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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
CRAWLIN' IN YOUR TISSUES
SQUIRMIN' AND SLIMIN' UNDER YOUR SKIN AND IN YOUR BRAAAAAIIIIIIN
WOOOOOORRRRRMMS
phlegm, sputum, etc are awful.
I chalenge anyone to suction out a mucky tracheostomy tube without gagging a little.
Because they talk about the most disgusting of bodily fluid shit constantly. Before breakfast. Over lunch. Like they're having a contest about who has the most iron stomach. Like it makes them a wonder mom because they had to clean vomit from the van. Like the most awesome thing in the world is to bond with other moms about the consistency/smell/color of the baby poo. Ugh, stop it mommies.
Disclaimer #1: some of these mommies are very dear friends of mine. But I don't eat lunch with them.
Disclaimer #2: daddies may do this, too, but I've never personally witnessed it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AckvdGbk…
Poop is gross, don't get me wrong -- but at least it's supposed to happen, and can be hilarious in the abstract.
I voted Phlegm, too. I still have nightmares about horrible, green tubes of snot hanging out of little kids noses when I taught elementary school. ugh.
2) tumors that grow eyes, teeth and hair just that idea. maybe that's a dermatological thing?
Me: "Oooh look how you can see the pulsing of the artery in the blood flow! Cool!" (now splashing on the floor).
My wife: "Uuuuuuuh" (eyes starting to roll up followed by being put to bed in the room next door).
Me: "You might want to pace yourself, sugar."
No, no wait! This one's better:
Wood splinter in my cornea is so soggy from the long delay in the waiting room that the ER doc uses a drill to remove it. "Now hold still..."
On the other side of things, I'm a woodcarver and handle knives for pleasure every Saturday. I've cut myself a few times. Never bothers me.
Only thing grosser: dogs eating 144 pieces of catshit.
Trickle down economics, for example.
And corporate tax rates as they currently are.
Stuff like that.
I'm grossed out constantly, to tell you the truth.
:-)
Flesh-eating fungi?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/museumofwor…
Gimmee your pig guts and blubber and oozy white slimey insect bubble thingie anytime instead.
Or leeches. I saw a predatory leech the size of a bratwurst once in the lake I was swimming in. For work. So I had to stay in the water.
Also, I knew a guy who got a leech on his eyeball. If that's not bad enough, he tried the "salt the leech" method by way of dipping it in salt water. The leech didn't like that so it crawled around to the back of his eyeball instead. Yes, inside the guy's head. He could feel it back there for hours until it finally got full and slimed its way out of his eyesocket, bringing with it a trickle of blood that kept running and running because of the anticoagulants.
...Can carnies be an option?
Chevy Chase: Hey, hold on a second, I have a jam here called Nose Hair. Now with a name like Nose Hair, you can imagine how good it must be. MMM MMM!!
Dan Aykroyd: Hold it a minute folks, but are you familiar with a jam called Death Camp? That’s Death Camp! Just look for the barbed wire on the label. With a name like Death Camp it must be so good it’s incredible! Just amazingly good jam!
John Belushi: Wait a minute . . . Dog Vomit, Monkey Pus. We offer you a choice of two of the most repulsive brand names of jams you’ve ever heard of. With names like these, this stuff has got to be terrific. We’re talking fabulous jam here!
Chevy Chase: Save your breath fella! Here’s a new jam we’ve just put out. It’s called Painful Rectal Itch. You’d have to go a long way to find a worse name for a jam. And good? MMM WAH! With a name like Painful Rectal Itch you gotta bet that it’s great . . .
Dan Aykroyd: Mangled Baby Ducks. That’s right, Mangled Baby Ducks! Picture a jam so good that you’d dare to call it Mangled Baby Ducks! Great Jam! It’s beautiful jam!
John Belushi: Wait a minute, wait a minute, this is it - 10,000 Nuns and Orphans.
Jane Curtin: 10,000 Nuns and Orphans? What’s so bad about that?
John Belushi: They were all eaten by rats! Oh, it’s so good! MMM!
Garrett Morris: Hold it, hold it everyone, your attention please, I have here a jam called, Oh God, [mumbles] Ick! Yecch!
Dan Aykroyd: It’s so good it’s sick making!
Chevy Chase: Oh, that’s gotta be great jam!
Jane Curtin: So if it’s great jam you’re after, try this one, the brand so disgusting you can’t say it on television. Ask for it by name!
(--"Fluckers", Saturday Night Live-The Album)
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/75/pics/75q…
But the things that make your brain hiccup and stomach flip are the things that at first are presented as contrasting with the banal until your cortex has a moment to contextualize what your eye is seeing. Like:
On the Bus to Redmond. Bad start already. Guy gets on. He has an eye patch. Not the pirate kind. The kind that's more like a bandage. He is dressed and has the demeanor of your average granola REI type. He meanders down the isle. Sits next to me. He's talking about going to work. I'm not looking at him. We talk back and forth. I say something witty he laughs. So I look at at him. He has, in the mean time, peeled back his bandage. His eye, purple, dripping with puss, and inflamed, is sewn shut. SEWN FRIGG'N SHUT. And I don't think by a professional. Like. Maybe by him since it was all zig-zaggy. Oh. And what is he doing? Why, he is picking out the stitches with the little metal tweezery thing from his Swiss Army knife. One. At. A. Time. Right there on the bus while he talks to me.
Try getting that shit out of your head.
There are others but I cannot bring them back into being by describing them. I'd like to be able to sleep this week.
@ 2 -- Totally agree. The thought of anything passing in or out of the human body via a needle is horrifying to me. The idea of IVs or giving blood makes my body want to fold in on itself and disappear.
My husband is most grossed about by those tumors you occasionally hear about that have teeth and hair inside them.
Ugghhhhh ..... I have to go watch videos of cats on treadmills or something to distract myself now.