Comments

1
Dude, call the fucking cops already.
2
You really should start an erotica section of the blog to give these people an outlet.
3
Seriously, Dan? This is barely tougher than a DTMFA:

Honey, Google "Monica Lewinsky".

4
150% Fake.
5
It's hard to even care one way or the other.
7
Did you get invited to the State of the Union too?

Or is it early to Maryland? (Sloggers: the MTV pilot tapes at U of M Thursday - any Sloggers who know students there, tell 'em to go and make Dan look good.)
http://www.facebook.com/notes/dan-savage…
8
Is it my imagination or is everyone in italics on this post?
9
@2 -- I hope if Dan starts an erotica section of Savage Love he sets his standards a little higher than this.
10
Super fake. "There was no denying the situation -- I had to admit to Brett that I am a cross dresser". That's ludicrous; in real life you'd goggle at each other for two seconds and then carry on about your business. "We didn't have much time at that initial moment" -- I'm sorry, but this is BS. And then the photo sessions, the coffee shop, the blow jobs -- I believed the one about the busty cable installer gal more.
11
Wow, the exact same thing happened to me! There's really nothing you can do in this situation other than keep on sucking the guys' dick whenever he wants.

Oh, damn, that's my blackmailing neighbor calling. Second time already today. Gotta go!
12
Goddamned people who don't close their tags. There you go, Dan.

Yep, phony as a $3 bill.
13
This letter should have started:

Dear Dan Savage.

I never thought it would happen to me...
14
This sounds like something I might have read in a book a long time ago. A not very good book. Or, maybe it was an episode of I Love Lucy.

Fake.
15
My stars and garters! Jombi- fetch me my fainting couch!

I would suggest 1000mg's of Send-Your-Masturbation-Erotic-Fantasies-To-An-Erotic-Literature-Site-Instead. STAT!
16
yeah, "sassy fun" realy

fake!
17
It's obvious. He's left you with no alternative. You have to kill Brett.
18
this is real. i'm the nextdoor neighbor! (click! click!)
19
There are many much, much better versions of this story on the nifty archive.
20
@10 Let me guess: She fixed the cable?
21
*snort*

On the very very slim chance it's not a fake, blackmail is flat out illegal. Go straight to the police, tell them your entire story, set it up to bust him and go on from there. Yes, other people may find out that you are a crossdresser, and there's a point at which you'll do blowjobs. Nothing to be done about that. Unless, you *want* to continue.

On the more likely chance it's a story: not too bad. But it would have worked much better in the 60's or 70's. Maybe even the 80's...
22
It's not a true Penthouse letter if they don't happen to have a can of whipped cream around.
23
Also, is every straight guy like this? If I pull out a bra and panties and tell them to put them on, will they suck my dick?
24
On a plane? SOTU? Facebook doesn't show any engagements till Feb 2...
25
Yes, I parade around every weekend with head held high in the bright light of the mall or market where nobody ever recognizes me.....then all of a sudden I'm spotted.......

*yawns*

Neeeeeeeeeeeeext.
26
Spoiler alert: Brett is your real mother.
27
"Remember my dear, I can smell a lie like a fart in a car."

- Dan Savage (and/or "Hard Harry" in Pump up the Volume)
28
okay, see if that worked
29
Absolutely fake. The invisible hand of the copy editor is all over it. Check out the perfect subject-verb agreement: "None of my family, friends, or co-workers knows that I cross dress...."
30
Either tell mamma or take some photos of your own. But this sounds fake, anyway.
31
Nope, didn't work. Bold italics it is. And yes, totally FAKE!
32
Completely fake. I used to be an operator for a sex chat company, and this was a very common fantasy request we received from guys in their mid to late 40's.
33
Every part of this seems fake to me.

Yet for some reason, I want it to be real. Even though what that says about the world is horrible.

Also, do any real CD of this variety ever really go out in public this way? At all?

