I love Tavern Law for a variety of reasons. It's open to all people, classy, and they have great drinks. You should try it.

"Go out."

"Try it out."

One reason those common phrases contain the word out, young grasshopper, is because that's where you are when you do those things, and not home cowering behind the couch.

You think... what, exactly? That in Seattle, a place where you seldom go and know few people, you can just slide unobtrusively into a group of drag-friendly people or people in drag and go to a drag bar and have a vanishingly small chance of being recognized, and maybe get laid at the end of the evening, as opposed to walking into a gay bar with your real face on?

Is it just the places you get posted for work, or something about your career itself that you think makes it awkward to be perceived as something other than straight? Or are you not yet out to your family and childhood friends in your conservative home town, and that's the real source of background stress?

Focus on your career for a few years if that's a high priority and you can handle it, but at some point you'll realize that you can't always maintain watertight bulkheads between different compartments of your being, and that living some kind of authentic life is probably ultimately more fulfilling.

"On top of that, I've always wanted to go out as a transvestite with friends. The problem is I feel like I don't have a safe group to go out with [and] I'm under time constraints"

I'm trying to parse this. Does he already have crossdressing friends who go out together in Seattle? If so, why aren't they a "safe group" to go out with? Because guys will hassle them or because they're unsafe themselves and will hassle each other? Also, what is with his "time constraints"? He wants someone to show him how to do a nice makeup job quickly? I know it sounds like he's asking about cool bars, but I think there are other issues on his mind. Maybe he should start by getting in touch with http://www.theemeraldcity.org/ ("a social, educational and support group for crossdressers based in Seattle, Washington, USA. This includes crossdressers, transsexuals, and other individuals who identify themselves as transgendered.") They could probably answer his questions, or point him in some promising directions.

Chita may have more pizAZZ when she sings it but ugh. The Chorus is horrible. You'd think that on Broadway they could sing in tune.

If you're going to go out dressed as a transvestite, don't do it on a night when you have "time constraints", take the time to pull your look together and get it right. Nobody likes a half-assed crossdresser.

If you were in Portland I'd recommend going out to Blow Pony. Nobody in this town has an important international career worth getting paranoid about, so there's no chance you'll be spotted by any of your co-workers.

You got a lot to figure out kiddo, but it's not what you think it is.

"Besides gay bars, are there places in Seattle where I could meet like-minded people, and go out for a night or two with the girls and try it out?"

I'd say the Noc Noc, but it's FUCKING CLOSING UNGH.

Youth is truly wasted on the young. Sigh.

Perhaps Electric Teagarden? Just skip if this weekend, looks like PAX afterparties.

Though @7 might have a bit of a point.

Another poor beleaguered bisexual rides the Waaambulance. 'I can be totally straight appearing, and will probably end up with an opposite-sex partner long-term, but meanwhile, why isn't every queer identified crowd making it easy for me?!? Waaaah. Poor me!'
Don't know why we bother with the "B" in GLBT. Seems like the B's have it all- fuck around with samesex hookups until marriage, at which point take the easy way out, magically become straight and marry a woman. But still find some strange in a park, bookstore or Craigslist on the side.
Flame away all you Bi apologists. But show me a Bi that's in a samesex marriage (not FWB), and I'll show you a Gay man or a Lesbian. Where did the Bi go? Buh bye, that's where.

@12--did I miss something where this kid says he wants to end up marrying a woman?

I know a few bi folks, such as my girlfriend. And a couple of the women I fooled around with this summer. They're totally out about being queer.

@12: so what you're saying is.... a bi person either ends up with someone of the opposite sex.... or someone of the same sex. Uh, yep.

Given that most people are monogamous, isn't that just... the definition of bisexuality? Not sure why you're insisting it doesn't exist on the basis of THAT evidence.

(Dear LW - I shall assume that you are going to change the heterosexist system.)

I don't get out any more, but wonder why it's so evident that the same-sexers the LW encounters aren't bi-friendly - or even largely bi in composition.

@12 attitudes like yours drive bi people out of gay and lesbian dating pool. The end result is less options for everyone involved.

If @12 is in his mid-twenties, its hilarious how thoroughly he backed up Dan's comment about shitty bi shit.

