Well, done, COCK..
Nice follow up and well handled - so to speak.

I am not one to put a label on a guy, but if his friend isn't gay, my personal description may need modification.
Wait, he gave you a handy? Well played.
You know, I really think COCK is wise for his years. Way to articulate your feelings, son, and congrats on the handjob. Jesus, that sounds so hot.

This old lady needs her vapors.
I hope he appreciates over the course of his "hetero identity" that he now knows what constitutes a good beejay, and he refuses to settle for anything less :)

(And by that I mean, of course, that he kindly articulates what he wants/enjoys in bed and is also open to constructive feedback and special requests from his partners.)
@2 ha. I agree.
COCK sounds very mature and well-spoken for his age. Glad things are working out for him.
Beautiful ~ Congrats, COCK!
Way to stick up for yourself, COCK. That takes major guts to speak up.
My straight male friends are soooo boring in comparison. :(
You know, you add to this story a couple vampires, maybe a werewolf or zombie, and you've got a great new series.
If only all our college kids were able to talk through their problems like this.

@2 - the friend is definitely bi/heteroflexible. Might be repressed gay, depends on if he really prefers cock or if he's just ok with it when he can't get pussy.

Thing is, if he's bi/heteroflexible then he seems relatively normal, but if he's actually gay then he's kind of a closeted self-hating mess - but maybe young enough to grow out of it.
@12 - I agree. It makes me inexplicably happy that a college freshman wrote this letter.
Something tells me both of them got more from that weekend than sex. Maturity is difficult to define at times, but to call it a "trend towards living in harmony" in this case would fit. Change the genders and it still comes up as a nice story of gaining understanding and togetherness.

This homophobe doesn't deserve these blowjobs from such an articulate, sensitive and sensible young man. Well done, COCK.
I think COCK handled everything just fine, but his "straight" friend simply isn't straight. He might be bi, but he ain't straight. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Or perhaps we simply don't have adequate labels for this kind of relationship, and you do a disservice to both the LW & his friend by trying to fit them into an outmoded way of defining people?
I do have to say that folks are being slightly condescending in these comments. I don't think COCK is showing great maturity EVEN THOUGH he's a college freshman. I think he's showing great and overwhelming maturity. Period. As a human being. And I think that's awesome.
This was strangely heart-warming.
Yay for COCK!

And thank you @18.

Their balls didn't touch. Not gay.
@19 I agree... really condescending. Real life college is not like the movie The Social Network. (Or any other college movie.)

The straight guy also deserves a lot of credit for being mature.

There are many straight men who are terrified they might be gay, even if they never had gay sex. I have a straight male friend who always wonders if he is gay whenever he has problems with his girlfriend, or when some girl in his class doesn't like him, or whatever. Women in American society don't have the same problem. If a woman has problems with guys nobody questions her femininity. College girls can even experiment with the same gender without being considered lesbian. It's about time men had the same privilege. Gay men have no choice but to be open minded, because they are automatically outside of the mainstream. Straight men such as the one described in the letter need to make a conscious decision to reject the mainstream and accept what works for THEM. He deserves credit for making the right choice.
This was a nice resolution. Good for both of them for salvaging a friendship and putting/gaining the proper perspective of their fwb relationship.

The two guys in the Rules of Attraction could have learned from them.
Yeah, good for them. But the friend is definitely not straight and I hope he comes to accept that sooner rather than later. The dude is either bi or gay.
Without being condescending, I will only say that I was not nearly mature enough to have this kind of frank and open conversation about a difficult and vulnerable subject when I was 19-ish. Maybe all college freshmen are that mature these days, but I sure wasn't at that age.

Kudos to you COCK for handling this in a very mature manner.

Oh, and your friend isn't really all that straight. He may choose to identify as straight, and he may honestly be mostly interested in girls. But if he likes repeated blowjobs, and is willing to at least give you a handjob in return, he is at least a little bit bi-curious. Perhaps a 2 on the Kinsey scale. I wouldn't press him on this because it is obviously a sensitive subject for him, and it isn't up to you to decide how he wants to describe his sexual identity, whatever that might be. For some people it doesn't count as gay if you are only on the receiving end of a blowjob. Personally, I think that is bullshit rationalization, but if it helps them maintain whatever label they feel they need to identify with, then whatever. Not my problem.
That's cool. For both involved. I wonder if the friend had seen the previous SLLOTD.