34


You're welcome.
35
What nightmare? If this is real, forward your neighbor's address. But it isn't real. I guess I'll have to put the dress back in the closet
36
Dang, that's some crazy italics-fu going on there.
37
> The straight part has recently gone out the window.

I would think a guy who is comfortable crossdressing would understand that sucking dick under duress does not make one gay.

But anyway, assuming for the sake of argument that the story is true: either a) head it off at the pass and come out to Mom (after confirming he's not bluffing and really knows here) or b) call the cops
38
Dan cancelled an appearance at Northeastern for this Tuesday citing a "previous engagement." I had tickets for a couple weeks, and it got cancelled this thursday I think?
39
Shouldn't the solution be out of the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo as the cross dresser beats up the blackmailer?
40
Assuming the letter's real (why not?), you have to decide which is worse: your mom knowing you cross-dress or sucking your neighbor's dick. Then take whichever course of action you find least objectionable. On principle, though, if you truly didn't want to suck your neighbor's dick, you'd opt for the outing as soon as possible, because it's generally bad to set a precedent of being forced to do anything against your will, no matter what the consequences. It starts with a dick-sucking, and where does it end? True sex slavery, 24/7?

But I'm with everyone else. The letter is preposterous.
41
Fakey fakity fake. A 30 year old gay black-mailer named "Brett". Suuure.

On the absurdly miniscule chance it's real: Go to the police.

For the reality of the situation: You do know there are erotic fiction and fanfic sites for this shit, right? I mean, you don't write well enough to get into the good ones, but not all sites have high standards. Write to one of them.
42
If anyone ever finds themselves in this sort of situation, the right answer is.... Say you lost a bet. It covers pretty much any embarrassing circumstances short of murder or cheating on your wife. People may or may not believe you, but it gets you out of the conversation.

43
Totally fake, but you know the guy got hard writing it.
44
Let's pretend it's true.

Who has more to fear from exposure - the guy with the harmless passtime of enjoying crossdressing, or the blackmailing rapist who likes getting forcing dudes to suck him off?

But just to even things out a bit, if it's true, it should be easy enough to hide a digital recorder in that empty bra and record his threats. After which you point out that yes, he can hurt you with your mother, but you can and will destroy his life and it will be a long, long time until he's on the receiving end of a blow job again.

45
I think the advice should be in the form of made-up erotica also! Who wants to take a crack at that?
46
Yeah, get your brooms out, I declare Shenanigans
47
In the story our protagonist can not get out. He'll kill Brett, suck cock, or tell mommy. As this is a work of fiction I will refrain from commenting as if the main character is anything but.
48
Find a girl who will claim to be frigid, to only get off from you wearing a dress giving a guy a blow-job, and to have given you hot sex after each of those filmed sessions. Then have your blackmailer arrested. Being in a relationship already gives you an advantage with the attention of women over being unattached, so nurture the sympathy of the women around you. When you find someone you like, tell her you need to tell her the truth, before your attraction to her grows out of control or whatever. Hopefully, she'll hate the blackmailer more than she'll feel the need to expose your story.

Otherwise, the letter seems fake, because a 23-year-old straight crossdresser would know to claim the photos were photoshopped.
49
. No more italics for you.
50
Yep, it's exactly the story rhythms of amateur erotica. Somebody is getting off so hard right now. Congrats, sir or madam!

This scenario, while not impossible, I suppose, is about as likely as a UPS guy is to strip down and do you while delivering a package. I recall another one a while back that I think made it into Dear Abby that Dan called a fake where this dude had a twin and a convoluted explanation for why he wasn't in bed with his wife and the next day she thanked her husband for the awesome sex - but wait, it must have been the twin!! Zoiks!! Whatever to do!! And Dan said, amazing how it just so happens that a twisted series of events leads to a very common male fantasy.
52
Here's your way out of it: you re-write your letter as a screenplay & sell it to Tommy Wiseau. I can see it now: The Hallway.
53
It sure sounds like a fake. If it weren't, all the guy would have had to do is hold out a hand during that first meeting in the hallway and say, "Hello, I don't think we've met. I'm Whatshisname's sister."

