Comments

1
Man, the next time I need to break up with someone, I'm just doing it through Savage Love.
2
Wait, I'm confused. You're not going to mock her for being overweight??

<extracts tongue from cheek> Ow. </extracts tongue from cheek>
3
skinny chicks are gross
4
BOOM SHAKALAKASHAKALAKASHAKALAKASHAKADAN!

Good answer.
5
Women with just a bit of muscle, just a bit of curve...yum :)
6
@3... bags of antlers.
7
I love it when we get follow-ups. Doubly-so when they are from the other party.
8
Asshole boyfriends, boyfriend's assholes....

Fuck 'em both, I say.
9
@8 Bwahahaha!
10
What I wanna know is, did she just discover the podcast or DID THE ASSHOLE FUCKING PLAY IT FOR HER? Glad we got this follow-up. Next time maybe Dan will ask, "When you say she used to be thinner, do you mean that everyone worried she was anorexic?"
11
FA, separate the weight issues from the callous boyfriend issues.

Lose the weight if you feel better or think you look better with a few less pounds, regardless of what the boyfriend thinks.

If the boyfriend is treating you like shit, and unapologetic about treating you like shit, then DTMFA. Doesn't matter if he approves of the thinner you or not.
12
At some level, all guys are assholes. You want to avoid the major assholes.

I was ready to think the BF deserved a second chance on the matter of the hurtful things he said in his letter, but telling all his friends about the podcast -- that shows he's a major asshole. And his friends letting you know that they listened to the podcast (or your BF telling you that they listened to it) makes it worse. DTMFA, and you get to dump his asshole friends at the same time.

@2, which cheeks?
13
Dan, could you write a book or some kind of mini-guide on how to detect assholes? Some of us (myself included) become idiots at deciphering who's being the asshole when sex and love come into play.
14
The general vibe I get here from the asshole boyfriend is his glee in manipulating his girlfriend. Whether he prefers her to lose weight or not, he's enjoying his control of this situation a little too much. She definitely needs to DTMFA. I don't care how otherwise great he is, good in bed he is, rich he is or how much your friends envy you for dating him, he is an asshole now and forever. He gets off on finding an issue to hold over your head. Once you lost sufficient weight for him, he'd start nagging you about getting breast inhancement or SOMETHING ELSE TO DEMEAN YOU. I know this because I had a brother-in-law exactly like your asshole boyfriend. He was a great guy, sure, as long as he WAS THE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION and GOT HIS WAY. I miss him as a brother-in-law, but my sister sure doesn't miss him as a husband. DTMFA before you make a mistake and marry him and have to deal with a messy divorce down the line.
15
Is it a DTMFA?
...
It is!

@BEG: <3
16
@13: That's a great idea.

"You Know You're Dating An Asshole When..." by Dan Savage.

1) He embarrasses you with a nationally known sex columnist, makes sure his friends hear it and that you know they heard it. etc. etc.
17
I love follow-ups! I remember that podcast, but now, I have to go listen to it again and see if Dan did properly slap him around.
18
Before I can say anything, I need to see "before" and "after" pics. Preferably naked.
19
@13 I also think that's a great idea.
20
Ok, if he said "the rolls are kinda gross" then she should have dumped him right then and there. Might be valid if this developed during the course of the relationship (certainly not put that way), but totally invalid if they were already there when the relationship started. I kinda figured the guy was a douchebag and Dan was just giving him the benefit of the doubt, but this letter confirms all my suspicions.

Dump his ass, sweetie.
21
I remember hearing this one and thinking "You know, I actually respect this guy for his honesty -- but there's a certain point where it doesn't matter if you're honest or not, there's things you can't say to your S.O. without being an asshole, and he's dangerously close to the line, perhaps even over it."

It seems he's triple jumped past the line and is deep in asshole territory.

