I am a 28-year-old woman, living in a town with a pretty big military base.
About a year ago I went out one night to a bar, and noticed this really torn-up looking guy sitting by himself. It turned out his wife had just been deployed for the first time since they'd been married, and was going to be gone for nine months. He said he didn't think he'd make it. I said he could always call me, and a few days later he did, and we wound up talking half a night and then having sex. I moved in a few days later. The whole thing revolved around nobody asking questions, I guess. I'm sure his wife knew, but didn't say anything, or at least he didn't tell me. Over some time, I fell in love with him, and I thought he fell in love with me. I won't sicken you by describing all of what I felt. But I barely noticed the weeks going by, I was so damn happy. If I thought about the future, which I tried not to, I told myself he'd leave her.
Yesterday morning, he wakes up and looks at me and says, it looks like it's over, she's coming home today. I was crying and crying and he kept coming up with these unbelievable lines: we had a good thing, he'd miss my love, and I should just try to remember the magic we shared, he never used me, he hated to see it have to end. And he told me to look away so he wouldn't have to watch me crying meanwhile! So I know I was a fool, Dan, but my only question to you is, was he an even bigger jerk?
Sad Eyes
My response after the jump...
He was married when you met/preyed on him, you knew he was married when you moved in with him, and he never made any promises to you about the future. Jerky.
And you basically spent the last nine months attempting to be the author of someone else's misery—his wife's misery—only to wind up being the author of your own. It's really hard to feel sorry for you under the circumstances, SE, because you are a jerk—which you get some credit for acknowledging. You did, after all, ask me to determine which one of you was the bigger jerk.
I'm thinking that he is.
He took up with another woman during his wife's absence, he allowed you to move in, and he let you make assumptions about his intentions. You avoided conversations about the future because you were afraid that you would find out you didn't have one; he avoided conversations about the future because he was afraid you would pack up your pussy and leave if he told you there wasn't one. And then he tossed you out on your ass the day his wife returned to the states, giving you no time to make other living arrangements.
That makes him the bigger jerk, IMO, but only by a hair.
