Comments

1
I dunno, I always had good luck with bending the ex over the back of the living room sofa. Not a lot of back strain there. Wanna make it even more fun? Tie her arms and legs to the legs of the sofa. Good stuff.
2
Look fake to me. This guy is practicing for submitting something to Penthouse.
4
First paragraph made me lol. Well done.
5
That guy gets so hard thinking about the time he wrote that letter.

6
I think more info is needed on the inverted-comma-back-injury incident. How big was the enclosed space? Who was doing the inverting? etc, etc.
8
I know a guy who used to play drums for the Incriminating Eyebolts.
9
"I just had a general question...." (re-read, after getting through the whole thing.) LOL
10
Also - to go beyond the LW's question, to what I think is really motivating the letter... I think they are bored after sixteen years. Bored, bored, bored.

Personally, I think they should think beyond other positions, to new fantasies, new cities, new clothes, new orientations. Live a little.

11
@8 He's on tour with Rear-Mount Hypothesis now, right?
12
I have googled but come up empty. Inverted comma sex position?? Inquiring minds, etc...
13
Hey, I love Mr. S too, but many of the same items can be found noticeably cheaper at www.forttroff.com
14

Sir,

I suggest you spend more time seeking an additional income from a second job or by building a "no update" website as you should be thinking more about college funds and less about muff diving.

15
We bought this, put it in the den:
http://www.amazon.com/Bodycraft-F430-Bod…

and put our sling on it with climbing straps from Second Ascent (hi, boys of Ballard); The best sex toy EVER and when company or the cable guy comes by, we take the sling off, put a 5 pound hand weight on one of the hooks and voila, we look athletic.
16
BTW, while she's in that position, don't forget to spank her.;-)
17
Sally: I don't have a problem!

Harry: Sure you do. Somewhere between 30 seconds and all night is your problem.
18
@15 -- awesome.

I find the grammar of the letter hysterical -- proper use of "; ", improper use of "its" -- math teacher?

I find the blow-by-blow pretty damn realistic/believable. I mean, hell, sex after 2 childer? It's like he's a 12 year old who's not quite sure what to do with a just-discovered cache of grandpa's porn. Or something. I wonder if the real question is just a timid "how to make this last"? Yes, I very much want to call 1-5 minutes a too-short downside. Ok, you're married, but at least on Valentines day or Anniversaries you surely can get 15 minutes *minimum*.

With that in mind...

For when you're both really into it, it sounds to me like cowgirl is the obvious thing to try. Everyone's hands are free, and you can achieve a wide range of angles (including a similar angle as from behind). In this position It's also similarly possible to "get movement by just moving her hips"... sorta... if you do it just right.

I've come to view cowgirl and rear-entry as anatomically and emotionally complimentary -- the former for long drawn-out occasions that, with practice, should lead to multiple orgasms for at least one partner, with the latter being more for quickies (as described), rough (@1) or just fucking hot.

And thanks, AHH, for introducing me to Wikipedia's Sex Positions page -- it's my new favorite conversation starter (or stopper).
19
spooning
20
Anything that allows you to stand up. She can do downward-facing dog (the yoga position) while you stand behind her and go at it. Or put her facedown on the kitchen table or counter.

But yeah, smells fake.
21
I learned the other night that during doggy style, do not press too hard on the center of her back. I ended up giving her a chiropractic adjustment. The crack her back made scared me! Did not miss a stroke, however.

Doggy style does work well for her. Another position that is usually successful does not. As Dan said, different strokes for different folks.
22
There is nothing wrong with our relationship and sex life; more sex from my point of view would be nice but whatever.

By "fastest" I mean we both reach climax the quickest when making love this way; depending on the amount of foreplay, it can be as short as under a minute to no longer than 5 minutes.

I don't think this letter is necessarily a fake, but AHH is certainly giving off contradictory vibes through his word choice, especially from initially saying there's "nothing wrong" to a wistful wish for "more sex" and then to a futile and resigned "whatever", amazingly all squished into one sentence only.

And then he calls regular 1-5 minute quickies "making love". I get the impression that AHH and Mrs. AHH stopped "making love" years ago and are now concerned only with achieving predictable orgasms as quickly as possible and then moving on to the next item on their coupled agenda. Perhaps when the kids were underfoot, they could only spare a few minutes here and there, but that's not the case now.

As much as it's pleasureable and reassuring to know that orgasms can be procured easily in certain positions, there's something magical about introducing a quirk here and there ... from sexual teasing to temporary orgasm denial to role playing to other flights of the imagination.

