I... what? I'd say things about self esteem and such, and a few things about her, as well. I'd get away from her. Now, if you like open relationships, then by all means get into them. But don't do this with someone who sleeps around behind your back like this :-P

You realize the second line of that song goes "Vacation, meant to be spent aloooone...."

Better get back on the beach with HICBIA, stat! ;-)

At any point during all of this, did you ever ask her to get screened for STDs, or even get screened yourself?

On the bright side, this couple will be very popular with the neighbors. Everyone will want to stop by. Even the local skateboarding teenagers. The plumber and roofing guys will be sure to come back the next day and see if there are any problems. The mail will always be on time. Cab drivers will know how to find the house.

Many men discount the many advantages to marrying a slutty-slut-slut.

Jesus. This guy is practically a lesbian. There is such a thing as too much forgiveness.

"When she's saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bueuGw47I…

A shame she isn't still in Atlanta!

First girlfriend?

I assume your girlfriend is about the same age as you are which makes her too young to be chained to monogamy. Or maybe she will never be into monogamy. Or maybe she is into the drama of boomeranging between men. Whatever her thing, if it hurts you, then turn your back and quit her.

Men want what they can't have, they want what other men have and when she's out there fucking other guys, it turns you on and makes you want to reel her back in. Pretty simple standing here on the outside. But it has to be tough on you. I don't think she's going to stop, so accept it or move on.

So based on both personal past experience with being a cling pushover, and observing clingy pushover friends, I'm gonna go ahead and call you a clingy pushover.

Furthermore, I'm going to suggest that when you say you "forgave" her what you really did was swallow your entirely normal feelings of hurt and anger, as well as your completely rational misgivings about continuing the relationship. You did this because you were insecure and you both feared being unable to find something/someone better, and because you feared the idea of "wasting" the time and effort you'd already put into this relationship.

(That last bit, by the way, is known as the sunk-cost fallacy, and you should google it and stop making it.)

And as far as it making you horny, well, yeah - sperm competition, biological basis, etc., as well as perhaps a little bit of eroticization of the anger and humiliation you're feeling.

Stop being a bag of slop: get out of bad relationships, dude.

She's hot and a good lay - nothing wrong with banging her when the stars align themselves. But date people who live in Atlanta, man. Find a woman who is sane and happy, and settle down with her in a couple of years if you want to settle down.

Sleeping with ex's is supposed to be care-free fun. Taking it as some sort of sign of reconciliation is doing it wrong.

I'm with EricaP and Dougsf here: don't beat yourself up about this, it is what it is. But unless what you actually want for yourself is an open relationship with a serious overtone of cuckold fetishization, stop thinking of this woman as your girlfriend. It sounds like she makes a great fuckbuddy, and with a little luck and patience you could have years of being great fuckbuddies ahead of you. But your girlfriend/partner/wife is someone else, probably someone who lives in the same city as you.

And to everyone else: he's 23, give him a little bit of a break.

As regards @11 and 12, I'm gonna suggest BBB break off contact with her for quite a while to give himself time to get over it before he pursues any further ex-sex.

Your ape brain may be saying it wants to keep fucking her, but when someone is as disrespectful as that...It's one thing if it's a cuckold fetish, or if you talked about it, or have an open relationship. Here, it just sounds like she's a bitch and doesn't care enough about you to stop fucking other people.

I think you're all being a little uncharitable to both of them. Kinks don't spring full-formed from the head of Zeus, and even when you realize you've got one, there's still a (sometimes steep) learning curve.

BBB, you've got a lot of disentangling to do to work out which parts of this are turning your crank. That is not in any way easy if you're actually into an "advanced" kink like cuckolding (and do not kid yourself that it's an extremely advanced kink with a ton of physical and emotional landmines built into the landscape you play in). Ditto your girlfriend (is she kinky, immature, or an asshole?). Then on top of that, if you're repeating this pattern with each other because you are both into in, can you make it work in a relationship long term? Good luck.

I can't explain why, but I can explain that you need to find someone else to stick your dick into. Now.

