"What the hell are you doing here? Already? It's not even Thanksgiving yet!"

- Kelly O
- "Bitch! I'm sometimes on the scene right after Halloween!!! And I'm here now for charity, so suck it! What newspaper did you say you work for, again?"
"What do you think of Black Friday? Of capitalism?"

- Kelly O
- "I hate it, personally. I wish I could participate in the #BlackLivesMatter protest on Friday this year, but I'm totally stuck standing here in this hotel lobby."
"Whoa, looky-loo at YOU! Are you Irish?"

- Kelly O
- "Dia dhuit! And remember—a turkey never voted for an early Christmas..."
"Is there really a man named Santa Claus who lives near the North Pole?"

- Kelly O
- "Whaaaat? For real? Are you like the next Sarah Palin or something?"
"Do you ever feel 'not yourself' around the holidays? Like you're just putting on a show for people?"

- Kelly O
- "You know what, YES! I do! Sometimes I don't even feel like a real tree anymore."
"How come always snowmen, and never snow-WOMEN? Is there a greater patriarchal conspiracy during the holidays?"

- Kelly O
- "You hush now! You know better than to talk about politics, religion, or, God forbid, 'FEMINISM' around the holidays."
"What do you think of legal gay marriage and legal weed in Washington State?"

- Kelly O
- "I am loving Seattle! I even kind of like that one football team, even though I hate sports. Oh, and speaking of weed, want a little pinch of some purple kush? It's right here, under my red wizard hat."
"Do you ever feel overdressed? A little, pardon the phrase, 'whorish' in that outfit?"

- Kelly O
- "Never. LOOK GOOD, FEEL GOOD. And look at your outfit! Ross Dress for Less, much? Hmm?"
"Oh crikey! Tiny shoes! You're not a pro-life tree, are you?"

- Kelly O
- "Oh, heavens no, darling. I support women and children. But remember, like he said over there—we simply don't talk about these things during the holidays."
Has anyone ever accused you of being high-maintenance? Or messy?

- Kelly O
- "Naaaw. I'm as fake as the day is long. Ain't nothing wrong with being a little superficial sometimes."
"Do you ever feel like hiding out in your home, or taking a vacation somewhere, just one year, just once, to avoid all this holiday crap?"

- Kelly O
- "I've thought about it, sure. Who hasn't? But even with all the tired clichés—there's usually something positive about to happen. It's everywhere, so you might as well make the best of it."