My answer would have been: You're 23. Lighten up.
@1, God yes.
You're 23, so you might even be too young to remember when we used to say this, but

Bitch, please.

(But seriously, I've done this same thing -- 'oh woe is me, I've been in love with 3 great guys who I'm still great friends with'... and then I kicked myself in the nuts for being so me, you'll be fine.)

This person is the first one to have the wisdom to understand:


I love these letters from the 25 and younger crowd...

But basically @1.
Yep. They all think they're so grown up. Guess again.
I assume everyone noticed he spelled his name in such a way that the first letter of each word, when you put just those four letters together, spell another word. Such cleverness, and I don't throw this around lightly, and because we are on a Dan Savage post, such cleverness is Genius.
Yes, people under 25 are silly and unimportant and don't deserve advice.
I hate it when my penis gets lodged in somebody I care about.
Care Bear, the under 25 crowd need advice more than anybody. But it's nobody's fault that the best advice is usually "grow the fuck up."
and people over thirty five who need and get sexy times advice cause the pukies. Ain't nobody wanna think old people sex! It's fuckin' gross, literally. So people under 25 don't matter, and people over 35 have problems so disgusting and awful they mine as well be under 25.
Can I just say that I hate the term "serial monogamy"? I see its use for people (some of whom I know) who get into "serious relationships" that only last a month or two, time and time again. But as far as I'm concerned, at 23, having a 5 month and a 1.5 year relationship doesn't constitute "serial monogamy," it constitutes "having multiple relationships." And most people do have multiple relationships. Few of us marry our first SO, or our first love.

I move that we reserve the term "serial monogamy" for those people who insist that they've "maybe found the one" after like 2 weeks, only to dump them for someone who is "perfect" 3 weeks later. Anyone second this motion?
Dan, what kind of promises aren't about the future?
I think Dan meant, no promises about The Future (house, kids, family-merging) not, no promises about small "f" future. Fine to promise someone you love you'll go to that movie they're dying to see, next week. Less fine to promise someone who's itching to buy towel sets that you are that level of committed, when you know you aren't or aren't capable of that.

& 23 is too young to know this about yourself. (She said, sighing for not being 23 anymore..) Letter writer, date! Date lots of guys, in a row, in a fun honest manner. Enjoy, life is short. Play safe & continue to be the guy whose exes don't mind being pals. Speaks well of you.
@8 THANK YOU. I'm so sick of condescension from the older Slog-commenting set (on SLLOTDs mostly).
Thanks, obviously what I meant was, "Eva, what kind of promises aren't about the future?"
I'll keep that in mind for next time, this clever name switcheroo stuff, I concede, it is Genius.
@13: Serial monogamy just means having multiple monogamous relationships in series. There's nothing wrong with it. Most people have practiced some form of serial monogamy.
Boy, I would like to have just one serious relationship I can extend into Boyfriend territory.
Damn, my first reaction was "What a self-important asswipe."

(" 'mo " ???)

My second reaction was "This guy is so fucking desperate for emotional drama, (A *gay man*??? No!) he'll create it sooner or later." I would have slagged him silly.

