Rapturous

Comments

I am also confused by believers who are angry at the Jews for killing Jesus, when Jesus saved the believers through his death.

aurora f on May 19, 2011 at 3:44 PM

I keep hearing about this 6pm thing. What time zone are they talking about? Pacific Daylight Savings Time? GMT? Does it start in Australia and roll around the world at 6pm in each time zone? Has this practical aspect been addressed?

teamcanada on May 19, 2011 at 3:45 PM

Moon time.

For some reason, the Prince song "Delirious" is running thru my head now.

(he's a seventh day adventist, natch)

Will in Seattle on May 19, 2011 at 3:47 PM

Guess who they're going to blame when it doesn't happen? YAHTZEE! We have a winner!

despicable me on May 19, 2011 at 3:55 PM

Maranatha

Mr.Joshua on May 19, 2011 at 3:55 PM

@3, Not that it really matters, but Prince is a JW. Not a Seventh-day Adventist.

lily on May 19, 2011 at 3:56 PM

@teamcanada

I'm sure it's rolling rapture.

arbeck on May 19, 2011 at 3:56 PM

Call Congress to pass legislation legalizing gay marriage TOMORROW--it's the only way to make SURE the rapture comes THIS WEEKEND!

LML on May 19, 2011 at 3:57 PM

Aren't you used to Christian doublethink by now, Dan? They also claim that they're going to eternal paradise when they die, and yet they always object when offered immediate death and even weep and wail and otherwise flip the fuck out when somebody they love dies.

balderdash on May 19, 2011 at 4:02 PM

@6 If Will says it, it's wrong. No one need fact-check him, for he is the Anti-fact-christ.

OuterCow on May 19, 2011 at 4:02 PM

Of course, it will happen time zone by time zone. At 6pm sharp local time. but only 200 million christianists will blast off, so there will be many disapointed fuckups left behind.

on May 19, 2011 at 4:03 PM

@1 Exactly! Borges wrote about the Judas paradox before the Judas Gospel was known, and I think it really calls into question the rationality of the Xtian belief system--as if that needed more help.

Jesus took care of all of mankind's sins by a day on the cross? Boo Hoo. The real savior is Judas, who sacrificed his eternal soul so that Jesus could be crucified--in accordance with God's will--and save everyone else's souls. Mr. Iscariot is the one who deserves the credit here.

Ophian on May 19, 2011 at 4:05 PM

@10, I know, you're right... but sometimes it's just so hard to ignore him. Especially when a) I can't concentrate anyway at work with the sun out, and b) there is no Fnarf around to backhand him with truthiness.

lily on May 19, 2011 at 4:07 PM

Seattle sloggers, I live on the east coast, so if Jesus shows up at at 6 pm pacific time, do me a solid, and give me a heads up. (Okay, as a white guy, I can't pull off the "do me a solid", but it's the rapture. Give me a break.) Really, with the exception of Kim in Portland, I can't wait to get rid of the Christians.

Rob in Baltimore on May 19, 2011 at 4:09 PM

I'm no apologist for religion, but this is an easy one. It sucks to die (or to be raptured) before your work is done. Jesus could have preached more if he hadn't died; these nuts could save more heathen souls if the rapture is postponed.

[Of course even from their point of view, it's not up to them to decide when the work is done. You might be able to convince them that it's God's will, and not anyone's fault.]

BABH on May 19, 2011 at 4:09 PM

Once all those who truly follow the beliefs of Christ are swept up in the Rapture this Saturday (all five of them or whatever), will the rest of the so-called Christians just STFU for a while?

How many true believers need to go to the Rapture for the "True Believers" to realize they aren't the chosen ones?

Gus on May 19, 2011 at 4:10 PM

@14 - Rob, you get 6 p.m. before we do. ;-)

@10 - "anti-fact-Christ" is the COTM* post of the day.

*Coffee-On-The-Monitor

Geni on May 19, 2011 at 4:11 PM

Damn, I had a first date lined up for Saturday night

BritishRichard on May 19, 2011 at 4:11 PM

Be of good cheer. Those who think they are pure enough to meet the standard to be Raptured suffer from the the mortal sin of pride will certainly damned to hell or at least damned to remain for the Tribulation.
There's also a well founded belief that the pure have been Raptured, no one noticed and we have been in the tribulation since ~60CE.
It's in the book.

tombaxter on May 19, 2011 at 4:15 PM

@6 whatever. don't care. crazy is crazy.

