Priceless.

I can't see how this is any of the LW business. If people don't bring up some aspect of their personal life with you, then they don't want to talk about it with you. So, unless the little brother in question is about 9, there is no justification for bringing up the issue. Miss Manners 101

"Did he leave it sitting in your driveway?"

LOL. That was my first thought, too: just how did he "stumble" over this information, anyway?

How does one "stumble over" a kinky sex blog, anyway?

LW, say nothing. If you say something you might have to detail how you stumbled over it and I don't know how you'd do that convincingly.

@2 - I would say that if you willingly put something on the internet, and you have identifiable features in whatever you're posting, the consumer of that posting has the right to make it his or her business. It doesn't mean the little bro won't be freaked out. Maybe he thought he was blurring out enough detail to protect his privacy, but being busted by big bro might be the lesson he needs to learn -- that he needs to take the images down or blur them further if he wants his privacy protected. Someone less caring and less thoughtful than a family member could use the blog against him in the future, so this could be a favour in the long term.

Wow, "In an effort to keep the discourse respectful and on topic, commenting on this item is available only to registered commenters", would seem to foretell the end of an era. We'll miss ya, Dannytroll. It won't be the same without ya (it'll be far less strange, absent your bizarre, incoherent ramblings and ellipses. This one's for you.....)

Give them both a high five, because that's awesome.

@7: Use it against him how?

@7: "would say that if you willingly put something on the internet, and you have identifiable features in whatever you're posting, the consumer of that posting has the right to make it his or her business. "

If that consumer is a nosy, gossipy jerk that cares more about "getting one over" than they love their family, sure.

Otherwise avoid being a douchebag and MYOB.

@5: From his pretending to be shocked at the sexual terms, I'm guessing he rifled through the brother's browser history while he had free time on their computer, abusing their trust.

If I thought my brother was the one posting, I would want to make sure his wife knew, and try to get the courage to tell her face to face (in a matter-of-fact tone), rather than sending her an anonymous note.

Something like: "Just wanted to make sure this was up with your knowledge. I know sometimes hackers or creepy computer technicians find and post images from other people's hard drives."

EricaP, I don't think there's any suggestion in the letter that the wife doesn't know about the blog. Do you take from the letter that the blog is also secret from her too? I hadn't thought of that, although I guess it is a possibility (although my assumption is that the blogging activity is part of both their sex lives).

This letter reminds me of scenes I witnessed in the 70's, when a closeted queen saw somebody he knew in a gay bar.

Q: "Oh, my God! Now he's seen me in a gay bar! What if he tells?"
A: He'll be admitting that he was in a gay bar, too.

@14: Right, this is a couples' blog, so going to her would be no less creepy and judgmental.

These comments just ruined my orgasm.

Thanks!

Dear LW,

Take it to your grave.

-Yours Truly,
Internet Stranger

"How'd THAT happen??" has been an established category in Savage Love. I love these.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Savag…

Eww, high on my list of things that would gross me out is finding out about close relatives kinks. Particularly if I don't like them. Friends, not so bad, but still don't believe in TMI.

@19 I've easily been reading Savage Love for over a decade, and the thumb-in-butt letter is easily one of my favorites.

@14, I've never heard of a woman posting sexual images of her husband behind his back, but I've heard of men doing that to their wives. The LW says it's the husband's blog. My belief is that women are generally more aware of the potential downsides to having nude photos posted online, so I'd be somewhat surprised if the wife knew and approved of the sexual blog. In any case, I would want to make sure that she knew.

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index…
"Recently I went into his email and discovered he'd been sending naked pictures of me I'd let him take to an online sex club...I did confront him about it and he didn't say much just that it was a "joke" and was sorry which I don't believe."

http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/judge-s-hus…
The husband of the Manitoba judge who is the subject of a judicial inquiry says posting nude photos of her online was a “bizarre sexual fantasy,” that he called “stupid” and “selfish.” ... In his testimony on Monday, King acknowledged taking more than 100 nude photos of Douglas before she became a judge and then posting some of them online without her knowledge.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic…
I found out...that he has been sending naked pics of me to 100s of different people.

http://www.girlsaskguys.com/sexual-healt…
I recently found out through a girlfriend of mine that my boyfriend has been showing his friends naked pictures of me...I did some more investigating through some friends of mine and I found out he is been showing them a lot of our sex videos.

http://isitnormal.com/story/secretly-sha…
Without her knowing, I put up her naked pics online (with her face hidden) and ask for other men to comment. At some point around 5000 men has seen her naked and when I'm being intimate with her it really turns me on knowing many men finds her sexy. Is this normal ?

Where did it say the wife was naked? If it's femdom, that's doubtful. Kinky does not equal naked (and naked does not equal kinky). Also, if he's posting pics of her without her permission, he's doing this whole submission thing wrong (last sentence typed with tongue somewhat in cheek).

@23 Even if the photos are of her in black latex spanking his naked ass, I think many wives wouldn't want that to go out to the general public. And, yes, many "subs" aren't very submissive; they want what they want, rather than to serve the real desires of their partner.

I think you have a particular (totally valid) ax to grind and are grinding on this letter that has zero indication of implicating your concerns. And what part of tongue in cheek don't you understand?

@25 I would be the first to admit I have very poor skills at understanding sarcasm.

@21 yeah, if I recall, that one was actually from the "Hey, faggot" era. Classic.

The wife wrote in to Dan after the first time was posted. If my recollection is correct, she's quite aware of the blog, and recommends not reading it if you're her husbands relatives and it bothers you. She also recommends not going to kinky websites and searching for your relatives' names.

