I think I got the thrust of it in context, but where the fuck did this "Millie" shit come from?

If indeed I got the thrust of it, I'm with Dan, FAMILY. Let V take the lead and back her up.

I agree with Dan, say your piece to your partner, then drop it; say and do NOTHING to this Millie person... resist all temptation to meddle and/or expose her. When her comeuppance arrives --and it may be years-- you can watch the destruction with a clean conscience that you didn't get your hands dirty.

Oh, I'd be so tempted to "accidentally" out the BLHCPOS to her church friends and family, but Dan's right, FAMILY, don't get involved.

What @3 said. It will be SOOOOOO much better for you (as a spectator) when it finally happens. In the meantime, she's just digging herself deeper & deeper.

Dan is perfectly correct in his response. He puts forward the adult thing to do, the SOOINOYB (stay out of it, none of your business). If it were my sister I would not have anything to do with her in any case.

However, were it me I would make the bitch fry. I would expose her to everyone. If she had behaved that badly and hypocritically towards me she would now pay.

Hypocrites should be exposed. Always.

Oh, by the way, FAMILY, when the pegaponies come home to roost in your BHLCPOSSIL's orifices, be as nice to the bitch as it is in your power to be. I'm not saying take any shit from her, just be nice. She's family until one of you dies.

I would offer my punishment services but it sounds like that would be counter-productive. Doing nothing about Millie is really the best thing you can do for the benefit of your life. Let her messed-up existence take care of itself.

While I'd like to think I'd take the high road, if somebody was constantly haranguing my spouse about going to hell I'd probably let that person know a little bit about hell on earth. Possibly by phishing her to send me some kinky pics on IRL and then sneaking them into the bibles at her church. If I'm going to be accused of being the devil, I might as well get some joy out of it.

Your spouse's family member is crazy, vindictive, and inconsistent too. Know what? You aren't changing that. Your spouse wants to forget her crazy sister, and you should help her do that.

Really now? There's nothing wrong with could-theoretically-be-true fake letters (hey, they're always theoretical to all but the actual letter writer), but this one doesn't even try to be mildly plausible. How, practically speaking, could she be aware of everything that her SIL & her husband are thinking, feeling, and doing w/o them telling her? Way to go, omniscient narrator.

I agree with the others above -- better do nothing to expose 'Millie' now and let her do the work herself. I understand what you mean when you say that 'horrible people shouldn't have all that fun' (this is as old as Job's story in the bible), but think about (a) how typical of horrible people are the feelings of revenge that would have to power your exposure of 'Millie' as a hypocrite, and (b) how much better it will be to watch her cause her own demise (no matter how long it takes).

Well, this will probably be less popular...

There's also the possibility to likelihood that the hating SIL will actually be exposed to enough people of different lifestyle than she's used to that she might soften her condemnation of homosexuality.

But then...that would lead her into redemption and and audience would rather see comeuppance.

Women looooooove them some drama - she isn't going to be able to resist stirring this bubbling pot.

Crazy Millie has exactly zero chance of keeping her secret indefinitely. I don't know if it will take a week, a month, or a year, but sooner or later someone is gonna let something slip, and the husband and/or kids will find out. Then her life will explode with drama. And not in a good way.

Do you want your partner to blame you for that drama? If not, don't be the one to instigate it.

@14 is probably right.

One can only hope her outing comes from a fellow church-goer that encounters her at a kink event.

Women aren't the only ones who love them some drama.

And Millie has only told Diane about this stuff because ALL Millie's old friends are in the same judgmental, gay-hating church that Millie STILL belongs to and if she told them they’d be horrified!Um, that's a reason NOT to tell Diane about this stuff. Doesn't pass the smell test, unless her kink is masochism. Does Millie assume their paths will inevitably cross somehow?

And Millie and Diane? Really? Should've gone with Sophia and Olivia.

(Closing tag. Sorry, I've got a bum / key.)

If the husband finds out, then what?

He'll either lay down like a doormat, in which case Millie has her cake and eats it too, with plenty left over to smear in your face. Or he'll divorce her, in which case Milllie get's half their shit and a monthly alimony check, all for being the insufferable psychopathic bitch that she is.

Sorry, but as horrible as this is to contemplate, there's just no way to win with someone like Millie. Unless, of course, some sort of "accident" were to happen to her...

The weak seek apologies. The strong seek revenge.

Someone who lies to her husband, kids, and her kinky new friends is more than capable—I hope you're sitting down for this—of issuing an insincere apology to her sister's wife.

Dang, Dan, way to make me snort tea thru my nose.

