If the bill became a law, Springfield Bishop Thomas John Paprocki promised to exorcise gay marriage right out of Illinois. According to the Chicago Sun-Times's Dave McKinney, Paprocki tried his damndest to follow through with his threat last night:
“The church loves homosexual persons and looks upon them with compassion,” he said.
After that introduction, Paprocki read the rite of exorcism in Latin as his voice echoed through the cavernous and ornate Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception church a few blocks from the state Capitol, where the legislation passed earlier this month.
“I exorcise you, every unclean spirit, every power of darkness, every incursion of the infernal enemy, every diabolical legion, cohort, and faction, in the name and power of our Lord Jesus Christ,” Paprocki said. “Be uprooted and put to flight from the Church of God from souls created in the image of God and redeemed by the precious blood of the divine lamb.
“Dare no more, oh cunning serpent, to deceive the human race, to persecute the church of God, to shake the chosen of God and sift them like wheat,” he continued.
Despite Paprocki's exorcism, gay marriage is still the law of the land in Illinois. That means the three likeliest options are: God doesn't exist, God doesn't think gay marriage is an exorciseable offense, or Paprocki is a terrible bishop.