Also, you should probably talk about it in person instead of texting. Kids are cruel...
I don't know if I've ever thanked you properly for not using the word "sexpert". Thank you, Dan. You have done the world a great service.
@2: Every word that could be coined by placing an "s" in front of a word or syllable that begins with "ex" was coined long ago. Sexpert, sexpress, obsexed, sexile, etc. Not Dan's creation.

Dan, I know you get accusations like this all the time, but you're changing. Five years ago you would've told the guy to do it behind his girlfriend's back if he could be discreet, because hey, no relationship at 16 is going to last your whole life, and you might as well live it up while you're young. You've started cracking down more on infidelity and potential infidelity (to be distinguished from honest non-monogamy, of course).

Good for you. I wonder if it's a product of having given lots more in-person sex advice in the past year, what with Savage U and all.
Another thing worth saying out loud, it seems to me (because hookups are common but formal, complete sex education is disappearing): the gold standard for sexual ethics these days is to have an honest discussion of your sexual history with prospective NEW partners fairly early on.

So even if you have reason to believe your current GF would be fine with this, imagine a time in the future when you are cultivating a different GF. If the prospect of being up-front with her about having sex with another guy (whether or not it was still happening on the side) terrifies you and makes you want to sweep that part of your history under the rug, you shouldn't make the choice to do that at this point in your life.

Society is making progress by leaps and bounds, but we also have to become comfortable with ethical behavior individually, in our own lives and relationships.
$100 says his GF would find it hot as hell and wants to watch.
Dan, you are so f**king on target every time.
This letter is so fucking depressingly hot.
"...or wait until you're single."

He is so dumping her.
Having been a horny 16 year old girl once, I can say with absolute confidence that I would have been THRILLED to watch my then-boyfriend get a blowjob from another guy. Seriously. I thought every kind of sex was fantastic, straight or gay, and I knew that he and I weren't going to be together forever. Why not have fun with it?
I don't know if I'd want my GF to watch if I were him, come break up time, she'll be spilling the beans about him getting sucked off by a guy. Hell, ask the GF. Regardless or not if she consents or not, get the BJ from your gay FWB. Just make sure the FWB doesn't go spilling the news with the gf/ex gf.

Hell i'm against the idea of asking the GF for permission. What if it's just a one time thing and they break up and stay friends? She gets invited to the wedding and come reception time, she's drunk off her ass telling tell-all stories in front of his family and his wife's family...
Agree with all the advice, but would add one note about the gay guy. If you don't go through with it, explain to him why not. He'll feel a whole lot better about the situation if he thinks you're just being a good boyfriend to your girlfriend, rather than thinking that you're rejecting his very generous offer.
@4: "it seems to me (because hookups are common but formal, complete sex education is disappearing): the gold standard for sexual ethics these days is to have an honest discussion of your sexual history with prospective NEW partners fairly early on."

What a non-sequitur. What does "formal, complete sex education" have to do with this? The list of people I slept with in the past is not going to help a future partner one iota with sex education issues like how to put on a condom, how to take the pill, how to otherwise not get pregnant/not get a disease. The only thing I need to disclose to a prospective partner is whether I currently carry any communicable diseases. and whether I am currently sleeping with anybody else, because that carries risks in both health and emotional terms. My past is not relevant to a prospective partner in the same way that my present is.

The idea that I should not sleep with Person X today because it's possible that I might meet a hypothetical Person Y sometime in the future who would disapprove fairly stinks of slut-shaming.
If you're a straight boy and some guy wants to suck your dick, it's not cheating, and it's not your girlfriend's business.

am I alone in wondering if this kid gets the Pepi Le Pew reference? how many people his age and younger have seen Looney Tunes these days? I kinda figured they were considered too racist these days, not that I'm necessarily indicting watching it, but curious nonetheless.

while we're on the topic of PC-handwringing...

@13: dude, seriously I read some of the shit you write and I wonder if you're some off-the-reservation militant feminist agent provocateur just firing out the most meatheaded missives they can think of. but then I remind myself how trolls are like 99.9% men and just get bummed out.
Dan's advice is dead perfect, but a little incomplete.

In addition to Dan's advice, I would ask you to consider your gay friend's perspective. If you say no, please be kind, and tell him it isn't because he's gay but because you are into girls. Tell him he is still your friend, and his request did not ick you out. You are into him as a friend, but not a FWB.

If you DO decide to go for it, and start getting blowjobs from him, understand that he will likely have a completely different view of the situation. You will see it as a convenient way to get blowjobs while you pursue the right girl to settle down with. On the other hand, there is a very real possibility he will fall in love with you. Or at least he'll think he's in love with you, or will fantasize about settling down with you into a relationship much deeper than a FWB. He may not even intend for that to happen. But a gay teenager is very likely to fall in love with someone he is having sex with (yes, blowjobs are sex), whether he intends to or not.

