I want to second (Nth) the advice to talk to a lawyer. The National Center for Lesbian Rights has a legal helpline (1-800-528-6257), which you should call (during west coast business hours). NCLR rocks, and so do you!

It's not a question of "fuck them" - pity them. Pity their wasted, miserable, superstitious, hateful lives, and be thankful that you have so much better.

And then laugh at yourself for taking it all seriously, because they don't want your pity.

When I was eight years old, I rebelliously asked one of the the Pra Ajans at my local temple why we wanted to achieve enlightenment. What if we didn't want to detach ourselves from all things? What if we wanted to experience the highs and lows?

The dharma, he told me, was merely a roadmap for those who are ready to go home. It is here for those who wish to follow it. If I was still enjoying the roller coaster, he said, I should stay and enjoy it. The road home was just for those who were tired, and it would still be there whenever I wanted it.

That's the thing about your birth family. They are still caught up in learning what it means to be hateful. They are still going through that experience. Let them. It is what they wish to do with themselves during this incarnation, and quite possibly the next, and the next. If you read a book about a subject than interests you, is it a crime to buy a second book on that subject, or a third? It's what you're interested in right now. The subjects of "superstition" and "hate" are difficult ones to deal with other people learning, because they stink up the surrounding area, but it's still their prerogative to spend their lifetimes focusing on what they want to focus on. It's not pleasant to go into someone's kitchen when they're learning to compost, either, but you wouldn't say "omg composting is wrong how DARE you try it in front of me." If you really can't stand the smell of their "compost", you'll just have to take yourself - and your nephew - elsewhere, and do your own thing while they are finishing out their experiments. They'll move on in their own good (life)time(s).

After all, it would be very boring if we never left the unity of enlightenment. "And Shiva split himself into a million million parts, so that he might have friends."

I will never, ever understand how people can twist God's word to justify their own hate. Bless you for being there for your nephew and for being strong enough to leave your hateful family. Bless even your sister for even through her hate having the sense to hand over her son to you. Thank you for being there for your nephew.

I hope someday your family will realize how wrong they were.

Happy Mother's Day Ms VA,
I hope you and your nephew are doing well. Your story is touching and compelling. As a parent, you won't know what path your child will take you upon, but you will have a love bond that last a lifetime.
With respect and love,
Susan

Last year my girl and I told my parents we were getting married. They have never responded or acknowledged our same sex union. To date, we are waiting to see whether or not they will come to our wedding: also in the name of Jesus. What I do have though are my brothers, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I'm so sorry for what your family has never provided for you. I pray your chosen and created family are able to give you all the love and support you could ever want or need. Sending love your way.

being a parent is hard... (I know)
being a parent of a teenager harder... (I know)
being a new parent of a teenager that has been subjected to abuse, fuck, I don't even know.
Give yourself props just for taking this on.
Give yourself everything you need to make each day happen.
exercise if that is your thing
a glass of wine (or three) if needed on occasion
ask for help.
accept help (I know it's hard)
know that WHATEVER you can manage to do is SOO much better than that lucky kid had in the cards in his original home. You are already a goddamn hero.