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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
You are beyond awesome.
It's okay to be broken. You made it this far, and this is not going to stop you. So heal up, lean on your family of choice (heavily if you need to), keep it together for your nephew but don't pretend it's all rainbows and unicorns for him. He knows better. It sucks to realize the Hollywood ending is mostly a lie. Think of the great 40th birthday/His College Graduation party with the people who love you both you're going to have in a few years.
I know some amazingly kind, talented people who have severe issues because of the fucked up things their biological 'family' did to them. I don't even talk to some members of my own family, because they are terrible, racist, sexist people. The concept of a blood-related family that one must be loyal to or love is just a way to guilt and shame people into putting up with dysfunctional narcissists. A true family is based on love and acceptance and mutual support and not on shared DNA.
It's not your fault that your bio-fam has rejected you. You're amazing and generous, and displaying more charity and open-heartedness than your whole family put together. Their disapproval doesn't matter. You have people who love you - that's what's important.
You absorbed a shit-ton of bad vibes from the people you're related to. Replace all those bad vibes with good vibes - have a 'welcome home' party for your nephew, go see a funny show, take a trip with your nephew to somewhere exciting, learn how to do something new. Re-fill your life with happiness, so it crowds out the ill feelings you got a month ago.
Everyone else has already said most of what I would, but being a pragmatic person, I'd offer you some 'what to do' advice. You have a fifteen year old child-adult-person in your life now, someone I'm betting barely remembers you from his childhood, if at all.
Love the hell out of him. And do it by doing as many normal, loving, family things as possible. Play board games with him, find out what his favorite TV shows are and watch them and make a huge bowl of popcorn with too much butter, get him to help you fix things around the house, start a project refinishing a piece of furniture just for his room, take him to the local gym for basketball or swimming or anything he likes to do. Fill up his day! Fill it up with good memories that he will be able to look back on for the rest of his life. He should be able to have some alone or quiet time too, but don't let him dwell on what happened or waste his time trying to answer the question that has no answer, the question of 'why'. Keep both of you busy. You'll heal yourself too.
All my best wishes to both of you, take good care.
They may have further broken those particular ties from their end, and of course it hurts. How could it not? But they didn't and they can't damage the capacity for love you have inside yourself.
So let them go and shower that love on people who are interested in returning it, especially on your nephew. Create a new family - a family of choice - that loves you both and supports you both and lets you actually share that love that you have to give.
This is their loss, not yours. What you have lost is a picture of how things might have been if they were different people. Now you know they aren't.
You don't have to be anything you aren't in order to help this boy. It sounds like who you are is amazing. And knowing and seeing that they hurt you as much as they did him may help him really get that this has nothing to do with anything wrong about him.
It hurts like hell to have someone direct pure unadulterated Hate at you. And it hurts even more when that Hate is not only undeserved, but irrational. It makes you doubt your own sanity, your own ability to understand the world. Even more so when entire communities espouse that insane, irrational hatred, and swing it at you like a weapon, all the while proclaiming their own righteousness. The world is turned upside down. Those who are supposed to be most trustworthy cannot be trusted at all; those who are supposed to support you tear you down. And you know in your heart that they are wrong, but they still scream and yell and denounce -- but they are family, and so what they say is supposed to carry weight.
It's like walking through the ward of an insane asylum, and having a bunch of people in white coats tell you all the different syndromes that you exhibit. These are the authorities, don't you believe them? But they seem to be foaming at the mouth. What if the white coats are just dress-up time for the inmates?
Seen from the outside, it is crystal clear: your biological family is Rev. Phelps and Westboro Batshit Church redux. You aren't crazy, they are. Your estrangement from them isn't banishment, it is escape from a disease.
And providing sanctuary for your nephew is reestablishment of what family is supposed to be. You are an amazing person. You are incredibly brave to have faced that villainous onslaught, to have gone in and rescued someone who desperately needed to be protected. (From those who supposedly loved him. God, the insanity of it!) And to have taken on the hurt of it, and the hate, and the despair, and the unfairness. Because he needed you.