Will in Seattle on May 19, 2011 at 4:18 PM

OMG. There are max 7 people on this earth who've actually followed every rule in the bible. if the rapture is coming, we'll never actually notice that 7 people are gone.

Caralain on May 19, 2011 at 4:20 PM

mind you, they broke the covenant anyway when they said more than 14,000 could get into heaven, so they're all apostates, irregardless.

Will in Seattle on May 19, 2011 at 4:21 PM

@21 look for people who refuse offers of sushi, have slaves, and think it's ok to have multiple wives and concubines ...

Will in Seattle on May 19, 2011 at 4:23 PM

So: rapture = GOOD, but provoking rapture = BAD?

Is this what is meant by "sucking and blowing at the same time"?

saxfanatic on May 19, 2011 at 4:23 PM

17, oh, right. Had one too many glasses of wine. It's the rapture, oops. Got my time zones reversed. I'll try to stall Jesus, to give you some more time to hide. Seriously, I'll get some sugar cubes for the four horsemen's horses.

Rob in Baltimore on May 19, 2011 at 4:25 PM

You have a point, Dan. There's a nutter movement that pays to get Jews back to Israel to hurry up the rapture, so why they so mad if gay people/marriage will hurry it along? Personally, I would be quite happy if the "rapture" did happen, and took all the nutters. The rest of us could totes live in peace then. I saw something on Facebook about leaving outfits out on the street to scare them into thinking that people have been raptured and they weren't chosen. While I think that's HILARIOUS, it would just make the ones "left behind" even crazier and probably more annoying (and probably cause them to make up some kind of new theory that there's more than one "rapture" or that they still have some weird justification to evangelize in the "hell on earth"). It's at least convenient that both May 22 and December 22, 2012, are weekends, so I can shelter-in-place at home against the crazies.

Ms. D on May 19, 2011 at 4:28 PM

The funny thing is, for a sizeable number of people, Saturday really will be their last day on Earth. They just don't know it yet. And Jesus will have nothing to do with it.

Fifty-Two-Eighty on May 19, 2011 at 4:31 PM

Hey, where's LovesChili?

Maybe she done already BEEN Raptured....

o_O

merry on May 19, 2011 at 4:34 PM

@28: Way to get all meta on our asses.

TVDinner on May 19, 2011 at 4:37 PM

Weird thought, and I've had a few in my life, what if the rapture happens on saturday at 6PM, but instead of jebus, Mithra shows up? What then? and where will we get a bull, a scorpion, a snake and a dog at that hour?

Merchant Seaman on May 19, 2011 at 4:37 PM

Am I alone in thinking that if, by some sheer miracle that proves that I have been wrong for the past 39 years, this whole rapture thing actually happens, it will be of benefit in terms of population control?

catballou on May 19, 2011 at 4:37 PM

@ 25

LOL reminds me of...

Jesus is coming! Quick, look busy...

tupa on May 19, 2011 at 4:37 PM

Have you seen this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRkIWB3HI…

Schweighsr on May 19, 2011 at 4:38 PM

@27: This thread just got a lot better.

venomlash on May 19, 2011 at 4:38 PM

Hooray for Judgment Day this Saturday- I’m going to finally meet Jesus!... And here I thought “The Rapture” was just a circuit party where everyone was on Ecstasy! Gosh Ima' dork!

You Look Like I Need A Drink! on May 19, 2011 at 4:38 PM

@teamcanada--presumably, it is happening at 6:30 in Newfoundland.

bleedingheartlibertarian on May 19, 2011 at 4:41 PM

I think all those churches should thank the gays with nice big checks. I need a new laptop.

Ian Awesome on May 19, 2011 at 4:42 PM

This is going to be excellent. A world with no Christians in it? A reality entirely devoid of the salvation slinging smilers, with their ancient judgments and moralistic certitude?

I'm in.

It might be enjoyable to live on a planet run by reasonable people.