Say, how come Seattleblues doesn't comment on these?
Ms Comment - I can give the friend some credit for openness, but he loses it all and then some for having had such a disgusting opinion. He has known a gay person of well above average quality for such a length of time and could still think that basically any gay male would be only too delighted to service any random stranger possessed of the appropriate genitalia? At best that's insultingly ignorant; it would have been reasonable for the LW to find that a dealbreaker.
I find I can still spin the friendship in multiple directions. Perhaps the LW doesn't want to date now and this FWB arrangement with its attendant impossibility of becoming more suits his needs. Perhaps the Gertrude Principle comes into play and part of him thinks something or someone will finally push his friend into the Bi column. Or it could be one of those friendships that manages to render any physical perks irrelevant. I am content to hope that he doesn't find that the game fails to repay what he gave to secure it.
Follow ups are my favorite -- I wish we had more of them!
Confidential to Kim in Portland:

See, we can still be helpful.

(also, Azul is right, thanks for writing back COCK)
My guess is that COCK's friend, if straight, is not getting laid anywhere near as often as he wishes. And thus he imagines he would be "only too delighted to service any random [female] stranger" (@29).

He's doubly wrong, because:
(a) I bet there are plenty of women who aren't attractive enough for him; and
(b) he's forgetting that it's much safer to go down on female strangers than male strangers.

His empathy skills are seriously lacking. Also, he's not very good at apologizing. "I'm sorry you took offense when I meant none" isn't much of an apology.
I read the comments online after you posted my letter and their input was great.

Really? As I recall, most of the advice was to run away from the homophobic straight fratboy thugs or you'd become the next Matthew Shepherd.
Well done, well done.
In comment to @29, I think the friend really didn't mean anything negative by assuming that LW would be willing to service his college buddies. He probably just thought that since all college guys are perpetually horny and since LW likes sucking cock, that it would be a win-win for all involved.
It's only gay if you kiss
@34, Really, because the way I remember it most of the advice was to not get into something with the two other guys, and to question the friend about why he suggested it. Which seems to be the advice he took and which worked out well.

Yes, a few people went off on the friend, but the fear of him being harmed was more related to involving the other two guys who the letter writer didn't really know. Most of the criticism towards the friend was more about the insensitivity he displayed in offering his friend up as a sex toy for the other two guys. Something which he, himself, seems to have recognized and apologized for.

And I just went back and read the Matthew Sheppard comments in the original thread. One was just kind of a random mention of his name without any real context. But Matthew Sheppard was mainly brought up as a counter to your claim that gay bashers don't ask gay guys to suck their dicks. The post was explaining that Matthew Sheppard left with his killers willingly because he was mislead about their intentions.

It's also worth noting that the same poster who brought up Matthew Sheppard also expressed in that same post that he felt that the fear of danger being expressed by some was overblown.

So yes, there was some fear mongering regarding the friend, but the majority of the thread was not how you described. You seem to be remembering it very selectively and you may want to go back and re-read through the whole thing again to be reminded of what was actually said.

It seems that almost half of the posts were questioning if the letter was even real, and about how hot the scenario was, and about the nature of the friendship between COCK and the friend and how the sex might be influencing and changing that.

The friend was an asshole for making the offer to the other two friends. That was a red flag that prompted others to suggest that COCK tread carefully. Which he did.

My personal advice was to tell the friend to go fuck off. And while I am glad that things worked out for COCK I still stand by that recommendation. COCK can easily find a nice gay boy to blow, who will be happy to return the favor with more than a hand job. He can do better.
@29 I disagree. I don't think ignorance is disgusting, especially in young people who cannot be anything but ignorant. His susceptibility to stereotypes is a weakness, but his ability to overcome his prejudices is commendable. He is open minded enough to listen to people who tell him he is wrong, and that is all you can really ask for from anybody. You can't expect people to know the truth about everything by default.
I have to wonder how hard the friend really tried to pick up the girl at the party. Maybe he has no game with women for a very simple reason.
Too easy to say the college guy is gay or bi. At that young age I was so backed up with jizz that I doubt I'd have turned down a blowie from someone I trusted, especially a few drinks in. The return handjob? Probably wouldn't get off on it but it would be the gracious thing to do.