But that's why Dan gets paid the big bucks, to be kind and considerate, and I'm an asswipe commenter on Slog.
This one is so sweet. After all, a moderately attractive gay man with a Manhunt account living in a major city could easily plow through 20 to 30 guys a month. All those tense, fully-flexed, ripped, muscled bodies colliding with all the sweating, licking, pounding and thrusting--and I just forgot what the hell we were talking about.
Does one have to be gay to have a manhunt account?
Manhunt, like Recon, is geared towards dudes looking for dudes, yes. Not gonna lie though, I've totally gone on there to oogle photos.
Okay, Mr. 23, you've heard the advice from the Sloggers; so far, most of us think you should be delighted with the fact that you're capable of having several decent, fun, caring relationships in a row. I agree! And the fact that you're so quick to find your next boyfriend where you live means only one thing: you're incredibly lucky. Count those lucky stars, stay safe and have fun! You'll be fine.
@13 - I reserve "serial monogamy" for Elizabeth Taylor.
I would just suggest talking to your friends and thinking a little bit about the, ahem, "problem." Like, why is it a problem for you? You CAN figure this out, I'm sure of it.
Hmm. I'd like to say that while 3 consecutive serious relationships by 23 are clearly not a problem, the LW might just be subconsciously hankering for a phase of singleness. Being single is sometimes great - it allows you to live for yourself and grow in some pretty interesting ways. If LW has had boyfriends for years, he's probably pretty used to accommodating another person in his life in a lot of ways. At 23, I think it's legit to say, "I've been partnered for so long; I need to go figure out some shit for myself" and just avoid letting anything get serious for a few months. In fact, I've given that advice to friends who have a tendency to jump from relationship to relationship before.

And by the way, I'm from Breedertown, not Fagland! And yet I can see how this could be an issue for someone.
serial monogamy distinguishes having one partner at a time from true monogamy: having one partner EVER for the rest of your life, old italian widow style.
@21 - Your post made ME forget the discussion at hand too. LOL

Thanks for the mental break. ;)
@28: not that there's anything wrong with being an old Italian widow per se. All the old Italian widows I know would rather have their husbands still with them (after 60+ years of happy marriage, not having that person around is a bitch), but none of them are miserable.
I settled down with my first partner at 23, and while we didn't make it to the finish line (death), we made it for the next twenty years.

At 43, when I was suddenly single again, I was more-or-less convinced that I was too old to ever find another guy. Because I wasn't expecting to find anybody, I allowed myself to do what I was afraid to do at 23; I was able to make myself comfortable with being single, and I was able to date lots of different guys, enjoying each one for who he was, without always worrying about whether he was The One. At 49, once I had my happy single life happily planned out for the next happy thirty years, I fell happily and goofily in love.

Message to FAGS: don't worry about whether Mr. 6 Weeks is The One, and by all means don't worry about whether you are just chewing up men and spitting them out (so to speak). Life is not a race to see who gets married first, and your worth is not defined by whether or not you have a partner. Just enjoy being yourself and enjoy the people and options that present themselves. The rest will fall into place from there.

@33: I've heard the . troll and others say that the CDC says abstinence+monogamy, but I've been received training with their effective interventions program and never actually heard someone from the CDC directly say that.

Do you have any citations?
Dear F.A.G.S.

The ability to be friends with exes is a positive thing. Enjoy being in you 20's. You're too young to be worrying about finding The Right One. Actually, any age is too young to worry about that. Enjoy your consensual, happy, be-condomed sex with people you find charming, witty, and attractive and eventually one of those people will be The Right One. Don't get desperate for Mr Right. Otherwise you'll end up settling for Mr Right Now instead of Mr Right.
"us", after reading your thinly veiled antigay screed, one is left with the strong suspicion that you are perhaps partnered and miserably unhappy. But stronger yet are the words of Mencken that your tone evokes. Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. Have a seegar and play some cards, angry christianist.
@33: "The CDC says abstinence until in a long term relationship and monogamy thereafter is the best way to avoid STDs."

Right - the one upside to being an anxious repressed virgin judgmental fuckwad like yourself is that you are less likely to get an STD. So the next time you jack off alone in your room, give yourself a pat on the back!

Given the huge downsides to being an anxious repressed virgin judgmental fuckwad like yourself, however, I doubt your information is going win many people over to your side.
@11 Yeah, but how? If it were that simple, growing up would be easy. 'Grow Up' is useless advise. Why is certain behavior considered immature? What is the benefit of acting differently?

Of course growing up to most people is synonymous with becoming cynical and jaded. I hope that's not what everyone means.
"As a matter of principle, I only hook up with people I sort of like."

such high principles. sort of.