No one would go out -- on repeated occasions -- withOUT a back-up plan for what to do if recognized.

54
Geesh, why can't something like this happen to me, only with the blackmailer being someone like Chris Evens?
55
EricaP @42 Loosing a bet is a good first excuse. Halloween and costume parties are good second excuses. Relying on your mother not wanting to know about your cross-dressing and will therefore probably believe *any* excuse given is better than sexual blackmail.

Of course, a good honest "so I dress up like a girl sometimes. What of it?" is probably the best response.

LukeJoe @45 I'm thinking about it...

56
@15, you called?
57
Sounds like a hot scene! Will he up the ante with a collar, bondage and anal? Or is he just going to start a porny website starring the "not gay" cross-dressing blowing whomever Mr Top wants? I smell a porn movie in the offing... (..*phew*! anyone have any menthol-anything? stinky...)
58
I think the LW really should have given us a better description of Brett's throbbing hardness, and how his muscular hands gripped the back of LW's head pulling his blond bobbed wig awry, firmly forcing Brett's pungent, tumescent member past LW's protesting, carmined lips--ahem.

...I mean we could give much better advice if we have more situational detail. Right?
59
Do you not have teeth?
60
@13 "I never thought it would happen to me..."

No, that's how liberal porn starts.

I believe we're looking at the kind of porn that ends, "...and then I was saved by the power of my lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Amen."
61
Oh, I TOTALLY believe this because the same thing happened to me! And it's been going on for YEARS now. And in addition to the blow jobs, he fucks me in the ASS, too!

Fortunately, Mom recently got diagnosed with cancer, so maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel...
62
Fake and boring.

If not fake, then just boring.
63
@45

I think the writer should go over to Brett's house, one last time, just to tell him that the blowjobs are over and he's going to call the police. He should wear his best outfit--the one with the embroidered bustier and the six-inch alligator pumps--just to make Brett regret what he's about to lose. Only when Brett opens the door, he won't be alone. The handsome, shirtless Latino on the sofa...is wearing a police officer's hat and belt!

"You can't go to the police, honey," Brett will say, pushing the letter writer's head down, as Officer Luis grabs his ass from behind. "We ARE the police."

64
Why was this sent to Dan? Shouldn't this be sent to Focus on the Family?
65
@ 63 Thank you for that.
66
By the way, is Dan really going to start an MTV show named Savage Love???

http://perezhilton.com/2011-01-24-dan-sa…

I would totally watch MTV if this were true!
67
@45 "I got ready for another night of professional dick-sucking. I put on my most fabulous slinky dress, the one I bought especially for tonight, because whoo boy tonight was supposed to be pretty damn special, and I made sure to wear my six-inch heels, because dayumn those things make my legs look *great*, all sexified and everything, and I gave myself bigger boobs than usually, some really really big ones that almost burst out of the top of my slinky little red sequined dress, and I wore these lovely nylon stockings and I painted my nails and put on some lovely fake nails and I added a bit of glitter and nail art, and then I hid a tape-recorder down the front of my dress. As a last measure, I painted my lips ruby red so that they would look extra good wrapped around his dick, and then I left my apartment.

To my pleasant surprise... Horror! I meant horror! Er... damnit, hold on, this is getting so hard... /giggle. Anyway, to my *horror* there were two other guys there, and I'm told I have to suck them all off, otherwise the pictures of me in a pretty dress will be shown to my mom, so I get down on my knees, and wouldn't you know it, in all the commotion, I forget to turn on the tape-recorder to get the evidence to get this guy arrested.

/sigh. Guess I'll just have to try again tomorrow night. I think I'll wear the sexy black dress..."
68
This isn't even wacky enough to be an interesting fake. It's just stupid.
69
Well, everybody else has pretty much covered it, but as a straight male crossdresser myself, I feel compelled to add my two cents.

