best friend. I don't demand he keeps his mouth shut. He's talking about his life and his experience of it. Are people that insecure about themselves?
Yeah, I'm with @9/33. "I told him that I didn't want his mother to know that I was using a vibrator, because she still isn't alright with us having sex." Um, her using a vibrator is NOT them having sex, but before dumping bf she should take bf's mom out for tea and crumpets or something and work the conversation around to sex, then breezily mention that the dildo is for solo dorm use, but the strap-on they got the same day is for their back-home rendezvous during the holidays. Then she can earnestly ask bf's mom about her masturbation frequency and favorite techniques.
Dan, you overreacted. Oh well.
One - I would no more be upset that my 20 year old didn't include their younger sibling in everything they did than I would be upset that pigs don't fly.

Two - if this was my daughter (and mine is 16 so it could possibly happen in the not too distant future) - I would tell her to RUN away from this guy as fast as possible. A guy that will tell his MOTHER that his girlfriend bought a vibrator is someone with no personal boundaries and who will never cut the apron strings. Eighteen and unmarried is the perfect time to develop an allergy to the type.
40--agree with everything except that oral sex definitely transmits STDs (just not HIV, yay!!). you can get herpes, HPV, whatever in your mouth, not just in the genital area. most STDs are transmitted by pussy juice or semen, and are also found in precum. so paranoid people can do everything short of oral/anal/vaginal. and of course, using a condom drops the transmission rate way, way down. so does sex positive education!
Actually, the best plan to avoid STIs and pregnancy is actually NOT abstinence. Because Planning on abstinence leads to higher STIS and pregnancy rates than contraceptive use! I wish that "abstinence only" education was legally forced to quote the 'normal use' of abstinence (which results in risker, if slightly delayed sex) as opposed to the 100 'perfect use' quote, which is total BS. The actual figures probably look closer to this:

Abstinence (perfect usage)
Pill/Condom/IUD (perfect usage)
Pill/Condom/IUD (normal usage)
other contraceptives
withdrawal method
really hoping you don't get STIs or babies
Abstinence (normal usage)
I think the guy is gay. He suggested they not have sex, which is either a bluff, if he's actually straight, or something he's secretly hoping for, if he's not digging on pussy. But the reason he's insisting on being so open to mom about his sex life is to prove that he's not interested in cock and that he's proud to have a nice, horny, toy-loving girlfriend, just like a straight boy should be.

But DTMFA is still the correct response.
keshmeshi @ 15:
"What the fuck is with the mother getting upset about the little brother being excluded? What a twat."
But to answer your question as if it weren't rhetorical: the mother is insisting on the presence of the little brother to ensure that anything that they do is reported back. He's mommy's little spy and cock blocker. People who think that they have a right to know everything about everybody else get angry when they don't and will do anything they can to get what they're entitled to. (I'm betting that she guilts/bullies the 20 year old within an inch of his life every time he starts to think for himself or edge towards a sliver of privacy.) That, amongst other things, is why Seandr @44 is wrong, as are the others who are insisting on the bf getting another chance. He may promise but mommy will ring it out of him any way she can: tears, rage, endless nagging, guilt trips ... whatever works to break him.

Yes, I have seen this sort of thing. Why do you ask?
ALPP's MF should dump her, as she appears to be too hung up about sex to not wig out over unimportant things. The little bro was upset and they weren't giving a good enough reason why he couldn't go. Answering with a smile and a "vibrator-shopping" and then turning and leaving would've left mom to explain to li'l bro what a vibrator is. It's not that big a deal. Do we know if ALPP said they were doing something inappropriate for the kid? Just a little more info might have avoided the whole issue.
Mickymse @42:
I don't understand the anger some folks seem to be directing towards the boyfriend. Would you feel the same if he was sharing things with his best bud?
Yes. But IME the garrulity of guys to each other is waaaaaaaay overrated and the subject of much paranoia and cliches about locker rooms. Yeah, there is often the "I nailed her" misogynist BS, but that's generally just one secret, and I went through high school and countless teams and rep teams and locker rooms, and I rarely-to-never heard that sort of shit. OTOH, I have seen women and girls turn and say things to their friends, in public (very public, like next table in the restaurant public) that guys only whisper to each other in private, if at all. High school guys should realize early that whatever secrets he has her girlfriends know, down to the last embarrassing detail.

