I am laughing so hard I can hardly type....
Pictures or it didn't happen!
Wow. Yeah, best opening line ever...
What a fun letter.
You know, now I'm curious. Do you make up all the sign offs for the LWs? Or did you start out doing so and get a certain percentage coming up with their own? Inquiring minds and all that...
Worry not. It is only gay if your balls touch.
What I love most about this letter is its tone: all businesslike about some very non-businesslike interactions. The guy could be calling in to Car Talk to ask about his mechanic cheating him, for heaven's sake! And then Dan (bless you, Dan!) takes the Tom and Ray roles and gives him back a perfect answer in the same key. Only thing missing is the make of the car. Love it!
500 words on how this guy DIDN'T enjoy having his balls licked by another dude?

Bullshit alert!

The letter writer can't get the image of another guy licking his balls out of his head and is desperate to figure out a way for it to happen again. He's going to be devastated by Dan's answer because he was praying that Dan would say that he did have a duty to tell his wife, thereby opening the door to discussing it and ultimately recreating it.
Awesome. Just Awesome.

Though I completely agree with #8. This guy totally wants another guy to lick his balls.
I think this letter is pretty silly, actually. A guy licks your balls for a second during a threesome and you are still worried enough about it that you wrote a long letter? You don't get to 100% script every sexual encounter. Generally, when there is fucking going on in a room, there is also some licking going on. If someone licks you in a place or in way that you don't want to be licked, indicate that you want them to stop (or, you know, change positions, like you did).

As Dan said, though, if you really, absolutely want nothing to do with any M-M contact, you need to be explicit about that upfront.
BALLS -- Isn't it possible that this big, thick dicked guy has been able to get so much pussy that he's been walking through life completely confident and unaware of how to find the clit and what you thought was non-incidental ball licking was just him being a, well, tool?
Also, BALLS's friend - the big thick dicked guy who wants to fuck and lick balls -- call me.
Was it really that bad to have your balls licked? My balls get licked by dudes all the time and it actually kinda nice.

I don't see how the wife could be "upset" unless she's a raging homophobe. So your hubby's balls got licked, it's not like he was taking it on all fours.

God this letter was hilarious.
oh, please! who doesn't like having their balls licked?

I just want the third guy's phone number, myself.

Straight guys are so funny. I know virtually no females - including those who identify as straight - who'd be freaked out by some incidental F2F touching or kissing during a 3-way. But some straight guys are hilarious about it, going to the most absurd contortions to avoid having so much as a hand brush a thigh. Guys, you're overthinking it. If it feels good, proceed.
Pretty hot, though. Jealous!
I was having a bad day at work, and this whole post made everything better.
Oh, Christ, I woke up from a nap for this? I'm going back to sleep now.
Hilarity. If BALLS just presents it to his wife in this way (maybe after she's had a glass of wine) she will surely laugh until she cries, right?
It's even funnier if you read Dan's response with a British accent.
I'm trying to picture how you do that without Man A's balls slapping Man B's forehead, BALLS, and I can't quite see it.

Classic Dan!

Also, 15 FTW. I don't understand how a guy can cross the "include another guy in sex with my wife/gf" line, and still be freaked out about "the gay thing". The other dude is bangin your girl! Your balls being licked by the other dude while you're pounding her pussy is the least of your worries!
Ok, numbers 8 and 9. I'm the lickee and I don't want my balls licked again. If I liked it I wouldn't have pulled out right away to get into another position. Why did I write such a detailed question? Because when I read Savage Love I like to read the details of the encounter. Without the details it's not exciting. I hope I brought a little thrill to whomever is reading because that is what I like when I read the column.

So 8 and 9, if you like your balls licked then please do so at your convenience. I hope you enjoy it to!
@10: It may be (ok, IS) silly, but not everyone has the same experiences and backgrounds, and we all get our own full hand of hangups and squicks.
Please write when he jams his tongue in your ass.
Ah, this was an awesome way to fill in the time between suing people. You engineer a three-way, you're all fucking all over the place, your balls are licked, and you, although perfectly happy to share your wife with another guy, can't dredge up the, hah, balls to tell him to knock it off, it's a bonerkiller?