The entire story is Grade A bullshit, of course. So your mother finds out. What's the worst that could happen? It's the year 2010, for crying out loud. What, she's gonna disown you because she disapproves of your clothing choices? Crossdressing hasn't been particularly scandalous since the 1960s. Hell, she probably likes Eddie Izzard. No, you're right, better to just go along with the blackmail and sexual assault. Right.
70
@69 ... It's the year 2011, technically speaking
71
@70: Oh, right. I'm still writing 2010 on my checks. Well, that's not true. I don't write checks anymore. I mean, it's the year 2010, for crying out loud.
72
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Fakety-fake-fake. And contrived. And tedious.

There must be, what, hundreds of variations of this exact same little scenario in the Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository? Thousands even?

It's like bad fanfic or a shitty sitcom script or something--a perfect, predictable encapsulation of every formulaic trope possible w/in the genre.

Fuck you, CD, for foisting this boring, tiresome little jerk-off fantasy of yours onto an undesiring readership.

The level of your sexual imagination is fucking pathetic, and you should be ashamed.
73
Really dude - "Terrific" and "sassy"?

74
Fake. There's no emotional conflict in it at all. His tagline says emotionally devastated, but there's no sign of emotional struggle in his letter. If it was real there would be guilt, shame and embarassment, particularly because he's claiming that he was straight before his encounters with his neighbor. If a person really gets taken advantage of that baldy, then you hear the pain in their story before, during and after. As in: "Before he invited me into his apt., I felt uneasy, but I didn't quite know why. During the encounters, I am ashamed to admit I was enjoying some part of it. Afterward the encounters, I was filled with regret, humiliation and embarassment at having been manipulated." If you didn't hear emotions like those, then you would hear a lot of self-blaming thoughts- as in, I knew I shouldn't have been so careless, etc. People who have really been traumatized either experience emotional or cognitive conflict. Neither of those is present.
75
Fake. If someone had a similarish problem for real, the simple answer is tell your mom. She's already noticed that you know too much about women's clothing.
76
I accidentally walked in on a similar situation when I was a pizza delivering pool cleaner.
77
95% chance this is fake.

5% chance the LW is FUBB and/or TSTCF. If the latter, I see his options as pretty simple:

1) Find a sympathetic policeman. Blackmail sex = sexual assault in most jurisdictions. The worst thing that can happen is they'll laugh at him and tell him to go away.

2) Come out to mom as a CDing occasional pole smoker. This ain't 1984. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Full-time Marys can serve in the military. Worst thing that can happen is mom freaks out. If she doesn't come round inside of a year, the LW is well rid of her.

3) Seek his own justice. I suggest he track down the BMer's mother and spill his yellow guts and/or threaten to do the same. This of course runs the biggest risk of blowing up in his face, but offers the greatest potential for satisfaction.

If it's true, the LW's a stupid, fucked-up asshole for allowing himself to be blackmailed. Pictures of yourself tarted up like a two dollar whore are nothing to be ashamed of. But if it's true, the BMer really deserves to discover that this kind of behavior is no way to get his dick sucked.
78
I'd say chomp down the next time you're 'forced' to blow him, but since straight guys generally don't know how to give head to another guy, I'm guessing you're scraping the skin off your blackmailer's dick already.

On the off chance this is for real, then bite down HARD the next time he forces you to have sex. Take an inch off the top, spit it back in his face and dare him to go to the cops.