(Guys, haven't you had that experience? A mixed group of men and women out, and one woman will say, "oh, my bf/husband ...." and then go on to reveal something immensely personal and he has to sit there with a shocked look or fixed rictus of pretend amusement on his face?)

Re post 49: "wring" is spelt with a W, seeker.
idaho @50:
... she appears to be too hung up about sex to not wig out over unimportant things. The little bro was upset and they weren't giving a good enough reason why he couldn't go. Answering with a smile and a "vibrator-shopping" and then turning and leaving would've left mom to explain to li'l bro what a vibrator is. It's not that big a deal.
Words cannot convey how much I hate this fucking answer. What, did you work with Ken Starr? Every question, no matter how little the questioner is entitled to ask, MUST BE ANSWERED!!!!!! That is such a fucking BS notion, and completely reduces the right to privacy to a what some rude, nosy fucker's idea of what is and isn't important.

Let me spell it out for you, slick. Whether it is or isn't important is irrelevant. What is important is their right to privacy and not have nosy little cunts like you, the little brother and the mother pawing through their private life, determining what shreds of dignity they might, might be permitted to retain.
The bf should've kept quiet about their private life, but she should have planned better. Why would she invite all her friends anyway? And she's coordinating it all in front of her bf's impressionable little bro? I've been to a sex shop with friends for gag gifts, but never dragged people along on a serious mission to buy a toy (of which I own several). My first dildo purchase was done alone and if I had owned a disguise I probably would've worn it. I parked as close as possible to the door without being directly in front of the shop, then practically ran to the car after I finished my shopping and stealthily sped away, leaving tire marks on the asphalt I'm sure. The first place to look for discretion is yourself.
@31: Abstinence leads to an unhealthy (abusive?) relationship with Palmela Handerson. Are you one of those joyless lifelong virginfags who wants to prevent anyone else from getting some?
David Foster Wallace, I miss you.
Her boyfriend is an excellent example of a momma's boy; any girlfriend of his will always be secondary because preeminently the boy wants to fuck his own mother.
For the win? It's a tie between 33, and last, but certainly not least, 56!
@ 42

"I don't understand the anger some folks seem to be directing towards the boyfriend. Would you feel the same if he was sharing things with his best bud?"

If she specifically asked him not to, and he completely ignored her wishes? Absolutely.
He should have just told his parents that the girlfriend wanted to shop for some "personal items" and was uncomfortable w/ little brother tagging along." There is no reason for any more detail than that - and the guy is a total douche for volunteering information which his girlfriend asked him to keep quiet about.
He has every right not to want to lie to his parents, however you also have the expectation of privacy. The vibrator he should keep to himself, even if his parents ask "did your gf buy a vibrator" he should answer "none ur fucking business", however if they ask a more general "have you had sex" lying isn't going to help anyone. You're 18, he's 20, you're both adults, to even ask the question is a bit stupid, but it's not like my dad didn't know I was having sex at 16, and it was better that he knew so he could give me that space. Maybe your parenting situation is different, and even after you hit adulthood your parents still try to run your life, or maybe they're holding something over your head, but honesty is the best policy, even if you think it's embarrassing that you want sex. Your parents had to have sex to make you, they can't be that big of a prudes.
Don't think anyone has addressed this yet: "Not too long ago, I decided I wanted a vibrator to use for when we're away at our separate schools"

Hey, ALPP, the vibrator can also come in handy when the boy is in the room with you. It's not a replacement for him, it's a supplement.
My best friends came with me to buy a vibrator. With that being said, we didn't go off and tell our parents and siblings about it. They don't need to know. This seems like it should be common sense.

Also, your boyfriend's parents are odd and you're totally right, dear. All his parents really have a right to know is that you're having sex and that you're being safe about it. Nothing else. Honestly, if it were my boyfriend, I'd tell him that unless he keeps it private (It's not lying to his parents if he just doesn't tell them; lying would be telling them false information. He's 20, I should hope that he's capable of telling his parents to back off about something that isn't any of their business), he's not going to get laid. >.>
@30 Can't unsee.
"All his parents really have a right to know is that you're having sex and that you're being safe about it. Nothing else. Honestly, if it were my boyfriend, I'd tell him that unless he keeps it private (It's not lying to his parents if he just doesn't tell them; lying would be telling them false information. He's 20, I should hope that he's capable of telling his parents to back off about something that isn't any of their business), he's not going to get laid."

