dan got his own version of jeff the vomit guy

Your Kink Is Not My Kink And That's Okay (but I'd really prefer not to be in the room. or within earshot. or within smelling distance. or to ever hear you talk about it.)

I was surprised by Dan's answer of once a year, especially since his column about the feeder girl and her gainer boyfriend is always the first to come up when I google SLLOTD. To quote Dan:

"Even if indulging your fetish shaves a year or two off his life, well, people throw away decades of their lives for lesser pleasures. People smoke, ride motorcycles without helmets, and stick their rear ends in the air in skank-ass sex clubs. Our bodies are our own, FAT; they're ours to use, abuse, and, since we're all going to die one day, they're ours to USE UP."

I guess I can't read about a couple getting that much sexual pleasure from each other without rooting for them to keep doing it (no matter how gross).

Would be awesome if Dan uses the word "emitophile" in all of his posts from now on.
Examples
"I suspect that Pope Francis may be a closet emitophile."
"My research figures point to Youth Pastors now outnumbering emitophiles in the US."
"Once I was a doorknob licker. then I matured into being an emitophile. Now I simply crave jet fuel."

Dan, whatever they pay you to read and respond to these letters, it isn't nearly enough.

Long ago, at the start of my seafaring career I learned that I was immune to sympathetic nausea. I am unmoved by the projectile vomiting of others. It has been the closest thing to a superpower I have ever had and I fear that I have now lost it. Thanks a lot Savage.

One of those fake barfing tubes they use on TV would seem like the obvious workaround.

@6 pride goeth before a fall and all that. I skipped to Dan's answer the moment the phrase "all you can eat buffet" passed by my eyes: there was no possible way that was going to lead to anywhere I wanted to go along to. *shudder*

And, as an emetophobe, I'm very proud of myself for nearly making it to the end of this letter. Now...where did I leave my brain bleach?

Confidential to Dan - a world where "come" is the only acceptable way to spell a colloquialism for male orgasm is a world without this awesome headline, and therefore is a world in which even you would not want to live. Word to the wise.

I know it's just in a throw-away phrase, but since Jesse is a professor for science communication, I'd have hoped for him not to make his colleagues in history and classics miserable by repeating the myth about the Romans vomiting between courses because it is, well, a myth (based on a rather amusingly misunderstood word (vomitorium)): see e.g. http://ancientstandard.com/2007/04/22/ve… among dozens of sources.

@5, you read and responded for free, didn't you?

Just reading this made me want to vomit. And not in a good way.

I tried to keep an open mind but this is just a kink too far.

Why was Paul Constant fired?

I find it quite funny that orgasms, no matter what length you have to go to, are this hard to come by. I can watch any porn and enjoy the fact that the people involved are happy and attempting to climax, but the only response to this letter should have been to get into REAL therapy as soon as possible. There are links to childhood in all "kink" and general sexuality. But clearly this has nothing to do with control, intimacy or even sex. This sounds more like object worship than an intimate loving or wanting or feelings of any positive nature. Clearly Dan has to reach for topics but this is one toke over the line sweet Jesus!!!!

@3: Yeah, once a year seemed very infrequent for something that clearly gets her really excited. Bulimics are vomiting once or more per day and take months or years to develop problems. And there are some tricks that mitigate some of the risks (I REALLY don't enjoy vomiting but am in big seas in small boats often enough). A sweet drink and soda crackers is an oft-used response once back in calm waters. For a stomach flu or something around the house, I'll rinse my mouth with baking soda in water immediately afterwards to kill the taste and also to neutralize the acid and stop tooth- and tissue-damage sooner and more completely.

Also, if the BF is overeating so much for the event, his stomach acid will be diluted by all that food. Rather then the dilute orange juice (more acid), I'd go with milk (or milk and non-citrus fruit juice if they want to help inducing vomit with a gross-tasting mixture) and maybe even ingest a few anti-acids - many pregnant women pop lots of those each day for acid reflux (and the calcium intake is a good thing).

My chemistry of knowledge lets me trump Dan's greater sex-writing experience and give you permission to do it once a month. Especially if you take some of those precautions to reduce the acidity of the vomit.

Oh honey, you're a Barf Bottom.

@15, I'm also curious about why Paul Constant doesn't work there anymore. There've been a couple of other writers whose work I've enjoyed who have left the Stranger over the past couple of years: is there a high turnover rate, or does it just seem that way?

Paul was one of my favorite writers on here. Comics in particular are a huge area of influence on culture, & he wrote about them enthusiastically & thoughtfully. His political writing was also a good read.