And I refer of course to that one particular flavor of disciple: The fundamentalist Christian. The brand of believer that sees these as the end times, and is convinced of their moral righteousness. The placard wavers. The brain washers. The unhinged.

To you honest, inclusive and objective Christians among us, I offer my condolences for the company you keep, and for the embarrassing and demoralizing shame these people must bring you. I can only imagine the sort of fight you must have to wage to distance yourselves from these tragically misguided people.

egon2020 on May 19, 2011 at 4:47 PM

Shit... My son's birthday party is Saturday. Oh but it ends at five thirty. So that's cool, we won't miss it and all those little kids will get pizza, cake and lootbags in their final hour.

family doc on May 19, 2011 at 4:51 PM

If I know my rapture mythology, and I think I do, an alien is going to shoot me dead, and eat my head. It's in the Bible, I'm sure.

Rob in Baltimore on May 19, 2011 at 4:59 PM

@38 ..well thanks for thinking of us..but really, it rarely happens where people confuse us with them. like asians and blacks , nobody thinks we all look alike except the crazies. .and.not so deep down inside, they don't like us ( my husband and i..) either.

reverend dr dj riz on May 19, 2011 at 5:08 PM

@ Rob, if the rapture is real, Christians like Kim are the ones going. Christians like Loveschild are staying put.

Matt from Denver on May 19, 2011 at 5:10 PM

I figured sunset in Jerusalem (the start of the Christian Sabbath, in Jerusalem) made the most sense for a specific time (if we're going to try to apply and semblance of sense). That's at 19:33 UTC+3 (the time zone is UTC+2, but they're in Daylight Savings Time at the moment). That pegs it at 11:33 for me; the real trick is going to be trying to break all 10 commandments simultaneously at exactly 11:33 to make sure there's absolutely no chance I'll be unwillingly incarcerated in some horrible Christian Heaven.

John Horstman on May 19, 2011 at 5:11 PM

@23: So look for vegan, hemp-wearing sweatshop owners in Utah?

John Horstman on May 19, 2011 at 5:14 PM

well
it's only fair
after all-
Danny blames the "christians" for AIDS
and
Homosexual Suicide

on May 19, 2011 at 5:19 PM

and sorry to be a killjoy
but
the nutters have the rapture
and
pretty much everything else
wrong.

on the Big Day
the wicked will be incinerated
(think Sodom and Gommorah....)

on May 19, 2011 at 5:21 PM

but
girls-
don't fear the fire-

it will be extinguished promptly
as Seattle slides into the Pacific

on May 19, 2011 at 5:23 PM

40
so Bob-
have you been tested?

on May 19, 2011 at 5:25 PM

@46: OK, I'll think Sodom and Gomorrah. What's that, Lassie? God will spare the citizens (wicked and righteous) of a metropolitan area if it can produce just ten righteous persons to plead its case?
We should be able to appeal to the Master of Mercy quite nicely on this one, based on the Biblical precedent of Sodom and Gomorrah. Looks like Alleged doesn't read the Bible quite as closely as he would like us to think he does.
@47: And so we can add continental drift and plate tectonics to the gargantuan list of things that Alleged doesn't know jack shit about.

venomlash on May 19, 2011 at 5:35 PM

48, yes, every year. Never had any sort of STD ever. I'm a healthy gay man. Get over it.

Rob in Baltimore on May 19, 2011 at 5:40 PM

If the rapture were to happen this saturday, only one or two people would go missing. So no one would know it had happened, regardless. Well, until the ground exploded and an army of demons led by the antichrist crawled out of a pit. How can people believe stuff like this? Or in any supernaturalism...surrounded by trashminds.

on May 19, 2011 at 5:57 PM

46 - Since the incinerated wicked will include (among others) Rush Limbaugh, Anthony "Fat Tony" Scalia, and a good chunk of the Rascal-riding South, I am imagining something on the order of a large, smoky tire fire.