"All his parents really have a right to know is ... Nothing. ... He's 20."

There, fixed that for you.
Shove the dildo up his ass. Tell his mom how hard it made him come right in front of him at the breakfast table. THEN dump him.
@52 -- I'm not talking rights. I'm talking Why Can't We All Just Get Along? I saw nothing in the message sent to Dan that said the mom is a controlling bitch -- pushy, perhaps, and a bit helicoptery. I did see a little kid not understanding why he couldn't go with and NO ONE telling him why not.

My brother once chastised me for answering a niece's question about "What is a virgin?". He thought I should've sent her to her parents, which is complete hogwash because we should take the opportunity to set a good, not-fearing-sex example when we can. ALLP/AALP whatever had the opportunity to *educate* about living life -- what does Dan call it all the time? "sex positively". Instead, she hid it under a blanket of shame.
He doesn't have to lie to his parents. He can just say, "I can't discuss that with you" or "I'm sworn to secrecy, but rest assured, it's nothing you need to know." As for why his little brother couldn't come on the shopping trip, he could have told his Mom "I can't go into the specifics, but this outing wasn't age appropriate for him" or "we went to a place where he wouldn't be allowed because he's too young."
idaho @ 52: Problem is, if the issue is rights and you're "not talking rights" then you're wrong. The onus is on the party seeking to invade the other's privacy to, first, restrain that urge, and second, let it go if they don't restrain. The idea that a group of adults heading out together must (a) take the little brother along and (b) explain why they don't and (c) divulge the intimate details of their personal life if they don't want to "lie" is BS three ways from Sunday. This pathetic momma's boy didn't get that way magically and last week. He got that way because his parents carefully trained him to equate "having some privacy" with "if you don't tell us everything then you're a liar".

Sorry "sex positive" =/= "no privacy". The notion that you're somehow sex-negative if you don't want to say anything you don't want to about your private life, that privacy and personal dignity is a "blanket of shame" is utter, utter, utter crap.
I have two kids in that age range. I'm not interested in hearing details about anything other than the fact that protection is being used. Those parents are pervs. And the BF is an idiot.

Some people have claimed that all 20y.o. males are clueless. Maybe in one way or another, but not in the way that makes them share their sex lives with Mommy amd Daddy.

Experience/common sense tells me this relationship wouldn't have lasted beyond the first semester anyway, if even that long.

Part of the problem here is that the mother also appears to be in that too-large swathe of America that feels that everything must be open to children, that there really shouldn't be any spaces that are just for the grown-ups.

Am I the only one puzzled as to why the LW didn't specify the age of the little brother? Are we talking 17? 13? 7?

Also, am I the only one baffled as to the assumption that there's a familial right to go along with a sibling's friends? They're the brother's friends, not the little brother's or mom's.
@64 Yeah, I kind of pumped that out just before I went to sleep. I was more or less trying to say that if his parents are concerned and he's insistent on not keeping them totally out, that's pretty much all he has a right to say as this girl's boyfriend (because it's all she's said he can tell them).
"...because she still isn't alright with us having sex." Gee, maybe it's because she asks about all the sordid details...

There was also another option for the BF: "Sorry, mom, can't take Little Brother with us because we're going to a sex toy store and they don't allow people under 18." That way he wouldn't need to specify that they're going to get a vibrator for ALPP. Actually, #67's suggestions were much better. Of course they shouldn't HAVE to say anything in the first place, and the whole situation is a little fucked. I mean, why would anyone have an EXPECTATION that BF take his little brother with him when going out with his girlfriend, and therefore need to give a reason as to why not (I can see that they might take him out sometimes, but certainly not every time)? The telling the parents everything is a bit strange, but THIS is the big red flag for me:

"The problem was that his younger brother seemed to want to go with us, and we didn't specify where we were going or why we weren't including him. This upset my boyfriend's mother..."

Is Mom one of those people who looks for attention by making everyone around one feel guilty? I'd sit BF down for a talk, lay down the line, and DTMFA if he doesn't think there's a problem or he's not willing to change his behavior immediately. Or maybe just DTMFA anyway as he clearly has some manipulative-mother issues (but you SHOULD tell him why).