Then move across the country and don't leave a forwarding address.
79
Should anyone ever be in the position of having someone claim that they will expose your peccadilloes to your family, first find out if they even know your family's location, etc.
Then record an instance of the threat occurring and go to police. It's unlikely your family is reading the police blotter for giggles.
Or you could just come out of that closet and stop worrying.
80
LIGHTSTHEFUCKOUT FOR ITALICS.
There are no words for how fake this letter was.
81
WHY ARE THERE STILL ITALICS? TAGS CLOSE!
82
re: 74: "Fake. There's no emotional conflict in it at all. His tagline says emotionally devastated, but there's no sign of emotional struggle in his letter. If it was real there would be guilt, shame and embarassment, particularly because he's claiming that he was straight before his encounters with his neighbor. If a person really gets taken advantage of that baldy, then you hear the pain in their story before, during and after. As in [...] If you didn't hear emotions like those, then you would hear a lot of self-blaming thoughts- as in, I knew I shouldn't have been so careless, etc. People who have really been traumatized either experience emotional or cognitive conflict. Neither of those is present."

Going by your inept analysis, autistics can't be victims. It's a mystery how you reconcile your intolerance-for-diversity in the forum of an liberal identity-politics advocate.
83
There's not the slightest chance this is true. This is THE cross dress fetish, every last detail, and he should be paying you for letting this get printed. Wait, did he? Cause this is blatantly, obviously FAKE. 10 out of 10 pros agree.
84
Mike #82, you're an idiot. I don't know if you're autistic, but you're definitely an idiot.
85
74's qualifier for authenticity would invalidate an autistic's account of distress. Your need for me to be an idiot is not proof of such. How much does it suck to be you to hear this from me?
86
Wait, but what happens if he does go to the police, and the police take care of the blackmailer, but the police confiscate the evidence, and decide that the cross dresser will have to come over to the station every night and blow the night shift or they'll arrest him for prostitution!?!

The mind boggles with the sad scenarios in which the poor lad could find himself.
87
Yep, have to agree with everyone calling it a fake. Everything was way too over-explained, and the coffee shop thing is just ridiculous. Also, I don't know anyone who would, upon seeing their cross-dressing neighbor dressed, decide that they'd better sit him/her down for an in-depth Q&A session. This is 2011. They could just Google it if they were that curious/clueless.

BUT if I'm treating it like a hypothetical like Dan suggested: Being blackmailed for sex obviously isn't legal, so take some legal action. And if a few family members / friends hear about it, it's not that hard to cover up the truth. Just say he was an aspiring photographer who offered you money to pose in the outfits, and you figured it'd be an easy buck, but then he used the pics to blackmail you, and you'd rather not talk about any of it except with your therapist and you hope they all understand. (Hey, that's about as convincing as the story in the letter, right?) And then you move to a new apartment and avoid posing in secret outfits for strangers's cameras. The end.
88
PUBLISH AND BE DAMNED!
89
There's no italics in Firefox.
90
Fake. No one uses film cameras anymore, unless they are professional photographers.
91
@89 - thanks for explaining! I thought I was going crazy.
92
You forgot to mention the most important detail: whether the blackmailer is HOT.
93
The author of this 'letter' really should submit it to The Onion.
94
That's funny... I didn't order a pizza.
95
@89: I'm using Firefox and I see the italics. :(
96
@95: I'm using Firefox, and I'm not seeing italics gone wild. *shrugs*
97
@29: the letter's fake because the grammar is good? That's a sad indictment of the American education system.

Also this:

On weekend evenings, I like to go out and about when dressed, doing some light shopping in my feminine form.

But no heavy shopping.
98
Of course no heavy shopping. A lady can't carry heavy things. ;)
99
No, it's a very dark apartment and difficult to get the lighting just right, so he does a lot of shopping for various lamps and bulbs . . .
100
101
I stopped reading at "There was no denying the situation — I had to admit to Brett that I am a cross dresser. We didn’t have much time at that initial moment to get into it too much, but I knew there would be more questions to come.". People don't describe real life situations like this.

If you want to write erotica, upload it to a site designed for that purpose. And if slog keep publishing obvious fakes (whether to laugh over or whatever), it's going to incentivize more fakers to do the same :(
102
@17 - "It's obvious. He's left you with no alternative. You have to kill Brett".

Ridiculous. Of course there's an alternative. He can kill *himself*.

    Please wait...

    and remember to be decent to everyone
    all of the time.

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