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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
2) Stop hitting on people working in retail. Bad form, dude.
3) @1: priceless!
4) Make your peace with what your wife wants and doesn't want. Don't over-think it. She doesn't want to do your ass and doesn't like things that seem "gay" to her. You're pretty lucky to have someone who pipes up about these things. Hey, you've made it this far without it so presumably you can continue.
People have gray areas, fuzzy boundaries. Can we let a straight guy cop to finding the odd dude attractive without insisting that he isn't or can't identify as straight?
GEE I WONDER WHY SLOG WON'T COVER THE DANNY VEGA ATTACK?
A GAY MAN IN SEATTLE LIES IN A COMA ON LIFE SUPPORT AFTER BEING VICIOUSLY ATTACKED AND SLOG REFUSES TO MENTION IT AT ALL.
WHAT THE FUCK, Slog!!!!!
- He describes bakery boy as "cute" and with "the sweetest smile".
- He likes wearing ladies bikinis
- In the same email where he wanted to check in to see if he was being hit on (ohhh please say yes!) he thought it appropriate to throw in his interest in getting anally penetrated.
- His name "Baguette Received Enthusiastically As Delivered" implies both that he was very very happy to recieve what he thought was flirting from this guy, and is a really awesome double entendre.
Now, any one of these things by themselves would not neccesarily mean he's "not straight", but all together they seem to add up to not-quite-straight. Heteroflexible seems a good one. Still, if he wants to round himself up to straight it's fine by me.
Pity that his wife would almost certainly nix the idea of him fucking this boy, considering she does not want him to "seem gay" even when he's having sex with her (about the least gay act on the planet). Tragedy for all of us that we won't get to see pix of cute bakery boy and awesome in a G-string guy...
Exactly. Not straight. I will not go along with the whole round-up or round-down thing as long as there continues to be a choice (of label) between exclusive-straight and second class. Rounding would be unnecessary if bi didn't imply something negative.
I can never understand why people complain about not getting a NSFW warning on something like "pictures of guy in women's undies after the jump."
my husband is straight.. remind me to tell you the story some day..
Since he's the one who's feeling unfulfilled, it's probably on him to start talking about the issue outside of the bedroom. He could ask her if there are any sex acts that she would like to try, or that she would like more of. Use that as calm moment to say clearly that he would really like to engage in more assplay, and to discuss the reasons for her reluctance. Getting some books on assplay (explaining that straight men often love it, showing how to proceed safely, etc.) is also a good place to start.
What the hell does wearing a female bikini or something similar have the fuck to do with being gay?
I'm gay and I find such things to be extreme turn-off, just like femininity on males in general.
Unfuckingbelievable.
Also, every woman I've been with has been into manly masculine men, because I'm not feminine. Somehow, none of them have had any trouble sticking anything in my ass, presumably because doing do didn't make me any more feminine in their eyes, it just made me a manly masculine man with something in my ass, which they seemed to find pretty hot.
So, I think you're right that LW's girlfriend is into masculine men, but the reason she won't play with his ass is that she's registering, accurately, some bi/feminine vibes from him. Maybe dude would be better off with more of a butch lady who gets off on his feminine side.
Words I never thought of combining together.
Great kahk, btw
We'd be lucky to have more straight guys like BREAD out there who feel secure enough in their masculinity and they can admit to and indulge in their kinks.
Yes, exactly. Thank you.
People are rarely 100% anything. I'm a straight woman and I've found a couple of women attractive in my life, and I'm comfortable with that.
Just because a guy found a bakery boy attractive and likes women's underwear doesn't mean he's automatically gay. Especially since he loves and fucks his wife.
I mean, okay, there are a lot of homophobic closet-cases out there that need to be called out. Many are in public office.
I don't think it serves anyone when an open-minded, self-aware dude like this who identifies as straight with some slight boundary fuzzing lets on that he's into some European underwear and some buttplay and people start howling, " FAG! FAG! ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF US!" It reinforces negative stereotypes about straight men AND gay men.
Let the (mostly) straight dude enjoy the thrill of tantalizing the gay columnist, okay?
Sigh.