Man, I hate this guy. Fucking grow a pair. JUST BECAUSE WE'RE ALL EMPOWERED AND GENDERQUEER NOW DOESN'T MEAN THAT MEN HAVE TO BE STUPID LAME DOORMATS.

@18: Problem is, for two of them you WERE together (I assume she was sleeping with the second guy at least shortly before dumping you), so she is indeed a serial cheater. I see no signs that she is going to change her pattern any time soon. As some others said, make her a friends with benefits situation if you think you have it in you, but other than that, don't invest yourself emotionally in this person. Unless you like being cheated on, walk away, because dollars to donuts you are going to get cheated on again.

18, I wouldn't call all those cheating, like you say, but some of them were cheating. The point is, even if she wanted to be committed to you, she doesn't seem able to do it. At least not right now. So you could just have sex with her and not expect a relationship, but that brings us to point 2:

People can have a really strong need to have the story play out in the way that seems "right" to their minds. In a perfect world, there would be some happier ending here, where you got the just rewards of being an understanding, forgiving person, and she always displayed the depth of love for you that she only occasionally expresses at present. Not saying happy endings aren't possible, but it seems really, really unlikely in this case. If you blow her off and date other people, maybe when you're both older a happy ending for you as a couple would be possible. Or maybe you'll just find someone better. Either way, you owe it to yourself to have fun and find people whose actions really show they care about you. Stop being the security blanket for this girl, and live your 23 year old life to the fullest!

Fast forward to about a year and a half and she dumped me for one of my good friends. That didn't last long and we started talking again and again she slept with the guy she left me for. I forgave her again.

Here's a bulletin: she didn't cheat on you that time. You WERE ONLY "TALKING". She didn't need to be forgiven.

You're a doormat, and she's enjoying wiping her feet on you. Grow a fucking spine.

Break up, move on.

Get to a clinic and get screened for STDs.

MOVE ON.

DTMFA. (And by 'dump' I mean 'completely avoid.')

I'm requoting @18 because it's BBB and some readers ignore unregistered comments:

Does it not make a difference that we're not actually together? Is it really cheating if there is no relationship? I'm just not sure because for two of them we weren't actually together. She called me and started crying and said that it was a huge mistake and that she was lonely and wanted to forget about me but it just made her miss me more. Also she's only there for two years until she's done with her fellowship.

Um ... did you read what you've just written here? She calls you and starts crying ... yadda, yadda, "huge mistake", yadda fucking yadda, "lonely". And so you forgive her again until the next time she pulls away. Have you ever considered that this is a drama queen act she plays with the other guys she's sleeping with on-and-off (and on and on). So she always has someone to take her back.

Someone above wondered if this is your first girlfriend (whom you acquired when you were 19). If she is ... sorry, make that was, does her behaviour represent how you would like an ideal permanent relationship with her to be?

Can you imagine trying to lead your personal and professional life with a sense of integrity and responsibility only to have her constant antics disrupting your focus. Whether the sex with her is so amazing (though, if she's your first gf, how would you know) or you're just scared to lose her (could you lose her even more times), she's not worth it. If you want drama, stick to a night out at the theatre!

Dude, hop onto iTunes & buy Crystal Gayle's "Why Have You Left the One You Left Me For" then listen to it. Really, listen to it. Cuz it sounds like your screwed up life.

And, yes, I know Ms. Gayle is way, way before your time. But, sometimes the Oldies know best.

for some reason, looking @ these comments,
this movie quote seems somewhat apt:

Denny: Man, all you gotta do is find a girl that looks just like her, nail her, and then dump her, man. Get her of your mind.

Mark: Your only mistake is that you didn't dump her first. Diane Court is a show pony. You need a stallion, my friend. Walk with us and you walk tall.

Luke: Bitches, man.

As someone who is from Baltimore, I mention this with sincerity and concern: there is a reason they call Baltimore the STD Capital of the US. Though I do love this city, the amount of STI's in this place is ridiculous. If she has been having sex with random men without knowing their history, she is at a rather large risk. I hope she is aware of the danger she is putting herself in and is getting herself tested. Seriously...I love it, but Baltimore is sick.