You ARE the "It Gets Better" in your nephew's life.
1. I'm an *atheist*, and I'll say it: you're doing God's work.
2. You MUST go to your local family court right fucking now, get legal custody of the kid, and get them formally investigated by Child Protection Services for child abuse. It's an emergency situation and hopefully the court will realize that.
If you don't get custody ASAP, his parents will still be able to hurt him and you both, and for that matter he's in danger of being taken away from you by CPS because you're not his legal guardian. Hell, they could even press charges for kidnapping if they're particularly vindictive.
Get all records you can of how they treated you and how they treated him. You'll need them for evidence.
3. Once you have custody, demand child support from them. If they refuse to provide it, go back to that court and sue them for it. You shouldn't have to bear the financial costs yourself.
I don't know what else to say that's not been amply said above. I wish your family the best.
Oh VABG you are so awesome and I so feel for you.
The recent contact with your family is the re-opening of an old and deep wound that reminds you what was lost ten years ago. It hurts - and you are not a weak or broken person by acknowledging that pain. Everything you have done since that graduation day has shown you have a great inner strength.
It is okay to mourn your loss again, but please recognize this newest act of rejection has given you a small part of your family back - someone you last saw as a five-year old boy. The act of facing your hateful family again and giving a safe space to your nephew is another beautiful act of courage and grace. The pain you feel now is a mere stumble on a long and powerful journey you started 10 years ago. You will get UP, you will feel STRONG again and you will go FORWARD, because that is what you did BEFORE and it is WHO YOU ARE. Never forget it.
I wish you all the best and I hope you keep in touch with Dan so he can let us all know how you and your nephew are doing.
I cried many tears over her rejection, even though none of the rest of my family behaved that way. So I totally get that you feel broken and lost. The people who should know you the best — the people who created you — hate you. You must feel utterly defective. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU FOR FEELING THAT WAY. That’s the way human beings feel when their people hate them. It’s devastating.
Now we know you *aren’t* utterly defective. You’re smart, compassionate and brave. So feeling that way is just a feeling. It’s a strong, powerful, horrible feeling but it’s just a feeling. A therapist can help you get some distance from the feeling, but you don’t need to be fixed.
If you’re having trouble functioning — and who wouldn’t? — you could talk to your GP about whether meds could provide a temporary crutch while you work your way through all the things you need to do now. Or not, if that’s not your thing.
I suspect what’s going on with your family is more complicated than hate. As others have mentioned, your sister reached out to you. She made sure her son was safe by asking you to take him. She trusts you to keep him safe — so at some level she understands that being a lesbian doesn’t make you awful, it just means you’ve rejected the family or something. Which is different. Or something. Whatever.
Congratulations to all of you for finding the way to reach through this fraught mess and do what is best for your nephew.
This reminded me of some books by a U.K. author named Diana Wynne Jones. Jones came from a neglectful family herself, and a lot of her books deal with child characters coming to grips with the fact that their bio families are not all that, and that their friends are much better. Her books are great fun, too, and should help cheer you guys up. I recommend "The Merlin Conspiracy" for starters, but really all her works are great. Just search Diana Wynne Jones on Amazon, and you should find a lot of her books in print and digital form.
I wish you the best, please give yourself and your nephew a hug from me.
Your story made my day. I wept, of course, but tears of joy as well as grief. Knowing that there are people like you in the world makes it a better place. You have quite literally saved your nephew's life, and I have no doubt that you will both be shining lights to the world.
Thank you, and please accept my best wishes and my love as you embark on your new lives together.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry you are in shock and feel so terrible. I hope it passes and that you can enjoy your new life with your nephew without too much memory of your family's ill-will. You are awesome.
You are a bright light and you have given a young man a spark for his own light to shine one day. You deserve love and admiration from those people. The fact that they can't give it to you is a sign that they are broken. Not you.
