Blogs May 16, 2014 at 12:28 pm

People Are Naming Their Babies Vanellope, Pistol, Kyndle, Kaptain, and Subaru

Paul Constant
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Comments

1
Jceion? How do you even pronounce that?
originalcinner on May 16, 2014 at 12:38 PM Report this
2
Jace-e-on?

I'd be hard pressed not to give Kaptain the middle name Krunch.
derpyderpington on May 16, 2014 at 12:44 PM Report this
3
Yikes. The Worst Generation Ever is starting to have babies...
CPN on May 16, 2014 at 12:48 PM Report this
4

What will happen to Seth, Kylie and Aaron...formerly the cool kids of Seattle? They're starting to seem a little frayed at the edges these days...blue plaid shirts torn at the bottom...skateboards all scratched up...Arctic Monkeys mp3s dropping bytes.
Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on May 16, 2014 at 12:57 PM Report this
5
@1,

I'm pretty sure most of the letters are silent. You might even be able to pick and choose which.
mikethehammer on May 16, 2014 at 1:05 PM Report this
6
How sure are you the ocean doesn’t get hurt? http://youtu.be/Aq3pe1LWj6w
dangerousgift on May 16, 2014 at 1:13 PM Report this
7
And who are these people naming their children Paul? Isn't that from Dune?
MacCrocodile on May 16, 2014 at 1:18 PM Report this
8
I hope I haven't posted this before, but even if I have—it is required viewing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xblh12Xg…
Dougsf on May 16, 2014 at 1:18 PM Report this
9
Most popular names 1999.
Urgutha Forka on May 16, 2014 at 1:27 PM Report this
10
Nothing too bad about kids being named Charlemagne, as long as their parents know who the guy was.
venomlash on May 16, 2014 at 1:55 PM Report this
11
Vice? Really, Vice? I could see Virtue - I guess - but Vice?
Aurora Erratic on May 16, 2014 at 2:06 PM Report this
12
@11 Many classic names have negative meanings. Sometimes it was just people being mean or not valuing giving people a name that doesn't reference an unfortunate trade (Claudia means lame). But sometimes it was based in a culture with the belief that if you name a child after an ailment or problem, then that would protect the baby from it. We just don't recognize these negative namings, because we do not regularly look up what a name means. So, unless someone has a name like Rose or Pearl or Victor or Hope, etc. we don't tend to think about the meaning of the name much.

Also, maybe Vice's middle name is Squad?
on May 16, 2014 at 2:12 PM Report this
13
@10 since they're listing it here as a girl's name, I'm not optimistic it's being done with any knowledge of the historical figure.
the other one on May 16, 2014 at 2:21 PM Report this
14
Eek, and this from a guy with a three in his name.
fletc3her on May 16, 2014 at 2:24 PM Report this
15
Charlemagne as a girls' name? Wowwwww....
laterite on May 16, 2014 at 2:29 PM Report this
16
I'm from England so I already struggle with Sydney, Leslie and Robin as girls' names. Charlemagne pushes me over the edge.
originalcinner on May 16, 2014 at 2:37 PM Report this
17
I googled "Jceion" and have come to the conclusion that it's just a stupid way to spell Jason.

"Yes, I know it's spelled Throatwarbler Mangrove, but it's pronounced Raymond Luxury Yacht".
originalcinner on May 16, 2014 at 2:39 PM Report this
18
"Subaru" is actually a not so uncommon Japanese given name, and is also the Japanese name of the Pleiades star cluster (after which the car company is named).
Takeshi on May 16, 2014 at 3:18 PM Report this
19
I see this more as a case for cautious optimism.

Today's young adults are becoming parents despite an economy that by and large is under-employing or failing to employ large swaths of them and their peers.

The wisdom of this crowd is that their offspring have much better prospects in the future (or in tobacco fields) and so, in a move that typifies this generation, are maintaining the special snowflake status by sabotaging their snot-nosed little fucks.
on May 16, 2014 at 3:23 PM Report this
20
I'm not too concerned. Just because something is a traditionally a boy's name doesn't mean it can't translate into a female one. My name is Devon, traditionally a male name (also a lovely place in the UK and the name of cows that make milked used to make booze!).

I'll take some of these names over anything Twilight related.
bugwitch on May 16, 2014 at 3:52 PM Report this
21
I've always preferred the name "Seven", as in "Seven Costanza".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRUdaWZ4…
IndicaDogwalk on May 16, 2014 at 3:53 PM Report this
22
@17 for the laugh-out-loud win.
westello on May 16, 2014 at 4:20 PM Report this
23
When I was expecting my son, my sister - in complete seriousness - insisted I name him Blade. "It would be adorable on a little kid and totally fuckin' killer when he's older!"

Attn: my sister: we don't live inside a soap opera and give our children soap opera villain names. Please make a note of it.
mr. herriman on May 16, 2014 at 5:14 PM Report this
24
@15 I'm assuming they thought it was the very classy "European" version of Charlene.
crone on May 16, 2014 at 6:47 PM Report this
25
@21, or Seven of Nine (Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix 01).
Sandiai on May 16, 2014 at 8:36 PM Report this
26
Subaru is actually a not-too-uncommon boy's name in Japan. I'm kind of surprised there weren't any in the states already. I'd like to think that the little American baby Subaru is the child of some Japanese immigrants who like the pretty constellation, not the child of some weirdos who really like the car manufacturer.
ridia on May 17, 2014 at 4:21 AM Report this
27
Not to mention, of course, Brooklyn, the most popular girls name in the country right now. Also the stupidest. Actually, I was thinking of naming my new daughter Detroit, but . . . well . . . no.
tomsj on May 17, 2014 at 6:40 AM Report this
28
Jason has been a popular name with English speakers for the past 50 years or so, but other "classical" names seem to be more popular in other languages. Achille is pretty common in France, but you never meet an English speaking Achilles. Still, I'm guessing that parents who think Charlemagne is a girl's name don't read books much.
originalcinner on May 17, 2014 at 8:51 AM Report this

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