...and Dan Savage wins the internets. Touché.

Personally, I’d have told him not to get his panties in a knot.

But that probably would’ve gone over his not too bright head.

It was so kind not to tell him how gay he is until after his deployment. He's got enough to worry about.

H'm, somebody saw "Ed Wood" over the weekend.

Touching sweetness(speeches on the other hand...).

Why is your kink a straight guy's thing? Because wearing women's panties is transgressive...

That could be it.

Another explanation - some straight guys fantasize about being desired in the same focused, intense, "objectifying", visual way that men often desire women. I've heard women say that turning men on can itself be a turn on, and perhaps some part of this guy wants in on that experience.
By wearing women's panties, he can pretend he's the sexy provocative vixen he fantasizes about being.

For gay guys, the "male gaze" is in abundant supply, so not much requirement for feminine props.

Isn't it uncomfortable? I imagine there's no place for the ballsack.

Somebody address sirkowski's question @8 please. I need to know this answer.

(can't google it at work, imagine that would get me fired...)

Dan just gave him the "Get out of Gay free" card.

I would've thought if he was going to the trouble of wearing women's panties, he would pick crotchless lacy black or red or something. White cotton? Pfft. Would anyone even notice?

@ 7: I dunno. I think your theory would make more sense if he habitually wore what would conventionally be considered "sexy panties" but it sounds like he's sticking pretty much to white cotton granny pants. But who knows?

@9: Just googled "men wearing panties". NSFW obviously! Plenty of photos of men successfully wearing panties. Guess it depends partly on the fit and stretchiness of the ones chosen...

When I played Frank-N-Furter they worked pretty well for me.
Yeah, straight.

@9: Probably depends on the individual's scrotal configuration. In the back of my underwear drawer is a pair of calvin klein men's bikini briefs that haven't seen much action because they leave me feeling scrunched.

@4: "H'm, somebody saw "Ed Wood" over the weekend."

My thoughts exactly. I wonder if formulating letters to a Sex Columnist is a kink in itself.

thanks, guys, for all the information. I can continue my day happy now.

For some reason Dan failed to remember that the Holy Bible specifically forbids men and women from wearing the clothing God intended for the opposite sex. That's a shame---now he'll have to change his entire answer!

No one cares what kind of underwear you wear, dude. They really really don't. I like to consider myself fairly open-minded, and I just did a mental inventory of all my friends and family. And I have concluded that, with the exception of my partner, I really don't care, nor would I enjoy knowing, what kind of underwear they wear - especially if they wear it because it turns them on. This isn't a kink you have to be 'out' about.

@13 Hmmmm. I found a new hobby!

Why would anyone want to tell "everyone" what kind of underwear they have on? Is that part of the kink? I'm confused.

Also, I'm concerned for OT's safety if by "everyone" he means telling the men and women he serves with. Yes, DADT is over but that's not the same as all parts of the military being safe spaces.

@19: Also must make sure they are not mixed-fiber!

No, no, no, Dan. You missed a great opportunity to emphasize kink manners.

Your panties are a "need to know" sort of item. If someone does not NEED to know, you don't talk about them. Not because you're ashamed, but because it's inappropriate. Wildly.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this is his kink. He is sexually excited by the idea of telling people.
**Using unsuspecting and uninvolved people for your sexual gratification is ethically reprehensible. Wrong in the wrongest way.**

Kink is cool. Non-consensually talking about your sex life with others is WAY NOT COOL. And I say this as a proudly kinky slut. I am out to my friends and lovers. But I don't bust out with my lovely filthy life to those who don't want to know. My mom, my coworkers, my boss, my dentist - they don't care to know, and even though it is a happy part of my life and sexual identity, I don't get to wave that in their face for my own thrill. If you transgress socially in this way, prepare to be fired, shunned, ignored and gossiped about.

*Obviously doesn't apply to orientation issues. No one should have to hide who they date/love.

He does *not* need to keep it a secret if it's just the kind of panties he wears and he doesn't mind telling people to fuck off if they give him shit. If it's no big deal, if it's not a sexual thing, then just wear them and if someone sees them and asks, just tell them they're your preference.

It's nice to read a softball question after all that shit.

p.s. Guy never once mentions its a kink. Sure it can be implied, but Dan is actually the only one who mentioned the sexual aspect of it. Wearing women's panties *every day* since age 20 is a kink? It sounds more like a decision based on preference, much like I prefer boyshorts to assfloss. Plain cotton panties barely screams "kink!" I guess the age he started at suggests something, but... okay okay okay I need some help Sloggers.

