Glenn Beck has unveiled his latest fleet of chalkboards and is urging his viewers to tell all their friends to watch every episode of his show this week. It's not because of Beck's plummeting ratings, is it? No! Of course not! It's because of Egypt! Egypt is the key to everything, you see, as Beck explains in this insane tear of a twelve-minute video:

Useful quotes from this crash course in Middle Eastern politics:

"I've got chalkboards full of questions!"
"Egypt is our frenemy!"
"I've run out of riots!"
"The entire Mediterranean is on fire."
"I think that Tunisia is our Archduke Ferdinand moment I've been telling you about."
"I believe a snowball is being formed...there are too many people who want their dream world."
"You can at least prepare to not get caught in the snowball."

Can Glenn Beck's efforts to remain relevant...er...cultivate a xenophobic fear in morons...um...educate America about the World War I of the Middle East find success? Doubtful! But I'll let you know if he gets any crazier.