BALLS, you have no balls.
Rich people problems....
You are only required to disclose if the guy who licked your balls also lifted your luggage.
I'd say it was his duty to reciprocate. You don't leave a bro hanging.

You are so right.

I've had several threesomes. MFM and FMF, and girls just don't do that shit. We don't. I mean, I'm bi, so it doesn't bother me, but I've had a threeway with a straight girl, and never once did she seem bothered by our tits touching, or whatever.

Dudes on the other hand... I will NEVER had another three way with two straight guys, or a straight guy and a bi guy. It was just SO awkward! They kept giving each other funny looks every time one guys hand touched the others, and it was so not fun. So nope. All bi, all the time from now on! Plus, watching guys make out is hot!
@18: Are you trying to sound like a cranky old man?
Agree with everything except the "some straight guys are secure enough in their sexuality that they don't mind a little M-on-M." Reverse that, Dan, and see how it sounds to you: "some gays are secure enough in their sexuality that they don't mind a little M-on-F/F-on-M." You've stated many times that you're totally turned off by women and don't want to have anything sexually to do with their bodies, so does that make you insecure in your homosexuality?
@18. Yeah, that's pretty much my thought. Although my lungs are hurting from laughing at that opening line.
Warrantless teabagging, huh?

A likely story.
Yeah, I'm kind of surprised that it took 32 comments before somebody questioned Dan's take on... shall we call it "incidental bisexuality"?

I think that, if a dude deliberately licks another dude's genitals during an MFM threesome, that dude is bi. Maybe just a little bi, mostly straight, but still, at least somewhat bi. Even if the scrotum being licked is in the middle of something quintessentially heterosexual (PIV sex), the act of male tongue on male genitals is not a heterosexual behavior.
This is so, so new to me. I mean, on Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher straight guys get it on all the time without so much as the scent of a woman in the building, let alone the room. I never knew some got squicked out by it.

The scales have fallen off'n mine eyes.
@32, If Dan agrees to bring home a woman for a threesome, provided he is not going to be involved in any "straight shit" and he experiences an incidental ball lick while humping away next to the lady's mouth, then he has only himself to blame.
@ Reg
This sounds like a niche market need!
Want to have a MFM threesome?
Worry that your BALLS TOUCHING will turn you FAGULOUS?
This handy clear plastic liner has two sticky edges...just press along the inside of her legs, and it creates a flexible barrier between ass and vag so that you can fuck away without worrying if that accidental ball touch flipped the magic gay switch in your head. When you're finished, just peel off and, throw away!*

(*perfect use requires that a new liner must be used with every act of intercourse)
I'm trying to picture how you do that without Man A's balls slapping Man B's forehead, BALLS, and I can't quite see it.

Maybe because I'm a girl who has the same fantasy, it seems obvious to me. The girl is on top (reverse cowgirl), leaning back, and the licker is crouched between everyone's legs.
@30 - emphatic agreement. MFM 3-ways just do NOT work with most straight guys. Much easier when everyone is at least opportunistically bisexual.
OK, I've never had a threeway, but it seems to me to be inevitable that there would be a little incidental this and that. I mean, in the heat of the moment it's just all, um, flesh, isn't it? I can't imagine doing something like this and being right on top of exactly what you are licking or sucking every minute. There's bound to be a little slippage - isn't that part of the fun?
But did the balls touch?
Has no one else noticed that the writer of the original letter, @22, has supposedly chimed in? Or do some people know more than me? Regardless- in response to @22- if you are agreeing to do a MFM threesome you are also agreeing to the possibility of male parts touching and possible sexual contact. Even with explicit instructions detailed prior to the sex there is bound to be SOME POINT where swords accidentally cross or tongues accidentally caress the wrong fleshy object. Especially if you want a spontaneous experience. You are absolutely ridiculous and your crazy "AND I DIDN'T ENJOY IT NO SIR" reeks of He-Doth-Protest-Too-Much. Especially if what you described is actually what happened. Don't want accidetal ball-lickage? So straight the mere touch of another male causes you to hem and haw and seek solace from a sex-advice columnist? Then don't have a MFM encounter. But I think it would be better for you and your extremely cool-sounding girlfriend if you just loosened up and went with it.

