arguably, kissing isn't the same as making out
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Wingman. Nothing happened.
A) arguably, kissing isn't the same as making out, so you thought you hadn't broken the rules, and
B) you were confused by how much you enjoyed kissing your friend (if that's true). Maybe not enough to rethink your straight identity, but enough that you weren't comfortable talking about the night with her, and
C) obviously the connection between your friend and this girl was a real connection (see, how fate intervened to bring them back together), so she can see why you excused yourself after that became apparent. If you admit that the girl wasn't into you, rather than stressing your own moral virtue in walking away from a sure thing, I think your wife is more likely to believe you.
Do my cosmic vibrations tell me that Mr Savage *hopes* Wife will have a disclosure (or seventy) to make in response?
Bachelor parties are supposed to be about bad boy stuff.
People are better off not sharing the more minor betrayals if they can avoid it. Ignorance really can be bliss. Especially if your friend starts bringing this woman around more, and your wife has to see her all the time. Oh my god, that would irritate the piss out of me.
My partner and I are technically monogamous, but also realistic. He knows that if something like this ever gets out of control for him, and something happens, it then becomes his job to make sure I don't find the fuck about it. If there was no risk of emotional attachment, I really don't want to know - unless of course I'm going to find out from someone else anyway. But if that happens, he's already screwed up big time.
Anyway, if it were me I would rather my husband kiss a (probably disinterested) stripper than some hot bar slut but then I'm clearly no expert on these things.
For years, I did not know what "making out" exactly meant (non-English speaker here). Then I found out (or so I thought) that "making out" == "tongue/french" kissing. Now you tell me that kissing is not the same as making out? So what the hell is making out?
@lolorhone, for you, I'd lean heavily on B, that he was so distracted by kissing his male friend, that he kinda forgot about the fact that he also kissed a woman that night.
Man, this is complicated ....
LW, what karma, Eh?
Can only hope your friend and the woman finish up quick.
Anyway, all bets are off for a bachelor party - if I, as a monogamish fiancée, had just said don't kiss the stripper, I'd expect anything and everything else to be a possibility. If the wife is like me and likes all the juicy details, I'd tell her using Dan's advice. If she's actually rather jealous/insecure, I'd keep the secret and, if it were later revealed, say I hadn't thought it worth sharing as it was so minor in the context of bachelor parties.
And well Julified by Ms Erica.
The practice of taking someone's hand and kissing it (typically a man taking a woman's hand) isn't making out, though I suppose if for some reason each is unable or unwilling to do mouth-to-mouth kissing but they're sucking and licking each other's fingers, someone might think of it as making out.
Even romantic kissing isn't necessarily making out. I think the difference is whether or not the kissing is something that would get people to start thinking the partners need to get a room if it's done in public view. So even a lingering romantic kiss at a restaurant or a picnic isn't necessarily making out, at least not until it goes past a certain point, while a kiss between the marrying couple at the altar might be considered making out if it starts to go too long, even if only lips are involved, but not other body parts.
I'm not sure how this applies in situations where kissing is done professionally. If it's between client and sex worker, then the whole point of kissing, if it's allowed, might well be to express lust and passion. If you're an actor doing a makeout scene or a sex sceen, I suppose it might casually be called making out. (Sofia Coppola told David Letterman that her task in The Godfather 3 was to make out with Andy Garcia in front of her dad.) But I suppose there it could be whether or not the actors go beyond professional behavior.
Anyway, this is probably more than anyone needed to think about.
This is a really weird sentence.
B) I read Mr Straight's "there was kissing between all three of us" as he kissed her and friend kissed her. I don't think there is any sexuality identity crisis at play here. It was moving towards gang bang, not threesome. None of SHIT's letter suggests an attraction to the friend.
But would you expect a confession if anything and everything else DID happen? Did the future Mrs SHIT ask him if he did anything, and did SHIT say no? That's a bigger problem than SHIT unilaterally deciding that this occasion was going to be don't ask, don't tell.
Copping a feel. As the boys would
Mr E: it's Too late to tell his wife. The time to tell her was just after it happened. He, didn't want to rock the boat.
So no. Not yet. Unless the other two will expose it. Do they remember? If not- then you're sweet, LW. If they do- then you got trouble.
In the latter case, the other two remember, you got to front your wife.
Just tell her straight, just give yourself a little room here. It was your Batchelor party. You were a jerk. Goes with the Occassion.
That you walked after a little kiss. Big big plus.
Jesus. You guys have a child now, that stuff is old shit that means nothing.
That means no STDs (including pregnancy, a very expensive STD), no arrests, keep to the budget and no spending money we can't afford, no tattoos that you'll regret or mohawks the night before the wedding. (Bachelor parties should always been held a few weeks in advance, right, not the night before.)
I mean, it's a BACHELOR party, right?
I have no divinatory powers and pretend not to have them, but I wish to hear from them in, say... two years?
Come on, SHIT! It's 2015, for chrissake! What have we learned from Savage Love?
Also, I agree with seatackled's opinion on the diff between kissing and making out, more or less.
If these rules work for the two of you and make you both happy, great. The fact that you've found yourself lying to your partner about breaking these rules, though, means that maybe you should consider re-negotiating the arrangement.
I don't think it's too late, though we'd ideally want to know the wife's opinion on this sort of thing; some people would rather be told, and some people would rather just never hear about it. But setting her up to (possibly) hear about it from someone else is an asshole move. I can't see it being a dump-worthy offense, so it's not risking their child's quality of life, it's only risking her being pissed at him for a while, which is entirely her right. He should tell her.
This led to an interesting first encounter with the woman who became my girlfriend. We met at a party, and were flirting like mad. At one point, she was sitting on my lap, and came in for a kiss. I had to duck, but when I explained why, she understood--and thought it was hot that I kept my agreements and boundaries with my partner.
Should he even feel guilty? One person might be. Another person might think it was a harmless lark from which his buddy benefited. The letter writer better get real straight with himself before he talks to anyone about this. Because, if it's all about guilt, that's all his wife is going to hear. Choose the better perspective.
Yes Mr E, I have come to agree, better to tell her. Such bad luck, though.
Tell her. People have gotten over far worse.