It's none of our business or whatever, but I see no "good bye" column from him, as other Stranger writers have had when leaving.

As for the SLLOTD: Dan, I used to think I wanted to have an advice column, with a different tone than yours, once upon a time..today I don't think that. Some little part of my brain is running around in circles going ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. (Sorry LW, to each their own & such.)

I like how LW asked if there were any health risks associated with what she has in mind. WELL NO SHIT. Vomit is loaded with bacteria and hydrochloric acid, not to mention all sorts of proteases! I know not everyone is a bio major, but FUCK SAKE, is that not common knowledge?

PI blog has more tidbits on Paul's departure, served with thinly veiled satisfaction and derision: http://blog.seattlepi.com/seattlepolitic…

@3: Agreed. My reaction was, "Once a YEAR!!?" Where did Dan get this figure? It doesn't look like he spoke to any doctors this time, just pulled it out of thin air.

Not that this should be a recommended best practice, but people who drink a lot throw up pretty regularly (a typical college partier might claim once a weekend for four years) and seem to do OK. Indulging one's fetish once a YEAR sounds like something Dan would typically issue a DTMFA over. Dan, maybe you should ask a doctor and amend your answer.

@21 - Hah, that's awesome. Thanks.

So when Dan prints answers from guest experts, isn't he just... regurgitating their responses?

Thanks, I'll be here all week. Now as for the LW - I can't believe I'm the first to suggest this, but - she's in her early 20's! She can still get into frat parties and college bars. If she wants to watch and listen to people vomiting, she can just hang around the bathrooms, alleys and bushes near said environs in the wee hours, and quietly rub one out while observing the hurling girls and spewing dudes. Jeez, haven't we all done that at one point or another?

Okay, maybe that's a questionable suggestion. Sorry, it just kind of... came up.

All I can say is this is a corrolary to the "on the internet there is porn of it" rule: if it's something people can do, there is a fetish of it. Totally seems like something out of a Divine/Waters movie...

"I'm not worried about UTI's because I squirt so much."
Squirting won't help prevent a UTI since it isn't urine!
Maybe in the LW's case all the outward momentum of fluid would prevent much of the bacteria from sticking around, but it is no guarantee.

This sounds like a job for Nope Badger:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eSbNm4SWjaA/Uf…
Which, of course, is why I would make a shitty terrible sex advice columnist.

@23
Pridgemeister, I agree. How come you think it's awesome? I'll tell you my reason. Namely, LESS IS MORE. I contribute a lot on Slog, but what one does voluntarily, and what one does for money are two different cantaloupes. Sweep away Goldstein Holden Constant Minard Schmader Madrid (i kind of liked her). Plus, they all can post and comment on Slog under aliases. MOST RELEVANT - we are down to the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse
Frizzelle
Mudede
Savage
WmSHumphrey
A excellent Slog Author Line up. Hooray!! until one of them leaves :(

Had to stop a couple paragraphs in. You win LW, you win.

This is totally shocking. I mean really, who used Bing?!

I'm wondering if there are any ideas we can come up with for substances that could simulate vomit without the potential health risks to both the LW and her partner, which could nonetheless help get her to climax. (With the assistance of fantasy and role play)

OK, I have no problem believing that this is someone's actual fetish, but this letter reads like a dude writing down his own erotic fantasy rather than a woman who is concerned about her health. Little details make it seem like the writer doesn't understand how female arousal works, like the suddenly squirting everywhere, repeatedly and continually, without any actual g-spot stimulation (not my personal experience or understanding of how squirting works), or the clit suddenly becoming "engorged" again (though as a woman, I barely notice how engorged my clit becomes when compared to the size shift in my aroused labia, and a lady's physical arousal is likely to stick around for awhile after a long session of fucking). This sounds like a dude banging out homemade erotica and substituting a clit for a penis, and squirting for male ejaculation, though these things actually work quite differently. A human actually concerned with his/her own health wouldn't need to write a page of erotic prose to get to the health questions. Bravo to Dan for addressing the health issues, but I don't believe that a woman wrote this letter.

oohlookasquirrel @33,

Bingo. The whole erotica sequence where her boyfriend’s encouragement is repeatedly invoked sounded very Penthouse Forum.

I wish I could unread this one. LW's fetish is pretty easy to satisfy. Just let your lovers read your letter and they'll hurl. Problem solved.

I actually think this letter is a fake, but if the OP really wants to be into vomiting, just get stomach cancer like I have and your erotic dreams will come true.

I'm really glad Dan gave us the "gross" warning. I mean, she searches for porn with Bing? What kind of monsters are these people?