BALLS says "Near the beginning of our encounter I was behind my wife doggy style while she gave him head. He crawled underneath and got into a 69 position with her..."

First, congrats on having such a hawt secks life and adventurous GF. I see I'm not the only one here wishing for photos (and video). Definitely one of the best SLLoDs ever.

Second, a few licks is no big deal. Now if the other guy started eating your ass like it was Christmas dinner, then you might have cause to think he might be g-a-y.
I'm wondering if BALLS's wife doesn't already know the guy was licking her husband's balls. If some dude was licking my clit while my husband was fucking me, I'd know it if his face moved from my clit to my husband's cock. I am quite sure of this because it has happened (my husband and the other guys are both bi (lucky me!)).
@#43. You are reading things into my letter that weren't there. I'm not homophobic, I wasn't traumatized by the event. As my letter clearly points out, I was not averse to incidental contact. I was, however, taken aback by what seemed to be a deliberate attempt to enjoy the savory taste of my balls by someone who professed no such interest.

I agree that in a MFM, incidental contact (ala crossing swords) is to be expected. In our first go round, that occurred in several positions. My questions to Dan involved whether I had a duty to disclose, which I was reluctant to do as I didn't know how my wife would react to the news. You all may be interested to know that she's totally fine with it and is pleased to be topic A in today's SLLOTD.

It wasn't the fact that the act was repulsive, but rather that it was unexpected given our upfront disclosures.
47, good on you and the missus!!! Have fun, OK? The rest of us are insanely jealous!

Thank you for the clarification. I understand if the vibe from your first letter was unintentional- but the infraction just seemed so . . . trivial it just sounded like there was an ulterior motive in writing your letter. If you openly admit that "crossed swords" and the like have happened before- and in an obvious fashion- your wife's lack of issues with it the first time should have given you plenty of evidence that such a thing was no big deal. I felt like your worry of her reaction could have been a projection of your own insecurity from the episode.

Sorry for the misinterpretation. In any case this is a non-issue and there should be NO problem with disclosing this to your wife. Who knows- the nature of the situation may even turn her on.
Yeah, the first sentence is genuinely and totally hilarious!!

But let's also take a moment (in between giggles) to note that non-consensual sex acts ARE NOT OKAY. Dan keeps going on and on about everyone being open and honest about your limits during sex (ESPECIALLY a three-way!) but that only works--and is only practically useful--if those limits are *respected* and putting the onus on the recipient to know what they must give advanced denial of (especially considering sex acts that, as with this guy, he had no effing idea were about to happen) is unreasonable, for both men AND women. Just respect each other--is that so hard? If the third wanted some M to M, there was nothing stopping him from murmuring, "I'm fine with some M to M if you're game" without getting this guy into potential trouble with his wife. Everyone is entitled to their own limits, however idiosyncratic they may be. So, Dan, good marks for acknowledging the guy was a victim, bad marks for saying it was his fault for not being clearer (even when "no M to M" was already part of the conversation. C+.

Also, really fascinating how some men 1) don't inhabit a cultural space where they perceive sexual contact as threatening; and 2) have a total mental block about being victims; and 3) externalize both 1 and 2 to worrying about the wife but insist it's all "eh" for them. Also really interesting how the commenters are so quick to mock even the idea that this man might have had something happen to him that he didn't want. Lots of subtle denial of sexual agency here, indeed! Fascinating shit, really...
Oh, Jesus, two cents' worth from our resident kook. How about I give you your pennies back and you go away?

"Savory taste of 'your' balls? This is officially the best LOTD ever! Hilarious first sentence, hilarious "panic-inducing" circumstances, hilarious "writer response". Please, don't ever change...
@47 - Do you write for a living? I'd really appreciate it if you would get into some more sexy dilemmas and write back in just for sentences like "I was, however, taken aback by what seemed to be a deliberate attempt to enjoy the savory taste of my balls by someone who professed no such interest." Savory indeed.
@44, and I gave a scenario where that wouldn't necessarily happen. Not because that happening would be a deal breaker or fantasy ruiner, but just because Dan couldn't imagine a scenario where it wouldn't happen. In fact, the only reason that is my fantasy position is because on my back is my masturbatory position. It just fits.
Maybe my grasp (ha!) of anatomy is shaky, but I don't understand how Man A's balls COULD hit Man B in the forehead with any position other than doggy style. With regular ol' face-to-face sex, whether the woman or man's on top, the licker should at most encounter the top of Man A's penis. Right? Maybe I'm overthinking this.
Oh, FTE, I'll take her over Native What Lip-Turd any day.....