Let this be a lesson. I'm not sure of what.
22
@14 has a point that this seems to be mostly about manipulation, because otherwise, why would he start dating a woman he wasn't attracted to? People get some leniency, I think, in being more attracted to the partners they started dating than when they've lost or gained some weight down the line, and I think it's OK to talk about that. But you don't get to request that someone you met in their 20s (or whatever) re-attain their high school body. That's just weird.
23
Jeez, @18, what a slime bucket you are.
24
Sounds like they're both assholes, but I'm kind of on his side. Honey, lose some fucking weight already.
25
Our idea of "normal" is so skewed that somebody who is overweight could be considered to be a normal weight. normal doesn't mean healthy, and normal doesnt mean free-from-fat.
However, saying that your significant other looked better when they were thinner? thats pretty offensive.
26
I think my take on this is a little different, and perhaps that's because I'm in love with (and married to) someone who is generally "THE CENTER OF ATTENTION" (per @14).

There's no law that says you can't love, marry, and stay with such a person. You just have to accept that he's not going to change. (And, then, too, you have to not want reassurance from sex advice columnists or their comment-crew that you're doing the right thing with your life...) I like Ann Landers' question: "Are you better off with him or without him?" If you like him, and he's generally a decent person, you're allowed to stay with him. Better give up on hoping for that "true apology" though. Not going to happen.
27
@16 said:
@13: That's a great idea.

"You Know You're Dating An Asshole When..." by Dan Savage.


Yes! Do it, Dan.

And Frequently Annoyed, you're frequently annoyed because your boyfriend is frequently annoying. Dan's advice is spot-on: DTMFA.

28
@24, yeah, I mean, you're pretty harsh, but this part of the letter made me go WTF - 'This makes me not want to "reward" him by losing weight so long as he refuses to admit that he was an asshole' -- that's a sign of some major unresolved issues of her own.
29
1) You're both petty and manipulative.
2) "Rolls" are not normal.
30
@28: She doesn't have any "unresolved issues." She just doesn't want to reward the prick.
31
@28 I took it to mean that she wouldn't want her future weight loss to be perceived by her boyfriend as validating his poor treatment of her. Because if she loses more weight, whatever her reason for doing so, the boyfriend is going to think that it's because of him, and will continue to resort to treating her poorly whenever he wants something else out of the relationship. That's why Dan says lose the weight and lose the boyfriend.
32
@26 Well said and thank you. It's just what I needed to hear today.
33
In a LTR, you have to separate what you actually want from the games running in your mind about who has the upper hand in the relationship. Hurting yourself in order to teach him a lesson - yeah, that works. If she wants out of the relationship because she sees he's an asshole, then great! Yes, DTMFA. But if she wants to stay in the relationship, she has to stop obsessing about how her actions might get him to change into the person she wants him to be. He's not that person. He is who he is. Deal with that fact, and then go do what you want about it, FA.
34
33 was replying to @30 and @31
35
This book idea you all have sounds and awful like like Liz Lemon's 'Dealbreakers'.
36
@28: Why? Everyone is stubborn about not wanting to do what assholes tell them, even if it's in their own best interest. Sounds normal to me.

@13: You know what they say about not being able to tell who the sucker at the poker table is, right?
37
SLIGHT DEFENCE of the boyfriend: once I commented on how an ex looked good in an old photo where - yes - she was a LITTLE thinner. It wasn't so much that, more that she looked happier and more full of life than she did in the present, beaten by a job and some personal issues. However, that offhand comment formed into a fully fledged psychosis and I would be repeatedly berated for thinking she is fat (which was not true, and would have been grossly hypocritical on my part).

What I'm saying it: he's still with you and is presumably not an asshole in all departments? Could it be the letter writer is simply seeking affirmation for an idea she already had (to dump him)?

Teaching people lessons post-relationship is literally the weakest thing that people do.
38
@3 &6, skinny chicks have feelings, too.
39
@33: Sometimes, what you actually want is to have the upper hand. Or at least not let the other person have it. Which is why, paradoxically, you can actually make someone change by easing up on the pressure to change: then they're no longer stubbornly resisting. (Yes, it is possible to make someone change sometimes; it's just difficult and time-consuming.)
40
Damn is your bf a DICK, FA. You don't deserve to be treated like that, DTMFA.
41
I'm getting a bit of inspiration here from @13. I bet we could make an entire schtick about these sort of problems:

If your partner refuses your thoroughly reasonable requests and refuses to explain why, they might be an asshole.
If your partner demands that you put yourself at significant risk of contracting AIDS, they might be an asshole.