I think AHH is deceiving himself if he thinks he's describing his married sex life as happy. Turn to Mrs. AHH and ask, "Honey, why are we in such a hurry? It's not as if we have to watch TV show XYZ in 10 minutes." Throw the time-clock out of the bedroom and learn to enjoy the ebb and flow of sexual pleasure unique to each encounter.

As for positions to avoid putting undue strain on his body, there are books now on sex for disabled people. He may not be disabled, but he can gain some valuable tips that he can adapt for his own situation.
23
Why would anyone want to reach orgasm faster?
24
@23 My first thought is get off quick once as a preliminary, then keep going for orgasms 2, 3, 4, etc. Except that 1-5 minutes is just sad, and not likely to lead to anything more than the obligatory come and go...

Mr Man has issues he doesn't even know about.

And 5280--damn, baby-wanna come over and play?
25
Gaaah - I need to bleach my eyeballs. I'm lucky I only skimmed to see if got less explicit; otherwise, I'd have been struck blind. I can't even speculate about how long it must have taken the LW to type using one hand.
26
@23: Chafing.
27
@24: Sure thing. Feel like traveling to Denver?
29
Spam @28. Thanks, Beth.
30
Odd that the LW's entire focus seems to be on finding a new way to get off quickly. Have they never heard of masturbation?
Sex is supposed to be ENJOYED. Damn... this guy, or his wife (or possibly both) need some good, old-fashion therapy.

Good sex is not a foot race... it's a marathon.
31
No fair! all the links are blocked by my work's web filter. will just have to delay my gratification :(
32
And I thought it was only academics that parse shit to death.

All those details for 1-5 minutes?

Yeah, that sounds real hot.

"Dear Mr. Advice Columnist, I have really great quickie sex in one preferred position but can you give me another one so that it's also done in 5 minutes and I don't have to strain myself?"

I don't think I've ever come so hard.

Minute rice sex? I seriously doubt the wife is happy, sorry.
33
Just to clear up the letter is real

Yes it was gratuitous (wanted to get Dan’s attention didn’t think it would hurt)

Yes I did hurt my back

No it wasn’t during sex (being overly wordy has a price)

No we don’t time ourselves during intercourse (so I have no idea how long things really take but the whole bedroom thing is much longer than intercourse itself)

Yes my wife does like things despite THAT position being over quick, as I am serious in that its very quick, especially after extended foreplay. When I am the only one getting off I believe there is a term Dan has for this; GGG. We have different sex drives some times my wife is willing but just does not care if she gets off. People have to have seen enough letters to Dan on the subject of different sex drives between spouses over the years to believe that one at least.

Lastly no tissue was sacrificed before, during or after the writing of the letter to Dan.

The pillow sounds useful, thanks Dan!

Regards
AHH
34
@33 Glad to know you're real! And fwiw, if you don't want a big ol sex wedge sitting in the corner of your bedroom, meditation cushions are often of a similar shape and firmness, and less incriminating during dinner parties...not that I personally know anything about this, it's just something I've noticed...ahem.
36
@ 29..I am a tard. Google Liberator. It is a position-helper sex toy and good for someone who can't reach positions w/out help...and it is FUN!
37
Actually Dan, that first sling you linked too doesn't screw into the ceiling either. It's suspended from the top rails (which are extended out the foot) of a sturdy 4-post bed--kind of a different take on old Victorian.
38
Glad you're happy in your marriage, Happy Husband!
39
@23 Certainly the goal isn't always to reach orgasm faster, but quickies are fantastic.
40
I'm going to link to this letter under the Wikipedia page defining TMI
41
I'm going to link to this letter under the Wikipedia page for "TMI"
42
And here I thought that "lie back and think of England" was just a figure of speech.
43
AHH, thanks for writing back. Reverse cowgirl might work; it also gives her easy access to your prostate.

Does your wife know you wrote in? Have you discussed if she also wants to find another position for quick orgasm? I'm not clear if this is a medical need or a fetish for you, but if it's a fetish, then you might consider that GGG is supposed to go both ways, Maybe some sessions should involve lengthier intercourse if that's what she wants and assuming you can find a comfortable position.

44
@10:

Yeah, I recommend they try a new position. Pay for a babysitter and go pick each other up in a bar to fuck in the back alley. :)
45
@27--I live in Denver!
46
@1/24/27/45 - get a room already :-) No, seriously, you have to find a way to meet... and then tell us all about it!


Please wait...

and remember to be decent to everyone
all of the time.

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