@39 Sure -- i can see the position you're describing, but that's not what was described: I was behind my wife doggy style while she gave him head. He crawled underneath and got into a 69 position with her.

Yeah, I can't see how the guy on the bottom avoids getting his forehead slapped by the guy-on-top's balls. In fact, I was snorting with laughter at that point. Maybe it was a bit of self defense to lick his balls!

I see LW's joined in and explained himself in a bit more detail. Nice to see why you went into detail (although I think Dan's comment "Your balls were deliciously attacked, brutally tongue-bashed, by this dude." was making that same point others here did that perhaps you liked it more than you let on, etc etc). Glad everything worked out and the both of you are enjoying your "15 minutes" on the internet :)

As for the "secure enough in sexuality" bit, well I think if you get in a mixed sex three way yes you need to be prepared for SOME contact, even if undesired (I am *totally* with @30 in this context -- everyone I'm in on with had better enjoy enjoy everyone involved or it's just no fun). Thing is, I haven't seen Dan talk about anything other than all male threesomes, so I can't see that he's being hypocritical on that point.
Hey everyone, thanks for the comments. What started out as an innocent question to Dan turned into a lot of fun. The wife and I had a blast reading all the comments, and yes, she's fine with it. Much ado about nothing after all.

Also, as it turns out, we found that having other people read about and comment on our silly sexual exploit to be quite stimulating.

As for you Doubting Thomases out there. Dan has seen the photographic evidence and read the emails setting up the encounter. It's all verified kids, big dick and all. Oh, and since my balls weren't hanging at the time (drawn up in the scrotum) they weren't banging on his forehead while he was underneath.

@39 & @44 - the description of your fantasy is precisely how position two was achieved, although it was at the edge of the bed, so not so much need for the licker to crouch down. "Try it" says the wife "you'll like it".

It reminds me of the joke, "Why does a dog lick his balls?"

Because he can.
The article and comments got great laughs. @ 57 I especially liked the "self-defense" theory, not a bad idea.
So, let me get this correct: Your wife can handle getting pounded by a stranger's cock, but can't handle you getting your balls licked by that same stranger?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with 3-ways with boundaries, but if this is squishing you or your wife out, you guys have some major maturing to do before attempting another 3-way, if ever.

In my opinion...
Frau Blucher (horse whinnying in background), did we read the same letter? I read that the couple advertised for a "straight male". The guy didn't mention being "squished out" as you claim. He said he didn't expect a straight guy to lick his balls and that it "took him out of the moment".

If you book a vacation for Hedonism and the travel agent gives you tickets for Hedonism and when you step onto the resort you realize that you're not at Hedonism, but you are actually at the Jerry Falwell Bible College, you might be "taken out of the moment" as well. Lighten up Frau Blucher (damn, what's wrong with those horses?).
BALLS @ 22 You sound like a very nice person.
@20 I can do one better: try reading it in Julia Child's voice.
@ 20 I'm English and read everything in an English accent, does that make it better or worse? And what would it do to Dan's other content?

@62 Somebody's been playing Starcraft...
puddles @ 63, I am nice, thank you. You can even be nice when you're calling someone a Fucktard, when done in a nice way it's even more aggravating.
There's nothing more boring than a threesome that's not a threesome, like this. If you have threee poeple having sex, then you threee should do it with each another.
Well, just my point of view xD
I once heard an orgy defined as "Three or mor people french kissing and getting comfortable and enjoying it." Anythin after the kiss is just detail. So, Mr. and Mrs Ibetrudaropes, you specifically decided no kissing? Or no three way kissing? How BORING.
I think you all missed the biggest revelation of #47's update: "I was, however, taken aback ..."
I tried reading it in Julia Child's voice, but it just came out sounding like Dr. Ruth...
I like this letter. It's right there in the center of the kink-o-meter with enough detail to get a good mental picture of what was taking place. I'd like to see more letters like this because I think it hits right dead center in the Savage Love demographic. Since this is a sex advice column, it's nice to occassionally read an articulately written letter asking for (can you believe it) sex advice.