MacBastard on May 19, 2011 at 5:59 PM

@Alleged, I know it's too much to ask that you give up your obsession with this bastion of the homoliberal elite that is SLOG, but kindly, show the damned some mercy and learn how to spell Gomorrah. Your blank verse is otherwise so well written, "Gommorah" always sticks out like a sore thumb.

samktg on May 19, 2011 at 6:06 PM

I'm pretty sure I read it was Philadelphia time. How that's different from Eastern time, beats me, but there you go. Does God know about Daylight Savings Time?

If Harold Camping doesn't off himself Saturday, he's going to have to answer a lot of questions.

By the way, doesn't the Bible take a rather dim view of people who practice occult predicting?

Brooklyn Reader on May 19, 2011 at 6:20 PM

For a play-by-play, you can monitor earthquake activity here:
http://www.iris.edu/seismon/bigmap/index…

Helpful tip: as long as there is a continuous string of earthquakes, as there always is, the earth is blowing off its stored seismic energy and we're safe. The thing to watch out for is if it stops completely for a week or so, and saves it all up. It's still percolating along just fine as of right now.

So, unless Camping has a 200 megaton bomb wedged into the faults under Yellowstone or Missouri, or we're getting hit by a giant asteroid, I can't see where his Saturday prediction has any merit.

Brooklyn Reader on May 19, 2011 at 6:35 PM

@54: "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." (Exodus 22:18, KJV)
And the story of King Saul and the Witch of Endor makes it abundantly clear that such attempts at divination are unacceptable even when done with good intentions. So the story goes, King Saul visited the witch in order to obtain advice (for his upcoming battle against the Philistines) from the spirit of Samuel the prophet. Samuel, however, complained of being roused from his sleep in Sheol, rebuked Saul for having resorted to such unholy means, and predicted Saul's downfall in the battle.

venomlash on May 19, 2011 at 6:41 PM

seriously guys, when they're gone let's film and broadcast gay and lesbo porn from the Trinity Broadcasting Network studios. maybe we can keep the Tribulation coming along.

minotaur on May 19, 2011 at 6:41 PM

53

so sorry-
the days of mercy for the homoliberal effete are waning,
Justice is knocking at the door...

on May 19, 2011 at 7:26 PM

50

None?

Not one?

Not even groinorrhea?

are you SURE you're gay?.....

on May 19, 2011 at 7:28 PM

56

ooooh- that's scary.

have you seen this one?

"If a man also lie with mankind both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death."

on May 19, 2011 at 7:33 PM

59

get it;? "clap"....

on May 19, 2011 at 7:36 PM

61

see, "clap" is slang for gonorrhea...

on May 19, 2011 at 7:37 PM

@39, I hope you've at least rented them one of those bounce houses. Just sayin':)

JrzWrld on May 19, 2011 at 8:08 PM

I've listened to that guy's show near Santa Maria where their signal is really strong on the radio. Camping doesn't talk about gay people much. Moreover, he keeps emphasizing that everyone needs to quit their church, because the bible sez that satan will take over the churches 20 yrs before rapture.
What I'm most fascinated by is all the callers who seem just as versed in passages from the bible - most are under age 40 and many have an accent from another country. They call in and might say 'matthew 14-26' or something, and both of them understand the section and just discuss the nuances, and I have no idea what they're talking about.
Camping is a nerd. There are a lot of other radio preachers who are more angry and unlistenable

Mechthild on May 19, 2011 at 8:16 PM

49

Ten, Junior?

Are you SURE?

Your brothers in Sodom were also cocky.

"Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire out of heaven;
And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and, lo, the smoke of the country went up as the smoke of a furnace...."

on May 19, 2011 at 8:21 PM

@60: Actually, I haven't. Can you show me a version of the Holy Bible that translates Leviticus 20:13 thusly? Of course you can't; you're omitting the phrase "as with womankind". Intentionally misquoting the Bible! It is not my place to judge you for your conduct towards the Almighty, but I would not do such a thing for fear of committing blasphemy.
@65: I'm quite sure. And it's no denizen of Sodom who was so cocky, but rather Abraham, patriarch of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Try reading the Bible if you don't believe me:

The men turned away and went toward Sodom, but Abraham remained standing before the LORD. Then Abraham approached Him and said: “Will You sweep away the righteous with the wicked? What if there are fifty righteous people in the city? Will You really sweep it away and not spare the place for the sake of the fifty righteous people in it? Far be it from You to do such a thing—to kill the righteous with the wicked, treating the righteous and the wicked alike. Far be it from you! Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?”
The LORD said, “If I find fifty righteous people in the city of Sodom, I will spare the whole place for their sake.”
Then Abraham spoke up again: “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the LORD, though I am nothing but dust and ashes, what if the number of the righteous is five less than fifty? Will You destroy the whole city for lack of five people?”
“If I find forty-five there,” He said, “I will not destroy it.”
Once again he spoke to Him, “What if only forty are found there?”
He said, “For the sake of forty, I will not do it.”
Then he said, “May the LORD not be angry, but let me speak. What if only thirty can be found there?”
He answered, “I will not do it if I find thirty there.”
Abraham said, “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the LORD, what if only twenty can be found there?”
He said, “For the sake of twenty, I will not destroy it.”
Then he said, “May the LORD not be angry, but let me speak just once more. What if only ten can be found there?”
He answered, “For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it.”
When the LORD had finished speaking with Abraham, He left, and Abraham returned home.

(Genesis 18:22-33)
God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah EXACTLY BECAUSE not even ten righteous men could be found within their walls, for God is master of both justice and mercy. I'm no biblical scholar, but your understanding of the texts you claim support you is disgraceful.

venomlash on May 19, 2011 at 9:17 PM

Arguing with enraged religious crazy people is awesome and productive. Especially about how to interpret and quote scripture (THERE'S CAN BE ONLY ONE MEANING! ha...ha). Do you take on the schizophrenic street preachers with megaphones too, lash larue?

on May 19, 2011 at 9:23 PM

Got yer SPF 666 yet? Got mine...I'm good. I'll do you're back if you want...

Rujax! on May 19, 2011 at 10:54 PM

These people don't just fail at logic. They shred it, set it on fire and then roll around in its ashes...

BEG on May 20, 2011 at 12:14 AM

@36- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OMG, I can hear Mansbridge's voice saying that now...

teamcanada on May 20, 2011 at 1:54 AM

@venomlash: I personally interpret the Leviticus rule as: If you bi, don't do anal with girl, and you choose only one gender for oral, or it is an abomination. This rule obviously doesn't concern lesbians and even gay men are off the hook as long as they don't have sex with women.
If god was feeling so strongly about gay sex, he should have been more precise: is he to shy to even say sex? Anyway, when he wants to say something, he tells it: you shalt not kill. He wrote that in stone. Twice. Hirself.
So, all the angry people at DADT repeal, you shouldn't care. You should be angry there is an army, and death penalty, and guns. And if you are consistent, you shouldn't even be happy OBL got killed.

And the Sodom story is scary. It was destroyed because there wasn't enough people righteous enough to prefer letting a mob rape their virgin daughters rather the guests.
Then the righteous ones escape in the mountain, one get killed because she look one last time at her dying city (with all her friends) while the others get drunk and commit incest, twice in a row.

Kyrie on May 20, 2011 at 5:49 AM

71

'precise'?
do you know how many times fornication and adultery are
unambiguously
condemned in the old and new testaments?
you do realize there is no homosexual marriage in the bible, don't you?

there were lots of wicked cities that didn't get destroyed by fire from heaven.
what was special,
especially depraved,
about sodom?
what could it possibly have been?.....

the nitpicking
and fine tuning
and rationalizing to square homosexuality with the bible is so precious-
cum on; embrace your pervsion and deviancy!!

on May 20, 2011 at 6:36 AM

I'm still wondering: if the ratpure comes, will Kim in Portland be raptured away? I hope not. Or maybe yes--she'd be in bliss. Br... it's a paradox!

ankylosaur on May 20, 2011 at 6:48 AM

72

oh wait-

we remember our Slog HeathenHumanist Sunday School lesson on Sodom-

it was 'ingratitude'...