Look, quit thinking of the whole gay/straight dynamic; it's a bogus concept invented to categorize and stigmatize. People are SEXUAL. Getting a little hotted up over a same sex attraction doesn't make you "gay". (And, conversely for the gays, getting oddly tingly for a member of the opposite sex doesn't make you straight). It doesn't even make you "bi"....it just makes you human.
I will also speak for myself a little more and say that while, yes, I find other (basically androgynously feminine) men visually attractive, I believe it would be a very different thing if these encounters made by genital area tingle...
@3 -- agreed! Although the second picture is pretty much perfection on its own.
@13 -- my thought too!
I thought Dan was spot on with his analysis of women who don't like "gay" aspects in their lovers. I have sort of the opposite problem -- if I find a guy very attractive, the chances that he is gay go up astronomically :-/ I really dislike guys who are stereotypically heterosexual, it just drives me batshit. And bi guys are really hard to find, but worth the search...
Who are all these women who are so afraid of a hint of gay in their men anyway? Personally, I've always wished the guys I dated were a smidge more gay....
BREAD's wife isn't necessarily saying that it's wrong for *a* man to wear women's underwear, just that it turns her off when *her* man does it. She can't necessarily help that reaction, and it doesn't make her homophobic in general.
"Oh I'm a baker and I'm OK.
I sleep all night and I work all day..."
Peace.
How do ball tingles escalate the scenario from appreciative of the attractiveness of Mr Baguette to oh my god he's flamingly gay and must come clean to his wife? Is this worse than him being attracted to Brad Pitt in his younger days (before he started cultivating that shit on his face, it's so much more about the grooming than it is about age, isn't it?) because Bread Boy is more accessible in theory than Brad? Why is there such a double standard--women who acknowledge being attracted to other women move several rungs up the fuckability ladder, but men who do so are for the most part slapped with a gay or bi label.
Most importantly, who took those pictures? Those aren't selfies, no way did he get those angles and frame the shots so well on his own. And if the wife thinks that the panties are gay, it's unlikley that she appreciates the effect enough to take such flattering photos. The pictures are fantasticly hot, but I'm interested in the context in which they were taken.
I can however, see his wife's point. I occassionally read erotica about man in womens clothing or sissification and can find it quite arousing, but can I visualise my 6 ft 2 alpha male in that scenario? and would I be attracted to him if I found him in it? definitely not. That said, we do indulge in assplay on ocassion and that doesn't affect how i see him, even some stuff which would definitely come across as him being submissive in theory don't seem to affect his percieved masculinity so maybe it's not what you do but how you do it.. and the pants in the picture (very nice pic btw) don't look exactly girlie, lace and frills would put me off, those just look like standard cotton briefs!
Not sure if you are referring to my comment, but I didn't say "balltingles" makes him flamingly gay, just that it makes him a gayer flavor of straight than I am. So does running home all giddy from the bakery because a retail boy flirted with him. Not judging, just tossing a reference point into the conversation.
The thing is, this guy doesn't ask 'does this make me gay', he asks 'did he throw a pass'. I think this guy is totally off base--this doesn't even count as flirtation in my book. Man asks if the bread was fresh baked, the person on the other side of the counter offers fresh from the oven bread. I have more inuendo laden conversations with the produce guy at the liquor store, and I don't imagine that he's trying to pick me up--he's selling something: friendliness and a nice smile make for a more successful transaction, and improves the chances that the customer will come back. If this guy is looking for pick ups in his retail transactions, he'd better stay out of the sex stores
Just this: more pics, please.
Think of them as an early xmas present.
Please?
I have never felt that towards a guy (even a few gorgeous cross dressers I've seen; I don't know why, but it almost seems like I'm wired to spot "not females", I recognize them so quickly.), nothing beyond "CUUUTE". I bet that being sensually overloaded (I mean, fresh bakery smells with moist heat) probably had a lot to do with it as well. For me a downblouse oops will do the same thing.
Peace.
What distinguishes the "invested/threatened" women from other women is that have harder time ignoring and/or tolerating traits that make their men seem less than manly . . That stuff is a turnoff for 'em.
