People have a lot of gripes about Yelp, but I think the most fundamental flaw in their system is this: what compels a person to write a review? It's not a sample that I would consider reasonable.

As someone who has "Elite" status on Yelp, I can say unequivocally that people who leave reviews like the one described for the square cheesecake are not at all representative of the community of active Yelpers. These people are some of the best and most creative writers I've ever come across.

Yelp is for people who love to complain.

I would submit that anyone whose dining experience is significantly impacted by cake not being in a triangular format should stay home.

Bethany JC, what do you say about #3? Can we make Slog a complaint-free zone? Restricts free speech, but I think would elevate the dialogue.

Ninety percent of the comments on Yelp are horseshit, from people who are either crazy, stupid, or just assholes, but you can sometimes ferret out a little info from what kind of horseshit it is.

@4
For a moderate price, I'm sure you find an intern to work free of charge, screening all comments for their whiny whiny critical yelping.

Also, I never get bad customer service, because I'm not a jerk. On the rare occasions when I see something in a shop or restaurant that's no good, it's never because of bad customer service, but because of bad corporate policy. Bad management kills bad businesses, not bad staff.

Disclosure: I have Yelped one and only one time, after yet another harrowing experience in my least-favorite retail establishment of all time, Bop Street Records.

My customer service guy is taking a 4 day weekend, so I have been manning the phones. First call yesterday was a person who called to complain that she WANTED an 11X17 poster, but received a 8.5X11 poster. I looked and discovered that she had indeed ordered the 8.5X11. (it is impossible for this to be an error on out part, but you always have to check)

So she then explains in the thickest southern drawl possible, that she wanted the 11X17, but she wasn't able to order it (out of stock) so she ordered the 8.5X11, customized it, proofed it, put a quantity in the cart (at half the price of the 11X17) and then expected that we would send a 11X17 "because that is what I really wanted."

If I was really servicing my customer, which in reality is the company she works for, I would have gone back to my drill sergeant days and read her the fucking riot act.

"how in the holy fuck would you expect something like that to happen? Are we supposed to be fucking psychic? At any point in the session did you think to call the 800 number, the one that you're fucking on RIGHT NOW, and ask us what is going on with the fucking poster that you actually want? If you went on amazon and saw a gold watch was out of stock, would you buy a light bulb in the hope a rolex would magically appear in the fucking mail? You should have to pay for this out of your paycheck as a lesson on fucking thinking!"

But I can't do that, right? I told her that I cannot give her a credit because she got what she ordered, and she told me that I'm stupid, my system was stupid, and I didn't give her the credit I would be in trouble. And of course I had to take it, but I'm not giving her the credit.

Customer service sucks, and I will be glad when my co-workers vacation is over. I really do want to help people, and in the 25% of the cases where we are at fault, I want to make things right. I expect a majority of people in CS want to be the same way. It's the stupid people that are the problem, at least the ones that lash out when they are stupid.

Well the flip side to comments is identity.

That is, a person with a consistent (and true) identity establishes a reputation which, for better or worse, at least lets you evaluate the review in light of who it's coming from.

So, with a Facebook name, I can look up and see -- did this person post only one review; does he always say the same thing; is he extreme; does he like the food I like; or is working in a boiler room posting 100 bad reviews a day for the guy who didn't pay the protection money.

That is why anonymous posting is all but useless...except for those one or two people who speak self-evident truths.

@9, one star. Didn't send the size I wanted, rude on phone. Sounded like some kind of a punk, to be honest.

There are plenty of those insane "loved the food, loved the services, light was slightly too dim= 1 star!" reviews on Yelp. One of me and my husband's favorite hobbies is sending the really crazy ones to each other.
That said, if you read the same complaints over and over for a particular business there's a pretty good chance they're legit.

"Yelping" is what canines do. I'll pass.

