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I have an image of a butt plug as projectile, in flight, soaring across a room. It needs to be animated, possibly in a Tom & Jerry cartoon. Tom farts the plug out, nailing Jerry (shitty little mouse he is) right in the head, taking him out.
Thanks for the laugh Dan. Think I'll go try this for myself, see if it works.
But what would be the word for the frothy mix of lube, fecal matter, blood, brains, bone and muscle that would be the result of a stuck butt-plug blocking a fart and leading the insertee to explode?
"Oh my God. I heard a bang and I walked in, and there was just Huckabee everywhere. On the walls, on the floor, on the ceiling. Just Huckabee. It was horrible, officer."
Dan is different. It's his job. I, on the other hand, have absolutely no wish to be interrogated. Occasionally I will offer up snippets of my life when it's in context, but I do not go to straight people and ask them if they butt-fuck and I expect the same in return.
And they've asked me plenty of questions just as, or more, disgusting than the butt-plug one. I do not think they are heterophobic. I think they are funny.
Good friends at drunk dinner parties say disgusting things. And that is good. Disgusting humour is what makes the world go round.
And it's not just a Seattle thing. I'm in Sydney, and this sort of outrage (!) happens here too.
Honestly, there's being PC and there's being humourless. Being PC is good. Being humourless isn't.
Or does this make me humourlessnessphobic? Am I discriminating against the miserable-bastard community?
No. And nobody said he wasn't.
I'm really quite uncomfortable with the assumptions you're making about straight people here and in point 5. We are, it would appear, all boorish and insensitive arseholes who couldn't possibly have good friends who are gay. We'd study and interrogate gay people like zoo animals, and ask them questions we'd never ask straight people, but we'd never have a gay person as an actual friend.
You're making lazy assumptions about people based on their sexuality. That's what the rest of us have been fighting against for years.
@4 - I love it! Although I'm glad there isn't much Huckabee outside a war zone.
A big plug - say the Tantus A-bomb, is not going to be intimidated into moving by some little fart. In my experience, just the act of getting something of that size in is going to scare away any rowdy little flatus that had big dreams of blowing out your sex toys.
Ribbed plugs give you the best shot at both retaining the plug and dispensing with that pesky methane - there is opportunity for bypass as the plug starts to move in response to the ever-increasing pressure.
I have never considering wearing one of the plugs as an accessory, as Dan thoughtfully mentions - although we do have a dinner party with some friends on Saturday. I'll ask my wife which one will go best with my jacket.
I'm more or less with you on the probable flow of the party, which I'll presume to be not of the sort that Carson or Lord Grantham would approve. (If this were Downton Abbey, I'd be Isobel.) And then I'll guess that there was just one of those #YesAllQueers moments when a straight person Goes Too Far. Maybe this particular straight person was a button-pusher; maybe it was pure accident.
And I'll grant for Mr 31 - NASPALT.
Whenever a straight person asks a questions that you deem too personal/sexual/insensitive or somewhat homophobic, the only valid things to do IMO are a) answer with a question that is just as personal/sexual/insensitive or somewhat heterophobic, b) highlight to them (as above) how their question really only reflects their particular interests/obsessions/perversions and have nothing to do with you, or c) laugh.
Of course, life among humans would be much more pleasant generally if we didn't take such things so seriously. In that perspective, Dan's answer was perfect.
People with pierced ears wear ear rings even though they are inserted into their ears so choice of verb is confusing here. One uses a vibrater rather than wears it. So perhaps one uses a butt plug as well.
One doesn't wear a catheter, even though it is half in and half out. One also doesn't wear a leg bag to collect the urine from the catheter one uses a leg bag because being a medical device it is more of a tool.
Oh straight people, will you just stop asking JJinAus personal questions all the damn time?
"I do not refer to my straight friend(s) as " a straight man". I would say "my straight friend". Do you not get that???"
No, I don't. I do not always feel the need to clarify whether someone is a friend or not, particularly in an e-mail which I'm writing when I'm still at the party and still drunk (which the grammar and terminology of the original letter would suggest).
", finally, stop pretending you're some sort of ally. I have checked your comments. "
What? What comments have you seen that suggest I am not an ally?
I should make things clearer here. I am an ally of those who are discriminated against. I am an ally of people who fight for equality. I am an ally of my friends.
I will concede, I'm not an ally of you. I'm not an ally of people who support segregation. I'm not an ally of people who make generalisations about people based on their sexuality. I'm not an ally of humourless bastards who clearly don't have any friends. In fact, your username and the terms you use suggest worryingly to me that I may actually have been specifically not an ally of you when you were in a relationship with a friend of mine, but that's pure speculation.
But let's pretend that when you said I was not "an ally", you meant "not an ally of gay people". You say you've been through my posts to find evidence of this. I'd love to see the evidence. Do please tell me where in my comments I have shown myself not to be an ally. I'm intrigued.
@31 - this sounds like the greatest invention in the history of humanity.
This is one of my favourite Savage questions and answers of all time, perhaps not coincidentally.
This may not be what’s going on at your end of the table but it’s not impossible that’s what’s going on at my end.
...and this is why I always hope to be sat next to someone like you at a dinner party. Because that's the kind of dinner party that's really fun.