I see this as being more a problem of misunderstood expectations. It sounds to me like the girlfriend thinks of the LW as a fuckbuddy while he keeps trying to make it into something more serious. What makes me believe this is him confusing times she slept with someone else when they weren't together but just talking as being cheating.

Dan has a very strange idea of the meaning of "vacation".

Unless you want to man up and decide that it is worth it, and be in an open relationship, DTMFA. However, her problem is not sleeping with other people, it is being a sneaky deceitful liar, and that never gets better.

Hey lay the fuck off of her. You don't even know this person or who she is, what makes all of you think you can just call her a slut without actually ever meeting her? -OP

Sorry to interrupt the thread, but what is HICBIA?

Looking For A Better Read, @22, said

You're a doormat, and she's enjoying wiping her feet on you. Grow a fucking spine.

and is correct. I suggest that you, BBB, read each of these, memorize and never forget:

You're a doormat, and she's enjoying wiping her feet on you. Grow a fucking spine.

You're a doormat, and she's enjoying wiping her feet on you. Grow a fucking spine.

You're a doormat, and she's enjoying wiping her feet on you. Grow a fucking spine.

You're a doormat, and she's enjoying wiping her feet on you. Grow a fucking spine.

You're a doormat, and she's enjoying wiping her feet on you. Grow a fucking spine.

@35: Husband In Canada, Boyfriend In America.

You're welcome.

HICBIA - Husband in Canada, Boyfriend in America

I see that 5280 10-16'd the 35 while I was 10-17 and so his 37 was 10-23 6 faster than my 38. Please 10-22 my 0754.

Thanks! I had forgotten that...

@39: What?

GET CHECKED, NOW!

Then, try living w/o her for an extended period (4-6 months?) to clear your head. For whatever reason, you are letting yourself get hurt. If you can't say no sex, let's be friends, then no contact.

If it helps: She is abusing you, and you shouldn't stay. Get out, get away, get safe.

Peace.

@41 Blackrose re @39:

Sorry 'bout that. I started a short post about 5280 beating me to the punch and I realized that it was a series of numbers so I got silly and ran with it using the old police/fire "ten codes":

"I see that 5280 [replied to message] 35 while I was [enroute] and so his [post #] 37 was [at the scene] 6 [minutes] faster than my [post #]38. Please [disregard] my 0754[h post]."

Old comedian's rule: if the audience doesn't laugh it's probably your fault.

Your (sometimes) girlfriend isn't going to be monogamous at this point, and may never be. Decide if you're okay with that (if a sexual relationship with her is worth that price of admission) and then date her in an explicitly non-monogamous way if you're cool with it, or make a clean break if you're not, and go find a nice girl who wants a monogamous relationship.

@9: "Men want what they can't have, they want what other men have..." Of all the asinine generalizations... Many people want what they don't/can't have, not just men; it's an evolved behavior (suck it, knee-jerk anti-evolutionary-psychology crowd) to keep organisms competing for resources in an environment of scarcity. That behavioral predisposition is conditioned by social influences - it appears exclusively gendered to you because we often cast men as the 'providers' who are supposed to be the ones out in the world competing for resources and, more recently (in terms of human history and Western cultures in particular), though less so since the 1970s, men are the presumed property-owners (women can't compete for what each other have, because they don't have anything; that said, look at all of the stereotypical 'catty' shit associated with women, and you can identify the same dynamic), including 'owners' of their sex partners/sex partners' sexualities.

@44: That's awesome. Did you know all those by heart or did you have to look them up? and why is there a code for "post" (0754)?

@45: People, in general, want what they can't have. It's a generalization, but not an asinine one. I don't think #9 was gendering it as much as #9 was talking to the letter writer, who was a man.

I mean, in a dating or relationship context, I'll make statements about "girls," because that's who I date and am attracted to, but the statements are probably true for guys as well. It's just not relevant cause that's not what I'm talking about.

I think there's a lot of confusion about this point, and most perceived guy/girl distinctions are actually distinctions between people you might be interested in and people you're not.

I had to look them up. There isn't a code for post, I just put it in for clarity (cough).