Of course, I also don't see why "I'm going to buy a vibrator" needs to be a big deal (or a group outing), but given that it IS, I don't think ALPP is being unreasonable.
I mean, why would anyone have an EXPECTATION that BF take his little brother with him when going out with his girlfriend[?]"
I think I answered this: because mom wants to know things she's not entitled to know, and little bro will tell her what she wants to know in the unlikely event that her older neutered son grows a tiny pair and regains a shred of his dignity and privacy.
He could have done both, protected her privacy and told the truth.

"It's none of your business" is true.
@22: "Premartial sex =/= babies, abortion, and disease. "

So, when you go into the courtroom, and the judge says "I now pronounce you man and wife," do you get some kind of innoculation that covers all three of those? Because I'm really stoked about being disease-free. Marriage is a lot more awesome than I thought!
@70 "Also, am I the only one baffled as to the assumption that there's a familial right to go along with a sibling's friends? "

When I was younger I had a neighborhood friend whose mother made her drag her little sister (4 years younger) along all the time. Almost everyone in our "group" had younger sibling, myself and a guy friend had sibling the same age as her sister, and we would include them quiet frequently into activities by our own accord, but sometimes we just wanted to hang out with the older kids, our you know just with our friends, especially when we turned 13/14 and the talk started to drift to members of the opposite sex and eventually we started kissing each other.

Guess what happened? We stopped hanging out with her. It wasn't because we didn't like her, and it must have been painful for her to be excluded, but as teens all we knew is that we wanted some time away from her sister who we felt was too young to see/hear what we were doing. To this day all the rest of us have remained real close, because we shared so much of our formative years together, that and making out in a closet.

All this to say their mother was so concerned that neither of them be left out of anything, that they ended up not being included in anything.
@51: I'm pretty creeped out by how cavalier some women are about their partners' right to some privacy. It's clueless and mortifying, and like some kind of bizarro feminism where women think that the way to "own" their sexuality is to act like douchey assholes.
@42: "I know my husband shares some details about our sex life with his best friend. I don't demand he keeps his mouth shut. He's talking about his life and his experience of it. Are people that insecure about themselves?"

That's some nice judging there. So, comfort in privacy = insecurity?

It's fine for couples to have their boundaries. I get that a relationship is about two (or more) people; sometimes they have overlapping desires, and other times, they don't, so there's compromise.

If my best friend (or any friend) told me her partner was uncomfortable with sharing about their sex life, I'd drop the topic. There's plenty of other stuff in the world to talk about.
Just a note on privacy from when I was in divorce practice about fifteen years ago:
Lunch with a colleague, talking shop. Couple was divorcing, colleague was representing the wife. Apparently husband completely stopped sleeping with wife, and that after a long period when he wouldn't do anything but vanilla sex. What happened? In couples counseling [done far too late to work] he admitted that he stopped doing fun stuff because she told her friends everything and he got tired of (a) his sexual quirks and desires being conversation fodder behind his back and (b) it wasn't always behind his back because there'd be an occasional hint/wink from one of the friends [i.e., they'd be talking about their time in high school and a friend would joke, "well, X, we know that you can get a schoolgirl whenever you want!" You get the picture]. And he stopped doing vanilla stuff because it got boring when all the fun stuff was forbidden.

My colleague did some serious eyerolls at her client's reaction to this, the one she gave at counseling and the one that she still held a year later as the divorce progressed: "but they're my friends!".
Just what I want to encounter in an adult store... a bunch of immature, giggling college kids who are judging everything they see out loud, at length, and for the dubious "benefit" of other patrons. (She implied all that when she invited others out for the "adventure" as she put it.)
Dan - I think #8 is offering to read your extensive emails and provide you with succinct summeries of them to save you time...
@80 - Aww. I have so much sympathy that you have to put up with people who are new to something and embarrassed and sharing their experiences with their friends. That must be really terrible for you. Tragic, really.
#65 has the best advice ever!!!! Thank you for that!!
Maybe Samanthaf63 is the mom in the letter and THAT'S why she wanted to block their outing with the little brother.

Studies show that when abstinence is part of sex education STDs and pregnancies go down.
Dan posted about it months ago.

Try to keep up.

Oral sex is a great way to get STDs, with or without open sores.
One in five (that's 20%) homosexuals have AIDS.
Homosexuals have AIDS 44X as much as normal Americans.
And according to Dan, anal sex is not part of lot's of homosexuals' routine.
That's a lot of AIDS and oral...