And so on and so forth.
42
@41: Too reminiscent of Jeff Foxworthy in that format.
43
@39, yes, I take your point. And I agree that if she eases up on insisting he admit he's an asshole, he's more likely to behave nicely to her. And, if he eases up on asking her to lose weight, she's more likely to lose weight. But if you ease up *only* to change the other person, then they can tell what you're doing, and the manipulation doesn't work. Better to try to be the person you yourself want to be, and ease up on the other person as a consequence of being happier in general.
44
@33 Which is exactly why I agree with Dan's advice. I don't see it as "hurting herself in order to teach him a lesson". It's more like she will not be able to do what she knows is right for herself without empowering his asshole behavior toward her, and she recognizes that. She certainly doesn't sound like she can just let that go, so DTMFA is the answer.

45
And I agree that if she eases up on insisting he admit he's an asshole, he's more likely to behave nicely to her.


Except his criticism of her started unprovoked (at least according to her account). Sometimes an asshole is just an asshole.
46
@31 - That's exactly it. Mocking, humiliating, and encouraging his friends to mock & humiliate his girlfriend should get him dumped! Not get him a thinner, more docile and doormat-y girlfriend. Do I smell an LA vibe from this couple? Asshole critical treat-women-like-shit bf and insecure, image obsessed into submission gf?

Love the book idea. On the list of dealbreakers that we should compile for said book:
1) a guy who talks shit to you - you can be honest without being cruel
2) a guy who lets his friends talk shit about & mock you
3) a guy who has friends who thinks it's "awesome" to say nasty things about his girlfriend, let alone in public
4) a guy who starts dating one body and decides he wants another, and it's your duty to conform
5) THIS GUY! Can we put his picture in it?
47
@13 -- Well, first step, assume all human beings are assholes to some extent. If you've got one, you are one. When you're masturbating, you're getting an asshole off. When you're dating someone else, you're dating someone who by very law of nature is an asshole part of the time. The trick is to be (and find people who are) the most pleasant asshole possible under the circumstances.
48
If you really want to punish him for that, lose the weight and deny him sex the whole time. Tell him you just don't feel sexy around him, because of that attitude. Go out and flirt with others. Get him good and desperate for you before you finally dump him.

(Yes, of course I know that's a horrible, dysfunctional response. Just noticing she seems pretty mad at him, and revenge fantasies can be fun.)

But seriously, hanging onto the weight to spite him only hurts you. That makes two people hurting you. More, counting the friends. Why be part of that group? The other thing is, as long as you keep wanting that apology from him, he owns you. Do you want to be owned? Let go of the idea of ever getting that apology. Just assume that's how it's going to play out. So, given that you aren't ever going to get it, what next? Do you want to be with the asshole anyway, sans apology? Or do you want to cut him loose because he's an asshole?
49
Okay... so what do I do if I'm not an asshole and I'm no longer attracted to a girl who has gained weight? Obviously drop the rude comments and spreading it to others, but it sounds like you either suck it up and not be attracted to her, or you say something and become a pariah.

I'm sorry that you had "pain weight" and all, but are you necessarily an asshole if you're no longer attracted to her?

Your move, Dan.
50
@46, Did the bf's friends really mock & humiliate her? They listened to the podcast (where Dan told the bf to be nicer), and they said it was awesome. And the bf tells FA that they thought so. Couldn't that mean that they thought Dan appropriately slapped around the bf? And when the bf reports that they thought it was awesome, couldn't that be a face-saving way for him to admit, 'yeah, I guess everyone thinks I'm was a douche for going on about this.'
51
If he was having issues with FA gaining weight, there were appropriate ways of going about it -- as Dan said.