You give me hope.
Thank you for being there for your nephew. Thank you for going back and seeing your family for his sake.
Thank you for being a true child of God (while i suspend disbelief) and loving your nephew when the rest of your family can't or won't.
Your nephew is so lucky to have you. I wish every gay kid could be so lucky.
I am so, so sorry. Your capacity for love is your salvation in this. Your family has attempted to erase you and failed, like a phoenix you rose from their rejection. You built yourself a family you deserve and have willing walked back into the flames to save your nephew. We call those who sacrifice themselves for others a hero. That is who you are. You're a wounded hero. A strong and sad hero. It makes our hearts sick to feel hopeless. And I think a piece of your heart holds on to hope for your family of origin to change. They showed that they have not. That is your truth at the moment. You need to talk about this. You and your nephew need to grieve this.
I'm sending you a virtual hug. Treat yourself with kindness. Consider some counseling. Give thanks for the family you have built. I've no idea if you belong or even want to interact with Christians, but if you'd like a supportive online blog then try John Shore's. He's kind and understands, like many of us here, the pain of being rejected by your parents.
Take care. I'll be thinking of you.
Fondly,
kim
You need to be strong for your nephew, because no matter how hurt, rejected or discouraged you are feeling, he's probably feeling even worse. One of the benefits of being LGBT is that, as an oppressed minority, we share a special bond with each other. We have the opportunity to create wonderful, large loving families that are joined together by more than dna. So lean on your LGBT family.
You are the best thing to happen to your nephew, just continue to be there for him and love him.
All the best, and hugs.
sapphiqueer.wordpress.com
If anyone in your old family ever comes to you asking for anything, anything at all, no matter how small, and they don't come groveling on their knees with an extremely convincing and abject apology, you punch 'em right in the dick. You don't owe them a damn thing, especially not the grief that would come from interacting with them.
Everything you might ever think even for a moment you owe to your family now belongs to that nephew of yours. You are a good, good person for taking him in. You two look out for one another.
I'm sorry you had to lose the bio family lottery this way, but as many have already said, you're nephew sure as hell didn't when he wound up with you in his family. I wish I could hug and hug and hug you until you politely asked me to stop.
And you are going to raise that kid to be an exceptional human too and give him a chance to be that exceptional person that he never would have had with his previous "family".
Please be happy, love yourself and your son. Don't hold onto hate, and don't let him hold onto it either. By hating your old family, you just let them win. What is it they say, turn the other cheek (face cheek, ass cheek, whatevs)
Of course you are feeling shaken up by this. You are seeing your family put your nephew through what they already put you through. How can that not shake you up.
But also I think you have probably been holding on to the hope that someday they would change, and this episode has probably shown you that they never will. It's like losing your family all over again, and I am sorry you had to experience that.
Just remember in the dark moments that you saved your nephew's life. Even if he didn't end up killing himself or making self destructive choices that lead to his demise due to the toxic environment he was living in, he certainly would have ended up majorly messed up. Now he has a chance to end up healthy and normal thanks to you. You were there when he needed you, and now you have each other.
So just remember, you really haven't lost anything you hadn't actually lost long ago, but you now have something you didn't have before. You now have a new member of your real family, and it just so happens that you are related by blood as well. Cherish each other and always be there for each other and you will find you have more than a lot of people out there.
I worked for many years with street kids in Seattle. A huge percentage of them were LGBTQ. I could tell you hundreds of stories of utterly destroyed teens, drug use, prostitution, and suicides. (I can't begin to tell you how glad I am to hear that you saved your nephew from that fate.) Seeing that day after day can be soul crushing. The only way I could keep going was with the support of my fellow volunteers.
What you need is some support. You are obviously not going to get it from your toxic bio-family. So please, please, turn to your newfound chosen-family, your friends. Build your own support network. It is really hard to do this on your own. You'll feel so much better once you experience the love and support your friends can give you. And if you need a little extra help to sort through all this and get back on an even keel, get some help from a professional, an LGBT-friendly counselor or psychologist.
