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AS IF it's "comfortable" for other guys (and girls) who bottom and take dicks?? Sheeeyat.
It's about relaxing, psyching yourself out and training your ass to do something different...for everyone who does it!!! It's sad to me that even some gay/bi guys are hung up on equating masculinity with their assholes. Get over yourself.
For me, taking a dick in my ass was about letting go of hang ups and what I was taught was 'normal'. Fuck normal.
Now, it's fine that there are total tops out there because there are total bottoms out there too. For whatever reason they identify and practice that way. I hope the find each other.
My reaction is either to dump him or tell him that the next time you two have sex, you're topping him, and then see how long it is before he's willing. I applaud Dan for coming up with a possible solution.
What we don't know from the LW (and shouldn't assume) is whether his beau is oral versatile. If not, then I say cut your losses and move on, because the beau wants a one-sided relationship and you don't.
I don't like anal sex... either end. Anuses are gross, not sexy. I've never felt selfish for not liking anal sex. In fact the thought never crossed my mind that people might think i was until these responses, just that people for whom that is a deal breaker are a bad match... and it hasn't proved to be a deal breaker very often at all. :p
LW should ask himself if his BF/his emotional relationship functions with him as the bottom. Some tops cannot imagine being topped by their BF, yet with another man they're all bottom. Could be insightful beyond the bedroom.
Otherwise, open the relationship or move on- you will never be satisfied and the longer it goes on, the less you will be.
Maybe there is now, since I've been with my partner the last 10 years, haven't been playing the field.
Most people like penetration, though, so one partner in a gay couple not liking anal seems to me like it'd be a bigger deal, and it seems to me like a situation where one might try hard to learn to like receiving, at least sometimes. I mean, I totally understand that there are plenty of gay guys who aren't into anal at all, sure... but it's important to some people, and it IS possible to learn to like new things.
Oral is really nice but sometimes I just really need to fuck, and if I were hooking up with a guy I'd need him to be vers, even though I like bottoming just fine.
Yeah, I don't get that either. I can understand having a preference for top or bottom, but ruling out the other role entirely? That just seems stubborn.
Also, does being a top mean you don't get rim jobs either?
As @4 implies, it seems like a slippery slope from rimming to anal sex.
...I don't know??? I often ask myself the same question.
From the looks of the porn (I tend to watch) it's a mixed bag. But then again, black gay porn is really heavy on portraying the thuggish 'selfish tops'. So maybe I wouldn't know-lol.
However, dating a guy who identifies as a total top/bottom can definitely be frustrating, not just sexually bit from a "gender role" point of view. I dated a guy who was a total top, and one of the nails in the coffin of our relationship was his inability to comprehend that just because he was all top didn't mean I was all bottom. One day he made some joke to his friends, at my expense, saying something like "oh, all you bottoms are like that". Um, excuse me?! I think that was the first time I used and understood the phrase "oh, no you di'int!!" The relationship to Mr. Top didn't survive the day.
Dan's advice is running seriously counter to the LW's worldview, which although widely shared is not as universal as people like the LW think it is.
He makes it sound like he's in jail.
I think over time Dan has been giving more advice about how to solve problems and fewer DTMFAs. I haven't actually tallied the number of DTMFAs over time, but it's my (admittedly imprecise) gut feeling.
...Except I never said everybody MUST do the same.
If you're going to check me on my statement, at least be able to demonstrate some reading comprehension. My comment was a criticism, not a mandate. Besides, sex (should be) about give and take...which is what I was really talking about.
If he does insist on anal, but refuses to bottom, I would consider him to be like a straight guy who demands blow jobs but says going down on girls is icky/stinky. Try to change his mind, but if it doesn't work, feel free to call him selfish and move on to someone else.