- Seattle Seahawks
- Russell Wilson had arguably his strongest game of the season.
The Seattle Seahawks beat the Arizona Cardinals 35-6 in Glendale, Arizona (which I imagine to be a hellscape of strip malls and tumbleweeds next to a cool stadium) on Sunday night in a game that could best be described as “nowhere near as evenly contested as the absurdly lopsided scoreline would indicate.” The Seahawks dominated the injury-depleted Cardinals all over the field. Russell Wilson had arguably his strongest game of the season, Marshawn Lynch had arguably the strongest run of his career, and the defense had arguably its strongest performance of the year. In short: strong.
Honestly though guys, I'm not even feeling that insufferable today. Sure, the Seahawks are cruising down the Insufferable Journey To Rewinnining the Super Bowl, but I’m just having fun right now. We got the top down, ice cold drink in the cup holder, wind in the hair, and the shades on the tip of the nose. That's what it's like at the top of the standings, looking down upon the teams that think they could derail us. I’m too busy having fun to sweat it.
Ain't nothin' insufferable about that at all.
Let's hit the bullet points:
• I’ve been hard on Former Canadian baseball player and current Seahawks tight end Luke Willson in this space, perhaps even giving him the nickname Dubstep because I was always waiting for the drop. That ends now. On Sunday, Willson caught an 80-yard touchdown pass from Russell Wilson, which involved straight outrunning a Cardinals defensive back who then fell on his face and may have broken his nose. Willson then caught a crucial 2nd and 20 completion in double coverage. Then he finished off that drive with another TD. Luke Willson is no longer Dubstep; the drops just aren't coming frequently enough anymore. Luke Willson is now "good EDM."
• Cardinals quarterback Ryan Lindley, who was frequently referred to as a "young quarterback," or "project quarterback," came into the NFL in the same draft as Russell Wilson. Just sayin', ya'll. Just sayin'.
• No NFL quarterback had ever put up as many passing yards and rushing yards in the same game as Russell Wilson did on Sunday. The Seahawks had never put up as many total yards as they did on Sunday. The Cardinals came into this game 11-3 with the number six defense in the league by DVOA. For all the frustration the beginning of the game caused (mostly related to penalties, which we’ll get to), this was as dominant a performance as the 58-0 shellacking the Seahawks handed the Cardinals the last time they faced Ryan Lindley back in 2012.
• Marshawn Lynch went full Beast Mode for his second touchdown on Sunday. The proof is in the side-by-side video comparing Sunday's run with the 2010 version, and this tweet from former Seahawks fullback Michael Robinson:
— Michael Robinson (@RealMikeRob) December 22, 2014
Marshawn Lynch is the best. Sure he'll have to move on from the team at some point. At the very least, I can say with some confidence that Lynch is mortal, and that his corpse would probably only be able to hang on the 53-man roster for a year or two. I just hope that Lynch remains a Seahawk for as long as possible, because he's impossibly special, and perfectly insufferable.
• Earl Thomas's crazy eyes are rounding into playoff form.
• This is the choicest of all the choice penalties called against the Seahawks. Watch as Brock Coyle just lays out Lorenzo Alexander:
BOOM! HERE COMES THE DYNAMITE! YEEHAW! Sure you don’t want a penalty there, but it's big, bone-rattling hits like this one that can pump up a team and a fanbase. Seriously, though, an 11 to 1 accepted penalty ratio is awful, and was not indicative of the play happening in the trenches where offensive holding apparently wasn’t a thing this week. That said, the Seahawks cleaned up their procedural penalties and punt coverage at halftime, which is why the game evolved from an intermittently frustrating performance to a dominant affair. Also, while injuries have decimated the Cardinals, they continued their run of being absurdly lucky at home during games. This play is an example: this contact is often uncalled, and the yardage lost cost the Seahawks a makable field goal opportunity. Unfortunately for Arizona, the gulf between these two teams was not one that could be bridged by luck.
• A quick note that for those of you who are on Twitter: follow @Jose8BS who is the Seahawks Vine/gif master. Also, I pronounce gif with a soft G. Come at me, internet.
• Let's quickly deal with noted Middlebury alum and Seahawks kicker Steven Hauschka, who had a rough outing on Sunday, missing three field goals in one game for the first time in his career. He had never even missed two before! Let's also remember that two of the misses were 50 yarders from the left hash mark, so no need to panic. Verdict: Arizona is not Chka's Haus, but it's very unlikely he'll have to kick there again this year.
Next week the Seahawks are at home to face the St. Louis Rams. A win almost certainly guarantees home field advantage for the Seahawks throughout the playoffs (assuming Detroit and Green Bay don't tie, which I will assume because I'll probably be right). I think we can win this football game. I think we will win this football game.