I think Dan is spot-on here. The question for me is: why are the "invested/threatened" women so turned off any non-manly aspects while other women, who also enjoy masculinity, aren't?
But the real reason I'm commenting: wow. Those pics are...wow. I've never found men in women's underwear hot before (I'm not attracted to men in lace), but that is one nice...package. I wasn't going to be seeing my boyfriend tonight, but I might have to swoop in for a quickie.
Just a theory. I have essentially zero opinion about LW's sexuality, but, as a straight woman, I'd buy my fella all the bikinis he wanted if I had one that wore them that well.
I side with Mr Savage on this one. If BREAD is bi, so is Mr Savage, even though you do have a point that the distinction on one side has a meaning of greater weight than it does on the other. And it seems that enforcing a Bi label on Mr Savage would accomplish even less than enforcing a Queer label on FRAUD.
Who has extensive knowledge about the Klein scale? I'd bet one could find something pertinent in that.
Well, sexuality is on a continuum, with 100% same-sex attraction at one end, 100% opposite-sex attraction at the other, and all kind of combinations in-between. A straight guy who gets sexually turned on by another guy once in a while certainly isn't "bi" in the sense of being in the middle of that continuum, equally attracted to men and women, but I think it's fair to say that he's bi to some degree.
*
51: as a straight woman, I'd buy my fella all the bikinis he wanted if I had one that wore them that well.
I wonder what percentage of women share your view and what percentage of women would find that to be a turn-off? A number of years ago, after returning from a trip to southern France, where I saw a lot of men in speedo-type swimming suits, I asked women I knew if they found guys with nice bodies sexier in skimpy bathing suits like that or in more baggy kind of suits. With only a few exceptions, they said they didn't find the skimpy suits sexy and I figured that probably applied to underwear as well. But that was just one group of women. It may be that women, overall, are more evenly divided.
That said, as a bi-tilting guy who enjoys women's panties--on myself and other guys--I'm not complaining.
Especially if he's really fit and masculine. If a dude were kinda chubby, it wouldn't be hot to me. My most recent ex was a bisexual soldier, so he was really muscular and "manly" and whatnot. He preferred panties because of how they "cradled" his junk. Nothing lacy or satiny, though, just cotton or microfiber.
I couldn't exactly tell you WHY I think Speedos are icky, but panties are hot. I think it's the juxtaposition of a manly man in such a feminine article of clothing...gender bending fun!
These pictures reminded me of my ex, and they are SUPER HOT (especially the second one). Panties just, uh, accentuate things. More please!
Does anyone else think this guy is just a dick? I don't think he is sincerely looking for advice and is, instead, just playing around with Dan. I think his last paragraph and the photos are evidence of this (they just don't go with the first part unless the POINT was to play around). And, if I knew the Baker, I'd tell him to watch out - this guy is a going to be prick-tease.
Re Speedos – I find it hard to separate the aesthetics from the cultural associations. If I could put my man (or, say, Viggo Mortensen) in a Speedo, I'd ogle that with pleasure, but the men I actually see wearing them give off a weird vibe.
Thanks...interesting distinction. Speedos seem more "feminine" to me than baggy swimming trunks but I guess you don't view them that way. Back when I was asking those women if they found speedos to be sexy on guys with nice bodies, it never occurred to me to ask them if they found panties to be sexy on guys with nice bodies.
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61/Erica: Re Speedos – I find it hard to separate the aesthetics from the cultural associations. ...the men I actually see wearing them give off a weird vibe.
Also interesting.. I'm not sure what kind of "cultural associations" you mean. And what kind of weird vibe? (To me, if a person is blessed with a great body, I think they look better in a skimpy bathing suit, whether they're a man or a woman.)
*
60/From: having (clean) feminine underwear makes a guy no more gay than a woman wearing men's boxers.
I wonder if some women get off on wearing men's boxers the way some men get off on wearing women's panties? I suspect the turn-on is stronger for men because, I think, wearing women's panties is more taboo for men than wearing men's boxers is for women. I have to say that I don't think I'd find a woman wearing boxers to be sexy...or as sexy as if she was wearing panties. I did have a girlfriend once, though, who loved to wear my dress shirts with nothing else on...that was pretty hot.