He is a piece of shit. Describing her as a "moldy piece of cake" (wtf) is bad enough, but the fact that he went on to tell all of his friends about his problem with her weight, as well as humiliating her continuously is too far. That is not okay behaviour for anyone, especially someone who is supposed to love you.

DTMFA... and FAST.
52
Well, to be honest... the rolls ARE gross.
53
@49 The issue is that he happily started a relationship with her at her current size, but upon seeing an old picture of her when she was lighter, suddenly decided that she was unattractive. That's manipulative bullshit.

If you are already in a relationship with someone and they gain weight to the point of becoming unattractive to you over the course of the relationship, that's a separate issue from what we're dealing with here.
54
@49 There are plenty of ways to not be an asshole and still tell them you wish they would lose some weight. One way is to suggest that you try to get in better physical shape TOGETHER, that way it is about you as a couple doing it and put the emphasis on physical health not appearance.
55
Seriously WTF. This letter has made me so angry.

First, she was her current weight when they met. She didn't gain any weight during the relationship. He has absolutely no right to "ask" (ie shame) her to lose weight.

Second, drop the bullshit that this is a "health" issue. Unless her BMI was pushing 26+, there is NO HEALTH BENEFIT from her losing weight. Mortality studies show that those on the upper limit of normal bmi (up to 25) have the longest lives. From her letter it doesn't sound like she is medically overweight, and in the podcast Dan never bothered to ask. He just threw around some weak ass "let's lose weight together for your health" shit that had nothing to do with the real situation. If she's not overweight, the issue has nothing to do with health, and everything to do with looks.

I would dump this guy so fast. And then warn all my girlfriends about him. What a colossal asshole. And yes, it is all about entitlement. He met a girl he liked, and then asked her to lose weight to better fit his image of a "perfect woman", knowing full well that she's insecure about her weight. And that notion that her body issues will go away once she starts "living healthier" is utter bullshit. Do you think she'll lose her body issues once she starves off a few pounds for her boyfriend who thought she was fat? Hell no.

Fuck him, and fuck you Dan for giving him your blessing in the podcast. You never even bothered to ask if she's overweight!
56
@Erica P, did you even listen to the podcast? First of all, she was that weight when they started dating. Therefore, he should not make a big issue out of it. What he should do is be more polite about the weight loss. She is acting negatively because he is pressuring negatively. I had a boyfriend do this to me, not over weight, but other things he didn't like me doing. Make snide hurtful comments, talk about in front of me with his friends, and eventually the control freak hit me because of it. I waited too long to dump him. Dan told him to be nicer about it, he became worse. If the asshole doesn't want to date a chick with a little extra weight on here, he shouldn't have done it in the first place. Personally, it sounds like he used Dan's advice against her, not to help the relationship. He was being an asshole on the podcast, which Dan called him out on, and apparently it just got worse instead of better. She should leave him.
57
@55 -- even if she was overweight, he doesn't have any right to treat her as disgustingly as he has. There's no excuse for that shit.
58
@56, no, I haven't listened to the podcast. As you describe it, he certainly sounds like an asshole, and I'd encourage her to dump him.
59
I believe I have found a photo of this woman:

http://knowyourmeme.com/system/icons/243…
60
@50. She said this: "To make matters worse all of his friends have heard the podcast and comment on it's "awesomeness" and he feels the need to tell me this, or "accidentally" tell me."

That makes me think he's relishing his evilness, as are his friends, and he wants her to know how awesome his friends think it is that he called her a "moldy piece of cake" and criticized her weight in a public forum. That's pretty much the opposite of "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings and realize now I was a douche."

You don't have to be attracted to fat, but you also don't get a free pass to start name calling because someone's put on weight. Or any other reason, for that matter. Didn't we all learn that in kindergarten?

Your partner puts on unattractive weight? Say, "Honey, I feel like you're not as healthy as you used to be, and I'm concerned about the potential impact on your health and on our relationship. It's important to me that you take care of yourself." This is also a good opportunity for everyone in a relationship to bring this up as a hypothetical to their partners. Use the dealbreakers you see as openings to discuss things you don't want in your relationship!
61
@57- you are of course right.

