7. I started expressing my romantic and erotic feelings to him by email as it alleviated the stress of being around him.
Comments are closed.
Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.
The ball's in your court, PID. Don't let us down!
"I wonder what batshit guy #1 is going to say this time? I hope it's a story berating another ex-girlfriend while secretly having a brown antic vacation."
"Yeah, and then batshit guy #2 is going to tell a bitchy story about how his advances are rubuked."
"Doesn't it make you uncomfortable?"
"Not in the least. They're both batshit. This is better than a movie, and its free!"
-He wears the same clothes
-He looks at me longingly
-I write him romantic and erotic emails to alleviate my stress
Gag unto me, I am going to try and toss this all down the memory hole.
A good friend of mine spent most of his 20s living with a straight guy with whom he was in love. Ridiculous. He wouldn't even go out clubbing with me to, I don't know, meet and fuck actual gay guys, but rather stayed in staring longingly from the couch. To the extent that straight guy's girlfriend would go out with me and have a bit of fun because she was bored at home. Eventually she saw the light and legged it.
Also, LW, if you're reading: all the psycho-analytical stuff. THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM OR RESPONSIBILITY. Sure, maybe this guy is messing with your heart and that is shitty. Maybe he is a closet case and a mess. Figuring out why he is so, what his coping mechanisms are, and how he needs to fix it are the things a therapist does, not a boyfriend/friend who wants to be a boyfriend. It may be WAY EASIER to remove this person from your life if you stop acting like his behavioral and mental patterns are your personal responsibility. They're not. Let it go. You'll be less stressed and come across as less controlling and batshit in the process.
Oh and of course all of this is being sent to Dan (in great detail) out of *concern* for all the LGBT folk that Dan implied were batshit and dysfunctional by mentioning that sometimes gay guys are batshit. Dude, you are not helping your case with this letter. Seriously.
CRAZY MAN 1
Thank you, that was a lovely piece, Karen. My piece is titled "Isn't it Obvious I Want You Inside Me?"
CRAZY MAN 2 purses his lips and flutters his eyes
Ooh! Sounds like another one my girlfriend will like. Please continue.
CRAZY MAN 1
Stop copying me! You're smothering me! Kiss me! DON'T TOUCH ME!
The reason there are two versions of the same story that don't make any sense, is b/c they're both attempting to sweep details under the rug. The guy who seems possibly closeted may or may not be gay, but he's probably unwilling to admit that toying with his gay friend's emotions makes him a real jerk-it's a power trip for him. In a way, he's probably responsible for stringing his gay friend along, b/c he even admitted that it strokes his ego. On the flip side, you have the gay guy who is unwilling to admit that pursuing someone who could be confused about his sexuality is self-destructive.
Summary: They're both responsible for their own stupidity and 7th-grade-girl drama. However, as a girl who successfully navigated the 7th grade and grew up to be a reasonably sane adult, I know that a lot of guys never understand this type of thing till much later in life. So perhaps, this really isn't as fucked up as it looks from the outside.
I was 13 yo.
This is grad-A entertainment, Dan, and it's not lost on anyone here. Keep it comin'!
Dan you really showed some restraint on this one but luckily the commenters didn't.
I'm beginning to love this trend, started about a week ago: one half of a crazy couple writes in. Hilarity ensues. Then the other half weighs in . . . and the crowd goes wild.
Let's keep it going. I hope to hear from all the people that the 23-year-old from the week's column won't consider going on a second date with.
too bad they can’t just go back to doing the things that worked and they each enjoyed about the relationship. friendship is priceless.
But this LW writer definitely needs to grow up and move on. Dude whether this guy is simply a tool who loves your attention, a befuddled friend whose signals you have misread, a deep-in-the-closet case who can't come to grip with his feelings for you, or an evil manipulator who enjoys toying with you, it doesn't matter. This isn't a mystery you will ever solve, and you don't want to see what you'll see when you turn the rock over anyway. Move on and get away from your morbid, compulsive obsession.
You're not his boyfriend. You're not his therapist. You can't fix this. You are a big part of the problem, and you are way too dramatic, by your own letter's recitation of your actions and feelings. Gay dude, heal yourself. By cutting off contact with this guy.
You're in love. That's why breaking it off is painful. But be a goddamn man and do it. Dan is right. This guy doesn't love you in any meaningful useful healthy way, regardless of whether there is a tortured inner core of gay knows what.
Wow! Such a unique psychological method of handling the situation.
I'm SMH so vigorously I may get whiplash. So I'm just going to back away ... and RUN.
It reminds me of the crazy conspiracy theorists who go on and on, full of conviction and self-importance, burying us with details until we have to admit that we agree with them.