You have my greatest admiration and support.
When I have children, I will be immensely proud if they are half the person you have proven yourself to be.
It hurts, deeply, to have seen your family and experienced their rejection all over again, but you haven't lost anything you didn't already lose a long time ago. On the other hand, you've gained something wonderful!
I can't believe how mean people can be, but the goodness that people like you are capable of is equally astonishing.
Much love to you and your nephew.
Hopefully, if you have read through all the posts to this point, you are feeling better. You have love and support from all of us. Love your nephew, and let him know that the two of you will get through this together, with the family you have made.
If you want to get a different perspective on what Christianity should look like, there is a very good book I would recommend. Gay By God, by Michael Piazza. It may help the healing process.
In any case, you are truly inspirational, and your nephew is so, so lucky to have you in his life. Be sure to get legal custody, so you can protect him going into the future. Please write back to Dan and let everyone know how you are both doing, and if you need any help of any kind.
Blessings.
I also strongly second all the suggestions to get legal advice to protect yourself and your nephew and to secure financial assistance. I unexpectedly became a foster parent of a teenage boy we knew, and it is complicated and difficult. It sounds great—I'll get this wonderful child away from these horrible people and we'll ride off into the sunset together. The day-to-day reality is much harder. When the glow of rescue wears off, you will have a very hurt teenager to parent. Everyone will applaud you...and you'll be the one living with him. It's going to be hard. But we can all see how tough you are. You can do it.
Gear up. Get all the financial support you can for good therapy, living expenses, lost work time, etc. I'm self-employed and have lost hundreds of hours to dealing with my new son's needs. And I'm not talking about cooking dinner and shopping for clothes, but coping with social services, advocating for therapy, etc.
Possible resources for learning about your rights: legal services organizations, especially with an LGBT focus; foster parenting groups; adoption agencies; private adoption attorneys. Expect to make lots of calls and ask lots of questions. Beware of Child Protective Services—if you must call them for information, do not give your name, say you're calling for a friend, etc.
Don't be dragged down by the anchor of your biological family. Feel sorry for them if you need to feel anything at all because they are so limited in capacity for love and reason.
Please, please take the advice above about talking to a lawyer. You need your horrible sister to sign over her child legally so that she can no longer have control over him.
She may try to do some future harm. Crazy people do crazy things.
Thank goodness you were there to catch your nephew and take him under your wing, give him a loving home, and show him what a wonderful world and family you have found.
You are a hero.
Do see a lawyer.
don't tell policy, but the things they have said and done are still so hurtful. You are not alone. And the fact that you took in your nephew speaks to what an amazing woman you are in spite of it all. Take pride in who you are with all you have been through. The hurt doesn't go away, but I hope you are able to find joy and happiness in your chosen family and friends. Your story strikes so close to home.
MKK
Here's the thing though: you are strong, and your strength will get you through this. You had the strength to come out to your family before, and it's that same inner reserve of strength that will get you through this. Your nephew has that same strength, because he too has found the courage to be who he is when the people he loves most have turned their back on him. Remind him how strong he is, and show him how strong you are.
On a totally different note: a good friend of mine had a really bad year last year. She broke up with her long-term bf, several close relatives died, and she was living away from her family for the first time (among other things). At the end of the year, realising that she was holding on to so much pain, she wrote a list of everything that upset her and burned it, and told herself that once the list was gone, she was going to let it go and start over.
I don't know if this applies to you or if it would help, but it helped her a lot, so I'm writing this.
All my love and support to you. Many virtual hugs.
It also seems that the more hypothetical and unprovable the particular piece of personal dogma, the more violent the reaction will be. Hence holy wars, but also hence people who physically and emotionally torture family members rather than face the possibility that what the Pastor said that God said about (insert topic here) might be a lie.
Offered up in the hope that seeing your family's misdeeds more as a pathetic, all-too-human foible will help you to come to terms with them and heal from your very real wounds.
