A lot of people hate Valentine's Day for a lot of different reasons—like their significant other is a dog. But no one is more justified in resenting V-Day than someone who spends February 14 on the receiving end of robbery notes instead of cards filled with warm fuzzies. Which is exactly what happened last Monday to an unlucky Wells Fargo bank teller in Rainier Valley.
According to the police report, it all started innocuously enough, when a man entered the bank at approximately 1:20 p.m. and approached one unlucky teller's window.
He began the transaction by wishing the teller a happy Valentine’s Day.
The report states that in return, she "cordially smiled back and asked [him] how he was doing.” He responded by allegedly handing her a note that did not request that she be his valentine—instead it stated, "This is a stick up, stay calm, give me your twenty-, fifty-, and hundred-dollar bills."
The teller asked the robber if the note was some kind of joke. (Perhaps she still held out a slim ray of hope for a big candy payoff.) But the suspect shook his head no, so she hit the bank’s silent hold-up alarm. Soon after, the report states that the suspect told her to place her hands on the counter and "not to do anything funny."
The teller was frightened, but she followed the bank’s protocol for a robbery and told the suspect that she didn’t have any money. Playing the gentleman, he took her at her word (the report also states that the suspect didn't have a weapon). He left the bank, foiled and defeated, only to be apprehended by officers who had been dispatched to the scene.
I like to imagine the officers handed the suspect a heart-shaped cutout of his Miranda rights but this probably did not happen. At least, if it did, that detail failed to make it into the police report.