Thank you Paul! As a waiter in two of Seattle's finer restaurants, I get lots of compliments, (both in person and on Yelp), and a few complaints. The best guests TELL me when something is wrong, and I go out of my way to fix it. I serve close to 10,000 plates of food per year--sooner or later something is going to go wrong, and I hate that, but it will happen. The angriest people who complain to managers in letters or on Yelp never said anything at the time. When I come by and ask how your meal is, I really do want to know. I make my living making sure you are happy, so it is in my financial interest if nothing else, to make sure you are. Just let me know folks, it really isn't that hard. Also, it isn't world peace, or global warming. It's dinner. Almost no matter what happened, incandescent rage may be overkill. That being said, we want you to enjoy your meal, we want you back, and an angry unhappy customer usually ruins our evening (and often that of your fellow diners, as I am now off my game and/or taking time away from them to assuage you) so again, just politely let your sever know, and we'll fix it.

@8 "Bad management kills bad businesses, not bad staff."

So very true, however, bad management also kills good businesses, usually because corporate assholes that never set foot in their own retail stores dream up stupid crap that their excellent staff is forced to implement. Or the corporate assholes drive their excellent staff to quit and the stores are worthless without good staff.

My own experience in working retail is there are bad staff, but they usually get themselves fired eventually, thankfully. A good portion of customer complaints are bogus (scamming for freebies) or the customer brings the problem on themselves.

Of course, there are the truly rude, hate-filled customers that live to abuse retail workers. They seem to think anyone that works a retail job is uneducated and lower than dirt, sub-human, so they can treat us any way they like.

And when you have almost lost your faith...in comes the kindest, most considerate customer that is genuinely grateful and praises you to the skies to management in writing...and you believe that Humankind might survive after all.

My issue is, by the time I realize there is something wrong with my order, everyone I'm dining with has also been served.

What am I supposed to do, send back an entree and wait 20-30 minutes while everyone I'm with is eating, and then have to get my meal to go because by time it comes out again, everyone else is finished and ready to get out of there?

@16: It sounds like you already decided that you're going to be unhappy.

Yelp is a useless cesspit of every bad Gen Y/Millennial false stereotype brought into vivid reality through the anonymity of the internet and the mafiaesque business Yelp model that buries good reviews for companies that decline to participate in their premium listing services.
I've watched people pick restaurants I know to be more expensive and less tasty than another because they read their thrice-damned smart phones and figured that someplace with an 87% (and an advertising budget) had to be so much better than a place with an 84% approval.

@11 you forgot to say shitcock.

This is why I always read the worst reviews to see if they have any merit. I'll frequently read those first. I recently read a low review (one or two stars) where the Yelper mentioned that the food was excellent, but the restaurant (Walrus & Carpenter, for the record) merited such a low review because the complainer ordered steak tartare and was disappointed to find out it was just raw meat.

Whenever I see these kinds of reviews, I'll usually rate them funny because unfortunately Yelp doesn't have an "unhelpful" or "you fucking idiot" option.

@16--Depends on what you ordered. You have a mid well steak that came out well done? Gonna take a while. Some fish, or a pasta? I can get that out in six or seven minutes, maybe less. Alternatively, I can be sure it doesn't remain on your bill. Or common enough scenario--your order is still in the kitchen--you wanted salmon with sauce on the side and I brought you a regular salmon. If you let me know, I can still go get yours and make it mostly right. Whoever was supposed to get the salmon I brought you is kinda fucked, but one problem at a time. If you speak up, solutions can usually be found. And if you are polite, I can make it worth your while for the whole table. Servers usually have some power (not always--see above about bad management) to do whatever it takes to make sure the entire party leaves happy.

@5 I'm sorry your cake was the wrong shape. :(

The real issue with Yelp is integrity, or the lack thereof. They have "elite reviewers" (see #2) who get special treatment from restaurants, like freebie pre-opening parties. A percentage of Yelp's positive "reviews" are bought, and cannot be trusted for that reason. TripAdvisor and Chowhound are much more reliable because they don't allow that sort of bribery.