Too bad I didn't really have any gay friends in college.
This is so romantic. I need a hanky.
Fuck labels, that just sounds... nice.
Mr Seven - No; if the letter is accurate, he specified gays as being willing to go for anything because it's "just sex".

Ms Comment - But he should not have been ignorant after having known the LW for so long and so closely. This is a close friend of his to whom he paid so little attention that he could mistake his character to such an extent as to think a disgusting idea would be applicable to him. And there is still something extremely shady about the original proposition which has not been explained. A friend would have framed it as being able to hook the LW up with multiple partners if he really wanted a wild weekend, or something similar. Instead, the friend asked if the LW would be willing to be passed around like a party favour or a naughty cigarette. I have a sense that this had something to do with why the LW's previous visit went badly despite an upped level of servicing, but of course the two could well be unrelated.

I think there is a glimmer of growth here, but I am not going to fall into the heterocentric trap of grading straight men's success at being decent human beings on the curve you do. (Yes, quite a lot of straight men are doing much worse than the friend, but I don't see a quota requiring that 60% of the class has to pass.) They have enough privilege, thanks.

Ms Erica - To be fair to the friend, "I didn't think it would be offensive," is a shade or two better than, "I'm sorry you took offense when I meant none." At least he conceded that the idea was objectively offensive.

Mr Fortunate - Your conclusion is exactly what has me worrying. Why invest so heavily into this friendship when he can do so much better? I am really clinging to the hope that he doesn't want to be dating right now, but without as much confidence as I'd like.
@44 maybe a shade. But color me unimpressed that he followed up "not thinking it would be offensive" with "he thought as a gay guy I would enjoy it" rather than "I was clearly being an idiot so please educate me."
@44 You make it sound like I think he deserves some slack because I have low standards for straight male behavior. Generally I think the dumber person in any situation should be given the benefit of the doubt, no matter what their gender, orientation, or privilege might be. Refusing to associate with idiot straight guys doesn't inflict any sort of egalitarian cosmic vengeance on privileged straight men. It just makes it more likely that they will remain idiots.

Like I said I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming ignorance. You may be right and it might be some sort of passive agressive thing.

To be totally honestI don't really buy into male privilege anyway. The pressure to be manly may result in a lot of male CEOs, but it is hardly a privilege to be boxed into any collection of social norms.
Ms Erica - True, that was the disgusting part. I'd have gone for asking help in educating himself rather than Please Educate Me - he ought to have passed 101 by now. But we're more or less on the same page.
Ms Comment - It was mainly going off your earlier post about how gay men have to be open-minded (and therefore deserve no credit for it) while straight men have so much incentive to be troglodytes that those [and I am taking SUCH a high road by not saying FEW here] who manage to get their minds open deserve high praise (and the lion's share of boxes of Thin Mints - only, since they're straight men, they already have most of the cookies). Thank you for clarifying.

I can give ignorance some benefit of the doubt, but it's not a constant. It's more of a mitigating factor in some circumstances than others, and for some people. Here I'd say that a straight person enjoying a kyriarchal relationship with someone underprivileged, and having enjoyed that relationship for a considerable period of time, has a pretty clear responsibility to educate his own flipping self and that maintaining his ignorance here is an action that is privileged out the wazoo.

Actually, I'm just really frustrated about the bad weekend, and worry that whatever was driving that misunderstanding might be festering only to poison things at a later time. If I were making a novel out of this, I'd be tempted to make the friend's two buddies into low-level blackmailers who decided it was no fun, to explain their apparently vanishing from the picture.

We could perhaps have an interesting discussion about how much of male privilege is really freedom from female disprivilege, but that's a side point. I was specifically referencing straight male privilege, which is, sadly, in quite a healthy state whether people believe in it or not.

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