Are you prepared for him to fall in love with you?
@14: You're showing your age. Kids these days don't watch Looney Tunes on TV. Their parents have bought the complete letterbox set, which has been broadcast continually on the minivan video system. (It comes with a hand-wringing Whoopi Goldberg introduction about how racist folks were back in the day. No shit.)
what's weird is in the grand scheme of things, I suppose I'm not that much older than the LW.
@12, I did not do a good job making the points I was trying to make, agreed.

Re: sex ed, what I meant is that where it still exists in the middle- or high-school curriculum, it has usually been reduced to the bare minimum of biological facts concerning heterosexual coupling, and the emphasis is on abstinence. There is almost never inclusion of sexual ethics. I'm not saying you have to flop out your logbooks with someone new and compare cockpit hours side-by-side, just that it's the accepted norm to say things like "My last girlfriend and I were close for a few years, but grew apart when we ended up at different schools. It's been awhile since we called it quits," and "I've messed around with a couple of guys on occasion, including my gay best friend since junior high. You'll probably see him at the lake when we go next week" over the course of getting to know a person. I do think you should say more about your history than "I'm not sleeping with anyone now, and I tested clean two weeks ago" or whatever.

Re: your last comment, my point was not that the LW should be afraid that someone ELSE would disapprove, but that HE might feel awkward about it. The guy's 16, in high school, presumably living with his parents. It's great that he's "open-minded," but it's one thing to think about something and another to live it with all its possible consequences within his current social milieu and at his present level of experience, maturity, and self-confidence.
@14: Oh Jesus Christ what have I done?!

LW, I realize it's probably too late, but for the love of god, DON'T FOLLOW MY ADVICE @13!! It is cheating!!! Even though you're more likely to fall for the porn stars you jack off to on your computer screen than this guy who wants to blow you, you're in a relationship now, you've got people depending on you, you need to put them first! Otherwise, you might find yourself single at age 16, and believe me, that's a tragic place to be.
too late, you ruined his life.
@20: Damn. Well, at least he got a blow job out of the deal.
I am so going to write a letter to Jeanne Dixon saying I'm a sixteen year old girl and my boyfriend just asked me if it's okay for him to have a fwb relationship with some other guy on the side, and should I let him, because we're in love and I am afraid I'll lose him if I say no.
Or was that Jeanne Philips that I meant?
@3 you shut the fuck up you ignorant dick
Personally I don't think a sixteen year old girl will react well to the question unless she's already very comfortable with sexuality and as I recall at sixteen most girls I know weren't. If I were this kid I'd tell my friend thanks for the offer but can we take this up when I'm single again. He's sixteen so that probably won't be too long! Waiting a few months would save so much drama so I'd only go for it now if he knows her well enough to know that she'd be open mined and not feel threatened that one of her first partners is looking to open the relationship.
@9 Now that I'm older I think it's totally hot but unless teenagers today have gotten a lot more comfortable with themselves than my friends and I were I doubt he'll get the ” that's hot can I watch” response. At sixteen I'd wager that his girlfriend hasn't had much experience and would view the question as a comment about her desirability. Teens just naturally think everything is about them. I think first open relationships need to have a solid basis prior to opening up and I'd bet these two haven't been together long enough for her to feel comfortable opening it up, and blow jobs are sex.
Asked now (at 34, having been together for many years..) yep, I'd find that hot! so long as I could watch.. ;0) Asked at 16.. when I'd only been sexually active for less than a year with my one and only love (as I saw it at the time..) I'd have freaked the fuck out! maybe his GF is exceptionally mature, and secure and sexually adventurous enough to want this to happen, but I wouldn't bet on it..
My advice to 16-year-old would be that if year are ambivalent about a sex act, hold off for a few years (experiment in college! is an old cliche but a good one). Don't make your life any more complicated in high school than it has to be.

Perfectly willing to stipulate that I am an old fuddy-duddy.
@16 you're showing your age, no one buys DVD box sets anymore. Get with it.
@29, you're showing your age--you can't do math. People bought DVD boxed sets ten years ago, which is when today's teenagers would have been watching them as children.
i'm showing my age here.. but do these children still collect edible bracelets to commemorate all their blowjobs ? i seent ot on the teevee just yesterday that the numbers of people who sext ( oh shit ..another 's' word.. @3 's gonna hand me my ass..) is high and probably higher for teens.i'm thinking , unless you're 15 or not older than 19 , you probably have little to no idea what 16 year old girls find hot or not.
i know i don't..
..if i could do then what they do now...
@15 is right. You must also consider your gay friend's emotional stability, whether he will fall in love, how this will affect your friendship, and so on.

Try and look a little past the huge, blinking "FREE BLOWJOBS" sign.
I'd urge some caution here. At 16 there seems like a pretty high probability of a break up & I would not put it past an angry ex to use any relationship as ammo to "get even"

You'd have to know your partner very well to share this sort of thing with them and I don't think that is possible at 16.

Then there is the other guys feelings - he may say FwB but that may not be what he really wants or what he thinks later in the friendship.