Which isn't to say that this little soap opera isn't great. It's awesome. (They're definitely in a writer's club, with such lengthy, narcissistic, melodramatic letters.) Who knew there was so much meaning, outside of street gangs, in the color of a shirt?
"Happy writing groups are all alike; every unhappy writing group is unhappy in its own way."
You don't say.
Oh, I think it's more sinister than that. I think PID and LW are actually the same person - an aspiring author writing a novel about an eccentric gay man who falls in love with a man of ambiguous orientation, and who both end up playing out their conflict-ridden courtship over the internet via a renowned sex advice columnist.
By the way, WCIBALG, you're a bit of a dick for presenting your so-called evidence to "several gay and straight friends and health professionals." I believe you're fibbing if you're implying that they support your point of view, especially the health professionals (who are taught to not give super-secret medical opinions to biased third parties, especially without examining the patient in question). And what does "he's struggling" even mean? For someone who wants to be a writer, some of the words you use are strangely ambiguous or wishy-washy.
@48, I LOVE that.
Sometimes autocorrect is smarter than you suspect.
I feel sick for him, though. I remember those thoughts of obsession
That just will not leave you alone. So exhausting. Sad face.
you are obsessed.
Both of these idiots are probably making the writing group hell, and they both probably need to leave, but if anyone needs to leave more it's this guy. Inferring all this crap out of thin air is completely demented. EVEN IF THIS GUY IS RIGHT and the object of his affection is a total deluded closet case who is sending highly encoded signals, the correct response isn't "harass him," the correct response is "well isn't THAT weird" and go get a REAL BOYFRIEND WHO CAN COMMUNICATE LIKE A GROWNUP.
Dude has a girlfriend, acts uncomfortable when you put the moves on him, 12 paragraphs about "the Signs" you've been given makes you look schizodelusional. Case closed. Stop finding yourself fixating on boys who don't want you like some hollabacking bus stalker.
"When I told him that I would probably have to end our friendship because I was so distracted and my work was suffering"
This isn't a "friendship" because you don't care for him, he doesn't care for you, and you're just keeping up appearances and doing the equivalent of whining that you're in the "friend zone".
Move on with your life..
Yikes. College masturbatory fuel alert! Poor LW. I think he's hooked on the buildup of it, specifically the anticipation that he will finally be proved right. Instead, I think he should tell himself, much like the mixed signals = assured doom, that even if the guy did come out, nothing will ever come of them as a couple. Their dysfunction as friends is proof of that.
Move on, dude. Making your case is mere documentation of desperation. Of accumulated hurts curdling into obsessiveness. Your scenario is very similar to that "He's Just Not Into You" stuff: it doesn't matter why he isn't confessing to you or, for that matter, fucking you. All you need to know is that he isn't doing either.
And, lastly, whether closeted or not, I think folks who maintain this level of intimacy and regular contact with a "friend" that they know is pining for them are ego-stroking assholes best avoided.
Really? Never? Not once? Well then, sir, you are a better person than I. And, for that mater, everyone I know, for we have all at one point in our lives or another had an unrequited crush.
Methinks the lady [no disrespect intended; just quoting, man] doth protest too much!
My husband is NOT going to like this, and neither is she (I'm pretty sure she's only into guys) but what can we do?? NOTHING.
Signs of reciprocal interest, like wearing clothes of the same colour, I suppose.
It's easy to make such a statement when you have a tendency to imagine signs of interest where there aren't any.
and this in 1964...
PS: "and there's certainly nothing about your epic letter might lead someone to doubt your sanity"
I loved that line.
I feel like every interaction I have with another human could be twisted into proof that they're in love with me, if I'm going to distort and edit selectively enough.
cos straight females sometimes fuck men. Maybe he meant he is a tranny lesbian. Are there women with pronounced adam's assholes who are gay?
this fucker has excedrin written all over his french speaking extra tall forehead and receding hairline ass
In all fairness to this LW, I do know one guy who, when he was 21 and just starting to practice his bisexuality, did start dressing like the older guy he had a crush on, though it was more style of dress and clothing brands than colors.
@15 Sorry to hear you've had an abuser in your life. Good that you set yourself free. Keep strong !
I too was caught in the undertow of a similar situation. I knew I was crazy in the midst of it. I thought he was crazier and needed me to rescue him. Nope. I thought I couldn't just walk away. In the end, I could and I did. You, dear LW, can too. It was hella painful and deeply humbling. You will feel so much better in the end. Cold Turkey, only way to go on this one.
Wasn't this a movie with Cher and Nicolas Cage? LOOK-STRUCK
He failed to mention that he said these things through clenched teeth as he slowly backed out of the room. Look, man, if it was going to happen it would have already happened. People in the grip of desire are many things, but subtle isn't one of them. Do whatever you have to do to move on from this.