Blogs Nov 10, 2010 at 2:00 pm

In Light of the Four Loko Ban, We Have No Other Choice

Dominic Holden
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Comments

1
At least this product tastes good.
Reg on November 10, 2010 at 2:01 PM Report this
2
But so much less of that sweet sweet caffeine!
STJA on November 10, 2010 at 2:02 PM Report this
3
@ 60$ a handle.

Way to stick it to the liquor board man.
ddecounter on November 10, 2010 at 2:02 PM Report this
4
Yeah, if you don't mix in enough caffeine to match Loko the booze-drowsiness might kick in. Good luck! And that is a nice color for a shirt.
gloomy gus on November 10, 2010 at 2:03 PM Report this
5
You were going to buy it anyway.
sall on November 10, 2010 at 2:04 PM Report this
6
Crush up some No-Doz in that and you're golden.
Proteus on November 10, 2010 at 2:04 PM Report this
7
Skip the bourbon, drink Scotch instead.
Urgutha Forka on November 10, 2010 at 2:04 PM Report this
8
Just stop whining and go buy some Kahlua.
Will in Seattle on November 10, 2010 at 2:07 PM Report this
9
Way better choice than Four Loko.
care bear on November 10, 2010 at 2:08 PM Report this
10
I'll be right down.
Mary P. Traverse on November 10, 2010 at 2:13 PM Report this
11
Please don't turn this into a conversation about alcohol. By doing so you are merely playing into the hands of the neo-Prohibitionists who, even when they reluctantly permit the consumption of a legal product -- even when they consume it themselves -- do so in full shameful awareness of the great moral laxity that is being undertaken here. Don't go along with them.

Consuming Maker's Mark (or Four Loko) is not a moral issue. It is a class issue, and a cultural issue. In the case of Maker's Mark it is also a connection to American history and agriculture; in the case of Four Loko it is a connection to modern corporate business practices and modern youth-management practices.

In short, the alcohol is the least interesting thing in that bottle.
Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 2:16 PM Report this
12
I agree that the ban is silly, but at least with this you have a good idea of how much alcohol you are drinking.
doceb on November 10, 2010 at 2:16 PM Report this
13
fnarf, I kinda want to lick you right now.
ddecounter on November 10, 2010 at 2:19 PM Report this
14
@13, is that because you really like me, or because I'm covered in agave nectar?
Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 2:27 PM Report this
15
Youth-management??? What the fuck is "youth-management"?

There's no cattle-prod in Four Loko.
STJA on November 10, 2010 at 2:27 PM Report this
16
@13 and @14 clearly show the horrific consequences of consuming alcohol and stimulants.
Will in Seattle on November 10, 2010 at 2:31 PM Report this
17
@15, youth management is what society does (poorly) when it produces large numbers of nimrods who think that getting wasted on popcorn-flavored Four Loco is a good idea, and what society does (poorly) when it produces large numbers of nimrods who think that discussing the possible ban on Four Loko is a good way for government to occupy its time.
Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 2:39 PM Report this
18
It's a sad commentary on literacy rates at The Stranger when even Dominic, by far the most coherent and articular writer on staff, confuses "in lieu of" with "in light of". "In lieu of" means *instead of*.
also on November 10, 2010 at 3:14 PM Report this
19
Sorry, Mr. Grammar Critic, but "in light of" is perfectly acceptable.
Fifty-Two-Eighty on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM Report this
21
@18: Maybe he's actually saying that instead of the Four Loko ban, the State is forcing everyone to drink a bottle of liquor.
doceb on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM Report this
20
@ 13 wants to lick Frnarf because Fnarf looks like he sweats butter or Crisco. Popcorn flavored four loko might actually come from Fnarf.
sall on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM Report this
22
three parts coffee, one part Maker's Mark. That'll get you through the day. and no conspicuous can to give you away.
devilsmoke on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM Report this
23
Personally, I like Medaglia d' Oro® mixed with Gatorade®. One quart of the latter and one 6-ounce bottle of the former is about right.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzoooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmm!
CharlesYFarley on November 10, 2010 at 3:35 PM Report this
24
@ 18) Thank you. Fixed. Our literacy is currently compromised by an excess of Four Loko and bourbon.
Dominic Holden on November 10, 2010 at 3:37 PM Report this
25
Fnarf Wrote:
"In short, the alcohol is the least interesting thing in that bottle."