I just hate how that "it's for your health" argument is tossed around so freely without being challenged. In this case, it is so obviously not about health- not only in intention (where it is most often abused) but also in actual fact. If she's not overweight, losing weight won't help her health.

Quitting smoking, exercise, eating more veggies- these are things that improve health. But that has absolutely fuck all to do with the boyfriend's original question or their current situation.
62
#38 (More, I Say!): Thank you.
63
Invariably, looks change, health changes, people change. Who or what are you in the relationship with? The part of the person that persists or the part that merely was...
Do you want someone who loves the "real you?" Or their idea of you... or how you look on their arm...

Choices....
64
FA, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" and "treat others as you wish to be treated" came to mind when I read your letter. Please do not give this insensitive jerk one more second of your time or energy. You deserve so much better.
65
@ 55

simmer down, angry person. The health gambit is a polite way, if used correctly, to get her to lose weight through the both of them eating better and regular exercise, rather than saying "you're unattractively fat to the point it affects my sexual attraction toward you. Do something about it!"

In other words, it is an exercise in courtesy and tact.
66
If anyone wants to listen to the Q&A, it starts at 11:38 and ends at 22:57

Also, Dan specifically asked about anorexia/bulimia. The boyfriend denies it and states he's started working out for her as well. I wonder whether he kept up with that?
67
Only took three posts to turn this into a matter of objectification. Stay classy, Slog.
68
As far as the letter writer, she should DTMFA. He is an asshole.

but . . .

Here are a few hints for her next relationship:

1. When your new boyfriend sees the old pics and says "wow, you looked great there", the proper response is "thank you", not "I'm not now?" If you can't receive a compliment without finding a slight in it somewhere, you're not accepting compliments the right way.

I have a sisterinlaw like you.

"I like those pants"
"What, you don't like my shirt?"

"You look pretty today."
"What, I look ugly most days?"

If this is you, STFU and learn how to say thank you and be happy for a compliment.

2. If you resent doing something you know is the right thing to do because of your boyfriend's attitude toward it so much that you think about not doing it, dump your boyfriend. If this happens more than one in your life, then you better get some counseling. Either you are bad at picking guys, and need to explore that, or you have a whole lot of resentment that is interfering in your relationships and your well-being and needs to be explored.
69
@61 One of my exboyfriend's friends was trying to tell me to lose weight for my health. I called him on it, and after a while, he eventually admitted that he just thought I was fat (he also thought that any woman larger than a size four was fat, so I wasn't concerned by him thinking I'm fat).

If you use the ruse of being concerned for someone's health, they'll probably see right through it.
70
Oh, and Dan called him on how full of male privilege it was for him to look at the old picture and say, "I want that."

So now I'm really confused, because I thought that Dan never noticed privilege if it's one he shares.
71
@70 - I'd say Dan notices privilege he shares about 30% as often as I wish he would. Which is probably about 25% more often as the general population.

Thing is, he's so damned *insightful* when he does notice it, I really wish he did more often. Ah, well.
72
After I started dating my ex, I lost about 20 pounds. Then he said he thought I was too heavy and that he'd be more attracted to me if I were thinner. I told him if I wasn't too fat for him to date a year earlier, then it was his problem. Needless to say, I ended up breaking up with him not too long after that.
73
I have no idea why this guy got with her in the first place if he wasn't attracted to her. That makes him an absolute asshole.
74
I listened to that podcast, and I so wanted to give that guy the benefit of the doubt. Yes, "moldy piece of cake" was a horrifying phrase that made me think "I hope that man's girlfriend has never heard of the Savage Lovecast", but I was really hoping this was a case of radical, awkward honesty... I also hoped Dan's excellent answer would get this guy's head out of his ass!

