I'd like to enter in today's Spot the Homonym Contest: "you're penis". Or was that intentional since it refers to a gigantic one?
your penis (last ¶).
I rubbed myself raw a few times when I was younger, but I actually wonder now if it was an undiagnosed case of eczema. Mild eczema can be cleared up by applying a skin moisturizer like Aveeno a couple times a day and particularly right after a bath or shower.
phimosis that isn't too severe can be treated with stretching techniques. You have to be careful when you talk to your Dr. about it because a lot of them knee-jerk to a circumcision.
RR. Even if you can pull back your foreskin (if you have one) when you masturbate it can be quite tight the first few times you have penetrative sex (anal or vaginal).
You can even tear the foreskin in such circumstances - all the more reason for wearing condoms.
Search for foreskin stretching techniques on-line, if you do have a tight one you will be glad you took the time to make it more flexible when you were on your own.
One good way of varying your masturbation technique is to use the other hand (e.g. left hand if you are right handed) a different side of the brain is doing it and tends to have a different style.
It's like the advice-column version of my okcupid inbox.
@3: You forgot the best one:…
I think Dan's making a big leap to assume this guy has a partner ... anyone else get the impression he's never had sex? Maybe a trip to Barnes & Noble is in order.
I think any male admirer of Mr Savage or his writing claiming to be his biggest fan must automatically include pictorial or video evidence demonstrating just how big or else be relegated in perpetuity to a list of Mr Savage's Smallest Admirers.

He should also be a same-sexer, because it would be really depressing for poor Mr Savage if his Biggest Fan would deny him the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of his labours.
"most penises can go all the way in most vaginas" ... yeah, but remember, this is Dan's BIGGEST fan.

On that account, I'd think he's equally at risk for a sore arm.
@8, 10: virtual round of drinks.
You too, RonK.
Bless your heart, Dan.
Apparently the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Or whatever is his lubricant of choice.
How is babby formed?
@11, I think you mean soar arm.
But does Dan ever go to Wisconsin? The one question he forgot to answer! (Or maybe a restraining order will answer it for him.)
@9 - Not only do I think this guy has never had sex, I have the distinct impression he's about thirteen years old. He certainly needs to get hold of some good sex education reading material besides what he sees at Savage Love.
@19 If he finds all the guest columnists who are authors and reads their books, that would be a pretty thorough education. (I call this my Dan Savage Bookclub, though AFAIK it is just me in the club.)
@10, @18

I'm just thinking that Dan should avoid driving through Wisconsin in any snowstorms.
Dan, do you have any idea what a hole you've dug yourself in with this homonym business? You are wholly, hole-y, holy invested in this now.
pls respond
An FYI for the LW... After moving to Wisconsin a few years ago, I have learned that the dairy farmer boys swear by a product called Bag Balm. It's a conditioning balm used to keep the udders of dairy cows from getting chapped. It serves the same function for a well masturbated penis. I believe lanolin is the key ingredient. Available in all the finest farm supply stores and it comes in a very kitchy tin.
To the Letter Writer:

Foreskins make it easier for the penis to thrust in and out of a vagina, not harder. I don't know about its effects on thrusting in and out of asses.

And if you have a foreskin, you have a good amount of masturbating slack and don't need the lube as much as, say, Dan would. Part of the reason why you may not get what the big fuss is about lube is that you don't need it quite so much (it still can't hurt).
"Look at it this way: If foreskins made sex more difficult, R.R., evolutionary forces would've selected against foreskins and they would've disappeared long before we appeared."

Dan, Dan, Dan. this is just yet more evidence that GOD CREATED MAN with the FORESKIN precisely to make sex more difficult and less pleasurable. ;)
"Look at it this way: If foreskins made sex more difficult, R.R., evolutionary forces would've selected against foreskins and they would've disappeared long before we appeared."

Dan - if you're going all evo-bio about it, then please explain the existence of the hymen in female humans ...
Actually, they are homophones. One cannot mess up homonyms when typing them, but can when reading them.
@ 21 FTW.
And if you have a foreskin, you have a good amount of masturbating slack and don't need the lube as much as, say, Dan would.

"not as much as" as in "not at all", which makes sense since the goal of American secular circumcision was to make masturbation difficult (or so the story goes).
On the other hand, if you are getting sore from jerking off too often then lube might indeed be helpful even if you are not circumcised.
@25 and 30

I concur. In my experience, nothing glides in the hand as smoothly as an intact hard penis, thanks to the extra folds of skin in the foreskin. It's one of the marvels of Nature.
@26 LML - LMAO! you win the comment thread

@27 The hymen: see giraffe recurrent laryngeal nerve that loops from throat past heart and back up neck. Or vas deferens that loop up over uerters back down back down. Or the blood vessels of the retina in front of the nerve endings.

Plenty of maladaptive stuff exists due to evolution cause evo means selecting-from-whatever-came-before -- this leaves lots of random whit and poorly designed shit, because there isn't any intelligent design or planning. Most traits are adaptive. Not all.

Foreskins do seem adaptive.

As @25, 30, 32 say, foreskins are very functional in terms of smooth gliding / both masturbation and esp. penis-in-vagina sex.
@27 It's a corona, Robby. Not a "hymen". Get yourself educated.

Or do you still believe that rabbits are ruminants ? Hey, it's in the Bible ! God made rabbits, he wrote the Bible, he should know, right ?

Oh, and by the way, can you give us the "creation" reason why there's a visible outside seam parting your scrotum in two, Robby ? Although there is but one pouch inside, wherein your two gonads are free to move ? See, we too can play the "aren't your privates silly" game, Robby.
Words that sound alike but are spelled differently--sore/soar, you're/your, their/there, etc.--are HOMOPHONES, not homonyms.

Homonyms sound alike AND have the same spelling (but different meanings). For example "bark" as in what a dog does and "bark" as in the skin of a tree.
To #35: I think your being unfair. I re-read the kid's questions, and I didn't see anything that seemed like homophonia. He was not bigoted!!

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