I agree. Especially on a cold night when snuggled up to one's honey after both of us have consumed a tumbler or two. How I do love winter.

Fairhaven on November 10, 2010 at 3:41 PM Report this
26
By the way, I just celebrated the ban by buying a can of Four Loko, which I would not otherwise have done in a million years. Blue Raspberry flavor; they didn't have Popcorn.
Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 4:07 PM Report this
27
Brace yourself for a headache. All Four Loko consumers are more daring and have less regard for their physical wellbeing than I.
sall on November 10, 2010 at 4:15 PM Report this
28
@27, oh, I didn't say I was going to drink it. I think I'm just going to carry it around with me.
Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 4:17 PM Report this
29
@28, it doubles as mace.
Cienna Madrid on November 10, 2010 at 4:23 PM Report this
30
@29, that might come in handy. I find myself in need of mace CONSTANTLY.
Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 4:55 PM Report this
31
""that might come in handy. I find myself in need of mace CONSTANTLY."

of course you do, because of all the black dudes 'n all.
on November 10, 2010 at 5:30 PM Report this
32
@31, what? I'm referring to the comely young ladies, all trying to rip my clothing off. Or angry Slog readers wanting to do the same to my internal organs.
Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 5:42 PM Report this
33
"I'm referring to the comely young ladies, all trying to rip my clothing off."

Aha, the gold cat suit finally makes sense...it was protective gear.

And, our postal code is T0L0K0, which perhaps makes us an optimal testing ground. Do they make Caribou Flavour?
Canuck on November 10, 2010 at 5:54 PM Report this
34
Glad to see you guys have a new product-placement sponsor. Next on your list: an AA sponsor.
Free Lunch on November 10, 2010 at 6:11 PM Report this
35
@32: oh, ok, it is just that I need to needlessly inject race into every comment thread because of my obsessive troll nature.

IT's ALL THE FAULT of The BLACK MAN!!!

see?
on November 10, 2010 at 6:41 PM Report this
36
@7. No man, bourbon is the way to go. Quality stuff for the money. Try any of the Van Winkle line. I know Wisconsin is cheaper than---well, anywhere, but at $60 for the 12 yr or $95 for the 15 yr, I'll put either up against any scotch at the price. It may not have the peat notes, but I don't like that stuff anyway. I like the extra oak (barrels must be unused for bourbon. Then they're shipped off to make scotch, for which they must be used first).

Oh, and it's 'Merrican.
MR. Language Person on November 10, 2010 at 8:15 PM Report this
37
@18 - "articular writer"

Had to laugh. Thanks.
jimp31 on November 10, 2010 at 9:11 PM Report this
38
you'll like the four loko remembrance shirts at iparty.bigcartel.com
on November 10, 2010 at 11:45 PM Report this
39
@36,
I'd take scotch over bourbon any day (given equal quality levels, of course). To me, scotch has a "cleaner" taste... more mellowed and refined. Bourbon's typically more bold and brash. Not always, but often, in my experience.

To each his (or her) own though, right? I've had great bourbons and terrible ones, great scotch whiskys and terrible ones too. At the end of the day, given a glass of each, I'd take the scotch.

Ok, well, I'd obviously take both, but I'd covet the scotch more.
Urgutha Forka on November 11, 2010 at 7:31 AM Report this
40
Thank you for making me smile after a long day. Cheers to you, sir! If you come back to see this, I raise a glass of bourbon to your scotch!
MR. Language Person on November 11, 2010 at 7:29 PM Report this

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