Sodom was an ungracious host-

(those smarmy bastards...)

and as a result;
they were totally and completely destroyed off the face of the earth...

so remember girls-
curtsey
and
say "please" and "thank you"
and
by all means
get those Thank You cards out promptly.....

on May 20, 2011 at 6:51 AM

@72: Do you realize how many time how many times god don't give a sh** about this kind of thing? The bible is inconsistent. When Abraham marry his sister, (gen 12:13&19) sleep with the slave,(gen 16:4) because at 86 years old he decides he wants kids, how does god punish him? By making Sarah able to have more kids! (gen 17:16) And I'm not even mentioning the creation, you must realize that with one family, there must have been a lot of incests. The bible also mention that women should not give their opinion in public, slaves should obey their master, raping virgins is ok as long as you marry them and pay the father, stoning your children is ok if they disobey a lot,... It goes on and on and nobody gives a crap. But lets say god really really hate gays. It destructed the city full of gay sinners but let escape the one who then sleep with his daugthers. So in your twisted mind, it's better to fuck your daughter than a man?

Anyone who care more about gay sex than "you shall not kill" "love you neighbour" "do not judge" clearly hasn't read the bible or has read it just in order to find arguments.

Kyrie on May 20, 2011 at 7:17 AM

Totally love this thread. Thanks for making my day.

Has anyone see the video clip, "Jesus, the Musical?" Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLKk00OYK…

I think Jesus would have loved it.... ; )

livingintheflow on May 20, 2011 at 7:26 AM

Great thread. Thanks for making my day.

Has anyone seen the video clip, "Jesus the Musical?" Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLKk00OYK…

I have a feeling Jesus would have loved it too... ; )

livingintheflow on May 20, 2011 at 7:31 AM

I always took it to mean that no man should have vaginal sex with another man. Which is fine by me, and shouldn't present too much difficulty, really.

RidingTheLightning on May 20, 2011 at 7:32 AM

@78: what about transgender men who kept their female genitals? God really must despise buck angel's porn.

Kyrie on May 20, 2011 at 7:48 AM

Does any one else find it telling that Period Troll is all over this Rapture post but not the one written by Paul? Hmmmmm. Why could that be I wonder?
Maybe he'll explain on Monday.

Lissa on May 20, 2011 at 8:14 AM

80
hi red.
glad you'll have a project for the weekend....

on May 20, 2011 at 8:24 AM

On this same line of thought, no one ever thanks the Jews for killing Jesus (well, we only just didn't SAVE him). If it weren't for us, they wouldn't have a savior.

BrandonC on May 20, 2011 at 8:34 AM

'only just didn't save him...'

oh, you're a funny boy.

seems that you've been being thanked for 2000 years, hoss...

what was that line again?...

"Pilate saith unto them, What shall I do then with Jesus which is called Christ? They all say unto him, Let him be crucified.

And the governor said, Why, what evil hath he done? But they cried out the more, saying, Let him be crucified.

When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see YE to it."

Oh wait- here it comes......

Then answered all the people, and said, HIS BLOOD BE ON US, AND ON OUR CHILDREN....."

on May 20, 2011 at 8:52 AM

I love that someone keeps bringing up the myth of Sodom and Gomorrah, as if it had any more legitimacy than Greek mythology.

Rob in Baltimore on May 20, 2011 at 8:54 AM

I think maybe part of it is that everybody loves a good scary story.
"The seventh trumpet blast is coming from inside your HOUSE!!!!1!!!11"
Know what I mean?

Lissa on May 20, 2011 at 9:36 AM

Rapture timeline:

6:00 PM Heaven Standard Time: GOD looks down upon His creation, looking for true and righteous followers of His Word to call home.

6:03 PM HST: GOD puts on his glasses; takes a closer look.

6:04 PM HST: Hmm. Maybe over here?

6:05 PM HST: Or here?

6:06 PM HST: *COSMIC FACEPALM*

6:07 PM: "Hey, Son, it's Dad. Looks like this thing isn't going to work out. Is the Bruins game still on? It is? Great, what channel?"

Backyard Bombardier on May 20, 2011 at 9:46 AM

@83: For god's sake, even the pope stop to hold the Jews responsible for Jesus' death. (It only lasted three days, what's the big deal anyway) According to your own word, they cursed themselves, it doesn't really hold a lot of weight. Jesus himself on the cross forgave them. The romans actually killed him, and yet the Vatican is in Rome and nobody is angry at the Italians. Maybe it's time to let this go.

