Elementary my dear Schmader, it had to be the most bizarre crime of the four if it was going to make it on to The Smoking Gun. That would make a great Nick Swardson sketch too.
Dammit! I picked baby-seller. I knew he wasn't the temple-egger, anyway; he has too much of a chin to be a white supremacist.

I liked this comment:

"Come on folks, haven't you ever been cut off in traffic by one of those Amish roadhogs? They're lucky he didn't molest their horse."

My first thought, of course, was "That only happens in Enumclaw"
I was so right.
Well, if he hasn't sold a baby, he's getting ready to.
That half-closed left lid said "baby seller" to me. Better luck next time.
Nailed it!
I knew it just by looking at him.
I wanted an "all of the above" option.
If you want to fake people out, you should suggest crimes far more flamboyant than the one the criminal was accused of. It had to be the Amish-public-dick thing, because that one was the only one that was really over the top. Baby-selling, egging Synagogues... those are a bit pedestrian.

And no way was that guy gay. With that hair?
Oh, the picture on that page of a super young Paul Newman. Oh oh ohhh!!!…
Wow, Dan has really let himself go these days.
Just think what people who saw "Rand"* Paul's mugshot, or Sarah Palin's shit-eating grin, or a photo of any of the other abjectly wacko nuts in the fringe of the fringe of the fringe of the formerly honorable Republican Party.

1) accused of NOT exposing himself at completely appropriate times
2) known to be a cheap substitute for the seatcover in the back of a Chevy with automatic (her kids are shiftless bastards)
3) no human ancestors
4) no ancestors of any kind
5) wish they had ancestors
6) stole a gallon of sour ranch milk from the health-food store and used it for bread pudding
7) shot herself in both feet while trying to kill a shark they caught while salmon fishing
8) serving 5 years for election fraud (unqualified for ANY office)
9) thinks "a 'waste' of taxpayer dollars" refers to the size of the pants he wore before he lost all that weight when he found out he was going on "The O'Reilly Fucks Gnus Report"
10) tried to steal a copy of The Stranger from a Safeway and was arrested for shoplifting (neither the cops nor the TP'er were smart enough to realize it's a FREE newspaper)

* and as promised, more about "Rand" Paul...
Ayn Rand, born "Alisa Rosenbaum"
"Rand" Paul... a truly dizzy, disconnected non-senator, who ran an absurd campaign, promising impossible things ("Let's make 'Pi' = 3.00!"), determined to get what he wants regardless of his inanity, named after someone who used a fake name -- an alias, like a common criminal -- to conceal her true identity.
"Rand" Paul's namesake is Alisa Rosenbaum -- her REAL name, that is.
I'll bet if "Rand" knew this he would be really pissed since he and his dad are on the record as being rabidly anti-Semitic.
Amish Buggy Genital Exposure! What a great name for a band.
What a fabulous idea for a game! More! More!
(and I totally nailed the answer)

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