Also @39 / 61 -- you can hoist the back of your laptop up on a phone book or something and get an angle just like that with the built-in webcam. Just sayin. (These pics look a little high-quality for that, but ...)
Weighing in on the speedos--having spent most of my life in the upper midwest, my experience with speedos is that inevitably there was far more man than could possibly ever fit in that tiny bit of spandex. Far better the european trunks a la Daniel Craig in Casino Royale.
I have no interest in ruling the world and I would have no problem being one of a kind. However, I do get perturbed by the gymnastics people go through to get around the bi label. We have in this thread alone quite a number of examples. Shades of gray abound, but call us nothing but straight or gay! I'm fine with people defining themselves but please stop falling over yourselves to avoid being lumped in with us bisexuals.
because he's hot and I want him.
A boy can dream.
I can appreciate that point. But I would still ask you why you aren't bombarding Mr Savage pressing him to bidentify (part of me would, I admit, feel more special if the rounders were reassigned to more exact points). I'll accept that the straight-bi difference is of greater significance than the gay-bi difference with more privilege in play, but that's not a complete answer.
I think the problem comes in having only three established labels of which one just does not allow the hearer anywhere near the reasonable presumptions of the other two. Would more labels help, so that, for instance, you could call yourself "schwitzebzr" and people would know you accepted as reasonable as many assumptions as I do with my own self-label? But then that might lead to fracturing. Or is the answer to take away the meaning from the other labels, so that every self-presentation would be equally vague?
I wonder how a neutral and just alien who came here would adjudicate when it came down to putting whom closer to whom.
I wouldn't dream of attacking Mr. Savage in such a manner considering the volume of information we have from him chiefly concerned with his positive statements from a gay perspective. He spends little time explaining how he is strictly gay and not not not bi. I don't get the impression he would give a hoot if someone mistook him for bi. This is in contrast to the epidemic of ball-tingle-itis afflicting the straight community during these already troubled times.
I suspect that Kinsey 0 or 6 is more rare over a person's lifetime than we've so far understood. As has been suggested here before it is most interesting to know who one is sexing up presently (or failing that then for whom one pines).
I don't get the pass everyone wants to give the wife ... "Well, she thinks his interests are a little gay, which makes her uncomfortable, and she's TOTALLY justified in being uncomfortable. Because GAY!"
I think the letter writer is an exhibitionist. He's sexually unfulfilled, and rather than send cock shots to a stranger on CL, he's decided to get off by announcing his heteroflexible nature on a famous sex blog so he can read what a bunch of strangers think about his cock pic and his interest in ass play.
However, LW's wife seems to think that anything that does not conform to the way a straight man should behave is ... OMG so on the inevitable road to GAY (yup, a capital destination). Whether it's LW framing his package in underwear that doesn't even look feminine in my view (not like those satin numbers you linked to recently, Dan), all the way to him wanting to have ass-play (which, unfortunately, will remain a part of sex that she won't participate in; but he could do so himself when not in her presence to ease at least some of that unfulfilled -or unfilled- feeling), his wife's not at the point of understanding or accepting that he still is straight, just with a wee bit of wiggle. Uh ... BREAD, you need to ease off on the pressure to educate your wife so that she can participate as eagerly as is your fondest desire. Not only is she not on the same page, or found the book, she hasn't even stepped into the library, and currently has no intention to do so.
With some personal growth and education, she could still become GGG and peg you and your sweet prostate with lots of enthusiasm, but not right now. However, the next time she comments that the underwear is "a bit gay", I'd softly reply (each time, if required) that it aesthetically frames the parts of your body that are there solely for her (or actually ... your mutual) enjoyment.
He doesn't mention exactly what kind of anal play he's after, but he implies that he wants to be pegged, and although I don't see pegging as feminizing, I do see it as a submissive act for the guy, and I don't really like topping guys because it emasculates them for me. I think butt plugs are a good suggestion because she doesn't even have to think about it, whether the problem is dominance-related or masculinity-related or homosexual-related in her mind.