Female and 26. My wonderful boyfriend (now fiancé) asked me to marry him at Christmas. I said yes without hesitation. Super love him and totally want to be with him forever. Dreams do come true, right? Nope.

There was a friend of mine that he took issue with. He'd been my friend for almost a decade. I slept with him in the not-so-distant past, but it was the past and it hadn't amounted to anything. We maintained a friendly, non-sexual, relationship. My fiancé insisted I cut off all contact with him. Bad feeling about him. If I loved him I would do this. Whatever. I didn't. Didn't want to be that lady that cut ties with people because man said so. My fiancé and I got into it. I left. I wasn't wearing the ring. I saw this guy at the local watering hole. He asked why I wasn't wearing the ring. I told him, honestly and stupidly, that fiancé and I had had a fight. Went outside to smoke a cigarette and dude followed me. This resulted in dude forcibly grabbing my tits and ass and trying to make out with me while I said "no no no what are you doing stop no no no" and eventually pushing him off of me and running—literally running—away.

I know this is long. I'm sorry.

I didn't tell my fiancé about this for weeks. I was raped when I was 18 and everyone I told refused to believe me. I was molested when I was five and no one believed me. Moral of the story; if you are sexually assaulted, you're lying. Fiancé knows about all of that. When I finally did tell him... he freaked the fuck out and said I cheated on him. Since then (it's been months) our relationship has deteriorated to the point that there is no conversation about anything other than me cheating on him. He said I'm like every other shitty cheater he's been with and called me a filthy slut.

I mean, it took me way too long, but I'm going to DTMFA. Or am I the motherfucker that needs to be dumped? He says my lack of resistance equals acceptance. I did resist. I didn't resist to his liking, is the issue. I also need to confront this person directly, with fiancé present, or go to the police. Those seem like unreasonable terms to me.

Waiting To Forfeit

My response after the jump...



Seriously, WTF: fucking dump this fucking mother fucking piece of fucking shit right fucking now. His actions have been cruel, heartless, and disqualifying. Even if you were to work through this—and by "this" I mean the utterly shameful way your fiancé has behaved—you don't want to spend your life with a man capable of subjecting you to this kind of emotional violence.

And after you dump him, WTF, spend some time here.

Your soon-to-be ex-fiancé's original shitty behavior—his effort to isolate you from a male friend—is of a piece with his slut-shaming, victim-blaming, and disgustingly and transparently sexist reaction to your recent assault, WTF, to say nothing of his effort to turn something shitty that happened to you into something shitty that you did to him. Your fiancé has revealed himself to be an abuser and you must end the engagement. His appalling, selfish, shitty reaction to this event disqualifies him from any further consideration as a potential mate. The fact that he had a bad feeling about your male friend (a little unclear if it was the same guy, WTF, but I'm assuming it was)—who, as it turns out, is just as shitty a person as your fiancé has revealed himself to be (maybe your fiancé recognized himself in your male friend?)—does not excuse your fiancé actions. Not at all, not in the least.