Back in the day, when I read either Penthouse or Hustler magazine, I don't remember which, when reviewing porn movies they'd use a penis in varying stages of excitement to rate the flick. One completely flacid cock was, of course, a flop. Four hard cocks indicated a smash hit! I'd rate this letter four hard cocks!

I'd propose to Dan and the "tech-savy at risk youth" that they place penile indicators at the bottom of each letter, or in the comment section, so that we can vote!
@7 Yes! It was completely like an erotic Car Talk! Sooo much crossover between Savage Love readers and NPR listeners. (I remember hearing Dan Savage on my local NPR station's broadcast of This American Life and having one of those "driveway moments" NPR likes to talk about at pledge time... Dan made me cry!!!) To the author of this letter, thank you - it was indeed quite fun to read! Ah, reliving the old days....
Some people have problems.....
@31: Mr 5280 (#18) never has to try very hard, LOL!
Come on all you people (and Dan, too!) Surely this is hoax letter. Dan has called 'way more plausible letters than this!

But just in case, Mr. & Mrs BALLS, feel free to call...
Come on, people--and Dan, too--surely this was a hoax letter. Dan has called 'way more plausible letters in the past.

But just in case, Mr. and Mrs. BALLS, feel free to call me...
Sorry to disappoint you fougris @ 75 - 76, but Dan has the photographic evidence as well as the emails setting up the encounter! So if were gonna call you then you'd better have a huge cock and, well, no interest in licking balls, unless there your own:p
I can't believe anyone is actually investing effort, time, and thought into this. So he licked your balls! Big deal! You said it didn't bother you, so it's not an issue of transgressing consent. And you're pretending to have a problem with it out of studious concern for how your wife feels about it? Dude, she wanted to be fucked and licked at the same time. She's not going to be troubled by the fact that this guy wanted to pleasure YOU, too.
Ibentrodaropes, i commed you. For everything. Stellar attitude, stellar letter.

Now how do we get those pics? Video? Will you post on youporn? Please? Let me tell you why... like your wife (and a couple of other posters), this particular act is my fantasy. But I can't find it by searching. Most porn is all about the guy... if it's MMF it's always about the DP, very little cunnilingus at all, and certainly not the position you describe (because it would gross the mostly male viewers out?). If it's MFF, and you find two women in a 69 while one is being boffed, the one one the bottom is usually waiting to suck the cock of the dude. She may be using her fingers on the top girl, but that's not what I want to see! When you search bi threesomes, you don't see this act either. So, I have three questions for you.

1) What do we call this act?
2) Where can I see it?
3) Would you please stop taunting us with "Dan has the pics" and start showing them already?
Oh, and Ibentrodaropes, one more thing... you haven't said that the non-incidental licking felt good or not. I think everyone here agrees that it would. And frankly, nerve endings don't care who's touching them. If your cock was buried in her pussy, and a warm wet tongue was applied to a close and senstitive area, it seems that it indeed would feel pretty friggin good. If I were you, I probably wouldn't have had the willpower to stop a dude. I know you said it took you out of the moment, but why? Didn't it feel great?
@79, ggg, your answers are

1. What do we call this act? I don't know what "we" call this act, but I call it licking your wife's clit while another guy is fucking her. But if you need a name for it, how about "fuckalingus"?

2. Where can you see it? Find one guy to fuck you and another guy to lick you at the same time and then look between your legs.

3. Would I please stop taunting us with "Dan has seen the pics" and start showing them already? Well, since you said please.....nah, not going to show them anyway. ggg what you are looking for are pics of me or the ball licker licking my wife's clit while she's getting fucked. Those specific pics don't exist. I'm not quite nimble enough to photograph myself clit licking while between four other legs, sorry.
@80, ggg, I'm sure it did feel good or would have felt good had I not bee taken off guard. I guess it's akin to bending over to tie your shoes and having your doctor sneak up and perform a prostate exam. I didn't know it was coming or I could have been better prepared. If it happens again I'll let you know and if you get to indulge your fantasy please let me know.

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.

Add a comment

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.