Anyway, I agree with the others. Hold your peace. That alone will be more than enough rope for Millie, because I absolutely guarantee you, LW, that Millie will hang yourself and the further away you are from that the better a front row seat you'll have. If you follow my tangled metaphors. You won't have to do a damned thing, if she's stretching her neck out the way you describe.

Dear FAMILY,

Revelations such as these are best saved for holidays. The next family gathering such as Thanksgiving or Christmas which includes you, your spouse, the hypocrite and her family, and the in-laws is the appropriate time and place for these kinds of revelations. If the Hypocrite is behaving in her typically cunty sanctimonious way, you can with a clear concience get totally shit faced and beligerant and "out" her for what a totally kinky douche-burger that she is. However, if she actually makes an effort to be a good sister and sister-in-law, although unlikely, bite your tongue and let bygones be bygones.

The problem with revenge is that it can backfire. In trying to make Millie look bad she'll wind up making herself look worse.

Such a moral dilemma. On one hand revenge is a dish best served cold. On the other the CPOS has compromised her sister. When the shit hits the fan (it is almost guaranteed to happen in this particular case) it will come out that Diane knew about what was going and said nothing. The hypocritical, vindictive bitch will take her sister down with her. In this case, ignorance was bliss. A classic no win scenario.

The shit will never hit the fan; this news will never come out. Why/how should it? FAMILY can't content herself with that thought. The question she needs to ask is how will her outing Millie effect Diane. If the subsequent drama or payback (and I bet Millie is capable of monstrous vindictiveness) makes life harder for Diane, what point will have been served?

Stay away from the whole mess, FAMILY, and take comfort in the fact that when given the opportunity, you took the high road.

My guess is that Diane needs this relationship with Millie--however insincere it may be on Millie's part--more than she needs to have Millie get her comeuppance. Let Diane have that.

Love the way @10 put it...couldn't agree more.

...and just be comfortable in the smug satisfaction that all the hate is really driven by self-loathing and misery (she's suffering the effects of her bigotry more than you are) and that she has no real power over you.

Absolutely agree with Dan.

Now as frustrating as it is to keep your mouth shut, don't fret too much FAMILY, because you won't have to wait long for Millie-the-bitch to be found out. We're talking about a woman so stupid that she would hand this massive secret, a secret she knows could lead to her divorce and expulsion from here fundie community, to the sister who she has spent years bullying and mistreating. This is akin to a bank robber confiding in a hostage he took where he plans to hide the money. Someone who cannot think ahead far enough to understand that her sister was absolutely the wrong person to tell and whose husband is already partially clued in WILL make further mistakes and WILL be outed. Just wait, and then sit back and enjoy the show.

Mr. Savage is right. While it would be super satisfying to out this woman in front of both her conservative church friends and her kinky friends, it would just be a rotten thing to do.

Solution: Out her in your brain with your mouth shut.

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Wait, and let her behavior lead to her own punishment.

But, if you can, GET EVIDENCE and just hold onto it. It's a nice feeling to have, and you'll see that it actually decreases your desire to use it. And, if she ever really menaces either of you, you've got an ace in the hole.

@27 I have to agree with you. I have to wonder why Millie shared her secret with her sister - part of it is probably because she felt that her sister is a "sexual deviant" too, so would be sympathetic. But, I think it is because she wanted her sister to be complicit in the whole fucked up drama.

If I were Diane or FAMILY, I would shut my fucking yap until the shit inevitably hits the fan, and until then come up with some good reasons for why you didn't share the secret, or practice acting so you can deny that you knew the secret to begin with.

@27, 34: Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't understand how Millie can take Diane down if and when Millie's behavior comes out and it turns out that Diane knew about it.
Diane's knowing about Millie's activities doesn't mean she condones them, much less helps her conduct them. She is an unwilling confidante.

I suppose she could write an email or letter saying that she doesn't approve without bringing up Millie's hypocrisy, and without threatening to expose her secret--just essentially saying she's not on board with what Millie's doing. Then, should Millie try to tar her with some sort of enabler brush later, she has evidence that she wasn't assisting Millie's cheating.

But I think that that scenario is a bit far-fetched. I'm not even sure that the shit will totally hit the fan. If Millie's husband finds out, he may be so humiliated that he wants to keep it quiet.

While noting in full the extraordinary narratorial omniscience, I wonder (along a similar line as that of Ms(?) Alan) why on earth Diane is engaging in such conversations in the first place. Let us just hope for Diane's sake that she didn't marry someone just like Millie, although, as Ms Cute will recall, for those who like that sort of thing, that is the sort of thing they like.

And are kinky people really so stupid that Millie can fool them for all that long? She seems so fond of running her mouth that she's bound to reveal herself in all her horror soon enough. Remember when I ruminated on whether Ms Erica might be able to infiltrate a group of Christianist wives who Submit to their Husbands. She didn't think she could keep it up for long. And Millie has fewer brains and less motivation.