But no, his behavior in making sure all his friends heard the podcast, and his reminding her of its existence "accidentally" pretty much proves he's a horrible, manipulative person. DTMFA indeed!
75
Why are you with this loser? I can't believe if he would do the kind of things you mention in your letter, that he isn't abusive in other ways. There are PLENTY of guys out there; go trade up. You'll be surprised how easy it is.
76
@65- I think you're mistaking tact for manipulation. One is a kind way of telling someone something they need to hear, the other is a sneaky way of getting someone to do what you want.

He doesn't give a crap about her health. She has no health issues. Saying "I care about your health" is both a lie, and a way to make it sound like it is SHE who has the problem when it is obviously the boyfriend who has the issues.
77
The problem with weight is that people subconsciously attach moral significance to it.

If weight was treated like hair color things would be much improved.

People exist in a wide variety of weights and people are attracted to a large variety of weight ranges. Some people don't care, some people lean towards the skinny end, some people lean towards the heavy end. For some people looks are pretty important and for some people they aren't.

We just feel the need to attach moral weights to all these things and so make the entire situation crazy.
78
Once a partner tells you they're "more attracted to other girls," and "used to thinner girls" it's OVER.

You will never feel very sexy or be able to just let loose and enjoy yourself naked in front of him. You're going to be resentful and not have a fulfilling or active sex life, and he'll probably say shit about that too like "oh I'm just used to having lots of sex in my relationships" and whatever. Even if you get super skinny, you'll never feel comfortable because in the back of your head you'll know that if you gain weight your relationship's going to turn into a negative and hurtful thing. You absolutely have to DTMFA and get with someone who makes you feel sexy and confident in your relationship.
79
Why did he start dating her if he didn't find her very attractive? He just wanted something to pass the time until he find a woman he liked better (and meanwhile, get some sex during the waiting time)? That's asshole behavior.
80
78, completely agree. But this happens a lot, so what are women to do about it, other than constantly dumping men and then feeling terrible the next time it happens? (I'm not talking about the person who balloons while in a relationship, I'm talking about women getting hassle for being too fat when they are essentially the same as when they started dating their partner.)

In my experience - and my BMI has been 22/23 all my adult life - at least three boyfriends have expressed concern to me about my weight about a year or so after we started dating, even though my weight hadn't changed by more than four or five pounds. WTF? Perhaps they were seeing me differently than they had at the start, due to all the 'warts and all' intimacy of a long term relationship - or perhaps they were realising that a better model hadn't come along and so they wanted to improve their current one.

In my current relationship, we got through that phase and now he honestly doesn't seem to see me as fat at all. It mystifies me. Maybe there's a process of guys having to adjust to the reality of a long term relationship, when they realise that their current partner is never going to morph into their skinny magazine ideal. Those with a little less maturity or grace take this frustation out on their partner and say some cruel things. Either they then readjust their attitude toward their partner and put their ideals to one side; or they seek someone else who's closer to their physical target; or they never grow up and keep using asshole behaviour to try to make their partners change. Does this resonate with anyone?

Even if this passes, it leaves big wounds, as women tend to be brought up to rely on others' opinion of them. I am now much more like 68's sister in law, in that I can't take anything complimentary my husband says on trust and I pick it apart, which makes life tough for both of us. Don't know what the answer is - but I wish some men would be better at working out what they want and then sticking to it.
81
If the boyfriend invalidates FA's own account of what she's going through, then by definition he doesn't trust her, and without him giving an account of what and why. You shouldn't have to run your own civil rights movement within your romantic relationship.
82
@80: A similar thing happened with one of my friends. Originally the guy had been pursuing her, and persisted through her turning him down 2 or 3 times. She finally agrees on a first date, and they got along well. Then, once they started talking about marriage, he was the one saying he loved her but she wasn't pretty enough for him. Then he did a year of therapy, apologized, and they're happily married.

I do wonder how that all worked inside his head.
83
A lot of people are asking why he started dating her if he is attracted to a different type and I think that is absolutely ger-fucking-mane.

He said she was smart and funny and none of the skinny girls he dated had any personality.

Let's consider that statement. Are skinny girls stupid and bland? NO. I am a woman, the vast majority of my friends have been women. There is no correlation, positive or negative, between size and personality/intelligence.