Most blogs allow responses. I would post an anonymous response recommending that they replace their pictures with ones taken in settings that are more generic and absent identifying furniture, features, etc., because someone (ahem) might recognize them. Then, having said my piece, I would drop it.

@29: That's still saying "I know where you live, I've been there, and I know you and what you've been doing".

The best thing to do is nothing, because anyone who cares shouldn't be actively seeking out your vein of erotica.

@24: "Even if the photos are of her in black latex spanking his naked ass, I think many wives wouldn't want that to go out to the general public"

So if you're the relative, you should not gossip about it with the "general public" INCLUDING THE PARTIES INVOLVED unless you're high-fiving them.

Using this as an excuse to harass your family is inexcusable.

This is easy.

Hey Bro. I just wanted to let you know that your house and your wife's jewelry are recognizable in your blog. You might want to take down that old family picture before filming and just skip the jewelry in these shots if you don't want to be recognized (which you obviously don't since you blur your faces) on your blog. Glad you've found a relationship that makes you happy!

These blast-from-the-past columns really need to be frpm farther back in the past. Why don't you give some unpaid intern the job of transferring columns from the 90's into the current Stranger db?

I think the LW has to ask herself how many times her brother traumatized her during childhood, and whether she wants revenge.

Printing out some screenshots and mailing them to her brother (perhaps at work) would certainly do the trick. Or maybe leave one in their mailbox at home -- don't mail it, make sure they know that whoever found this not only knows where they live, but has been there. Then start calling from a pay phone, and just breathing.

Or a nice note claiming to be from Mom, who found it, recognized it, and doesn't want to invade their privacy so she won't ever speak to them about it again, but she's worried other people might recognize them.

Or just shut up and mind your own business.

But there is the opportunity for epic revenge, of a level of cruelty that usually only children can manage.

How would it even be revenge? The brother and his wife are obviously proud of their life enough to share it with the world. What's he going to do, fax it t the poor couples places of work with identifying information? So much crazy here about so little of interest.

@30 - Suggestions are not harassment! This is to *help* the kinky couple, not terrorize or embarrass them. They should be able to blog to their hearts' content without fear of discovery; I'm suggesting ways of gently alerting them to the fact that they should up their game in terms of anonymity. So is #32, and that's a good suggestion too.



And @34 - the LW is (was) his brother, not sister. And again, it's clear the LW wants to help, not intimidate or threaten. Jeez, some of y'all need to learn to read.

Not directing that to you, but ungh. I don't understand some people.

@36: "Suggestions are not harassment! This is to *help* the kinky couple, not terrorize or embarrass them"

This though. Give me a goddamned break.

@38 - what are you talking about? I'm genuinely perplexed by what you're saying. The older brother recognized the photos. Someone else in his family could see the photos and recognize them also. His brother might be embarrassed. He wants to save his younger brother from being embarrassed.

It all seems pretty straightforward to me. Is there something I'm not understanding? Yes, I'll admit the chances are somewhat slim that a non-kinky (and judgmental) relative or acquaintance of his younger brother will see the photos and recognize telltale features. But it's not impossible.

@39: "It all seems pretty straightforward to me. Is there something I'm not understanding?"

That the older brother didn't actually "come across" this page accidentally. See the earlier comments about "how'd THAT happen?!"

The guy making fun of his brother's kinks at length indicates that he's not really interested in helping him so much as going into what he knows.

The whole "how do you 'stumble across' " question is pretty simple. I don't see it as a "How did I end up looking at femdom porn on the internet" scenario but more as a "whoa, I didn't expect to see my brother on here."

Seriously though, I'd say there's no harm in telling the brother basically, "I was perving around on the internet and found this, so other people who know you might find it too. Just so you know." And then drop it, because it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, even if it is on the internet.

If you're not ready to own up to the fact that you were looking for this kind of stuff, then STFU until you are.

P.S. It's possible that the brother and his wife will get off on the knowledge that they've been recognized, and it will make their sessions even hotter. You'd want that for your brother, wouldn't you?

There seem to be a lot of people asking "how'd that happen?" who don't use tumblr a lot. All it takes is one image, and you can suddenly stumble into a kink category you didn't realize existed. (Hands up, who knew about furries before someone committed a terrorist act at one of their largest conventions this weekend?)

I'm on team "Hey, bro, I was browsing the internet for porn this weekend, and if you're blurring the faces, you should probably blur the jewelry, too." And then NEVER mention it again. It is continually amazing to me that people don't realize digital is forever.

@42: If he was honest about that and not as I mentioned making fun of his brother's kink TO DAN on top of his "discovering", I'd have a different opinion of his interests. That's why I think he stumbled across it in their browser history or something less lifestyley.

"P.S. It's possible that the brother and his wife will get off on the knowledge that they've been recognized, and it will make their sessions even hotter. You'd want that for your brother, wouldn't you?"

I don't want to think about family masturbating to my private life, so no. That's not even fantasy, that's plain old incest.

@44 - well, if younger brother is already into being dominated, he might get off on the thought of being watched by someone who isn't "supposed" to see (father-in-law, for example)... or maybe wife has the hots for older brother... just tossing those options out there.

^ (instead of "being watched by" I maybe should have said "having his photos seen by" since that's specifically what we're talking about here)

I concede that it would at least blow up in the LWs face if they tried to get creepy-personal and the brother got off on the family humiliation aspect even harder.