Kyrie on May 20, 2011 at 10:02 AM

@85 I have to say, despite being a rabid anti-theist, a part of me is secretly grateful for the Catholic church just on account of all the great horror movies.

I mean, The Exorcist alone....

shw3nn on May 20, 2011 at 10:08 AM

Oh did I mention that tomorrow I plan on wearing my My Pretty Ponies of the Apocalypse hoodie?

Lissa on May 20, 2011 at 10:11 AM

Rapture is a great thing and gays certainly had something to do with its popularity. Blondie's rap is kind of silly but the beat is funky and the video is rad!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHCdS7O24…

Mudkips on May 20, 2011 at 10:27 AM

59, I'm definitely gay, and I have fantastic gay sex. Yet, I know how to stay safe. Jealous?

Rob in Baltimore on May 20, 2011 at 10:36 AM

@88: Yes, well, say what you like about the Holy Mother Church, we do know how to bring the Drama. Maybe that's why Protestants are so hung up on the Rapture? Out of jealousy of the Catholic Theatrical Flair?

Lissa on May 20, 2011 at 10:36 AM

Notice how Alleged doesn't have anything to say in response to my deconstruction of his pathetic arguments back in post #66.

venomlash on May 20, 2011 at 10:38 AM

This is a great idea: http://gizmodo.com/5803766/rapture-prank

Rob in Baltimore on May 20, 2011 at 10:45 AM

@93: I would, but since I have unregistered comments turned off I can't hear anything the poor dear has to say, so I just have to infer what he's spewing from the responses of others.
Which. I am enjoying. Immensely.
So carry on Venomlash oh Mighty Slayer of Trolls! Yours is the Field of Blood! Yours is the Sword of Michael!
I heart your work. :)

Lissa on May 20, 2011 at 11:11 AM

@91 - I, like you, am totally gay and have had ONLY gay sex my entire life and haven't caught anything. NOTHING. Not even the rampantly heterosexual STD, chlamydia. I have a feeling the unregistered troll has likely caught everything under the sun, considering he likely has a propensity towards skanks.

So, yes, I agree, he is jealous.

Frau Blucher on May 20, 2011 at 11:13 AM

@92 I just had a flash back.

My parents were atheists but they took me to a few different churches just to show me what was out there and expose me to stuff.

Then my first time at summer camp on Saturday night, they ask us all what religion we were because they had different services for us on Sunday. "Catholic" sounded the most familiar to me (I think because my father and his sibs had been raised Catholic) so that's what I said.

Immediately this other girl was like, "ZOMG! We're both Catholic!!! BFF!!!" Nobody else was doing that. I was like, "FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU...." I knew then before the service, which was a complete disaster since I didn't know any of the stuff, that I had made the wrong choice.

shw3nn on May 20, 2011 at 11:30 AM

These Rapturists are what are called “false Prophets” in the Bible. The New Testament including Revelation speaks of them.

"Many false prophets will appear and deceive many people” (Matthew ;24)
“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious (avaricious) wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them… Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them." (Matthew 7:15–23)

Basically this means that if the prophecies (fruit) don’t come to pass then you will know them as false (or bad trees) and will be destroyed by God.

False prophets are also a stumbling block to true Christians:
“There will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies (Rapture)… Many will follow their shameful ways (Rapturists) and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up” (2 Peter).

HAH! That is the closest Harold Camping will ever be to being instrumental in fulfilling some aspect of the bible… A false Prophet!

P.S. The only reason I’m posting all these bible quotes is in case you get in an argument with one of these Rapturist freaks, so you can argue with them (and win) using their own bible- complete with scriptures to quote and site!

You Look Like I Need A Drink! on May 20, 2011 at 11:53 AM

My money is on heaven actually only having room for 144,000 ancient-sized people (read: under 5 feet tall) and it's just some giant Ponzi scheme now, with God about to run out the back door of the universe with a suitcase full of papers and blow, because he figured we'd kill ourselves off before we ever reached a billion in population (c. 1800).

briantrice on May 20, 2011 at 12:18 PM

100

@99: Oh Brian, so young and yet so cynical......xoxo

Lissa on May 20, 2011 at 1:21 PM

Rapturous

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