Note I didn't say "accept" it. Don't accept it, meaning don't make it yours; though it may have been aimed at you, it does not belong to you; set it aside. More like recognize it and step out of the way (with a wry grin or an eye-roll) as it goes whooshing past, and leave it lie twitching on the ground instead of embedded in your heart.
Is your nephew in a public school? Because his parents also did a really shitty thing taking him out right before (or in the middle of) finals. If he's moved in with you, he's probably at a different school system - after you contact a lawyer (which you should do ASAP), contact his old school system and your current school system. He's not the first kid to deal with parents kicking him out of the house, and the schools will have resources for both you and him - so he can make it through his freshman (sophomore?) year (as well as help with things like following up with him at the new school as well). They'll often do things like waive finals or final projects, or give extended time, or allow him to finish up the course online.
You may feel broken, but I am convinced it's your back growing an even stronger spine than you already had. Many blessings to you and your nephew.
The rest of that "family" of yours is scared. I can't imagine any other reason for so much hate. They are terrified that everything they know is wrong. But now the best thing you can do is be strong and support your nephew, and be the kind of example that is everything they are afraid of. And if they change in 20 or 30 years (which they may not, don't hope for that) then they'll have to beg for forgiveness for the love you've shown. And hell, you don't have to give it. But know that you are such a powerful person for all you've done and all you have made for yourself.
Lots of love,
What your sister did was wrong.
As a mother, stories like this fill me with incredible rage and even greater sadness. Really, I do not understand HOW someone could do that to their child.
I hope you can find some hope in the fact that for every family like yours, there are more and more like mine, who would no more kick a family member out for being gay than for not liking broccoli.
We're cheering for you, and your nephew, VABG.
Those people may have your blood, but they are NOT your family. A therapist will also give you the strength to cut them off for good. Forever. So they can never hurt you or your nephew again.
She loves me now. She accepts me now. My father is dead, but he loved me again before he died. But I didn't wait for that to happen. I moved 3000 miles away and created a queer family. We lived together and had kids together and did activism together and tried to make the world a little safer for queers. And I love those folks like my own blood and always will. Now I have two families.
I don't think your family will ever come around to be honest. I do know that it's not worth changing yourself or hating yourself or hurting yourself over. Don't do their work for them. Love yourself. Love your nephew. Love your friends. And let them all love you. Don't forget that part - let your queer family love you! That's very important.
If you feelings of brokeness linger than definately seek out a good therapist - one who is gay friendly and has dealt with this sort of issue before. But it should run its course over the next six months or year, changing from stunned horror to anger then sadness. Don't repress those feelings, express them! The harder you try to bury them the longer they will linger, believe me.
And contact the new school your nephew will be attending, make sure it has a gay-straight-alliance and some activities that will interest him. It sounds as if one of the reasons you feel overwhelmed is that your life isn't exactly brimming with teenagers and you aren't sure what to do with him. Surely your friends will be able to help you with that - they must have friends with kids, or accepting family members with kids or know some one who knows someone who has kids. Don't be affraid to ask them for help.
Love you, love your story, love your lucky, lucky nephew who has you to care for him. I wish I could give you a big hug, because you certainly deserve one.
By the way, I just had a crazy idea: even if you don't believe in God, I think you should join whatever gay-friendly church exists in your area. You'd find yourself instantly surrounded by a community of kind people, and they'll love the SHIT out of you, no matter what you believe. I bet you could use that.
More important than your blood family is your CHOSEN family. Many of us who have come out know that our chosen families are our true community and support network. There are many reasons we have chosen to share our lives with them and they know best how to respond to both the good and the bad times we experience. They will be a good lifeline for yourself and your nephew. They will aid you in gaining strength, courage, and conviction, and give you the love and compassion that your blood family will not.
Keep strong, you amazon. You are a good person. And if you and your nephew ever come to visit Seattle I would love to buy yall a meal and show you around.
Much love to you!