The reason his ex's had those traits is because a smart, funny, skinny girl is completely out of his league.

In fact, I'd be willing to wager that even a smart, interesting, average sized girl is completely out of his league unless she's down and out, has recently gained weight and is feeling insecure about herself.

But, she won't feel insecure forever. Not all on her ownsies.

I know I'm making this guy sound a bit like a bond villain. I don't mean to. I wouldn't wager that he's doing all this intentionally or consciously.

I bet my description of the situation is somewhat accurate and that he has, at the very least, a visceral appreciation of it. I bet it's a factor in his behavior.
84
This writer has BEAUTIFUL punctuation. Too many people forget to tuck in their commas these days. "Overreacting" is one word, though.

As for the jerk boyfriend, I'd agree, DTMFA IF this is not the only problem with the relationship. If the boyfriend is a great guy in all or almost all other respects AND it is not likely that this problem will recur, then the writer should consider sticking it out. Nobody's perfect.

85
This chick got fat as all fuck, and is in denial.

Ladies, keep the weight off. Guys, stay employed. That is how it works, folks. Sorry if you wanted the wuuuuuuv to last forever and ever, even if you down the ho hos and quit the high-paying job. It won't.
86
This letter has inspired me to give my fellow lots of extra loving tonight (for not being an asshole). I'm shocked that someone that supposedly loves her would speak to her like this--especially about his friends and and "the rolls are gross."
87
DTMFA. We can argue how fat "fat" is, etc. until the cows come home.

Anyone who loves you, no matter how bothered they are about your weight or shape, can't call you a moldy piece of cake or "gross" or how you're falling short of his standards. It's just dickish and cruel. Hell, I wouldn't say that to ANYONE, much less someone I actually care about.
88
You know, I really get the distinct impression that she's really not that overweight to begin with.

But I also get the distinct impression that her (now ex, I hope) boyfriend is a complete asshole.
89
"Baby Got Back" - Sir Mix-A-Lot
"Big Bottom" - Spinal Tap
"Fat Bottom Girls" - Queen

Those are three famous songs that celebrate the beauty of women with some pounds. FA might consider blasting these tunes on the stereo as she tells this shallow shitstain to hit the fucking door.
90
@89: You may want to take a closer look at the lyrics of "Fat Bottom Girls."
91
Get on your bikes and ride!
92
I'm not on the side of the jerk boyfriend. Telling your friends about a podcast, calling your SO terrible names, all qualify him as an asshole, so DTMFA.

BUT . . .

Women and men . . . if you are not attracted physically to your S.O (I'm saying women and men, because a LOT of women are also unattracted to their guys after they become beer-bellied slobs, BUT women are more reticent, on average, about expressing their desire for a more attractive partner) are your choices only to suffer silently through an increasingly shitty and less frequent sex life, until the relationship dies in a protracted, damaging, and ugly matter, or do you so something about it?

And to the SO's who have become unattractive -- do you want to continue having intimate relations with a person who is becoming less and less attracted to you and NOT do something about it, letting the relationship die a horrible, painful, lingering death? Or would you rather dump them and start over?

Being attracted to your partner is a real issue -- if you aren't attracted, why are you in the relationship, why do you stay in the relationship? On the other side, if your partner is not or no longer attracted to you, why oh why would you put up with grudging pity sex?

Partners who expect perfection are assholes. But people cannot change their sexual preferences. And partners who want, on the balance of ALL of their partner's characteristics, to be attracted to their partners are . . normal.

93
@90 Normally I don't respond to comments, but this is something I get philosophical about. I just re-read the lyrics to "Fat Bottom Girls". The song doesn't seam subtle at all. No flame/disrespect intended, but if there's a hidden meaning or double meaning in there I just don't get it. The song's about banging a BBW, a topic dear to my heart.
94
@93: It's about being molested as a kid ("But I knew life before I left my nursery / Left alone with big fat Fanny / She was such a naughty nanny / Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me") and compulsively seeking street sex workers as a result ("Take me to them dirty ladies everytime", "down beside your red firelight").

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