Hey Bi-Guy - I don't have any particular places to suggest, but as a fellow bisexual I just wanted to give you a friendly shoutback. Good luck in your quest!

it took me exactly the length of time the song"all that jazz" played, to read all the comments. I think all the posts should have a theme song now (except Mudede's posts, I don't think I can handle death metal).

LW, if you're ever in Austin, TX, try 'Bout Time II. I haven't been yet, but the original 'Bout Time [it closed a few months ago...I miss lounging on the patio, watching the sand-court volleyball] was a pretty laid back place that was pretty inclusively queer.

I think a lot of cities have the places to go, but you'll have to find the people to go with, or go by yourself to find the people to go with next time.

@12, sweetie, those bi guys that jilted you didn't do it because of what they were.

He should get himself to a major city in the US on Halloween. He can get dressed anyway he likes. Lots of men do drag on that date and feel a lot safer walking around in it. I've seem some amazingly ugly drag queens on Halloween.

I'm going to help this guy out by rephrasing what he's asking, because I'm pretty sure I know what's he's asking, but I think he's feeling shy. I'm guessing he's situationally bisexual, and particularly wants sex with men when he's crossdressing. That's somewhat of a different thing than what he seems to be saying he wants.

I know here in Boston there are three types of places that crossdressers can go: regular fetish clubs, crossdressing venues, and tranny chaser places. A regular fetish club he's probably not going to get any action, unless he's very very lucky and a woman hits on him. At crossdressing places, which tend to be very secretive and only known by other crossdressers, his odds are very high for getting lucky, but it would be with another crossdresser. I think he's looking for the third kind of place. For example, here in Boston it's only at one gay bar, on a certain night, at a certain time. All the tranny chasers show up like magic, along with crossdressers and drag queens, and everybody gets paired off.

I did a little googling about Seattle. Probably his best bet to find places is to show up for the Emerald City Social Club, which will probably be as exciting as going to a church social, and put in some crossdressed face time. If he networks there, he can find the racier places to go. Generally crossdressers are about as out socially as gay men were in the 1950's, and the places to go are word of mouth.

@ 3:

I'm trying to parse this. Does he already have crossdressing friends who go out together in Seattle?

For what it's worth, I took it to mean that he doesn't have those friends in Seattle, and that the "time constraints" meant he can't spend enough time in Seattle to develop a group of close friends there. I hope he reads the comments, because your link sounds like just what he's looking for.

@25: Seems a pretty inappropriate suggestion seeing as it's not a "costume", exactly.

@28: Absolutely true. Or Sephora, buy their $50 GC that comes with a free "makeover", and the clerks are SO FUCKING HAPPY to do something interesting that's not someone's prom/bachelorette party.

@29: Also, if he can't make friends with random strangers at Tuck, he's not trying.

@ 30: lol. Maybe he doesn't know about Tuck? I guess I can't fault him for that, since I don't either...

But it sounds like he's not comfortable going out without people he already knows, which is tough if he doesn't spend much time in town.

@29, thanks for explaining - yes, that makes more sense.

@30 ah, I see what you mean:
http://www.thestranger.com/slog/archives…

@31: http://chopsuey.com/calendar/tuck-goes-t… Tuck!

I doubt the problem is "gays" versus just whatever friends he has in whichever scene. If he travels a lot, he's probably going to have a hard time finding good, reliable friends. If drama follows him everywhere he goes though... I'm still sort of leaning towards 7's inclination, but there's really so little direct information being offered that it might be best to leave those suggestions as stated, danced around, and allowing him to figure stuff out on his own in an otherwise safe space.

@12 Who the fuck are you to tell me,or anybody else, who we are and where we fit into the community. You're an ignorant piece if crap. You literally have no idea what you are talking about. Attitudes like that belong in the trash with DADT.

@12: *sigh* As a behavior, bisexuality is empirically evident from the existence of people who pursue sexual partners who are men AND partners who are women. As an identity, it also self-evidently exists, as it is proclaimed by people. As an orientation, people who themselves aren't bi can't be absolutely sure, as it's necessary to rely on self reporting (which you clearly disbelieve), but then that's true for all orientations, including yours, and assuming good-faith self-reporting (especially in the absence of any dissuasive evidence) is going to be a more functional default hypothesis (especially given how much work dating or even trawling for tail can be - the simplest explanation is that a genuine orientation motivates the observed behavior). Are those 'bisexual apologetics' good enough?