He said that studies have found one factor over and above all others makes a difference in whether or not kids with learning challenges succeed. That one factor is to have at least one adult in their life who advocates for them, who stands up for them, who they know is on their side.
It sounds like you may not have had a person like that, which makes it even more impressive that you've come so far. But now YOU ARE THAT PERSON FOR YOUR NEPHEW! Which as Dan and pretty much everyone has said is so wonderful. Remember that the difference you make in his life is real and important.
I think you should choose whichever route works best in dealing with your family of origin: ignore them as pathetic idiots, be angry at them and use that anger positively, pretend they don't even exist. Whatever you do, don't let them affect the way you value yourself. They have fallen for a sad, sick scam -- you got away.
I'm so glad the two of you have each other, so glad you were there to catch this boy. You are a good person, a loving person, a person who lives in a community of choice that deeply loves and cares for you, a person who heard and is living out Christ's message and example. You are the seed that fell on fertile ground. You can do this.
Please let us know how you're doing. I send you every good wish.
But I know you're way too classy and kind for that. We're with you, sister, just know that. You deserve a purple heart, my dear.
I also pray that, if that is the case, she rapidly gains the courage to reject them and their evil.
As for you, you rock!
I've been reading Dan's Column since the olden days when he was on real newspaper, and you had to write a real letter with pen and paper and address him by the F word which I refuse to say. I read every single post, and every single comment, even when I'm out of the country.
This is the first time I have EVER posted a comment. You wanna know why? Becuz I have to tell you that you are a freaking rokstar!!!
I also want to tell you that your deep grief is a totally normal and understandable response to what happened to you in the past with your dumb-ass family, and what is happening again---and the way this situation is making you relive your grief and anger.
I won't bore you with my story of a crazy fanatically religious family (yet emotionally and physically abuse family) that continues to judge me and hate me for my sins of 1. leaving the church, 2. getting divorced, and 3. going back to graduate school when my two terrific kids were teenagers. (I don't dare tell them that I drink alcohol and sometimes sleep with women, becuz I know I can't survive any more abuse from them.)
But I will tell you what helped me get through it, and (eventually) get back to a happy and successful place:
1. Therapy!!! There have been 3 seasons of grief and anger during the 25 years since I stood up to my family and lived my own life. Each time I found a good therapist who understood my conservative religious and horribly abusive background and helped me work through the unique sorrow and rage that comes from being rejected and hurt by "Christians". When I couldn't afford a "real" therapist, I saw a grad student therapist in training for $5 a session. Best $5 I've ever spent. Sometimes I wouldn't say a word, but would weep through the entire hour. And, boy, was that a great release.
2. I read some great books. A few that come to mind: "Motherless daughters, The legacy of Loss". and, "How could you do this to me? Learning to trust after betrayal."
3. Building my own loving family with my kids, a great ex-husband, my good friends, and 2 awesome sisters who also left the church, has been very healing.
4. Recognizing that being rejected by family might never be something that I feel good about, but that time, and therapy, and other loving people, experiences, and events will help to reduce the intensity of the pain of the loss. And being okay with that. Just knowing that sometimes I'm gonna be sad that I got such a shitty mother and father.
Your new cousin Jali Cook in Atlanta. I'm on facebook and I'm here.
And yes, Thank God! Thank God you found your way out. Thank God you are there for your nephew. Thank God the two of you are beginning to break the cycle. The life you created and now welcome your nephew into is not lost, not for nothing. You heard the call to your true self and you followed it. You met others doing the same. You found a new way of being, one that supports and builds up, one where people care for each other.
If you were raised in a Bible-reading family, you know what Jesus tells us to do in times like these. Leave your mother and your father. Shake the dust off your feet. Let the dead bury the dead. You are not broken, they are. Leave them behind. Their hate and fear is stronger than their love of God. Claim the Divine and human love that is yours. No one can take that from you.
I wish you the best of luck, but I doubt you will need it. You are a brave and strong person. You will survive. You will thrive. It gets better.