I'd say "thanks but right now I am in a relationship and I don't think it would be fair to either of you".
@10 I guess Dan should have also included the part where the hetero-boy shouldn't get his dick sucked my a man if he'd be mortified that anybody else would find out. Not just a bit red-faced but having feelings of his life being ruined, etc.

FWB are fine and exploring your boundaries for some good head is fine but if you'd turn into a homophobic jerk if someone found out that wouldn't be fair to your gay friend or gays in general.

If a hetero-girl takes a walk on the wild side in when young it's considered cute, maybe even expected. If a hetero-boy does it still carries a stigma, guys will taunt him and girls will question if they should date him. This boy needs to figure out if he'd care (then don't do it) or if he's mature, modern, and self-confident enough to say "yeah, I got head from my gay friend when I was young and super what?"
@Lee As someone the same age as you, in the grand scheme of things, 30 is MUCH older than 16.
@18: I think we will just have to disagree on that. I'm a fairly hardcore believer in privacy, when the facts to be divulged serve no purpose other than for the recipient to be judgmental. Even more so if that private information would cause me harm in the community should it get out. In my opinion it is no more the business of my hypothetical next girlfriend who my previous lovers were than it would be her business what specific bedroom acts my hypothetical most recent ex engaged in.

Okay, I suppose I can see that, the idea that one might have one's own regrets down the line. It seems to me that usually the progression is from skeeved-out to "ah, well" acceptance as we age and mature, not the other way around. That, and if the issue is having to live with it within his social milieu, that strikes me as more ammo for keeping it to himself, in that it isn't anybody else's business. There is the fact that it might get out despite him, and that is a reasonable thing to consider wanting to forestall by opting out in the first place.

The reason I'm kind of militant about privacy is that this inability of people to keep their noses out of other people's bedrooms causes all manner of social ills. For one thing, it underlies the whole gay marriage thing. The opponents are busy hollering "Sodomy, sodomy, evil, evil, perverts, perverts!" Practically speaking, there's a very good chance that their heterosexual neighbors are doing the exact same unspeakable acts, but they afford the man-and-woman couple a level of deference in their bedroom privacy that they completely deny to the same-sex couple. They make all sorts of intrusive assumptions about the same-sex couple, and then legislate madly based on what they imagine is going on there. If people minded their own business for gays the same way they mind their own business for straights, this wouldn't be an issue.

What @15 said. BJs are very different from the perspective of giver and recipient.

goddammit, Callie, now everyone knows!!!

seriously though, whenever anyone tips they're hand on this blog and reveals their age, it usually seems like 35+, which means I am closer to that kid's age than a lot of the other years and also sheer maturity (you know it's true) :/
@36 and @39

You guys are 30?! Aww that's adorable.
It's kinda like being 16, just slightly less fresh and dewy : )

Enjoy your youth and the weekend... I'm going back to being old now. I remember buying my first college It was cool to have held out for as long as possible, because you had a huge music collection on vinyl...and it took up a whole wall and weighed a ton..nevermind, you had to have been there.
@35.. i have never ever heard of male being stigmatized by a blow job he received at 16.
in fact i don't think i've ever heard of a man being stigmatized by a blow job at any age and i hail from the jurassic one.
I really don't like the crush - this tends to work out badly rather more often than not. LW, be a true ally and tell your friend he can do better.
My two cents:

I'm not gay either, but if I was this kid (16...not a lot of options. Some of the cuter 16 y/o girls back in my day were a bit frigid. Dating was just about being able to say you had a boyfriend. Don't know if that's changed much. There were the freaks, of course, but they were always on the lower quality side of things....anyways), and my 16 year old girlfriend wasn't giving it up, (he never specifies!) I'd take the blowjobs!...with our without dumping her first! XD

...I'm just sayin'!
Couldn't this end up as a crush turning into something more for the gay friend even though the lw will never feel the same way? Or he lets the gay friend service him, gay friend sees it's not what he thought, and gets over his crush.

I would tell the LW to encourage his friend to find other gay guys who can reciprocate when it comes to mutual sexual attraction. I don't think this would end well and would just lead to akwardness if the crush is really something more than sexual desire.
No matter how old you are, you're never too young or old to treat someone with respect. Would he want his girlfriend to get intimate with someone who found her attractive and might be willing to date her? Would he want her to tell him about it before hand?
WSID, if you do take your friend up on his offer, please remember that you two are in a sexual relationship and to treat him with respect and kindness. (Especially if people's predictions turn out to be true and he develops feelings for you). Read the two letters Dan linked - don't treat your friend as the ass-hat in those did. And while Dan is right - talking with your GF the honorable and ethical thing to do, it is something she will tell her friends about when you break up. She might tell as much of Facebook as she can get her hands on if she's particularly vindictive (as many dumped teen girls tend to be.) This is even more likely if you ask and she says no. I wouldn't tell her. So you should wait until you are single if this is an arrangement you woundn't want to talk about

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