Blogs Oct 21, 2013 at 12:01 pm

These Are the Words a Bridge Over the Chicago River Says to Me

Dan Savage
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Comments

1
I'm not happy with their poor installation.

Max Solomon on October 21, 2013 at 12:16 PM Report this
2
man, I thought I had hints of Bi-Polar.
One week, Dan is all lovely lovely happy happy, and then a previous week he fires off those scathing tirades laden with F-Bombs. Dan, there is medication that will bring your moods to a more even-steven.
dnt trust me on October 21, 2013 at 12:17 PM Report this
3
Penning scathing tirades ≠ generally unhappy. Sometimes nothing improves my mood like penning a necessary and well-deserved scathing tirade. Just ask Sally J. Clark.
Dan Savage on October 21, 2013 at 12:19 PM Stranger Staff
4
I appreciate the retort, Sir. Take a picture of yourself in the Bean for us!
dnt trust me on October 21, 2013 at 12:20 PM Report this
5
Dan's scathing tirades = my happiness. At least for a few hours. Happiness can be transitory. In fact, it is always transitory except in certain of the insane.
on October 21, 2013 at 12:25 PM Report this
6
Happy? As happy as a self immolating GOP could make me, yes! If they keep acting like fools, I'll be even happier!
Pope Peabrain on October 21, 2013 at 12:34 PM Report this
7
"Dear Liberals: Happy Now?"

Which, of course, is irony, since conservatives are not-so-secretly hoping liberals will be unhappy.

In fact, conservatives want everybody to be unhappy. Unhappy, afraid, angry... When people are miserable and terrified, they're more likely to hand over their freedoms and liberties to dictators. That's exactly what conservatives want: They want to be dictators lording over the frightened masses.
Urgutha Forka on October 21, 2013 at 12:50 PM Report this
8
I realize it can be hard for some people to conceive of other people having thoughts and feelings that are independent of their own, but yes, sticker guy, I am quite happy. I will admit that a certain amount of that happiness is due to your apparent unhappiness, though, so thanks for the schadenfreude.
MacCrocodile on October 21, 2013 at 12:59 PM Report this
9
Where'd you eat?
chi_type on October 21, 2013 at 1:00 PM Report this
10
LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS, I WILL SULK PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY IN PUBLIC.

-- not sung by this millennium's Simon and Garfunkel
Action Kate on October 21, 2013 at 1:05 PM Report this
11
Hmm. I'm liberal, and I'm fucking miserable.
seandr on October 21, 2013 at 1:10 PM Report this
12
I can get on the NASA and USGS websites again, so sure, I'm pretty happy.
IPJ on October 21, 2013 at 1:12 PM Report this
13
Where did you eat? I may be hitting Chicago again next year and always am looking for good chicago-exclusive food.

brandon on October 21, 2013 at 1:20 PM Report this
14
Why, yes, I am happy. Thank you for asking. Living well is the best revenge.
RainMan on October 21, 2013 at 1:29 PM Report this
15
Perhaps the question was not a sarcastic "Well you liberals have screwed everything up are you happy now?" Perhaps the question was more along the lines of "Well you have raised my taxes and created another big federal transfer program. Are you happy now or will you be thinking of yet more ways to take my money and spend it on poor people?"
David Wright on October 21, 2013 at 1:35 PM Report this
16
Dear Dan: I love you, but why do you only respond to the super annoying Slog trolls? The last few comments I've seen from you have been to people like dnt trust me and Supreme Ruler of the Universe, who are just completely unconstructive all the time....
Hanoumatoi on October 21, 2013 at 1:42 PM Report this
18
Yeah, I'd say I'm pretty happy. Actually I never thought I'd be this happy to be looking forward to my first mammogram. Come on, 2014!
Aurora Erratic on October 21, 2013 at 2:30 PM Report this
19
so Danny;
its been several weeks now, surely you have had time to make up an answer:
which mormon prophet got the black thing and polygamy wrong?
do you actually know the names of any mormon prophets?
don't be embarrassed to admit it if you don't.
(here's a hint; several were named 'smith'; easy to remember...)
do you think mormons are racists?
do you know any mormons?
do you have any mormon friends?
perhaps you could get some mormon friends from the same store where donny osmond shops for gay friends?
and what part of polygamy did mormons get wrong?
doing it or stopping it?
on October 21, 2013 at 2:32 PM Report this
20
Of course not! Guantanamo Bay is still open and we're still drone-bombing civilians in Pakistan.
DRF on October 21, 2013 at 2:33 PM Report this
21
20