I'm straight but I come from a fucked up family so I understand the sadness, even now that I have a wonderful husband, great children and am part of a very healthy and accepting community of people. I have tried to create a life that does not involve my family of origin. But whenever I am forced to deal with them I feel overwhelming sadness that lasts for weeks. It's hard to escape that and you never overcome it, even after creating a new life. Take care of yourself and bravo for your kindness to your nephew.
Your nephew is hurting now; what a dreadful thing to go through - but he will learn the power of love and acceptance and, I pray, joy from you and your chosen family. I wish you strength and peace and the comfort that comes from community, a community of those who accept you for who you are.
Love.
And of course you are feeling broken. While you effectively escaped from your family and created something wonderful for yourself, you never fully processed and dealt with the incredible hurt you must have felt when you had to leave home as a very young woman. Going back there open all of those wounds.
I do recommend any type of therapy that will work for you and your nephew. He is hurting too, no matter how much better it is for him now. Someday in the future, he will experience this same broken feeling that you feel unless the wounds heal.
As for your family, leave them be. Someday they may realize that they were hurtful and hateful. But for now, you and your nephew are better off without them.
But recently my 10th nephew (strangely, yeah, lots of boys) was born. One of my goals in life is to be financially stable enough by 30 to be able to take in any of my nephews if their parents try to pull the same shit my parents did.
You are inspiring. And awesome. doing great things. How I wish someone had been there to take me in. How I wish I'll never need to help any of my nephews, but hope that I can be as brave as you if called upon.
He's 15. His siblings and cousins will miss him. They won't [all] be convinced there's something wrong with him. Slowly, things will change toward his, and your, favour. Please stay courageous and remember that there's a whole world of people out here cheering you on.
Ditto to all the good above. Lean on your new, true family. They've accepted you, you just have to ask and accept their help.
Get counseling for both of you. So much of your burden is theirs, not yours. Find a nice safe ear to take that off your shoulders.
You can say a lot of things about your family, but they gave the world you and your nephew. You can make of it what you will.
Perhaps some day, maybe after your parents are dead, she will have the strength to own her cowardice, find some bravery, apologize to you and re-enter the life of both you and your nephew. At that moment, she will have to live with the weight of her misdeeds for the rest of her life. She will have a lot of atoning to do. I hope at that moment you and your nephew can find the grace to be better people than she has been to you.
In the mean time. it's clear you have the strength to do whatever it takes to help out this 15 year old boy. Sure, it will be a burden for you. But it's also a gift. Love him like he was your own son. He will love you back twice as much. That will be your gain and the loss of his parents, whose lives will always be diminished in ways they clearly can't begin to comprehend at this point.
Living well is the best revenge. Both you and your nephew should focus on that. It's amazing what love and support can do for someone. As you give your love to this boy and get it back in return, I expect you both will appreciate the reality of this more and more with each passing day.
Good luck.
LBT Organizations in Virginia:
http://everyoneisgay.com/us/virginia.htm…
Family Law attorney:
http://www.themchughlawfirm.com/
PFLAG:
http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid…
Therapy:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rm…
i'm remembering a quote from schindler's list: "He who saves one life has saved the world entire." and you have.
It's gonna feel great. :)
And you can do this!!! You can be that pillar of love and support for your young nephew. But I suggest you reach out to an organization -- such as the YWCA, PFLAG -- and find a mentor for yourself, to help guide and support both of you. Dan would very likely be a great resource to help point you in the direction of those near where you live, so do ask him. (Right, Dan? Thank you!)
Your nephew is a gift. So hold onto each other while you surround yourselves with a loving community of your own choosing. I don't think you'll have any problem finding some amazing friends to be there for you, for always.
Peace and love to you both.
But make sure you get a lawyer. For your protection and for your nephew's. Your sister may have thrown him out, but unless there is some legal process to protect you and him, they can make your lives miserable. Neither of you deserve that.