When you wear something all day (diapers, panties, chastity belt) in your normal functions, are you experiencing constant turn-onedness? Does it fluctuate? Is it just going home and knowing you/your partner's been wearing it all day? How do you exercise joyful kinkiness when the object at hand is ever-present, around others, in nonsexual activities? I guess that's why I think this is far more benign than the LW is making it: he likes panties because maybe they're sexy to him, but also because they're his underwear of choice.

And I'm also with 24 on this. I don't think he should tell other people about his panties because that's weird and if someone just straight up told me about their panties... well, I would probably giggle and not think too much of it, but I think a lot of people would be made verrrry uncomfortable.

Geez, Dan, mentioning cross-dressing and amputee kinks in the same blog -- don't you know that can get you killed?

AND you missed an opportunity for him to send/post pics!!!! Bad Dan Bad!

"Ok, thanks. Food for thought." seems like a pretty blasé response to such a thoughtful and complete answer to his question.

@24: I can think of reasons your dentist may be interested in your sex life. TMJ issues, for instance.

He should start wearing the panties on the outside of his pants. But still not tell anyone.

I have often thought that wearing the underwear of the opposite sex may have something to do with wrapping your junk in something that normally wraps the junk of the opposite sex. So he's got a vaj wrapper all over his privates. Actually sounds kinda interesting....

@26 FTW, @32 in close second.

@23: what part of "cotton" don't you understand? Obviously he specified the fiber composition to clear up exactly which biblical rules he respects!

WRONG! I wear nothing but white cotton panties, but the waistband is always cotton and elastic. Do not go to heaven. Do not collect $200.

@Ben/31 - My ENT did tell me I have a displaced jaw joint, closely followed by my chiropractor unwittingly confirming the same thing, same day. "Hmmmm..." I say to myself. "Wonder why?"

Most of our big sellers to our pre-op mtf transgender clientele are women's briefs. They have more room than the other varieties.

@32 - YES.

Dan,

I agree with you that people who want to be out about their kinks or their sexual orientations or relationship dynamics that aren't obvious to the world should 'come out' and that this will help dispell the societal assumptions and myths of default heterosexuality, monogamy, etc., but you've also mentioned before that some people have a right to not know about another person's sexual activities and proclivities, and that people have a right to not be unwittingly included in someone else's sexual behaviour.

The writer says about his cotton panties, 'Sometimes I want to show people them...' Who exactly is he talking about here? His friends? Co-workers? (I can't help but think of a four year-old girl in a cute little dress, pulling up the front of the skirt to show strangers her adorable panties.) I think that people who aren't going to see his underwear in the course of daily life have a right to not know about his yawn-inducing 'sexually transgressive' choice in knickers, and to force people to know so that he can get his thrills isn't transgressive - it's simply aggressive and rude.

@8 & OP

Xdress.com
NSFW
Panties pretty enough for a lady, but built for a man.

A male friend of mine likes to wear women's bikini panties because he finds them more comfortable than men's underwear.

No kink just a preference based on comfyness.

@24 for the best answer

I'm with all the need to know folks (20, 22, 24 ...). Your fun sexy game you're playing in your head is just that: a fun sexy game that should stay in your head. "Everyone" doesn't need to know this is happening, just like "everyone" doesn't need to know other details of your sex life. Wear your panties, have a good time, but if I was one of the "everyone" you told, I would have serious doubts about your judgment.

I love it when Dan has to reassure straight guys that they are indeed straight.

It is just so...CUTE.

Yes, you're gay. Now go suck some peen.

Chances are good that noshing on this "food for thought" will take all the charge out of this fun. Once he understands the inner dynamic, the outer expression will fade... Is that good or bad? No.

OT - I'll take your old panties. ;-)

Is 'straight' equivalent to 'heterosexual'?

I thought 'straight' was more a general term for a vanilla heterosexual (although what's considered 'vanilla' has expanded over time).

Seems to me the answer is that he's not gay but also not exactly 'straight' with his kink.

Also, I agree with #24. For the most part I'm not interested in my acquaintances sexual preferences or kinks and would rather they kept it to themselves and the people they're intimate with.

@49: I've only ever heard straight=heterosexual. Definitely know several kinksters who identify as straight.

Merriam-Webster dictionary: "(1) : exhibiting no deviation from what is established or accepted as usual, normal, or proper : conventional; also : square 5f (2) : not using or under the influence of drugs or alcohol". That's how I use it. Sexuality in my circle isn't usually so defined.