yeah.
but Obama Care is up and roaring....
on October 21, 2013 at 2:36 PM Report this
22
I think the bumper sticker implies that a conservative jumped off the bridge and that is supposed to make liberals happy. Its like a sarcastic suicide note. You conservatives have every right to feel suicidal but please don't assume we liberals are going to be happy every time one of you jumps off a bridge. Actually, we're more like "meh...see you, wouldn't want to be you."
on October 21, 2013 at 2:43 PM Report this
23
Happy, happy, happy! Thanks for asking!
drcme on October 21, 2013 at 4:07 PM Report this
24
There's a person at work who has a bumper sticker that says "want to make a liberal mad? Work hard and be happy", which seems to me to be the sort of sentiment that someone who is always angry and never happy - a typical conservative - would express. I think most of them are that way because deep down they know they are wrong, but can't acknowledge it. (That's also why they like to see themselves as victims.)

Me, I'm pretty happy. I have a good life, and have been very fortunate. Yes, things like drones, economic and social injustice, tea baggers, etc, get me down sometimes, but overall, I'm a pretty happy mannequin.
Catalina Vel-DuRay on October 21, 2013 at 4:24 PM Report this
25
I'm all right. Don't nobody worry about me.
venomlash on October 21, 2013 at 4:53 PM Report this
26
The bumper sticker suggests liberals are to blame for the psychotically entitled game of economic brinksmanship that just nearly caused a global depression- which is some laughable shit. Normally I can't stand Andrew Sullivan, but this is about as succinct a takedown of the Teapublicans as I've ever read:

http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2013/10/1…
lolorhone on October 21, 2013 at 5:08 PM Report this
27
@25: Why you got to give me advice? Why can't you just let me be?
clashfan on October 21, 2013 at 6:56 PM Report this
28
That's the bridge on Clark street over the river, right? That bridge is a real asshole.
Karl42 on October 21, 2013 at 7:28 PM Report this
29
@15 Yes, as long as there are starving, homeless, sick people in need of help living in the wealthiest nation on the planet, we will be thinking of more ways to help them and your money is part of the plan if you're well-off. You'll still have plenty left over, but we're all in this together and you'll be expected to pitch in. Now quit your god damn bitching, you've got it fucking easy.
smade on October 21, 2013 at 11:12 PM Report this
30
Did you stride across the bridge wearing a trench coat and carrying a briefcase a la Bob Newhart? I always wanted to do that. That would be awesome.
Quincy on October 21, 2013 at 11:33 PM Report this
31
So I says to the bridge, I says "I didn't ask"
Dirtclustit on October 21, 2013 at 11:52 PM Report this
32
@27: All right, all right. You can worry about me if you want to. Yeesh, it's just a SUGGESTION.
venomlash on October 22, 2013 at 9:32 AM Report this
33
@32 Kenny Loggins recognition fail.
debug on October 22, 2013 at 12:03 PM Report this
34
On printed sign in someone's yard:

"OK TEA PARTY, NOW WHAT?"
on October 22, 2013 at 2:11 PM Report this
35
Is that bridge about to fall in the water or something?
Still Thinking on October 22, 2013 at 10:14 PM Report this
36
Israel does not have single-payer. It actually has something similar to Obamacare, with similar problems, except that it relies on HMOs rather than separate insurers and providers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israeli_hea…
sixteen on October 23, 2013 at 12:21 AM Report this

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