And HPV can be contracted from bodily fluids in contact with any area of the body.
Would you believe 80% of sexually active women will get it?

And, yeah, Science totally rocks.

According to the CDC the best way to avoid STDs is abstinence before marriage followed by monogamy.

If you know better perhaps you should enlighten them....

getting some? AIDS?
help yourself, sport.
@82: You can be new and embarrassed to something without making loud, mocking remarks, and making a big show out of how you don't want to be there because it's weird and freaky, and then leaving without asking any questions or talking to a clerk. Those excursions are like safaris, not real shopping experiences.

80's making an assumption with *this* letter -- they could have had their adventure relatively peacefully -- but the specific experience she's describing *is* annoying. Having a sense of humour is one thing, but often that kind of attitude comes off as phobic overcompensation.
"CDC": People advocating abstinence would be taken more seriously and heard with greater patience and cooperation if they weren't, almost without exception, advocating ONLY abstinence and the suppression of all other information. Sorry, dude. We won't play the "scientific data only counts if it supports MY point because SHUT UP THAT'S WHY!!!" game.
The guy is seriously under the parents' thumb, if he believes, at age 20, that the parents' right to know every detail of his life is so all-encompassing that he will give up his sex life entirely in order to give up telling his parents about his sex life.

Message to the boyfriend. You're 20 for god's sake. You are (supposedly) an adult. Your parents stopped having a right to know everything you were doing when you (supposedly) became responsible for your own self. Grow a pair, you idiot. Or does your mama keep yours in her purse?

Message to the Letter Writer: Your boyfriend just chose his parents over your express wishes to the contrary. You can expect this to continue for the rest of your life. DTMFA. Frankly he needs being dumped over this as a life lesson. You might tell him you'll consider getting back together with him once he cuts the apron strings. But don't hold your breath waiting for it to happen.

(Pragmatically, you two are heading in different directions anyway. It's not worth fighting to fix. But you'll be doing his next girlfriend a favor by letting him know that a violation of this sort carries consequences.)
79: Husband should have thrown a party inviting the friends in question, and made a loud public announcement. "Just so you all know, I've decided to stop sleeping with my wife, because I am sick and tired of her discussing the intimate details of my private life with all of you against my express wishes. From now on I will be sleeping with someone who respects my privacy, and none of you, including her, will ever know who that is.'s over. Now get out."

See how the wife likes being publicly mortified.
@86: You cannot get AIDS from oral sex without open sores. HIV is actually quite weak as far as viruses go, and stomach acid will kill the hell out of it. And I noticed you completely avoided the points on "outercourse." So again: In favor of pre-marital handjobs? Fingering? Tit-fucking?
@76: I'm going to remember that story. A good cautionary tale for "well-meaning" parents.
@17 is loveschild back?
avast2006 @92: that would've been sweeeeeet. But, iirc, he was too private a guy to even consider that.... shame, though, it would have been fun to watch, or even hear about.
I enjoy my outings to the adult store. What I wouldn't enjoy is going to get something I want and have to fight my way through a group of kids shrieking with laughter. I guess #84 is one of those folks who doesn't mind when people talk at the movies.
I have a friend who was like this... he would tell his mom EVERYTHING. Couldn't tell him shit without him blabbin about it to his mommy.
"To top it off, it turns out that all his parents have to do is ask, and he'll tell them ANYTHING. I'm talking personal, dirty secrets. He insists that they won't ask anything they don't need to know, but I feel like I can't trust him anymore."

Sounds to me like the LW is pulling this "personal, dirty secrets" stuff out of her ass. She probably had a talk with her boyfriend, and he told her that he doesn't like to lie to his parents so he answers their questions truthfully. Nowhere in the letter is there any evidence that the parents have EVER asked, nor he ever told, any details about their sex life. I also generally answer my parents questions truthfully, and truthfully, they have never, not even once, asked any questions about my sex life.

Instead of not sharing info with his mom, he should have just lied to his girlfriend. If she didn't know the mom knew about the vibrator, then there'd be no problem.
@99 How is disrespecting the girlfriends wishes and then lying to her not seem like a problem to you?
@99, there is so much wrong with that last line but clearly you're too stupid to even recognize that yourself.

Just because YOUR parents don't ask doesn't mean HIS parents don't ask.

Violation of privacy is a violation, full stop. Telling the parents and then lying to her about it is a far worse breach of trust than just being dumb enough to have no boundaries.

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