I'm just trying to provide some examples of how things could wrong. So please don't get defensive. I'm not omniscient and don't claim to be, but I have witnessed some very sad things.

@28 Old proverb: Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. I have only what is in the letter. Millie's husband already knows something. Millie sounds arrogant, vindictive, etc. Arrogant people tend to make mistakes. Just how good is Millie at covering her tracks. If the letter provides a valid representation of Millie's personality, then how soon before she deeply offends someone she is playing with . The possibilities for exposure are exponential based of the number of people she plays with and the number of people they play with.

@35 How many friendships have ended because it comes out that a friend knew what was going on and said nothing or worse was a participant (unlikely in this case)? Apply the same question to families. Millie will make sure that everyone knows that Diane knew, if only because she is portrayed as a vindictive, mean spirited bitch (don't know the woman so I don't know how true that is), but misery does love company. Maybe you are lucky and don't have anyone like Millie in your family or the family of your spouse/SO (assuming you have one) or in a friend's family. I am fortunate that I have never been in the direct line of fire.

Rules for some family interdynamics are the same as for family court: if you are a nice person you are always going to lose to an angry snake, so don't start the biting contest.

Only someone who wants to be victimized would still keep in contact with, "Millie." Just because someone is family does not mean they are human.

DTMFRA (That R is a Relative) Millie deserves nothing more than a slap right in her face.

I agree with @37. We had issues in my FOO of a cheating cousin. My mum was appalled that his sister had known about the cheating and didn't tell his wife. Honestly, his wife is a much nicer person than my cousin, and it was awful to see her so hurt, but I personally didn't blame the sister (who'd been raised all her life to look up to, be loyal to, and generally venerate her big brother). But when blame is flung around, some of it sticks to those in the know. I nearly got tarred with it myself, because when my mum told me about the affair, I said: 'Oh. I thought she knew.' Then had to explain to my mum that I had just assumed that he was constantly having affairs, because that's the kind of guy he is, even though I had never known of any specific 'other woman', and that I'd assumed his wife knew he was involved with other women and tolerated it.

I don't really know how you get out of it when you actually *did* know what was going on. Fortunately, Diane's parents seem a lot less judgmental than Millie, so hopefully they won't fling the blame around so much.

drama drama draaaama.
Let the FOO be.
Find your own happiness.
That is all.

Wow, I defer to all of those who live with really horrible relatives, and I am grateful that the kind of scenarios outlined in #s 37 and 40 don't happen in my family. Talk about killing the messenger . . .

I agree with @35, FAMILY should have Diane send Millie an email (not a letter, that way you have a copy) saying something to the effect of, "You know, I've been thinking about what you told me about your newfound kinks and going to the kink parties and playing with other people and such, and I think you should tell your husband. You might not be cheating on him, exactly, but if I were him, I'd want to know."

If you're lucky, FAMILY (particularly if Diane specifically states the letter is about kink parties and extramarital play, rather than keeping it vague), Millie's husband will find the email and a) the shitstorm you desire will ensue, while b) Diane looks like the good guy to her other family members.

Hmm, my advice is to take my route and avoid family drama by ignoring family members that are terrible. I've never understood the hold that genetic relationships have on so many people. There's no good reason to put up with bullshit from people just because they share some chromosomes with one (yeah, I know, social norms developed around evolutionary pressures to preserve our genes - our awareness of the processes of cultural construction allow us to move past that now, if we wish). I'm not sure why "Diane" still has a relationship with "Millie" at all; I'd have said, "Fuck you, Millie," and not spoken to her again if she was haranguing me about my sexuality. As Dan said, it's not your deal, FAMILY. Follow your partner's lead and leave it alone (that said, I would boycott family gatherings that "Millie" attends because she's a hateful bigot - there's no reason YOU, FAMILY, need to interact with "Millie" at all).

One of those situations where you just have to trust in karma.

Unless Diane has actually seen Millie at a club doing kinky things, she needs to stop talking to Millie about Millie's supposed kinks. And Diane needs to refrain from discussing anything she does with the LW unless they were doing it where Millie could see.

Because, yeah, Millie could be hypocritical. Has happened before, will happen again. BUT she could also be putting on an act to get fodder for homophobic ravings about "even my own sister does perverted things like xxxx and yyyyy"

I'd be less suspicious if she'd apologized to her sister.

Diane absolutely, comletely, totally needs to sever all contact with Millie. She beyond redemption at this point. (hard ass statement)

@47, That's the best way to handle it between rational adults, I suspect Millie isn't one though.