I've found that as a man, if you laugh at a guy hitting on a woman (looking at them and laughing at them, shaking your head, whatever), it often doesn't escalate things and sends a message to the dude that he looks laughable and pathetic. That's my best move - not great but my best. I've also tried the active intervention angle and been threatened physically almost immediately.

The subtle angle, without calling a guy out, man-to-man, works. You don't have to say, "that is some weak, pathetic shit," to send a message that says that's some weak pathetic shit.

On the list of ills, me getting into a physical fight is worse than someone being street harassed. sticks n stones n shit.

sorry, you'll have to defend yourself.

@103 I usually don't, but late night boredom often leads me to dark places, and the unregisturds feel like a glimpse at the reptilian brain. You're right, though - always a mistake.

@105,
In some ways, I think that's fair. Believe me, women also realize how dangerous the situations often are. That's kind of the point, of course. Thank you for recognizing that.

I usually end up sidling up next to a woman who seems to be the target of harassment. I do this without drama, but always staring at the dude pretty intently. This has almost always been quite welcome by the woman. (Yes, I realize it's because I'm a woman too).

Usually I just act as a "witness." But, even just passive observation by a second woman is too much for most harassers, who are really just bottom feeders and therefore lazy and cowardly. So the situation usually turns out not as badly as I expected. I feel like I'm braver defending someone else than trying to defend just myself anyway. And every time I try to help someone, I learn quite a bit.
Still, I understand where your reluctance is coming from: I was punched in the face by a drunk stranger in a bar who was trying to fondle a friend. I intervened and he got INSTANTLY furious. That was just one time though. I don't know, it's a little scary, but I feel like it's the right thing to do in most instances.

A male friend told me years ago how he dealt with the situation. This was way back, fifteen years ago or so. At a bus stop, a guy was harassing a woman about my friend's age (early-mid 20s). Asking her name, asking for her number, all that. My friend saw she was uncomfortable, and so approached her. She gave him a look, like, "Oh, not another one."

He then said, "Hey, (made-up girl's name), it's Bob! Remember me, we met last week at Joe's party . . . " and then rambled on for a while. She caught on and started chatting, and the other guy rolled his eyes and shoved off.

@106, that's an insult to reptiles.

In this sort of situation, I don't think a man needs to step in and argue with the guy or anything... All he would have to do is talk to the girl and show the guy that the girl isn't necessarily alone or that there are other people listening like Megan said. That's not going to get anyone shot.

I don't have a lot to contribute to this discussion that hasn't already been said, but I'm amused as fuck that so many people took this:

11: "I'm sorry to interrupt but I just love your shoes! Where'd you get them "(edging myself between you and him and walking a bit away with you while still talking.)
That's about all I AS A SMALL MIDDLE AGED LADY could do, but since there is strength in numbers, showing the perpetrator that you are not alone might discourage him.

and interpreted this that the commenter was male, somehow...

(bolded and capitalized by me, but still...c'mon people. If you're going to bag on others for reading comprehension fail...)

@107 I don't know how many times I've been "put in that situation" by a woman. 5? 10? 20? Probably about 10, maybe more, maybe less. I can't say how strongly I believe that women "in general", have NO CLUE what they're doing in regard to this, or alternatively, view it as kind of a fantasy. I'm not really speaking on the "street harassment" scenario here, and this is mostly amount marriage/child-bearing aged women thing; women who have yet to experience domestic violence and don't know what having your face slammed into a concrete wall really means.

do what anyone should do: ignore it.

I don't mind getting in a fight, but I would at least expect - at bare minimum - for the woman to unequivocally reject the man's advances and for him to continue before I stepped in.

As has already been suggested here, the first step is sidling near the woman and staring the dude down. Then taking a small step in front of her if that doesn't work. "Dude, she said no. Back off." No drama, just quiet order.

I have a friend that turns these situations into grandstanding lectures on female empowerment. While it may stop the situation, its besides the point. The point is stopping the interaction and making him uncomfortable enough that he doesn't try again after I've gone.

But yeah, it helps I don't mind getting hit.

@111: Yeah that made me laugh, but it did open up that part of the conversation. As a small middle aged lady I can do that. I think the general idea is to give the appearance and feeling that the target is not alone (as I said, safety in numbers), but how each of us may go about that is going to have to vary from person to person.

@38: That's because most of us were rightly raised to understand that the only people we have any control over is ourselves. Don't ask questions without answers and then lecture people for not answering it the way you want them to. That's just another predictably lameass attempt by the social justice mafia to goad people into taking responsibility for shit that ain't theirs to take responsibility for.

Maybe this is too obvious or off-topic from the tone of the discussion:

As others have said, I would probably stay out of stuff between strangers unless help was asked or violence begun/imminent. But I've dressed down several guys for harassing women...all jackasses I've had the misfortune to know. But I'll admit that even then it goes against some fucked up grain, like I'm not being the right kind of guy.

Still, I think this is the kind of guys-telling-guys its not ok to harras women we can all agree on, no? That the next time all us enlightened males are out drinking with friends and friends-of-friends and one (or all) of them start getting out of line, we're going to tell them to knock it the fuck off. Agreed?

There seem to be a couple of different types of posters here with regard to the men: Those that completely minimize the experiences, those that are supportive of women, and those that are semi-supportive but remiss to intervene due to fear of retaliation.