Do you know how to Google?

try: a totally unveiled anti-stupid screed.
if you see it as antigay then perhaps you should evaluate your opinion of homosexuals...


oh yeah, that's what It Gets Better is for- kids are so fucking happy to be homosexual- why- they're just DYING to be gay......


"my side" , of course, being the side of Truth, Scientific Validity, the positions advocated by the CDC.

but Queer,Inc doesn't care to hear the unpleasant truth, and will stop its ears up and humm loudly "we can't hear you troll..."

this is how we get to 20% HIV rates.

But don't pat YOURSELF on the back- that is just a starting point; with an attitude like you describe we can grow those numbers nicely, thank you...
@40: I have, dipshit. I can find find no recommendations of such from the CDC. I've found acknowledgements of relative safety, but that's a different thing than a recommendation. You're the one walking around claiming bullshit. If it's not bullshit, then prove it.

Clinical recommendations are a big thing and health care organizations don't make them willy nilly. Cite your source or STFU.
When you drive, drive carefully and wear a seat belt. When you ride a bike, ride carefully and wear a helmet. When you have fuck, fuck carefully, and wear a condom. I have great gay sex, and have never had any sort of STD.
How safe is abstinence really? Well, if abstinence is not having sex, or abstaining from sexual activity, then skydiving, technically, is abstinence. So is driving with your eyes closed at high speeds or eating lots of fatty foods and never exercising (e.g., "when that sinful urge makes itself known, go down to the kitchen and make yourself a big sandwich"). Is this stuff safe? Not really. Is it less safe than having sex? In many cases, abstinence is more unsafe than having safe (and in most cases, unsafe) sex. So who's the reckless deviant advocating abstinence? You hate children, and by implication, "our future"...and noise to that effect.
@32: AWESOME advice. Bless you. :-)

that's a miracle, Bob.
they'll probably make you a saint after you croak.
from old age.
in bed with 3 really hot dudes...

seriously, tho-
did you know that 38% of the homosexuals in Baltimore have HIV?
thirty.eight. four out of ten.
are you sure you're really having gay sex?

that's weird.
cause we get, like, a zillion hits.
maybe the Canadian governments censors your Google...
you make it seem so simple.
so how do 38% of your fellow faggots give each other HIV?
seriously, how does it happen?
just how fucking stupid are they?
49, I can't speak for others, but it is very simple. I have a fun sex life, and I stay safe. I have a greatly satisfying life. Sorry that upsets you so.
@33 Well done troll. Lots of effort in that, too.

Stop feeding him, everyone :D
that really wasn't some of your best stuff.....
How is a "We've hung out four times" a FWB? Dude isn't even a friend yet, for the love of dog. Sounds a lot like my students who call casual make out sessions "talking".

Get off my lawn!
I am so glad you threw in that last paragraph! There are zillions of people running around who THINK they really really need to be in a LTR, when deep down they really really do not.
I'm getting bothered by the fact that people don't know when to use "a" and "an" before an acronym. The letter F is pronounced "eff." The letter L is pronounced "el." You can even look up "el" in the dictionary and see that it's defined as "the letter L." So when you say "FWB," you're saying "eff double-you bee." When you say "LTR," you're saying "el tee ar." So it's AN FWB. It's AN LTR. Not "a FWB" and "a LTR." You don't say "a eff" or "a el." It's obviously "an F" and "an L." I know it's picky but it's just been really bothering me lately and I keep seeing it everywhere.
Is there a gay version of "White People's Problems"?
What is "serial monogamy"? Isn't that an oxymoron? Shouldn't the phrase be "serial polyamory" or something? Seriously: most of the linguistically credible definitions of monogamy I've seen involve permanent coupling: you have one mate. Not 20 mates who don't happen to overlap, but one mate.
@57: Monogamy is commonly used to mean a relationship where neither party has sex with anyone else during the duration of the relationship. While this isn't etymologically accurate since the word contains the root for 'marriage,' it's how the word is often used and etymology does not dictate usage.

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