"...I could flirt with all the guys. Smile at them and bat my eyes. Press against them when we dance, make them think they stand a chance, then refuse to see it through. That's a thing I'd never do."

Didn't have to watch the video, but thanks for the stroll down memory lane to my pre-teen years, Dan.

And, mom, grow up!

"I'm totally sex positive, but..."

MOCK, I can only repeat what I wrote to the mother who found her son's cock cage, didn't know what it was, and put a picture of it up on the internet asking for help identifying it:

Snoopy Moms Choose Awkward.

Just leave it alone- nothing good will come of it, this conversation will not be worth the discomfort, the porn he watching is entirely dull, there is nothing to be upset about.

DTMFA

We do learn a lot one way or another from all Mr Savage's universalizings. LW sounds a bit miffed that she has gotten her husband to knuckle under but the son, who isn't sleeping with her, has thus far resisted.

Bonus points to Mr S for Ms Channing, who was a strong Marguerite in Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister, as badly as Disney mangled it.

When I discovered that my then 14 year old had accessed porn, I told him straight out that what he saw on porn sites didn't translate to real life. and that if he questions asking his dad would be less embarrassing.

Guess what? His 18 year old self, in love for the first time, told me that "sex was awesome and different when you care about the other person.". Yes, a thousand times yes.

Wahoo!

I'm imagining the insufferable voice of the love not porn person Dan interviewed. In my head she is singing Grease songs and ruining my childhood.

You know, I would probably be in the shut up and leave well enough alone crowd if it wasn't for this mom's quasi-confession that his son is a brohard that is a jerk to girls and sets a bad example for how guys should treat his younger sister.

With that in mind, yeah, I think it's time for a crash course in how we treat people and revocation of internet privileges until he pulls his head from his butt. But mom needs to admit what the problem is before she does that. It's not that her son is watching porn, it's that she let her kid turn into a womanizing jerk that is setting a bad example and reveling in it.

Or that's how I read between the lines.

Sorry, not Marguerite, Margarethe. Multitasking again.

I'd get him into some IT classes. If a 17 year old pays for porn on the internet _and_ isn't able to keep his mom out of his e-mail, he needs to learn more about computers.

When I get together with my siblings, one of the things that eventually comes up is how distant and even cold our parents were. I think I prefer that to this undoubtedly kind and well-intentioned woman's involvement with her son's emotional and sexual life. As an adult, I can understand her concern, but as a teenager I would have found it invasive and even a bit creepy.

@MameSnidely: Interesting. I came to an entirely different conclusion after inserting all of my personal biases into this letter.

Sex-negativity is one thing to deplore, and mom-negativity is another. Moms are not *always* wrong, invasive, creepy, overly enmeshed, etc. He left his email open!

And Vennominon, what has gotten into you? "Gotten her husband to knuckle under?" It sounds like you were ghostwritten today but someone lacking any of your usual qualities. This is so unlike you.

My husband watches porn--we even watch it together--but it will be an adjustment when my son becomes a hormonal young adult. Have some sympathy for her position.

The NYT article reference was a joke! She is keeping her sense of humor.

And lastly, discretion is an *excellent* thing for young men to learn about sex. It's quite possibly Lesson Number One. So she should mention that he left the browser open and he needs to keep his private activities private.

@9: I'm not seeing where he's "a jerk to girls". A few hook-ups does not a misogynist make.

He's a high school jock with a touch of the bro. He's got decent parents and he'll probably grow out of it.

This woman thinks she's sex-positive?!

@6: Awesome.
@8: What the fuck?
@9: Mommy taking away Johnny's porn won't make him decent to women- getting dumped by the first girl he loves for treating her like shit one time too many might, though. Also, I'm going to start saying "brohard" frequently.
@13: Danny's Troll! You're back! Now go away!

ok @5 venomminion. WTF?

so to all of you saying that mom is not sex-positive, is that because of the nature of the site, his age, or what, exactly? to me it sounds as if she didn't fully understand the nature of the site he was getting an account for.

and just out of curiosity, would your opinion be different if he were younger? how young is too young?

Just let your kids watch porn for fucks sake. Talk to them about sex in general, but for the love of heaven don't bring up their own private porn use.

The cam worker featured in the NYT article wrote a blog post at least as interesting as the original article:
http://misslollipoptumbles.tumblr.com/po…

@ 22: Thanks for the link.

@18: @13: Danny's Troll! You're back! Now go away!

Aww. I kind of worry about him when he's absent for a while. He seems like he'd be prone to risky or self-destructive behavior.

@ 9: it's that she let her kid turn into a womanizing jerk that is setting a bad example and reveling in it.

Hey, this must be what the women's version of Internet Nice Guy (TM) Syndrome looks like. Shocking news, everyone: If someone dates a lot of women it means women tend to like him; it doesn't means he's a jerk to them. Women don't actually like that.

When I was in my teens, I had fake I.D. and would go to peeps shows. It was awesome. I could cum three times a day back then. Mom should back off.

How do I write to Savage Love? I'm a little technologically challenged. I need some advice from Dan. Can I ask something on here somehow?

It sounds like mom tried to teach her kids about sex but didn't teach them about the Internet. In 2013 you need to know how to navigate both. Internet literacy is that much more important in the age of endless porn, craiglist, and nude selfies. Leaving his email open -- heck, using his usual email for that stuff-- is a rookie mistake. He needs to learn about encryption, discretion online, VPNs, whatever, so he can stay safe and private no matter what he does online.

I'm with 15 and 26: All teenagers hoping not to discuss their porn viewing habits with their moms would do well to not leave the relevant e-mails and weblinks open on the family computer.

I don't think it helps teens to go all emperor's new clothes on them and have everyone indulge their belief that if they THINK they're invisible on the internet, they totally do turn invisible. By magic. And taking a screen cap or old-fashioned photo of a computer screen is not a thing that can happen, and if you delete a stupid tweet it will vanish completely and become unsearchable, and other myths.

This family should read Dan's column at the breakfast table and discuss.

@25 mail@savagelove.net

Mame here -- I should have explained why I came to conclusion I did. I've run into far too many mothers that play down their son's failings in huge, huge ways. I'm jaded at this point, and if someone tells me that their son is a bit of.... whatever. I assume they are lot of ... whatever. So when I read this letter, I auto-corrected for it, rightly or wrongly. It's sort of like when you see a letter that starts with "I'm asking this for my friend." You roll your eyes and edit it in your head. For what it's worth, it also goes the other way if the parent comes across as a total asshole -- I just the kid some slack. But this letter just has 'Mommy explains away everything" all over it.

She's sex-positive my ass.

To those who wondered what I was thinking, I just got a sense of the LW being a bit of a Bossyboots. Her husband, who sleeps with her, lets her have her way and puts his stamp of approval on any decree she wants him to sign or co-sign. Her son, who does not sleep with her, lacks pappa's motivation to drink from the Borgia papal chalice.

I suppose much rides on what turns up in cross-examination as constituting a "serious girlfriend". I can allow that I may have been a bit harsh on her if it turns out that she just wants him to see somebody twice. My reading was that she wants him in one of those near-engagements one sometimes sees in high schoolers. It has also occurred to me that this is one of those wishes that is its own best cure - how many mothers of 17-year-old sons with serious girlfriends would give their pearl of great price to trade places with this LW, and how quickly might the serious girlfriend her son would choose bring about a rapid reversal of position?

My phraseology was not intended as any comment on her agenda, with which one can agree or disagree. It was more along the lines of not expecting any 17-year-old to get on all that well with a Bossyboots parent.