To all the men making comments about not wanting to get involved due to perceived risk... are you at least acknowledging the threat it actually poses to the women on the receiving end?

like 10 yrs ago I was walking near the broadway grill; a drunk hobo type guy literally came up and put his arm around my hot girlfriend. I pushed him hard into a spike topped, waist high fence [outdoor seating barrier]. I think I might've hurt him pretty bad. felt pretty bad about it; I would make a lousy cop.

@118: You. You don't get to complain when you get lumped in with the street harassers.

@122 "Nope, because the dynamics are different once I insert myself as your fucking "white knight"."

How so? How is this different than the woman expressing her rejection?

Per the original article, "I've learned that if I talk back too harshly the man instantly switches from hitting on me to insulting me. Suddenly I'm a fat bitch. It's weird and sad how a woman defending herself is, in a street harasser's eyes, the most unattractive thing a woman can do."

I would like to make the following proposal:

Those who would offer to stand with, and provide support to someone being harassed should wear a pin with a specific logo or graphic. The person being harassed can see someone with the pin and know they will provide company, call police, or other non-violent, non-esclating action.

Obviously, this symbol and what it stands for must be known. Perhaps The Stanger can assist.

I will offer to design this pin and donate some money to get it made. Who will help me:

1) define appropriate actions for pin-wearers.
2) distribute the pin and the message.

Joseph Skillings sacrificed a lot to answer this question.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/last-…
(January 24 section)

well, finish tag, he seems to have recovered and done quite well: http://www.seattlemag.com/article/joseph…

Well it happened to me just now. When I was walking down the street to go to ATM, there was this men who kicked my ass. He seemed so strange but I didn't think he would be physically harassing me. All I did was nothing but swearing. He pissed me off. I mean what the fuck wrong with his brain? is he crazy or something. And everyone looked at me but no one helping. I've been living alone for about 6 months, and I always walk alone but it was actually the first time I experienced something that embarrasing and annoying me. Now I feel sooooo unsafe living in my hometown, the place where I was born and been raised. I'm thinking about moving to somewhere else, but I'm afraid it won't make any differences. There's no safe place left in this world. Well I'm just hoping thing like this won't ever happen again to me and to any other female.

@You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me — You're being very defensive about patriarchy and it's sadly, a very common reaction from a lot of dudes. Unfortunately, there are some misandrists out there that use the term of feminism to legitimize their anger and hatred. However, while that number may be loud and most often heard, they are also the number that are in the minority. The majority of feminists aren't man hating, lesbian dykes who go off about breaking down patriarchy at the mere mention of someone's shoes. Obviously you're being melodramatic but I think you, and other people like you, need to understand that deconstructing patriarchy is a men's a issue as much as it is a woman's issue. While if affects genders in different ways, it is an issue that affects us both. For example, take a look at this video: http://www.upworthy.com/theres-something…. Patriarchy affects women in a very different way and while it is tied to rape culture, rape culture in and of itself is a much larger and complex issue.

This article isn't an angry feminist attack on men and how we ought to knock down the patriarchy. It's an article on rape culture and how it affects us. The thing is — most men, by virtue of being men, don't experience this type of street harassment. Therefore they don't understand it — the men who stand by and do nothing when it is happening don't understand how disconcerting it is for the woman who is being harassed because it doesn't happen to them personally. And the men who do the harassing either understand this or don't, but either way they are a product of our culture — and this is where patriarchy ties in. Boys are taught at a young age that to be a man is to be aggressive and macho. So when it comes to getting the attention of a woman, aggression is a default and there is a lack of understanding that this is not the right approach. Humans have been around for a very long time, but it's only in the last decade with the revolution of Web 2.0 that we've really been able to open up the forum for discourse on these types of very important issues. It's only natural for it to be a controversial issue as it's pointing out some very hard hitting issues that we all, men and women, have internalized — it is only natural to be on the defense. However, if we ever hope to actually be able to reach a civilized society, at some point we have to let these defenses down. I'm optimistic that it's beginning to happen....looking at the active participation, contribution and willingness to listen and learn from other men has increased a lot in the past decade and this is awesome. But we still have a lot of work to do and part of it is changing the way that feminist discourse occurs in a manner that doesn't alienate men and put them on the defense, but rather in inclusive is all.

As an FYI, just the other day I was harassed on the bus — I was asked if I yoga naked, asked out, physically boxed into the very back corner seat of the bus, had a creep sit too close for comfort and with obvious purpose to sit as close to me as possible touching my thighs and arms with his own, all the while he stroked his own dick over his pants and leering at me. To top it off, he followed me off the bus and I had to book it into a building and hide from him. That is something that should never happen to anybody, but the thing is is that it does happen and it usually happens to women. It wouldn't be sexist to step in — in fact it would be not just the right thing to do as a person, but a feminist move by publicly addressing behavior that perpetuates rape culture.

I don't live in Seattle but just a bit north in Vancouver, where I feel the social climate if very similar. What I would have given for somebody, anybody, to step in. I wouldn't have cared if it was a male or a woman....because when somebody in in danger, whether real or perceived, it should just be the human response to help. If you really think that somebody would accuse you of sexism for stepping in a situation that is obviously volatile or has the potential to be, then you really have a misunderstanding of the true intentions of the feminist movement. I hope that in the future you don't listen to the cries of the few misinformed, misandrist "feminists" and do understand the real, genuine intentions of feminism and what the majority of feminists are really like.